Tips on Helping Our First Baby Adjust to Baby #2 - Chicago,IL

A couple of suggestions we got that we tried and found helpful:

1. Talk about the baby, and allow the older child to say "I love you" and/or kiss your belly before the baby's born. It seemed natural to us until we realized some people didn't even TALK about the baby until s/he was born!

2. When the older child comes to visit you at the hospital, DEFINITELY have a gift for her from the baby. We got my son a little dump truck from the baby, and he told EVERYONE that "fani" (stefanie) got it for him. Something small that you know she'll like.

3. When she comes to visit you, try to not be holding the baby when you welcome her in the room. this way you can hold the older child and introduce her to the baby.

4. Encourage friends and family to greet the older child first (instead of the baby) when they come to visit you at home.

5. Try to keep the older child's schedule as regular as possible (especially naps!) during those first weeks.

6. Having another doll that the older child can "take care of" whiel you are taking care of the baby is fun too! My son changes a baby doll while I change the baby, etc.

7. Get a few books about bringing a new baby home. My son enjoyed reading them for a few months after the baby was born -- he recognized things that were going on, and he could "tell" me that yes, the baby cries, or "yes" they have stinky diapers.

8. Help the BABY sleep AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. You are probably a pro at reading sleep cues now that your'e on number two. The less crying that the baby does, the better the older one will adjust/not feel jealous or frustrated. The *first* sign of fussiness tend to the baby's needs -- even if company is over. A happy baby makes for a happy household.

Enjoy! Two is a blessing!

T.

ps - I guess that's more than "a couple"! I hope it's helpful though!

My babies are 20 months apart too and what helped with my oldest is including her in everything that I did for the baby, planning the baby's arrival and when the baby came, she would help with the changing, bringing books, or blanket, etc. They love each other and sometimes when she wants attention or feels as she's not special, my husband and I just hug her and tell her she is very important to us. I know in the beginning it's hard to set time for each child, but as the newborn gets bigger, it gets a lot easier to make time for both.

Good Luck!
B.

Hi, my kids are a little further apart (almost 2.5 years), but the best advice I ever received is make sure to tend to your older child first because they will remember. I know it sounds hard and sorta cruel to your new little baby, but it really hit home with us. Also, as a side note...my little guy is 20 months and the tantrums are just starting to rear their ugly head with him. So, it could really be that she is entering a new little stage of seeking some independence and wanting to make some decisions for herself, which of course they can't always do at 20 months. Hang in there and good luck with your birth!

Congrats J.! My kids are only 15 months apart, which made this transition very difficult (you can't really explain about a new baby to a child under 15 months!!!) Here's some of the things we did:

1) "I'm a Big Sister" book. An EXCELLENT book that doesn't focus on the negatives of having a sibling!

2) "Babies" book. A general book (written in the 60's!) about what babies do.

3) Bring a couple wrapped presents to the hospital. Have your daughter give a gift to the baby. Then have the baby give a gift to your daughter!

4) Prior to the birth, I gave my daughter an infant cabbage patch kid that comes with an infant carrier and bottle. She still loves it! Target carries these.

5) If you plan to breastfeed, have a "special" basket of toys that you can bring out for your daughter. Hopefully she will be entertained enough by these "special" toys to allow you to breastfeed easily.

The WORST mistake we made was bringing our daughter to the hospital while other visitors were there (Grandparents, etc.) She was terrified, being in such an unfamiliar setting, watching nurses come take my TPR, etc. If you bring your daughter to the hospital to meet the baby, have one person bring her and do not allow anyone else in the room but you, baby, her (and your spouse).

Hopefully, some of this may minimize the "trauma" that the new arrival causes. But please know that it may be difficult at times. It will be very difficult to find alone-time for you and your first-born after the baby comes home, but it will help.

Congratulations and best of luck!!!

Congrats! my kids are 21 months apart. Shortly after I found out I was preganant, I used a baby doll to show my son how to treat a baby. I would walk around with the baby and talk to it and sing to it and take care of it like a real baby, as well as tending to my son, so he would see that they would both get equal time (although when the baby came, she did get a little more attention as she was needier). I also showed him to treat the baby gently. I really think doing this for almost 9 months helped. I know you only have 3 weeks, but maybe that will help a little.

I had a doll that the older child took care of and we refered to it as the baby coming out of mommy's tummy so he connected it and together we would take care of the baby doing what a real newborn would need. Also I took the child to the store before giving birth and had him pick out a gift for the baby that he was to bring an give to the baby when he visited. When the older child comes in the room make sure you are not holding the baby. Allow her to come climb up into bed with you and talk to her for awhile before 'introducing' her to her new sibling. She has no clue what is happening except that Mommy hasn't been home and I miss her. Then after a little bit of time with her have husband bring baby to her so she could hold it and then give the baby her gift she bought for him/her. She is young but she can help you get stuff like a diaper try to involve her as much as possible. Anyone can hold the baby but she is only going to want you so allow others to tend to some of the newborn needs so that you can do stuff for your daughter. Also be sure to give her 10-15 minutes of your undivided attention. Put a timer on and let her know she has until the time goes off and you aren't allowed to do anything else but give her you attention. This will help huge. Also most kids do not sure any negative behavior towards the baby in the beginning. It is around 8 weeks that she will realize that this baby isn't leaving so she may show some more tantrums and become a little bit more oppositional. This won't last long. Then when the baby begins to start moving she may start to get mad at the baby and show some more behaviors. All these things are normal, as long as you are aware and don't get too freaked out by them you'll get through them no problem.

J.,

listen to Toni... she is RIGHT ON! :)

we did a lot of the things she suggested to you, with our son when bringing home our last baby. he was only 13 months, and he still seemed to understand so much more than I thought he would. He used to lift my shirt when I was pregnant and kiss my tummy and lay his cheek on it and say 'awwwwww'. He does this to his now 2 mo. old sister a dozen times a day! He absolutely adores her. when she cries, he runs over and tries to give her her 'sucker' (pacifier). he kisses her head, he wants to be the first in the room when we go get her from nap.

He is a real 'momma's boy' too... so this is all very amazing to us. we were really convinced he would be a total wreck. I also made sure that when the baby napped, I got down on the floor with him and PLAYED - he had my complete undivided attention.

Good luck with the new baby, the transition and take it all one wonderful moment at a time.

~J.~