To Close the Door or Not To?

Hi J.. My son was doing this a lot as a little guy. I told him that as much as I loved him, he couldn't sleep in my bed. I just felt like it was innapropriate and habit forming. So I made him a bed on the floor with blankets and things. If he came in, that is where he had to sleep. He stopped coming in eventually.

I close my kids' doors at night. If he sleeps better when it's closed, then just leave it closed. It doesn't mean you're locking him in, it just means you're creating a peaceful, quiet environment for him to sleep in.

I was always taught that you should close doors at night - it's a safety precaution in case of a fire. Especially with such a little guy - locking him in his room at night is no different then trapping them in a crib. It keeps them safe. It may take him a little while to get used to it though

why can't he open the door from the inside? I think that is weird. He could be waking up from outside noises and closing thedoor filters the sound just enough so go ahead once you fix thedoor thing. He needs to be able to get out of his room if there is an emergency... if it is before 5am gently walk him back to his bed reassure him he is fine and retuck him in. He'll get the picture

J. - When our girls go to bed, we close their doors. Then either on my or my husband's way to bed, we open their doors and keep our door open (so we can hear if one of them cry out at night ... I have to sleep with a fan on). I think it helps b/c they can fall asleep without outside distractions; but are sleeping good when we open the door.

If it bothers you to shut the door, I would suggest you
simply take him back to his own bed every time he comes in.
It's kind of a bad habit for him to get into and will get
harder to change if it continues. Don't talk to him except
to say "This is your bed" and you need to sleep here. It
may take several tries but it WILL work if you're consistant.
Sounds like you're a very caring mother so don't worry
or feel guilty. You're doing the right thing for HIM.

Since the beginning we've had our baby's door closed fully after we've laid her down. I don't think it's unkind, we did it mostly to keep out the cat. Now that she's older and able to climb out of bed, the closed door is sort of a symbol that there will be no conversation, that when mommy says it's night night time she means it. I'm a light sleeper when it comes to her so I always here her, even through a closed door so I don't feel that there's a problem if she really needs me, she can call me and I'll come to her. A closed door will also help your little one learn boundaries and a little patience, it will teach him to call for you and wait for you to come to him.

I hope this helps.

I would close the door. I gate in my little guy so he can't walk around. If your kids are like mine, closed door or not you will hear them if they need you. Also, my husband is a firefighter and would second the notion of the other post. A closed door can keep out a lot of the smoke which can affect little ones faster. As for the mom who said they need to get out fast in an emergency, 2 is too little to know where to go or how to get out. I'd prefer to know where he is so that I can get him out quickly.

We've shut our kids' doors since the first night in their rooms. They have a nightlight if they need it on (only 2 of my kids prefer the nightlight, other likes it dark). For safety reasons, the bedroom doors should be shut! I don't understand why so many people leave them open. In case of a fire, you want that door SHUT... it can give your child an extra 20-30 minutes or more time while the firefighters come and someone gets him out of the window. If the door is open, the fire/smoke just rushes right in. It's a small thing that can easily save their life.

Go ahead and use the monitor. Heck, we still have one for our 3 year old because with the doors shut at night we can't hear her. She can easily open the door by herself but she prefers to stay in bed and yell for us to come get her when she wakes up.

how about putting a gate on the door way and leaving the door open. that is what we did when our 20 month old went from crib to bed and it works well. he cannot get out and get hurt and I can sleep better knowing he is safe and if he needs me I can hear him on the monitor and go to him if I think he needs me.

It's been said but my Step father is a firefighter and it is safest to sleep with your bedroom doors closed, use a baby monitor if you aren't already if you are worried aobut him needing you and not knowing it, but really if he's coming into your room at night think of all the other places he could go in the house without you even knowing it. My SD left the hosue and wondered down the street at age 2 while her dad and mom slept, this was before me, lol. and a friends little boy got in the fridge one night and dumped chocolate syrup all over the house........

If he can't open the door when it is closed all the way, don't close it! We had a house fire last October and it originated in my son's room at the foot of his bed in the middle of the night!! (the heater on his fish tank overheated) THANK GOD the door was not latched and the smoke detector worked...

Side note: PLEASE talk to your kids about fires and what to do... it CAN happen to you!!!

I'm not totally comfortable with completely closing the door where my kids sleep, however, my best friend swears by it. She has two boys who share a room, and two girls who also share, and she just puts them in their beds, says good night, and closes the door. They all go to sleep with (and stay that way) with no problems. The girls are 2 1/2 and 13 months. The 2 y/o is in a toddler bed so she can get up when she wants to, and when she wakes up in the morning, she just knocks on the door until mommy opens it. Mom also still has a monitor in both rooms which I think is a good thing. You never know when a child might need to get up to go potty, or even when they may get sick and throw up in the middle of the night, and without the monitor, you may not hear it. My point is that if it works for you, then go for it. But I would still advise using the monitor.

There's nothing wrong with closing the door to his room. It sounds like it doesn't bother him either. If it works, then I say go for it!

Actually closed doors are safest in case of a fire. I wish I would have started my older two with this sooner. I told my yongest, now 30 months old, when she recently asked me to leave it open, "no Daddy says it has to be closed". She was actually fine with that answer.
I think you can gradually close it more and more each night until it's all the way closed, or offer a reason he will be ok with, like my daughter with "Daddy says so".

J., we have kept both of our children's doors closed from day one. My son is now two years old and actually learned to open doors just before he turned two. We've had no problems with the doors being closed. He will eventually learn (probably sooner than later if you continue to close the door) how to open it, so I would continue doing so if it is helping you. And obviously it isn't upsetting him since he's sleeping so well. Perhaps you're worried because you feel bad. Personal recommendation: get some sleep and enjoy it!!

We have closed the door for nap and bedtime to keep the cat, light, and noise out and not wake up our child.

In my opinion, closing the door is only 'bad' if you give it a 'bad' connotation. My husband and I have always slept with the door closed, not because we were being punished and had to be trapped in there but because that's how we like it.

My son just turned 4 and sneaks into our room on occassion. Usually if he isn't feeling well, then I let it slide, or if something wakes him. Then I ususally take him back to his room and the rule is I lay with him for 5 minutes and then go back to my own bed.

He has told me that he comes in because sometimes he has bad dreams or he thinks he is home alone (which I would never leave him home alone) so he is just looking to see who else is home.

I too don't want him to not feel he can come to us so we don't make a big deal of it and it is maybe 3 times a month he ends up in our room.

I haven't read the rest of the advice you've received up to now and I'm sure someone else has brought this up but just in case, the AAP recommends closing all sleeping room doors at night as a safety precaution in case of fire. Of all the rooms in your home, your child's room should hopefully have the least number of things that could possibly cause a fire in it so the likelihood of a fire starting there is minimal. Therefore having the door closed is the safest bet.
I think that closing the door is essentially the same as putting a child in a crib, it's for their own protection and eventually he'll outgrow it's effectiveness : )
Go get some sleep!

It's not bad to close your son's door at night. You could also try some reward tactics, where you tell him at the beginning of the night that if he stays in his room all night, he gets a sticker (or something) and when he has 10 stickers (or however many you decide), he'll get something special like, time with you, going out to eat, a new toy, etc. whatever he likes and would motivate him.

we recently toured the fire station and the fire man told us it's safest to sleep with the door closed, so starting that habit is a good thing.

I have always closed the door for my two girls to keep out noise so they could sleep better. It sounds like he needs that quiet, so I wouldn't worry about it. They still sleep very well with the doors closed and they are 12 and 16. Don't think of it as locking him in as much as locking the noise and distractions out so that he can get some good sleep.

Hi J.,

I'll add another vote for yes, I've learned from a firefighter or two that it's safest to sleep w/ your bedroom door closed (that way the smoke does not reach you as quickly, but I guess you can still hear the alarm.) But everyone in my family are creatures of habit (including the cats) and all doors are open! The cats can't decide who to cuddle w/ I guess, and if a door is closed, noise will be made.

But obviously your son needs that quiet dark space, and you're benefiting as well. My boy, and a lot of my friends' boys, seem to be easily awakened by the slightest morning light, someone's sneeze down the hall...so your boy may be one of them!

You can always assure him that you're right in your room close to him.

~K.

I leave my kids doors CRACKED a bit and I have a fan in their room as well to knock outside noise out of room. Ever since they were brought home for the hospital we have had them on at night. Avery is 4 and Quentin is 13 mo. I see no problem leaving them cracked a bit I have night lights in their rooms as well. Good Luck....

We will close our daughter's room at night, but we still keep the monitor on because megan isn't quite 2 yet, and still in a crib.

It sounds like he sleeps better with the door closed, and since he can't open the door from inside, I'd definitely get the monitor back out.

J., I believe it's actually better to close all of the doors in the house in case of a fire...the flames and deadly smoke can't spread as quickly. So don't feel guilty. N. L.

I am not a big fan of closing a child in a room they can't escape from should the need arise, but if it is working for you then I guess I wouldn't worry. I would turn the monitor back on. He could have a horrid nightmare and need comforting, he may need to go to the bathroom and can't get out, etc.