Hi A.,
For your case, it sounds like you have lots of options - I would remind your daughter she is in your care, you have been around the block a few more years doing these girl things, and she needs to respect your judgement. Then give her some different perspectives and let her know you are being a great teacher and advisor, and there are lots of differnt ways to approach the entire shaving exercise of time, risk, hassle, when and if to be showing off your legs and dealing with friends attempts to influence just how she behaves as a girl, and she'll be making up her mind when she is on her own anyway.
But for now, I am a firm believer that Mom makes those decisions on things that can't be reversed at this young age, like growing in hair that is coarser and darker after shaving. I lived through it and am still ok with mom doing what she felt was right for me (deciding to make me shave my legs to fit in with the girls in my class - I did it but really disliked it).
As for your daughter, I would remind her, that when a woman Nobel prize winner or astronaut or pilot walks by, she has better things to do (and selects more high minded friends) than deal with somebody's opinions of if she ought to shave her legs. Ask her what she wants to do with her life, don't let her friends dictate what she focuses on. Does she want to be signficant and in charge of her life and goals (what to do and what kind of person to be, when she grows up), or is she being told what to think and who to be, and what her goals are, by her friends.
You'll do great. - just decide what is best for her and let her know it's a considered, wise opinion and you (or eventually she) can reverse it when and if it's the right time.
And if her hair is thin and light above the knee, I'd shave only below if you shave at all. That's saved me huge amounts of time and hassle for those dates and formal times.
Well good luck, - You might throw this in the hopper and let your daughter know that there are lots of ways to consider the entire leg shaving and other primping kinds of things - Mine is another way to approach it - here's how it went -
When I was in 8th grade, my mom made me shave my legs because everybody else in my class was doing it, and I was a tomboy, loved math, planned to be a pilot, etc, so she decided I needed to fit in with the girls in my class. My hair was blond and thin, but I learned how to shave my legs safely and I swore people must be right out of their minds to think this is worth the effort.
After that, I decided to wear pants or dark tights or sweatpants everywhere pretty much because that was much less hassle . Then I rarely shaved my legs except below the knee in summertime sometimes for wearing shorts.
Then the wake-up call happened: In college, I was on the swim team and diving team, and several other athletics, the men divers on the other team (Texas A&M) complained about my legs to my coach.
I thought it was pretty judgemental - they needed to get a life, and I considered telling them I would shave my legs when they did. Before I made up my mind what do say, I saw some of their swimmers (men) shaved their entire bodies for better swim times. Yikes. Never mind. So I shaved my legs below the knee for swim meets even in winter, since my hair was visible there, but so thin above the knee, you had to get 2 feet away to see it, and I figured I'd likely break anybody's nose who got that close to check out my legs- nobody has any business being that close checking out my legs, especially at a swim meet.
After I graduated from college, I wore shorts in the summer and decided that if people didn't approve of hair on my legs, not my problem. When I got comments, I shrugged them off like - "Do you shave your legs?" "Nope". If they continued to remark, no matter what they said, I said the all purpose "Why? why does it matter?" That pretty much ended that topic and we moved to different subjects or I found other people to talk with who were interested in something other than telling me how they wanted me to take care of my legs.
I never shaved my legs unless I was wearing a skirt at an occaision (like a wedding), almost never happened, but I looked great and shocked everybody, then went back to being comfortable, healthy and strong and not caring a rip what people's opinion was (mom lived elsewhere).
Anyway, I avoid it because it's a darn pain and a waste of time unless there's some huge reason to show off your legs. I always had more to do with my life than shave my legs, even in 8th grade, yet respected my mom requirements, so I learned how.
Anybody shallow enough to judge a woman by if (or how well) her legs are shaved, it's making any effort to appreciate me for who I am and prefers to think of me as a pretty trinket with adjustable appearance, so I'd graciously ignore their opinion anyway and move in the opposite direction to find more high minded friends.
She needs to respect your requirements since you get to make those calls for her on "growing up things" at this age, whatever the decision is, it's the one she needs to do and be aware you are involved and in charge of her safe development no matter what her friends say and do. You might talk with their moms to get past any "they are all doing this" attempts on ANYTHING -- and I recommend you stay real engaged with these "friends moms" of the friends with whom she hangs out.
M.