Toddler Is Jealous of a Newborn Infant Sister

Watch how you speak to her, try not to say things like..."not right now I have to change/feed/bathe baby"...instead say "can you help me Change/feed/bathe baby and then we can..." once you learn how to phrase things so it doesn't sound like baby is to blame for all this disruption in her life things will get better...also I agree loads of positive attention...(wow how big you are/great helper/I wish I had a big sister like you)and when baby makes noises make up stories of what she is saying...how nice/pretty/funny her big sister is and so forth...take lots of pictures with her and baby together and have her frame or put in a book(there are a ton of crafty things that you can help her do)If you can go to Build A Bear and have them make each other a bear(obviously you help them) or just for big sis...you could always have a ladies/movie night...when baby is sleeping...show her pictures of when she was a baby...it will take time but it will get better, just keep reminding her how much you love her....my son and I have a game...I love you this much...and he stretches out his arms to show me how much he loves mommy and when he does I tickle him...we started this game after his little brother was born and it's two years later and he's 4 and we still play it everyday...something that's just his and mine(I don't play this game with the other 4...we each have a special game or trick just for the 2 of us...with one I tell him STOP SMILING! and it makes him bust out laughing...with another I call him by the wrong name...like George or Henry...with another I can never see him...he's invisible)Each child is a different blessing and they just want that one on one love...you'll get there I promise...she has to adjust too! Good luck!

Hi Y.:)(we have the same name by the way:))
Congrats on the baby!!!!!!Our oldest was 23 months when we had our second and it was the same thing.Ours actually would also try to hurt the baby and turned over a bouncy seat (with a 6 week old in it)while I was sitting right next to it(he got in big trouble for that).It took couple of months for our oldest to get used to the idea of having a brother. I tried to include him with feeding the baby(bottle),help with changings and stuff like that.He became a big "daddy's boy" as a result of this too.Maybe you could get a baby doll for Sasha and let her feed her while you're breastfeeding.Doing some special things that only "big girls do" might help her to apreciate that she is not a baby.And it too shall pass,she is so young that soon she will not remember what it was like without having a sister. Watching our boys (3 and 18 months) you would never know that Pyort "hated" his brother in the begining.

Include her in everything you do, that way she doesn't feel like you are giving the baby one on one time and not her. While you are changing diapers let her hand you the wipes and fresh diaper. Let her pick out the baby's outfit for the day. While you are nursing teach her to turn the pages of teh book so that you can read it. She will get used to having a new baby around. Good Luck!

hi Y.;

we went through exactly the same thing here tho the jealousy didn't really start until my daughter was almost walking. my son was 20 months when she was born and not that affected by her at first. but now he is 3 and she is 17 months and it is a major challenge.

like another mom wrote, a lot of, in fact rediculous amounts, of positive reinforcement, and time with mommy, really help. if you can set aside time for the toddler when the baby is asleep and only focus on her, don't use that time to do chores or talk on the phone. just the big girl. try to draw her in to help you with the baby, asking her to do important things to care for the baby like changing diapers and giving the bath, she will probably really enjoy this. it may mean that a lot less gets done less efficiently around the house, but this is more important.

also does she go to preschool or any Me Without Mommy program? try to get her into one, for several reasons, even if it's only a few hours a week. one is, you need a break. two is, there have to be times when you are not constantly redirecting and coping with her needs; toddlers can be an unbelieveable labor, and it's very, very hard on the mom with a new baby. you and your daughter need to both know that there is this finite block of time where she is just not your responsibility. you have to be able to walk away. plus, that time can be your coo-coo baby time, or if the baby sleeps, hooray! you get a break.

when my son turned 3 and really started acting out, we started using the "1-2-3 Magic" program with the help of a pediatric psychologist, not because we thought our son was crazy but just because as still new parents, we felt we needed more support. this doctor assured us that our son is wonderful and bright, but that we needed tools to take back control of our household and we needed to start setting boundaries. we use the program intensively and it has worked WONDERS.

good luck to you and hang in there, and GET YOUR BREAKS,
J.

Have you tried including her in things with the new baby. Let her "help" you change diapers (hand mommy this or that...talk to the baby she likes to hear your voice). When you sit down to nurse pop in a movie and include her. Let her snuggle close to you and the baby. Or read her a book (the baby will like this too). Tell her to go get her favorites and mommy will read to her and her new sister. I never went through this really. My son loves his new sister most of the time. He is rough with her (last night he pulled her hair), but he calls her his baby. So try including her with things with the baby. Make it mommy and her girls time, not just mommy and baby time.

Hi I had the same thing happen, My daughter is 2 1/2 and my son is 3 months at first she didnt even want to look at him but then all of a sudden got very jealous and when I nursed my son she seemed to get into things. What made the switch for us was everytime I changed him I asked her to help me and then praised her and gave her a hi 5. I also played with her in her room and brought the baby with me in the bouncy seat, and then I also involved her in making him a bottle handing me the nipple etc or the burpy cloth, I also refer to her brother as our baby. It is hard with 2 kids I find I feel sad that sometimes I cant give her the attention I used to because the needs of the baby but all we can do is our best and give them as much time as we can. I hopt this helps a little. Thanks

Hi Y., I have a 17 month old and an 8 week old. My son was very jealous when his little sister came home. He would scream at me every time I held the baby. I think he was a little afraid of her. So I tried to show him all the similarities they had. I would sit both of them next to me and show him her little toe toes and then point his out. Then say you're my big baby and she's my little baby. I told him she was drinking her milky when she nursed and give him his milky in a cup. He actually didn't like milk very much until I started doing this. Also I make sure that if I hold her and talk baby talk I do the same to him at some point so he feels special too. I also got him to help by sharing binkis (which I admit he's getting to old for). I taught him to give her kisses and I gave him kisses. I got a stool for him so he could watch me change her diaper. YOur daughter might be potty trained so I don't know if she can realate with the diaper. But you could tell her that some day she can teach the baby to use the potty. THe bottom line is I just tried to let him be a part of the action in whatever way I could. He actually got used to her and lost interest. I think once he knew that all she was capable of was eating and sleeping he didn't feel as threatened. I have to add that it was incredibly heart breaking to see him become distant from me. We had family out to meet the new baby and my son got a boo boo some how and ran right past me when I tried to comfort him. He went straight for a relative he had only met once before. That reallly got to me, but he got over it and he's my boy again. I hope this helps! good luck K.