Toddler Will Not Give up His Pacifier

Cut it!! It works. My son carried it around telling everyone that "his deedee broke" then he tossed it.

Magic,

K.

I never tried this method but, I have heard cutting the pacifier a little at a time so he doesn't get the same suction benefit works sometimes.

I feel like we have parrell lives. I am 33 and have a 4 year old and a 20 month ols as well. Both of my boys love their pacifiers. My 4 year old JUST gave it up because he wanted to. We tried on his 3rd b-day and he did not sleep for 5 days and was walikng zombie. Both of my kids only use thier pacifiers in thier beds. They know they are not allowed to leave the bed with them. My 20 month old has his passy on a passy clip that I attach to his PJ's at night. When it falls out he knows where it is and doesn't make a peep at night just puts it back in. If you are not apposed to them keeping it maybe the clip is a good solution.
I am not one of those parents that is earthly crumchy and let the kids decide how things go, but I truly believe they give up the passy when they are ready.

Some suggestions,

Sending the paci to the paci fairy.
putting the paci in a special friend
Sewing the paci to a blanket.

Good luck.

In our house, we made a rule that paci were for bed time only.
After Christmas/ 18 mo.old I cut the tip off. She gave up tring to suck the paci as it was harder work for her. I also talked to her about having a blanket as a comfort tool as well.I also would test her attachment by forgetting to give her the paci and eventully she forgot about it. We did have some night that she woke up crying because she didn't have the paci, but I was convinced by 20 months she needed to be done with it.

Hi A.,
I feel for you on this one. My daughter gave hers up right before her 4th birthday. We limited when she could use it, but she still used it in bed and the car until then. We took her to the dentist and talked to the dr regularly and as long as it was not doing damage to her teeth, which it wasn't, I figured she wouldn't go to kindergarten with it!
I am going to go against what a lot of people here are saying. I would either put a bunch of them in his crib so he is bound to find them, or let him cry, you are already awake anyway!It will just take a few nights of misery
We waited until our daughter was old enough to be rational with and said "4 year olds don't use pacifiers" she chose a toy she wanted from the pacifier fairy and one day she decided she was done and packed them up! Luckily I had bought the toy ahead of time just in case this happened.
Good luck!

Hi! Mom of 4, two used paci's! Mine stopped at 3yrs, second at 9 mos.

1.Set a date and talk about it in terms of # of sleeps. ie: in 3 sleeps(nights) we are going to give up paci to ... fill in the blank. My Daughter left hers for Barney at Universal Studios)Supernanny hangs them in a tree for the pacifairy. Be creative.
2.Let your child put a sticker on the calendar each day to countdown.
3. On the day you've chosen DO IT what ever it is and celebrate with your child for being paci free.
You may or may not have an issue!

My son (18 mo. old) was completely attached to his pacifier, too. But, believe it or not, the transition was a lot easier than we expected. This is what we did...(it worked for us, and hopefully it will work for others, too)

We, too try to transition slowly. We started by having the pacifier "disappear" after he fell asleep. We planned on 3 "rough" nights. The first night, we let him have his pacifier when we put him to bed. But when he woke up in the night, we helped him go to sleep without the pacifier - rubbed his head, sang to him, told him it was time to sleep, etc. It was hard to get him to sleep, but he eventually did.
Once he did a complete night without waking up and looking for it, we moved on to the next phase.

I had read that you should "replace" the pacifier with a new item - a really soft blanket, a new addition to the nightly routine, etc. I started to sing a lullaby to my son every night and I would gently rub his forehead when I put him to bed. He loved the one-on-one attention. He asked me for his pacifier but I just said "no, we don't have it anymore. Let's sing, it's time for na-nights." He fussed for maybe 5 minutes after that, and he was fine. Occasionally, throughout the next week, he would ask for it - in the car, when going to bed, when taking a nap. But I just brushed it off and said, "Those are for babies. Your a big boy, you don't need that anymore." - I never actually would say the word "pacifier".

Some of my friends also used a similar approach and it worked within a few days for them too. Hope it helps!

A., don't give up. With my now 4 yr old we broke it up for her, first she was only allowed to have her pacifier at naps and bed time then only at night time and then we made the decision that the xmas before her next birthday that we would give the pacifiers to santa and so he could give them to all the other babies that needed them and it worked. We did leave her a present from santa and she was 22 months when we did it. She whined a little but nothing bad and she had her pacifiers since she was 3 -6 months old. Good luck, do what you think is best.
S.

Dear A.,
My son had a hard time getting rid of his pacifier. He only had it at night so I didn't think much of it until he went to his first dentist appt. at age three- it turned out he was sucking it upside down and it was wrecking his teeth. We made a big deal about him being a big boy and getting rid of it, we put it in the trash and he watched the trash man take it away. I had about a week of hell after that because he cried for it and I had to remind him that he was a big boy. In retrospect, a week was an easy trade off.-S.

Throw them all away. Seriously, it is actually much easier than you think. Have your husband throw them all away when you guys are out of the house. When you get back just tell your son that his pacifiers are all gone, explain that he is a big boy now and doesn't need them and that he won't be getting them back. It might be hard but I guarantee that it shouldn't last more than 1 or 2 nights, or maybe none if he gets it. Whatever you do, don't dig them out of the trash and give in, just throw them away. My little one started her pacifiers later too and loved them. I was so afraid to get rid of them but this the method that I did and she really got they were gone and was saying "nuks all gone" (we called them nuks). She didn't even cry once that night. I put it off forever and was terrified for nothing.

We had our 23month old try to whittle down to just using it at night, but if it's disturbing your sleep you should just go cold turkey. When he turned 2, we had him give it to a friend's crying baby. Then we just told him it was gone, he gave it to the baby. (you could pack all of yours up and give them all). Babies need them and he is a big boy now and doesn't need one. He cried for the first night pretty hard, but we just let him cry it out. then a couple of days he asked about it and we told him where it was. Then eventually he stopped asking. It was so worth it to get rid of it. I hope this helps! good luck!

I had a pacifier until I was maybe in kindergarten maybe longer, and I turned out ok. How about cliping extras to his blanket, my mom did that when i went to have my tonsild out. under his pillow along the edge of his crib. Overwhelm him with many not just the three he loses at night. My mom put me to bed with two bottles back in the early 60. One was warm and one was cold, one i had at bed time and one was for the middle of the night i'd wake and find it iguess!

Hi A.,
I dont remember where I heard about this, but we tried it when our first daughter was 2...
Leave it for the "binky fairy". We tied a basket to a tree in out yard and had her put it into it before she went to bed. We kept telling her for days leading up to it that there are new babies being born all the time and they really need the binkys. We told her that she would leave her a special big girl gift in the basket for her. We left some arts & crafts stuff and a letter from her saying thank you and she helped a baby out. We also used the same method for our 2nd daughters blankie when it ripped in half(she still has 1/2, but we are working on that). It worked for us... hope it does for you guys too!

I'm so sorry you can't sleep! I've had all kinds of sleep and attachment issues with my three children (now 15,6 and 3). Your son is still young enough that you might be able to switch him to another attachment object (which is what this is). I would be rather matter-of-fact with him in the middle of the night - all business - and try and snub out the during the day stuff (switch to a really special snuggle bunny or teddy - maybe even let him choose it). You won't be able to win a power struggle with him when you are so clearly exhausted (and he is, too). Pick your battles and try to divert his attention to the other love object duting the day. Yes, it's a lot of work, but it will have big pay-offs for you! I have a "finger sucker" that I'm trying to work with before pre-school.... At least you can take the pacifier away! Good-luck to both of us!

Someone told me to start to cut the tip of it down and then the baby wont want it.

Bribery. My first of 3 children was allowed to purchase the toy of her choice and then we went to the trash can and ceremoniously threw out the pacifers. When she asked for it at bedtime, I reminded her that she threw then out and showed her the red phone toy and she was fine with it. Hope it works!

It's not an issue with me... my son just lost interest by about 9 months. But I've heard that this can work pretty well... cut a teeny tiny hole in the tip of the pacifier. After a couple days, make the hole a bit bigger. Pretty soon he'll get the idea that a pacifier is no fun when there's no suction there!

As a mom who has been there, the earlier you have him give it up the easier it will be for both of you in the long run! My oldest used a pacifier and I decided at one it was time to give it up for several reasons. One being teeth development! It took three nights of crying and then it was over for both of us. He is 11-1/2 years now and no less for the wear! A pacifier is designed for the suckling of newborns, after a period of time it is a learned behavior. The earlier the better for both of you.

Hi... I too had the same exact problem and one day I just took it away from my daughter cold turkey. She cried for two or three days, but that was it. You could also replace the pacifier with another comfort toy (cause pacifiers are usually used by children for comfort). I got my daughter one of those small blankets with an animal head on it and she was satisfied with that. Find what else comforts your child and have him use it all day.

It probably sounds harsh but with my 2 year old step-daughter, we just said the binky was all gone during the day for a few days and it magically appeared in the middle of the night. once that became too much due to not falling back asleep either, we just kind of said no...We had probably 2 bad nights with some crying and stuff. but by the second or third night she was ok, she really didnt need it, it was just a comfort thing so i did not feel too bad. Plus her teeth were more important to me then her being sad for a day or two. She has done fine and now has a new baby brother who does have a pacifier and she doesnt even care! good luck!!

Hi! I'm new to how this site works.....but:

I have a 3 year old who just gave it up. It was tough. He always woke us up when he lost it (bumbers were great when he was a baby), but once he got into a bed they would fall off the bed (even though we had the mesh sides up). I couldn't pull it cold turkey......he was born very premature at only 2 pounds, and that was the only thing that comforted him in the NICU for a few months. Even at 3 I probably baby him a little more than I should because of that whole experience. Anyway, he used the pacifier more as a chew toy than anything else.....he chewed it so much that the tip fell off. A few months after that he stopped liking it because we wouldn't replace it with a new one. Also, he kept losing them and we told him that if he lost it we couldn't replace it. So eventually he just gave it up on his own and I'm glad I didn't just pull it cold turkery on him sooner. I've had enough issues with him - I wasn't going to fight him on the pacifier. Especially since the only time he used it was at naps and bedtimes. Oh, but since he has given it up he won't nap anymore........and he still doesn't sleep through the night!

Good luck!!!

Can I just say I had this same problem and we solved it the easy way. My daughter's bed looks like a ball-pit of "binkies." At night, no matter which way she rolls, one is within reach. Honestly I think she has 20 or 30 of the things in her bed. She doesn't often use them outside of her bed (she is 2) but they are there when she sleeps. It may seem like the silly way out, but I figure the binkie thing is just a phase...she probably won't go to college like this, probably won't go to high school like this, and probably won't even go to middle school like this. So whatever she needs now is fine--and I get more sleep this way.

Hope that helps!
A.

Both of my daughters did this. Funny, I have pictures of them with three pacifiers, one in each hand and one in the mouth. I had my girls sleep with me, so it was easier. I could keep a few extra next to the bed & hand them over as needed. Would it work if you put extras in a special spot on his bed after he falls asleep so that when he goes looking for them, he can't miss them? (I always got up in the morning with pacifiers stuck to me, and always a few less than when we went to bed.)
If you get the kind the gets sticky after a while (can't remember right now, but not the clear silicone ones), when they get sticky you can get them dirty & look gross. Then show him & let him throw it out. It worked with both of my daughters. They both understood that they are the ones who threw it away & it was because they were broken.

Just some thoughts...
Best of luck!
D.

Mine had his until later... I let him have it during night time hours only. However, he didn't wake me up when he lost it.

I, eventually, had to go cold turkey on his pacifier. It was a REALLY rough week, but we made it through the phase and came out pacifier free.

Good luck.

cold turkey or try the pacifier fairy.. promise him a gift if he leaves it out for the fairy to give to a baby..

I wouldn't take a binky away from a 20 month old. The sucking need can be very strong at that age.

I would suggest putting a little mesh pouch in his crib or bed with a bunch of binkies in it. That way he can find them himself at night :)

I have 4 children and two of them really, really loved their pacifier. I did not really worry about it much until they turned 2 and then I would make sure they only had it at nap time and bedtime. The rest of the day I made sure they did not use for anything, even if they were sick. After a couple of months, I just took it away. I told them (whether they understood or not) that they were old enough and did not need it and that was it. They fussed for a bit, but eventually went to sleep and each night got better. I did not give in. I threw them away and made sure they could not find one around the house. In a few short days, they were not asking for it at all. I know this sounds cruel, but my kids are now 15, 13, 10 and 7. They seem to all be fine and the trauma of the their "binky" has not affected them. I think the important thing is to stick to your guns. If they think you will give in, they will continue to cry for it. K.

I have a 20 month old son who did the same thing. I just took away the binky he was holding at night and said only one binky in your bed. Now he knows he only has one binky. (I do have emergency back up but they are all identical.) I wish it were none but that day will come. If you set a one binky rule he will understand. He may not like it but he will understand. Be strong and be firm. Like anything it may take a few rough nights but you will make it through it!

Sorry to say that from experience I can tell you that waiting to take the pacifier away until he is old enough to understand will only be harder for you and your son. As much as I hated it, the only thing that worked for us was going cold turkey and letting my daughter cry it out...it took 2 nights of her crying herself to sleep (about 30 min.) and then she was fine without the pacifier. We continued our usual bedtime routine with or with out the pacifier which helps...reading and cuddling with mom or dad, soft music, favorite bear...just not the pacifier. It was tough for me to hear her cry so I went to Stop and Shop and my husband stayed home. Hope that helps. Mama knows best...so just do it. Good luck.

Hi A.. You sound a lot like me--if I am woken up 4am or after, there is no way I can fall back to sleep.

First I would make sure he is only using the pacifier at night or during naps?

When he loses the pacifier at night, do you think he looks for it, or does he automatically yell for you to help him? I would suggest using a strap to clip to his pj top, then he can't lose it. Then slowly begin to wean him off it by first allowing him not to have it during the day at all, then work on bedtime.

I highly suggest using an earplug in one of your ears to help block out some of the sounds if he protests.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck.

A.,
After having a similar experiance with my first daughter who is now almost 8, I thought I had learned the hard way not to even consider a pacifier for my 2nd daughter, but as we all know that doesn't always work. Taking away the pacifier for my youngest wasn't as hard because we planned it out as a family including babysitter, both grandparents, and Aunt & Uncle only because she had exposure to them all frequently and they needed to be on the same page and throw out all pacifiers that may still exist. So I came up with the plan to talk to her(she was 18-20m) and it was christmas time so we wrapped all the binkies in a box and put them under the tree for Santa to take to the babies and he would leave toys and a big girl present for her. We also transitioned her in twin matching her sisters. So the excittment of the bed made her forget about the pacifiers being gone. Mind you we had a few breakdowns but diversion helped and lots of lollipops!

A.,
This probably won't be what you want to hear, but I'm going to write it anyway...YOU NEED TO JUST GET RID OF THE PACIFIERS. He is playing you like a violin!!! At 20 months he DOES NOT need a pacifier...let alone THREE!!! Now, before you get too offended, let me tell you that I WAS YOU 7 years ago w/ my now 8 year old son!!! I was soooo worried to take away his pacifiers...yes...plural! I have a picture to prove it...one in his mouth and one in his hand. Anyway, I was so scared to take it away, that when I went on a mommy vacation & my husband stayed home with him for a week, MY HUSBAND took it away...COLD TURKEY. Well, apparently, it wasn't too big of a deal and our son got through it pretty quickly. When I came back a week later, he was COMPLETELY DONE with his pacifier. So, even if you don't have the chance to let your hubby take over for a week & be the "meanie", just TOSS THEM AND BE DONE. When he cries at night...and he will...and it will be awful for a few nights...be strong and know that he'll be just fine...give him his blankie. And he'll probably toss it out of his crib in a fit of anger! But you are the parent and the pacifiers are not doing him ANY GOOD at 20 months old. If you pick a long weekend, you should be able to be done with the pacifiers in a week. So sorry, but be strong & just toss 'em! They're as much of a crutch for us moms as they are for the little ones!
~Been there in Rhode Island

Hi A.,
My 3 year old son is the same way!! Right down to one in each hand. This is their security blanket and I always felt bad telling him he couldn't have it. So what I did when I looked at this 3 year old one day with a Bobo hanging out of his mouth, I told him for about 3 months before Christmas that we were going to leave his Bobo's out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and he was going to deliver them to all the little babies that didn't have one. He was so upset that babies didn't have any Bobo's that he was happy to give them away. I do however have 2 left for him at night which he is well aware that we will be sending those to babies that don't have Bobo's on his 4th Birthday this year. I don't know if this will work, but my son loves babies so it made it easy for him know that a baby would love them as much as he did....
Hope this helps...

I would try to eliminate the ones he has to hold onto first. give him some thing soft (like a special blankie) to hold. thats much easier for him to find in the dark. start during the day offering the blankie and make a fuss, showing him how soft/silky it is, put it in his hand and rub his cheek, cuddle with it, really make it special. don't worry about taking away the sucking pacifier untill he stops looking for the other ones.

I had a three year very much attached to her binkie. First we started with binkie is for sleep only, after about 6 mos of that we slowly took them away till she only had one left. This may sound awful but we told her the cat ate her last binkie and she was totaly fine with that and hasnt had one since. Hope that helps.

I had the same problem with my son. My friend gave me advice and I highly recommend it to anyone that has this issue. My son knew that when things were broken we throw them away. So slowly his pacifiers "broke" (I cut them). He would do the honors of tossing it. I told him that he was getting to be a big boy and when they were all gone we weren't buying anymore. Over the course of a month, or less, they were all gone and he was fine. Good luck!

I went through this with my toddler too, don't stress, "this too will pass"...some of the best advice a friend gave me to help me deal with stressful situations with my child. We weened it. We began by limiting it during certain times and places. We got it down to only having it in bed, it was not allowed to leave the bed, under any circumstances. She was fine with that, it took a few days for her to get used to it, but she did. You need to stick to your guns! First thing you need to do is not allow him to have 3 at one time, that is ridiculous!! I also told my daughter that I was not going to buy anymore nuks, that when these ones got icky that was it. She had 3 at the time I told her this, 1 mysteriously disappeared, LOL, 1 was on it's way to being icky, and 1 was still pretty new. She actually would throw them away herself when she would find a hole in them or if they were turning white, it was closure for her. Once we got down to the last one, she woke up one morning and said to me, "look mommy, it has a hole", she was sad...holding her nuk out to me. She went over to the garbage and gave it one last suck, looked at it and said, "bye nuk, your are icky, your trash." That was it, she threw it in the garbage and that was it. Talk to your son about it, give him limitations and let him know that you will not be buying anymore and that he is getting too old for it. It is amazing what toddlers can comprehend. Sometimes talking to your toddler about these things helps them to understand it better. I would not suggest cutting it cold turkey, I feel they need to work out the attachment to it themselves, as my daughter did. They need to be comfortable with it. This took several weeks, but it did work. She was around the same age too!
As far as the sleeping, I know it is frustrating, I have been there, but that is part of being a parent...it won't last forever, just keep telling yourself that when you feel frustrated, and know there are lots of parents awake out there when you are, feeling the same way. Good Luck!

Hi A.,

You may have already gotten lots of suggestions but I'll tell you what we did with our son at that exact age. We simply went cold turkey. I know it sounds harsh but we literally had just 2 rough nights. In your case 2 rough nights sounds easier than multiple nights of laying in bed after retrieving the pacis. I know it sounds hash but kids move on easier than we think. Think about how easy it is to distract your child. Maybe even find a substitute like a lovey (that won't get lost in the crib). I imagine this situation is driving you crazy but I'll bet that a year from now you will have forgotten all about it, at least until someone with a similar problem posts their need for help ;) All the best and you will do what is right for you and your family. Always believe that.

I have never understood the fascination with pacifiers. Neither of my girls ever had one, or even wanted one (when my older one was about 2, she saw a younger child with one; she found another, put it in her mouth, sucked on it for a minute, took it out & looked at it, tried it again, and put it down...totally uninterested). My younger one would use her thumb, but quit on her own about a year ago (she turns 3 tomorrow).

I am also one who can't get right back to sleep once I wake up, so I am sympathetic about that. However, I strongly recommend the "cold turkey" method. He will cry, but he should be OK.

We ridded my son of his binky around 20 months. What worked for us is a slow progression of limiting where he could have it. The first week, we said he could have it only at home, no more at the store or outside of the house. The next week, we said he could have it only upstairs, no longer downstairs on the main floor. Next we said only in his bedroom. And the last week he could have it only when he napped or slept at night. After a week of that we said, no more binky. I gave him a sippy cup of water to sleep with instead and that seemed to passify his oral fixation. I liked this method b/c it was slow, and if he asked for his binky there was always somewhere in the house he could go to have it, so I didn't have to say no. I just said, "ok, go upstairs to your room and you can have your binky." Good luck!