Too Much All at Once

Hey there. If I were you, I'd soften the soother removal by snipping the end of the pacifier off so that it doesn't work. In a few days, cut off a little more, etc. By the time the nipple part is a nub, she won't care about it anymore and when you give her the big girl gift, she'll be fine.

See, you THINK that just because she knows this day is coming, that she'll be ready for it. It's just words right now. She does NOT understand the reality of no pacifier. Make it so it doesn't work before you take it away. That will help.

The best thing about toddlers is that they grow out of it. The worst thing about toddlers is that they eventually become teenagers.

You know what, she is 2, Just have the pacifiers be gone one morning. She can look for them and then tell her it must be "all gone" now.

Make it matter of fact and she will follow your lead.

Talk and talk too much, can make a child nervous or turn it into a big deal..

Just curious why you are doing so much at once?

Could you wait a bit for soothers or potty training?

Here's the thing. She's 2. She will not go to high school in diapers with a pacifier.

Everything is in upheaval right now. A 2 year old isn't going to be all "we made a commitment". Test the waters. If she's stressed out and needs the soothers, you can let her know the poody fairy wants to know if she would like to keep her soothers for a little while - maybe July 4th - big celebration? Do whatever works. If things aren't working like you "planned", then change the plan.

We went down the path of moving our oldest to the big boy bed when he was about 2.5. He was all gung ho and then suddenly he wasn't. It turned into an outright nightmare for all parties involved. We backed off, put his crib back up and sanity was restored to the household. My point being just because you go down the path doesn't mean you can't back up and rethink the strategy/approach if the wheels are coming off the wagon. Good luck and may it all work for your family.

YIkes. Sounds like a lot. You have certain things on your timetable like giving up the soothers, and you seem to think that, because you've talked about it with her, she really knows what that means and will be fine when it happens? I doubt that's going to go well! You've got other things on HER timetable like potty training which seems to interest her despite her extremely young age. That may go well at first, and may be successful, but she may give up after a while because she's just intellectually curious but not developmentally ready to get that signal that she has to "go".

Then she's toying with giving up naps (which she probably still needs) because she's aware that stuff goes on in the house while she's asleep, especially now that her sister is home from school. So you're going to have an overtired child who can't self-soothe and whose life revolves around needing to use the potty when her sister is doing something else fun.

What could go wrong here?? LOL!

I'd say to let her get through the teething thing before you give anything else up - naps may be difficult if she's uncomfortable, but maybe stick with some quiet time in her room (and make the older child go for quiet time as well). If she falls asleep, great. If not, at least you tried and you separated yourself from a cranky toddler.

Hold off on the artificial deadline of the soothers being taken away. That's an arbitrary decision and can be adjusted based on all these other things. She has absolutely no concept of time, so if you get to the end of the month and don't do anything, how in the world will she know the difference? Just stop discussing it and see what happens. If she asks, say, "It's not time yet." If she has given up her naps, she needs to get to sleep at night. Period.

I'd also be very very careful about the "big girl" talk - things like big girl underwear, big girl bed, big girls don't use soothers, big girls don't nap, etc. - it puts so much pressure on them and often they decide they don't want any of this big girl stuff at all. Then they regress and want bottles and to be carried, to use baby talk and to use diapers, refuse to stay with babysitters, etc. Is there a reason why you need to do all of this at once instead of just letting her go through her phases at normal developmental times?

Seems to me (and even to you) that you are taking a huge amount of change and stress on yourselves without letting some things develop naturally. Maybe ease up on potty usage (she'll get it when she's ready) and soother-ditching (what's another few months?), and stop the "big girl" chatter. Just deal with what's in front of you: molars, and the desire to give up naps. Get a schedule down for quiet time for both kids (even if the older one comes out of her room when the little one falls asleep, although I see great value in having the older child have quiet time for her sake and yours), and just respond to your younger one's OWN cues about the potty, and leave the rest of it.

People say kids are resilient. I would agree. However, they learn how to be resilient from their parents/caregivers. So, your attitude about all of these changes will impact her attitude! Stay positive, upbeat, and don't let her know you're stressed.

I think the "soother" whatever that is stays. Too many changes at once. So not worth the tears etc. Choose your battles.

I know that as parents we always feel that if we don't stick firmly to what we tell our kids is going to happen, they will learn that we don't enforce things and will take advantage of that, be confused, etc. But since she is only two -- let her keep the soothers (whatever those are -- do you mean pacifiers, I guess?). They provide comfort to her and she is undergoing a lot of changes that may seem minor to us adults but you already recognize that they are big for HER at her age.

Do you really need to add stressful bedtimes and restless nights to the change in sister's schedule, the potty training, the teething?

I would just stop talking about the poody fairy coming, and let her keep them. She is young enough that she is not going to take away the negative lesson that you back down on things; if she were older, I'd say you would need to stick to your word on the timing -- but she's two!

It is not "caving in" or being a weak parent somehow if you drop the fairy talk and just let her have them. She has no real sense of things like "next month the fairy comes and the soothers leave....next week the fairy comes... in two days the fairy comes and takes the soothers..." Time frames still mean nothing to a child her age. She won't call you out on the fairy coming but may remember that a present was promised. I'd connect a present NOT to giving up her soothers but to something else.

She's very young to have so much going on at once and from your post, you know it. So choose your battles --don't make the soothers into one.

And if she's used to having you to herself all morning while sister is at school -- establish a routine at home now for the summer. Ensure toddler gets time alone with you, and so does sister. If sister is school aged, she can occupy herself for an hour each morning, can't she? Also: Make sure your husband knows that these changes are going on and understands that they actually are a big deal to a tiny kid - you are not in this alone.

Why the rush to do all these things that YOU are trying to do all at 1 time? Since she is teething why not let her hold onto her soothers until she is 30 months old. Any way you look at it, she won't remember any of this just you will and perhaps a few of the family members living through it with you.

Before you know it she will be 12, then 22, then so forth and so on. They pass by fast. My bio son is currently almost in his terrible 20's. I'm enjoying his last few months of reason before we hit the next stage of the terrible 20's. LOL Be encouraged. You're doing just fine.

My daughters decided at around 2 1/2 to stop wearing diapers. There was no stress and no training on my part.

Also, your daughter does not understand the concept of time. Therefore the end of the month could be the end of the summer or 6 months from now. Don't stress about this.

Get her used to the new summer routine and then think about what you want to do. These things do not have to be stressful.

Maybe when you're a little overwhelmed you can repeat a mantra like "This Too Will Pass" over and over in your mind? I know.. that's not really advice or anything, but just keep breathing and know that in no time, things will smooth out and calm down. It sounds like you're doing pretty good, though. I would just keep on going the same way you are, and realize that days turns into weeks, weeks into months, and before you know it, you'll be dropping her off for Kindergarten! :)

Best of luck!

so why not take the pressure off all of you?
sounds like an awful lot of build-up for the 'poody fairy.' so many things that would be a momentary blip for kids end up being huge dramatic traumas because the parents work so hard to minimize them that they end up doing exactly the opposite. the idea to snip a little off the pacifiers at a time is much less stressful that building up to a big NOW YOU'RE A BIG GIRL hullaballoo.
especially in the middle of potty training.
if you're relaxed and groovy about this stuff, she will be too.
khairete
S.

What are soothers? Pacifiers?
I've never heard of that one.
Our son was a thumb man and wouldn't give it up till was good and ready.
You'll get through it one way or another.
Just remember - you are driving it all.
If it gets to be too much, cut yourself some slack.
Generally the recommendation is to work on one thing at a time but hey, if it works for you, more power to you.

Keep taking deep breaths, these stressors will be gone soon only to have new ones. In my opinion, three is worse than two. But at least potty training will be done and no more pacifiers.

Just hang in there, this part will be over soon.

And she is young to drop all naps. Enforce a quiet time. Make the room dark, turn on light music and have her chill. Sleep will come. And if not, at least she will get a physical and mental break.

Updated

Keep taking deep breaths, these stressors will be gone soon only to have new ones. In my opinion, three is worse than two. But at least potty training will be done and no more pacifiers.

Just hang in there, this part will be over soon.

And she is young to drop all naps. Enforce a quiet time. Make the room dark, turn on light music and have her chill. Sleep will come. And if not, at least she will get a physical and mental nap.

Her 'soothers' are going?
Sorry, I'm all about taking care of me because if I'm ok, then the kids were ok. You can take your time on all of this and wahlah! you might find life to be a lot happier. Kimberly and I are going through the terrible twenties with our children together but separate.. I think I need to form a play group so we can converse about how much our children have grown. Woops, guess we'd be by ourselves
The point is-ugh you've already been through it, things like potty training and teeth and naps take their time. Relax if you can and accept our hugs.

These are just some of the many hurdles she will pass in life. Carry on, you are doing a great job. Everyone will get through it.

Here's looking to the bright side. In a year this will all be a memory. Life changes for toddlers are fun and can be stressful just hang in there and don't let you guard down. She will do just fine.

It truly sounds like she has a LOT going on. The things she's accomplishing, don't be sad if it doesn't stick.

I've seen it happen so many times. Kiddo would accomplish something and then suddenly it's like they never even tried it. Just know that it's still there but the brain is working hard on something else right then and the other skill that is suddenly gone is on the back burner. Once the new step/skill is done the brain will go back to doing all the things it was before.

Meh.. it sounds like a lot when you list it all out like that, but what is a big deal to us actually may not be as big a deal as we adults like to think. My daughter potty trained really easily (and early) as well, and honestly.. it was probably a bigger deal to me than to her. She got to wear panties and all that, but really, I was the one who was thrilled. She was just moving on in life... on to bigger and better...

On her 2nd birthday, she traded her paci's (I assume pacifiers are what soothers are?) for some small toys. I didn't make a big to-do about it in advance... in fact, it hadn't even occurred to me how to accomplish it until I was ordering her birthday cake. The clerk in the bakery was chatting with me about the cake/my daughter, and she said... "ohh, bring her up here and have her bring all her paci's and she can trade them to me for some cake toppers." So that's what we did the next day! The lady was sooo nice, and got down on my daughter's level and talked to her and pulled out a pile of the little toys sealed in plastic bags, and had my daughter hold up her gallon ziploc bag of paci's for HER to ooh and ahh. over how many there were.
She let her take her time, and finally she selected a Dora toy and a Winnie the Pooh seesaw item. So she went to hand her paci's over and the clerk took her by the hand over to the big trash can at the end of the counter, and told her to toss them in! She looked at me, I nodded encouragement, and that was that. She carried her new toys home in grocery bag and was quite proud of the whole thing.

She asked me at bedtime about her paci, and I reminded her that she traded them for the toys, and she sort of said, "oh... right" (or something to that effect) and that was it. She went to sleep just fine. Her REAL sleep crutch was her stuffed dog (Pluto). ;) As long as she had him, everything was dandy. (She eventually gave up sleeping with stuffed dogs when she was around 10, I think... but she also got a panda pillow pet around then... soo..)

She also learned to read at 3 1/2.
My point is that for her, it's just life. Yes, it might be a lot of change... but their whole lives are change. Personally, I think it is more about how YOU present the change and how YOU deal with it. If you embrace it, encourage it, enjoy it, and do not fret, stress, or debate it all for ages.... then she won't either.
My daughter used her paci every day and night, and really was just reaching the point where I was starting to restrict it to "when she was in bed". But it never became a huge drama. She had Pluto! :)

Does your daughter have any other lovey type items that she sleeps with? If not, this might be a good time to introduce something that she can have and keep for years... and then, look at ditching the paci's. Stuffed animals or special pillows or whatever are perfectly acceptable (even to dentists) right up until the end of elementary, when their friends might start to tease.

If she does have an item like that, then just jump in on the soother ditching, and let her have some control of the process. Telling her over and over that it is coming isn't the same thing. Tell her it's going to happen on x day (within 48 hours) and that she can _________. Whether that means you let her "trade" them for something (like I did), or let her toss them and choose something else (take her shopping?) or whatever... is up to you. But allowing her some piece of the process that she can control is key, I think.
Good luck.
Breathe. She will be fine.