Torn...to Relocate or Not to Relocate

I live in NJ as well so I know what you mean about the cost of living. Most of my extended family is here and we see them pretty often. I made up my mind to stay at least as long as my grandmother is alive (she is turning 90 this week).

I'd look into moving someplace not too far so a 1 day visit is still practical. Perhaps you can find someplace in western or southern NJ that is more affordable. I know friends and relatives who have moved to Sussex and Warren counties and are happy, though they have longer commutes.

OMG - Tomara, your post is exactly what my husband and I have been talking about lately and its killing me! We're here in NJ too and theres so many things to consider and deal with. Its not fair that we have to even consider moving away from family to have a better life. We both work, make good money but we still struggle. Its so hard to balance jobs, cost of living, etc around here! We have good school and our family is close but we have a small house and can not afford anything bigger should we have a second child, cost of living just keeps going up, etc etc etc. Our families are within minutes and our parents are a great part of our daily life. We've lived out of state before but now being married with a family its not so easy to pick up - but what can we do. I am open to a move that is 1 - 2 hours away but theres not much out there in that distance. I am tired of struggling day to day! Its also killing me that I can't even come up with a place to go that isn't to far! Wahhhhh! I have no advice for you but wanted to let you know that someone else is out there thinking the same thing! Good luck to you! I hope your answers come as I am hoping mine do too!

Make sure you thoroughly check out the place you are moving. Go stay there. Rent a house for a week or 2. Moving is always hard and life isn't usually better but it can be different.
My family recently moved to Long Island sight unseen for my husbands job and my daughter and I hate it but my husband likes it. Now knowing we were moving here I did endless amounts of research about schools and playgrounds even grocery stores. It doesn't matter we should have come here to visit.
We left all of out support and now have no way to get a break. It is great to have family to help with your kids.
Just remember things always seem like they will be better and that is rarely true.

We relocated several years ago to be closer to family, and for us it was a huge mistake. We left a house and neighborhood we loved, and although I had a job in our new town, my husband ended up being laid off due to our relocation. So... even though we moved to a cheaper town, our quality of living has suffered. And our family turned out not to be nearly as helpful as they had promised they would be...

So I guess my feeling is that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Small towns are not always better for families. If you want to live somewhere with good public schools and low taxes... good luck finding such a place.

I really wish we had never relocated. Now we're trying to find a way to move back to the City... yes, it's expensive, but oh so worth it.

Would it be possible to relocate to PA where the cost of living is less, but your still within a hour - 3 hours drive of family?

The key to relocating is having a job. Find a good paying job, in the area you are considering relocating to, and THEN move. I had family move before they had a job and they were unemployed for months. It was a complete mess.

M.

Hi - I have no experience with any of this, but since you asked for any insight.... all studies show that strong family ties and values are the most crucial aspect of a child's wellbeing and growth. It is significantly more important than a highly rated school system or access to parks. So if you want the best for your child, I think you should stick nearby. Assuming you don't live in a violent neighborhood, there is surely somewhere relatively close by that would provide you with more of the things are you looking for without having to leave your family behind.

And as a person with 2 kids who has no family nearby, but have friends who do, I know that you don't know how lucky you are to have family nearby to help with your kids!!! You will miss that ALOT, especially when #2 comes along!

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We NEVER lived near family growing up (military) but have always had strong family ties.

We would visit every summer (typically for a month), they would visit on occasion, and we would call *frequently*.

With Skype (free video phoning via your computer) and all the online stuff... it's even easier.

Being close to your family has to do more with thought & intention than geography.

I know a little of where you're coming from. We live in NJ, nowhere near family though. We always talk about moving, because my husband will finish grad school next April. We are likely going to move, unless he finds a dream job here. We talk about moving closer to family, and it has always been a fantasy of mine to move onto the same street, or at least to the same town, of my sister! She has five kids, and I'd really love for my kids to grow up with their cousins and extended family. Also, my sister and I really have each other's backs--if we lived closer, it would be much easier for each of us to get away every now and then, because we watch each other's kids when we can (right now we are 2 1/2 hours away). Anyway, my husband says he'd also love to move somewhere totally different, like Colorado. BUT a part of him would love to move home (IRELAND!) All that to say it's such a hard call. It all hinges on a job of course, but the thing that makes it all a little easier is thinking that nothing is permanent. If we move to Ireland, it doesn't mean we have to live there forever. Of course, I may change my thinking on this as I get older, more settled, etc. It's a complex issue, good luck!

Keep in mind that places where the cost of living is less, often are places where the salaries are less too. Be sure you know what you're getting into. Moving to lower cost of living areas is a good strategy for someone who is retired and on a fixed income which will not change, but be sure you know what salaries are like before making this commitment

I have stayed near my family and believe that having family support is worth not having other things. I also know that it will be very difficult for you find some place that's much different from where you live now. The same trends happening in your neighborhood are happening all over.

It's good to live in small communities but, unless you grew up in them, they can feel cold and lacking in support. I moved to the coast to live for a year after I retired. My support came from where I had lived, which was just an 1 1/2 hour drive away. I've read success stories about such moves but I suspect those families were either very lucky or they did a great deal of research before they actually moved.

All large cities will have the same difficulties that you're experiencing now. On top of that you will be starting over with finding where to shop, who to have as doctors, and getting to know your neighbors. Rebuilding support systems takes time and is energy consuming. I suggest that you can find ways to make your current living place work using less time and energy than you'd need if you moved. And you have family support which is invaluable. Go back and read some of the posts about families who need help and don't have family nearby.

Research the schools in your area and move into that district either now or when your child is closer to school age. Here, in Portland, the school boundaries change every few years and so that may not help. But while doing your research you can find a friendly neighborhood with reasonably good schools on and surrounding it.

You can learn about neighborhoods by regularly reading neighborhood newspapers and Googling for information on the Internet. You can learn about schools on the Internet. You can learn ways to prepare your baby for success in school. You have a better chance of having a good experience near to your family then moving away to an unknown city.