Touchy Subject

You need to realize that many people can walk just fine in heels pregnant. She's pregnant, not an invalid. You really need to butt out and myob.

Honestly it is a matter of opinion. I think the person should wear whatever makes her comfortable. I personally am a person who basically only wears heals and feels uncomfortable in sneakers and flats. It never really mattered to me to change my shoes just because I was pregnant it is a matter of comfort not safety. With my third child I felt more comfortable in flat but it wasn't a safety issue but the 1st and 2nd I didn't change my ways and I never feel at all because I am so used to wearing heals. So you may want to mention to her that she should be careful now that she is pregnant wearing heals because pregnant women in general tend to lose their balance more but don't attack her and stress her out for wearing them. It may be what is more comfortable to her. Good luck!

Personally I do not see any harm in wearing extremely high heels. I was pregnant twice and wore heels the entire time. I am also very fit and in shape. I never tripped or fell or had any problems with my pregnancies. I even wore heels up to the very end of the pregnancies, as a matter of fact I was wearing heels when I went into labor the first time. This person may very well get offended as I did when co workers mentioned it to me.

This would be a battle to just let pass by. With those that are easily offended you must pick only the most vital topics to bring up and even then only after lots of love, praise and good feelings.

Ladies that wear really really high heels get accustomed to them. I've never ever seen one "fall off". And honestly what you wear on your feet doesn't affect the baby. Comfortable shoes are for older ladies that are beginning to feel the price for their earlier years of fun but hurtful shoes. Trust me I've had to wear orthotics for the last year.

Just smile and realize that when a M. has to be large and lumpy sexy shoes are often her only way to hang on to her former self!

don't say anything, she's a big girl : )

Heels are not dangerous & it may have nothing to do with age. I was 39 & high risk & on blood thinners. I wore heels at work thruout my pregnancy. I even spoke w/ my OB/GYN to make sure... I walk better in & am more comfortable in heels. My OB who stated that pregnancy loosens ligaments- but that I should wear whatever is comfortable for me & that I know my body best. Never fell once-

Not only do I think it is none of your business, I wonder where you received your OPINION that heels hurt a baby?!? Some people do believe they know everything.

Very funny! I am a very educated M. who didn't have my first until 29. I consider myself to be knowledgeable....And basically coordinated. So I wore heels throughout both pregnancies and never tripped or fell once. Not even close. I even survived strolling down snowy MN sidewalks during winter. I never ever read anything that hinted to me that this was dangerous nor did my doctor intimate I should switch to flats. I got such a hoot out of this post. It made my morning! : )

Aw heck -- Go ahead and give your advice to this M.. I just wish I could be there to hear it.

I'm always on the side of people keeping their opinions to themselves. Unless she is just learning to walk in them, I'm sure she will be just fine.

(:

Mind your own business.

When I was pregnant with both my children, I continued to wear my heels when I went to work. That was what was comfortable for me. There were a few women who said that I should wear flats, and at times I would, depending on how I felt. One of my friends who works with me, said that when she was preganant she wore her heels, because that is what she was comfortable in. I can understand your concern, but bottom line really is whatever the mother is comfortable in doing. It is not for you to judge unless you are purchasing her clothing and shoes for her. Instead, wish her the very best, and good for her that she is still able to enjoy her heels and wear them well.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Pretty soon her sense of balance will be totally off and she will find she cannot wear heels anymore. The baby is very well protected. Better to save your friendship for more important things down the road!

I am assuming that she's used to wearing heels so I wouldn't say anything, but be there to support her if she needs/asks for it, just as you would any pregnant woman. Also, I'm also thinking that soon enough, as her pregnancy progresses, the heels will become flats or at least a very small heel! But if you do decide to say something....I think it'd be all about timing....when its just the 2 of you, she's in a good mood and I'm sure you'd bring it up in a sweet, caring manner! Good luck!

po, i know you already made up your mind, and i didnt read all the other responses, but "I" am a very not girlie girl, and would react the same way you were - that is so not cool, should i say something or not? but a conversation i had with some girlfriends the other day comes to mind - i sometimes forget that some women were practically born and raised in high heels. i can't wear them for more than a couple hours for church (and even then my feet hurt and i feel like an elephant on roller skates) but i have coworkers who wear them ALL day, EVERY day. and i've never seen them stumble. so i think you're right to not say anything. personality differences aside, i guess it's her choice. she must feel comfortable. good luck swallowing your comments! lol i know how that is :)

some people do just fine, prego and in highheels, for the sake of not freaking out my hubby i dont. but the heal latter in pregnancy puts pressure on a main nerve that can cause her to go into labor. so if she starts to feel tired all the time for no reason. or if shes complaining of lower back pain....id say something but for someone who is stubborn...its hard to find the right words to say. but focus it more on the concern for the health of the child and try to not sound as if shes handicap because shes prego. i hate when people treat me that way.

Oh boy there is a list a mile long of things I would like to tell pregnant women and new moms but I am not lol. I figure they will find out soon enough lol.

Well....good luck with that. That is a hard one....I would be thinking the same thing as you. Sadly , it may come out to be an insult. I think also it depends on if you know the person. If you know the person you could turn it into advise but if not I wouldn't say anything. You don't know what that person may do to you.

Honestly, if you are concerned about her shoes, just wait till you see what she's eating, or drinking... or how she holds the baby or what she eats while nursing...

Really, there's so many other issues out there, don't get stressed out over this one :) Otherwise, if an issue that really is important/dangerous DOES come up, she may not take you seriously.

Also, first baby, only 3 months along... she can wear those heels without much danger. Once she is getting huge and her center of gravity is different, she probably won't even want to go near those heels, let alone fit her feet in them.

I've been wearing heels so long that I walk just fine in them (and am still wearing them at 8 months pregnant). I ACTUALLY trip and fall MORE in flats or tennis shoes becaue I'm not used to them. My MIL and SIL are both flats wearing women and are shocked that I'm able to still walk in heels and give me a hard time (in the most loving way) all the time. If she's happy and is aware of the risks, which I'm sure she is, its her perogitive to do as she pleases. You can still say something, but if she's like me, she wouldn't listen anyway. I wouldn't get offended if someone mentioned it to me, I would just say..thanks, but this is how I'm most comfortable. But I appreciate your concern. Hopefully, she would be kind enough to reply the same way.

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I don't think she will trip and fall. If and when she gets uncomfortable she will start wearing more sensible shoes as well as those horrible pants with the panel across the front that we all have to wear. :0

I don't think you should say anything. It will come across snarky. You would do better to offer her some useful advice on how to have a positive labor experience, successful breastfeeding, or just say congratulations.

I agree with those who said it depends on how well you know this person. Is she your sister, best friend, coworker, or just a random person you see at Starbucks? Is falling even all that dangerous this early in a pregnancy? I was running until my 8th month. Was that dangerous? She may or may not want to wear heels when she is further along. It's her prerogative.

I wore high heels throughout my pregnancy until about 7 or 8 mo. Changed to flats because my feet grew out of my shoes. It doesn't make much difference. Some women handle high heels better than others. If her doctor doesn't mind...you shouldn't either. If it does concern you, bring it up in a joing way rather than negatively. Say something like the baby is going to be born with high heels if she keeps that up or something light....maybe wow.....your have great balance or grace walking in those heels.....I couldn't handle it when I was pregnant....too worried to trip. Don't expect her to change and keep an open mind... be supportive.

I don't see the harm in wearing them. If she is comfortable then let it be. It's likely that sometime during her 2nd or 3rd trimester high heels will cease to be comfortable for her and she will stop wearing them. I have known women who wore high heels all the way up to their delivery date. People like that aren't anymore likely to fall with heels on than with flats. They are used to them.

It depends on how well you know this person and how much you care if they get ____@____.com people don't like to be criticized on their parenting
decisions. I agree it is a safety issue, but just be prepared for the consequences if you tell them and they don't take it well.

If she knows everything like you said above, your input isn't going to matter.

Definitely none of your business. My goodness, if she was drinking maybe, but honestly, 3 months preg and wearing heels? Find something important to worry about.

Personally, I wouldn't say a word. I did what I thought was best for myself and my baby when I was pregnant. No doubt there are some out there that might have looked at my eating habits or other things and thought I wasn't taking good enough care of myself or the baby. I knew many professional women who wore high heels every day while pregnant and never heard of one of them having a problem (other than their feet hurting :).

Good luck,
K.

i personally wouldn't. anyone who is old enough to get pregnant is also old enough to know the dangers one can get oneself into when pregnant. so i wouldn't say anything.
now if it were my sister and maybe best friend i'd say something like do you think it's wise to be wearing those heels when pregnant? but my sister and my best friend would know i mean well.

I say there is no harm in her wearing the shoes of her choice. I, myself, am an overly protective mother and was constantly warning a pregnant friend about multiple activities - but I can't say I ever commented on her shoes. This person is still early in her pregnancy and is probably perfectly able to walk in heels - and she may be able to pull it off throughout. I never got very big in my pregnancy and was able to wear heels to work throughout. On my downtime I chose other options. But I think, in this case.... The question might be, "How do you tell someone tactfully who thinks they know everything, is quite likely to get offended, not to tell expecting mothers what shoes they can wear?" :) I hope you see the humor in that, as that is how I mean it. :D Overall, I say relax, if she really is young, she'll make mistakes, but let her learn. We all did. :D

I dont think that she will get hurt really as it is safe to wear heals. Yes, I guess she can trip and fall and the risk will be higher w/ heals, but it does not mean she really will fall. she might not enjoy it soon anyways as her back, feet etc will hurt soon on their own so the problem might just fix itself. Maybe there is more of an issue here at hand? maybe this is just the start of you having issues and conflicting opinions with this person? As a mother it is hard to see/hear opinions diff. from ours. I would suggest, not trying to offend you, but an evaluation of your friendship w/ this person is this someone that you would like to stay friends w/? I had a friend where I had major conflicts w/ her parenting so we were only friends when it had to do with everything except parenting. we did girl/friend stuff but never talked about the kids, not easy but she was a great person and I did not want to loose that bc I did not like her parenting. It was hard and we were not best friends of course but it works. good luck!

Can I take the other side?
If it were me, I'd make a comment like - 'Wow!, I can't believe that you can still wear those!' When I was pregnant I would've been afraid to trip and fall on my belly'.

Or 'Man, you're brave to wear those. When I was pregnant, heels made my feet swell faster.'

Just some thoughts.
M.

I wore heels (although I have never worn very high heels ever, and definitely not anything that's hard to walk in nor a thin heel, like stilettos) until my belly grew, which was at about 4 months. When I couldn't see the floor beneath me or my feet, I knew it was time to go to a 2 inch wedge or flats because there might be stones or something I cannot see that I can step on and throw me off-balance. Maybe when she can no longer tie her shoes or see her feet, she will get something more moderate in height, or when she sees how swollen her feet are and can no longer fit in them, she will have no choice but to switch shoes. Tell her, but if she ignores you, let her find out on her own, or maybe tell the father of the baby to talk to her about it. I cared more when my daughter's father said "hey, you can fall and hurt OUR baby" than I did when someone else told me. When she hears that someone else can be impacted by her falling (baby AND boyfriend/husband) she may stop being so vain and change her tune.

If she wears them to the dr office, her dr will tell her, otherwise she frankly does not care and voicing your opinion won't do any good, she will likley wear them around you more often just to piss you off, such is the nature of devious young girls.
Perhaps you could casually approach the situation if you feel you must, by saying something like, "wow, you sure are brave! I never had the guts to attempt heals while I was pregnant!" then when she says oh itsnot that bad, you could reply, "man, wouldve hurt my feet and back soo bad!". Then at least you cansay you tried and maybe offend her less

yea, just let it go. it's dangerous, but lots of moms do it and it really not your problem.

Since when is wearing heels "dangerous"? I think you're being a little overly cautious. I wore heels when I was pregnant, albeit not "extremely high" heels. A person can trip and harm themselves when they wear flats, too, you know? It's not that I don't care about the safety of someone's unborn baby, but I think you're just being a bit too concerned about this.

If you feel so compelled, say something in passing, make it sound like a joke and see how she reacts. Otherwise, let it go.

Mind your own business!

My name is T.. I am 40 yrs. old and have had 10 pregnancies and ten babies. When I became a M. for the first time, I would have loved all the suggestions and the rights and wrongs on what to do and what not to do through my pregnancy. Do you know her and do you talk to her? Do you just know her. Have you tried to talk to her or have you let it go? You will feel guilty if you do not say anything and then you will blame yourself if anything happens. I am a very outward person and will bring something to someones attention in a way that they would realize how wrong a certain thing is that they are doing, and you would not be offending them in any way, shape or form. You be the judge on how well you brought it to their attention without them realizing it and they actually take it into consideration. You just might be surprised at the results. A very nagilante conversation might be a start. Good luck and let me know! Thank you!

It is hard not to say anything when you see someone possibly making a big mistake. But maybe time will be on your side. At three months, she might not even be showing, so her balance might still be just fine. But as the pregnancy progresses, she will find herself growing and changing the center of balance and she may make her own decision to change shoes. There may be bigger issues that you have to face with her during this pregnancy.

i dont' really think it matters. if she is used to wearing heels. even with her center of gravity being off. she should be fine. people in europe always wear high heels while pregnant. i wouldn't say anything

Babies are protected more than people think when they are in utero. That baby is still really tiny and surrounded by fluid. It would take more than a fall for anything to happen to that baby. If she does fall, maybe then she'll take off the shoes. But it's really not your place to tell her what shoes to wear. If you know she's going to insult you, then just leave it be. She's going to make her own choice no matter what you say to her anyway.

I think she will have to learn from her own mistakes. She would have to fall pretty hard to miscarry so I don't think it's a huge danger.

I wore heels when pregnant, not super high between 2-3 inches, I even mentioned it to my OB/GYN and you know what she said "if you have been wearing them before pregnant and feel well balanced in them then it is ok." I also bowled in a league right up till I had my baby (which was also cleared with the doctor). Same goes with women who have been running for a while they can keep doing it while pregnant.

So with that you can either mention it like Megan C said (that is usually what I do so it either makes them think about it and is not you giving advice just bring it up) OR just let it go.