Treating Boys and Girls Differently

My husband has done things like that, but very seldomly. When he does, I correct him immediately because I will not allow anyone to tell my kids how they should feel or react to anything. I prefer my sons to be sensitive gentlemen rather that barbaric jerks. My husband is a sensitive guy to a point, but he also has a difficult time with showing emotion-which can be irritating. Men need to realize there is a BIG difference in teaching a child to be sensitive and teaching them to be tough. If any child is taught to keep their emotions bottled up, eventually the bottle will get shaken and explode!

Hello, I have to say that I also have experienced that as have my friends. So maybe it's one of those many guy things we will never get. But my daughter is 4 now my middle son is 3 and it's amazing how much more my husband seems to expect from my boy... I just have to keep him in check from time to time and remind him that he is only 3. He says he just wants him to do the right thing... and I say i do too, but i realize he's not 18. haha. My now 9 month old son is already hearing it too... "toughen up... etc." We can joke about it now... but I know there will be times in the future that we will butt heads on reguarding our sons, but I guess I have to be thankful for the different perspective. Hang in there and know that your husband adores your son and loves him the same, but with Sons, it's different. Maybe you can tell with how you treat your daughter vs. how you treat your son. I find myself wanting my daughter to be proper and say all the right things and I find myself giving my boys a little more slack.. maybe because I'm babying them a little because my husband is hard on them??????????????????>!!!!! Good Luck.
Sometimes you have to speak up and defend him and sometimes you have to just know that there are some things women can't grasp that men will do.

I guess my question is why would your husband want to teach him that boys don't cry? That would be my first concern. Men need to express their emotions just as much as women do, and the mentality that 'boys don't cry' is so ridiculous.

Hey S.,

Well it might be that it's because it's the second child, not because he's a boy. But as far as him not wanting him to cry! MEN! My hubby does that with our daughter. He never talked her to like a baby. And my whole family makes fun of him for that. Well, I say just talk to him and if you need help ask him. Do more things together like going to the park or expos. You can also try having him lash out his anger by going to the gym!! lol Well, just hang in there!

CJR

I CAN REALLY RELATE, IT IS SO HARD TO SUM THIS ISSUE UP. WHEN I FIRST HAD MY SON I FOUND MY HUSBAND DOING THE EXACT SAME THING WITH OUR SON. FOR SOME MEN THEY FEEL THAT IF THEY STOP THEY'RE SONS CRYING EARLY IT WILL HELP THEM LATER IN LIFE WITH ISSUES LIKE , BEING PICKED ON, FALLING DOWN, EMBARASSEMENT ECT. MY HUSBAND AND I HAD NEVER REALY DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE UNTIL OUR SON WAS BORN. WE LATER CAME TO THE UNDERSTANDING THAT HIS FATHER DID THIS WITH HIM SO HE FELT HE SHOULD BE THE SAME WAY. HE ALSO RECALLED THE PRESSURE OF ALL THIS BEING ALMOST OVERWHELMING FOR HIM. THE EFFECT OF THIS SOCIAL STANDARD TRUELY CAN BE NEGATIVE. I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT WHEN MY HUSBAND SHOWS NO EMOTION IT CAN TRUELY BE FRUSTRATING, AND HAS CAUSED TROUBLE IN THE PAST . TRYING TO GUESS WHAT YOUR SON MAY BE FEELING IN THE FUTURE YEARS MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.WE CAME TO THE AGREEMENT THAT HE IS A BABY AND ONLY CRIES WHEN HE NEEDS SOMETHING OR SOMEONE, WHETHER IT IS MILK, A DAIPER CHANGE, BURPING OR TO FEEL SECURITY COULD BE IT. HE'S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO COMPREHEND DON'T WHINE.PERHAPS YOU CAN EXPLAIN THIS TO HIM IN HOPES THAT THIS CAN EASE HIS FRUSTATIONS ABOUT YOUR BABY CRYING, AS WELL AS OPEN THE DOOR TO BEING MORE UNDERSTANDING AS YOUR SON GETS OLDER. I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD AS YOUR SON GETS OLDER HIS CRYING WILL TAKE ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING. HE WILL CRY LESS AND COMFORT MUCH EASIER. YOU'RE CLOSER EVERYDAY TO GESTURES AND TRUE SIGNS OF WHAT YOU BABY NEEDS FROM YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. LASTLEY I THINK EVERY BABY NEEDS TO FEEL A DADDY'S HUG EVERY NOW AND THEN AND MOM SOMETIMES NEED A BREAK. I HOPE THIS HELP YOU SOME.

Well hun, I dont have any girls just all boys 16,3,2 however I did notice that my husband is harsh on our 2 yr old. He was fine until he turned 1 1/2 and now we clash when it comes to disipline. I feel he is too hard and I get told that he is going to end up a wimp. I can tell that thats how he was with his son(the 16 yr old.) We are wanting a girl next so hopefully it will get easier. We talked about it and we are trying my way of parenting first if that doesnt work we will go his way! Good luck. Just talk about it and let him know you dont feel its appropriate.

OH my goodness Sara!!!We have the same problem! My son is 16 months old,and my husband has like NO patience with him,ever since day one.He hands him off to me automatically.My daughter is 2 months and even before she was born,he gave her more attention.We have fought over this issue to no end.I refuse to put up with it.Hopefully I can get some advice from your post also.Its nice to know Im not the only one dealing with this situation.Good luck!

your husband may need some serious bonding with his new son; maybe he needs to get advice from the pediatrician about how a 1 month old should act

Sweetie,I think he is haveing trouble dealing with the 2nd child thing.Most men do and it takes a while for them to get into the groove.Men feel overwhelmed with the 2nd child like being the main breadwinner,college,and responsibilities.Anyway, mine did.I think he's just giving you a lame excuse.Babies have to cry to tell you what they need.What I did was to make him bond more with the baby.Like bathing the baby while I read the tottler a story,or putting the baby to bed at night.Don't ask him to do it, just tell him to do it sweetly.Have him help you more anyway you can,and don't be afraid to leave both kiddos with dad alone.And try to do more as a family,that helps too.I've been married for 19yrs and have 3 kids(7,12,14).Well hope it helps even just a little bit. Hang in there:)