Trying Not to Compare, but Should I Be Concerned???

Updated on November 20, 2009
C.S. asks from Pflugerville, TX
23 answers

My twin sons are 2 years old. One is a motor mouth and say anything he wants. He asks questions, says I love you, asks if you are okay, says thank you and excuse me, sings songs word for word etc. He is very affectionate and gives hugs and kisses if you ask for them. The other son speaks occassionaly. He recognizes body parts and can say nose easily, eyes and mouth aren't as clear and for ears he says "ting". He tries to sing songs. He knows the rhythm, but the words are grunts. He points at and can identify some objects like ball, moon, and says bath, eat, and "nite nite". He does not give kisses and will occassionally hug. He usually shows affection by rubbing on your upper arm. He is however very affectionate towards his brother and will hug him to make up for a fight or if he is crying. I have two concerns, one being his speech. I'm wondering if he needs therapy for it and also about his behavior. I'm wondering if he may have a slight form of autism. Or I could be just comparing him to his brother who may be more advanced and am worrying about nothing. Any insight you all could provide would be appreciated.

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So What Happened?

I contacted ECI and they came out and evaluated my son. They determined that he had a slight speech and communication delay and began therapy session the very next week. They also suggested that I talk with my doctor about having his hearing professionally tested. It might be that he needs tubes. I feel good about everything. I can already see progress and am happy his needs are getting addressed early.

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K.C.

answers from Austin on

C.,
I would have him evaluated. any baby can in Austin has a free early childhood intervention evaluation. He could need hearing help, speech help, could need testing for psychological issues and could be perfectly normal , but you will only know if you have him evaluated. If there is a problem it is fixed if caught early enough. After 3, the free help is no longer as available.
good luck,
K.

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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

First thing is to have a hearing test, this could be a hearing problem. Have a talk with Dr. also see what he thinks.

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K.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Perhaps you should contact the Early Childhood Intervention program in your area? In know they will come out and do assessments for free and put you into contact with local organizations should you need them. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Houston on

C.,
Here it goes.....I have two sets of twins. The first set were COMPLETELY different like what you are saying. I ALWAYS thought there was something wrong with one of them. Comparing them is completely normal even though we are not suppose to do that! :) One seemed to talk exquisitely, the other you could barely understand. When they got to school age I separated them in kindegarten (some people find that horrifying....SORRY!)It was the best thing I could ever do, I can not explain that enough for their case. As they got older I was so hard on the one that seemed "challenged" because why wasn't she progressing like her sister, but then the "light bulb" went off in my head at a parent teacher conference-IDIOT ME, did not know one was very advanced while the other was just "normal". I had to go back and apologize, retrain and adjust my thinking.

However, the good news was the one that seemed to be deficient, flourished when separated from her sister. Her sister couldn't be there to talk for her anymore or to be dependent on her for anything. This is just the experience that I went through and I hope it is the same for you. With everything you have stated I feel you need to give it a little more time and if you are really concerned contact your pediatrician.

Were they born early?
Did they have any issues at birth?
What were their birth weights?
There are so many factors and you really did not provide much insight in that area, so it is hard to make an educated judgement call. My other set of twins we are still observing to see what happens there too! This time I am more prepared... :)
Bless you,
M.

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L.N.

answers from Houston on

You might also want to check his hearing. If his speech is not as advanced, it could be because of a hearing loss. My daughter had lots of ear infections and was only saying a few words at 18 months. Tubes went in and the words started to roll out and she became more interactive... the hearing loss had made her wary of what was going on!

Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from Houston on

I would certainly have him evaluated. I believe an evaluation is never a bad thing. Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) offers free evaluations. They talk with you on the phone ahead of time to determine what types of evaluations are needed. Once the evaluations are done you will meet with all the therapists and they will discuss what therapy is needed. You are not committed, you can say no at any point. Also, it is standard for any child receiving speech to have a hearing test completed. ECI will set that up for you.

My son started speech with ECI at 18 months and is now receiving speech through the school district (starts at age 3) and the transition into the school district was considerably easier since he had been receiving services than for someone who has never had their child evaluated.

Best of luck to you!

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

You are probably just comparing. Every child is different. I have the same issues with my 2 oldest. I always have compared them and they are different and understand things at different rates, obviously. I wouldn't rush to put a label on him. Just wait things out and keep mental notes. I'm still watching my son for any signs of learning disabilities. But, he eventually catches on and seems to be doing fine in school - just not as advanced as his sister. Your son probably doesn't have to do or say as much because of his twin. It would be similar with an older and younger sibling. The second child usually takes longer to talk and communicate because the older one does it for him. Do mention it to your doctor though.

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C.W.

answers from Waco on

Hi C.
It is not uncommon for twins to be very affectionate of one another but I think I would have the one who is not quite as advanced as the other checked. It could be nothing or it could be something- that can be corrected while he is still very young.
good luck and blessings

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G.B.

answers from Houston on

My 3yr old twin boys are very different and always have been. One was crawling by 5 months while the other never moved til 8 months. I asked the pedi about autism in the slower child but he just gave me the old development varies talk. Also, I was kind of "different" as I child--I think he just may have picked up my awkward gene. He seems fine, now.
They both had speech delays, however. My more outgoing twin talked pretty much gibberish but it was obvious he could understand really well. It turned out that he had a weak tongue. He got some therapy (free through ECI) and it fixed him lickety-split. All of this time he was actually saying words but his tongue could not make some sounds so he was substituting different sounds.
Good luck. Call ECI and talk to your pedi about your concerns...

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T.E.

answers from Houston on

I think your son(s) act like normal two year olds. 1 is just a little more advanced than the other, and that is the way children are.

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J.K.

answers from Mansfield on

I agree with Kate! But also, are there other kids about his age you are around? Maybe your one son is advanced and the one you are concerned with is normal. He may have a hearing problem leading at a speech problem and not all kids are affectionate.
Hope this helps:)

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P.B.

answers from Houston on

I understand where you are coming from as far as comparing kids. I look at my 3 year old and compare him to my nephew which is the same age. I would take him to the doctor to have the issue addressed or have him tested. It would ease your mind to know nothing is wrong with him istead of someting being wrong with him. It won't hurt to have him tested.

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B.K.

answers from Austin on

C., Everyone has a different opinion but my opinion is to have him tested as soon as possible. Not because I feel like something is definitely wrong (it could very well be that your other child is just more advanced and they have different personalities). Only because I am not a "wait and let's see" sort of gal. I'm glad that is the case because I noticed some minor but odd behavior with my 3 year old (he's 5 now). Turned out he has Sensory Integration problems and speech articulation problems. I would have never guessed he had a speech problem, had they not told me. He talked so much that I thought everything was just dandy. Anyway, early intervention is the key! I started him in Occupational Therapy at 3. He was in for less than a year and I saw HUGE improvements. We have also discovered some other problems (wheat intolerance and a vitamin deficiency) that would have never been treated had I not gone with my gut and uncovered every rock, so to speak! Here are some options you have. ECI PRIDE will evaluate him for free until the age of 3. Just Google it. You can also have him tested through the school district. Or, if you are insured or can afford it, go to a private facility. If you are in Austin, Milestone's Therapy is great. These are good places to start and these people will let you know if you need to take it further, like a neurologist, for example. It doesn't sound like anything too serious but if something seems just a little off to you, have it looked at right away. Like I said, treatment now is the absolute best thing for him (if he needs it, that is). I think it is the age of 4 when the brain is fully developed. Oh, I would definitely have his hearing tested as well!!! The district can do that, I think. If you go through ECI or privately, you will need to take him to a pediatric ENT to be tested.

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N.S.

answers from Houston on

It may not be autism - it may be frustration on his part by not being able to communicate like he would like to be able to.

Based on his age, you may want to contact ECI - Early Childhood Intervention - and speak with them regarding your concerns and if they would be able to help you. If they get involved it would most likely be on the occupational side of things.

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C.S.

answers from Victoria on

I was having these issues with my daughter at that same age and really was looking into getting her checked when she began to run a low grade fever and when I took her in, we were forced to see a different physician and that Dr. decided to irrigate her ears as she was having a hard time seeing into the canal well. I explained that our regular Dr. says the same thing and had explained that she just developed lots of wax. Well, they irrigated and you can not imagine what came out of my baby's ears!!! It was a large black nasty ball of wax and dried skin. Lots of gunk was behind that and about 2 weeks after, she became the most talkingest child. Was much more alert and just excelled in learning & speech. She is now 4 and is beginning to read. This may be the case as well with yours. Get those ears checked first thing. Good Luck.

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L.M.

answers from Houston on

They are twins, but they are also two people, so they are not going to be the same. However, I would have him checked by the pedi. If there is a problem with hearing (could be why he is having trouble vocalizing) or a form of autism, early intervention can lead to great advancement in the future. What I'm saying is, if he needs help, it's better to start it now than when he is ready to start pre-k or kinder and is already significantly behind.

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R.D.

answers from Houston on

I have 10 year old twin girls. I think they develop at different rates. I would give it a bit longer. My son didn't say hardly anything until he was about 2 years and 3 months. He is now 13 and is a GT student with all A's

Maybe have his hearing checked. That could be the problem with the speech.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Stop compareing the two. You can do much harm doing this. Even tho they are twins, always remember that they are individual people with their own personalities. Some people are not as demonstrative as others and don't show affection openly. When he rubs your arm, rub his back, give him lots of hugs and always tell him you love him. He may become more affectionate as he gets older, but don't expect it and don't make an issue of it. As for the speech, have him checked out by a professional. It may be that he lets his brother do all the talking for him.

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E.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Don't worry!! An easy and fail-proof way to check on his progression and set your mind at ease is to call your local ECI program (early childhood intervention). there are 3 here in San Antonio. (Easter Seals for NW, Brighton for NE and SW and Paces for SE) ###-###-#### is Brighton's number and they can direct you to which one you are located near. This is a government mandated program, every zip code in Amercia has one to turn to. They will come out to your home or day care and meet with you and your son and do a developmental assessment with him and let you know if there is any need for concern. If there is, they will keep coming and meet with you until things are running smooth or until he is 3 y.o. which ever is first. OH- and it's FREE!!!!! Unless you decide to get the on-going services, then it is a CHEAP sliding scale based on income and monthly expenses... ASWESOME!!!! HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!

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C.B.

answers from Austin on

Just because they were born at the same time does not mean they will develop at the same pace. My oldest son was the mouth of the south by the time he was 11 mos. The youngest just flat out would not speak unless it was dire until he was 3 years old. He was checked out and given a clean bill of health. He just wasn't ready to speak to the world yet. He was watching everything. Your twins obviously have an affectionate relationship so I would not worry. Have him checked and if the Doc says he is ok then you just have to be patient. Mine was just stubborn about it. The more I wanted him to talk to me the more he resisted and then would use grunts to communicate. He is quite obstinate now at 6. CB

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P.D.

answers from San Antonio on

I would have your son tested for speech immediately. Because if he is a little behind you can usually get free speech therapy from the state. But this is only a possibility before the age of 3. Once he's 3 you have to pay for it. So, I'd check into it ASAP. When it comes to being affectionate I wouldn't worry too much. If he's affectionate with his brother then he obviously doesn't have problems with it. But, if your concerns continue then have him tested for autism. If nothing else, it can rule it out. Good luck and I hope everything goes well.

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A.H.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Fraternal twins will develop at their own pace. It helps to get a dispassionate observer to judge IMHO.

I think most states have some form of Early childhood intervention services. In Texas http://www.dars.state.tx.us/ecis/index.shtml You could probably check with the state agency that deals with disabilities to find out what your comparable program is called.

They will evaluate a child and see if he/she is on track developmentally. I had one twin who seemed to lag his brother and had them both evaluated (for free since they were "high risk" as premies). It turned out that one was ahead of developmental norms and the "slow" one was actually right where he should be.

You can also ask your pedi, but mine was so rushed he just handed me some papers on developmental milestones that were so broad as to be meaningless. It took a while to schedule the ECI evaluation, but the worker who came out spent several hours on the evaluation and it gave me a lot of confidence that her assessment was correct. If they had found something noteworthy I would have been eligible for physical/occupational therapy services through them, until the boys started school.

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C.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi C., first off, kudos for being alert. Trust your instinct. My children were not twins but very close in age. The older outgoing as you describe and the younger child, bright eyed but very still and made little to no sound or babbling. My pedi said I was an anxious mother and I was comparing different personality types. All I could think was that something didnt feel right, but I couldnt put my finger on it. Each time I took him in--ear infections galore--pedi said child was healthy. At 8 mo old I insisted that he have special testing. We were referred to the Bluebird Clinic at Texas Childrens Hospital in Houston where they did a barrage of tests. His last scheduled test revealed that he was profoundly deaf. He had tubes put in his ears--not so common 30yrs ago. The surgeon said the fluid was tarlike and had we waited it would have solidified and DS would have had permanent hearing loss. He was one year delayed in learning and caught up over time.

I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with your son, only to underscore trusting your instinct. The sooner a challenge is detected, the sooner it is addressed. HTH

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