Twos How Do You Know?

Updated on July 06, 2009
A.C. asks from Greensboro, NC
7 answers

My daughter is 22 months old. She is starting to be a handful. She has started say, It's mine, I want that, over and over again. She will not give you anything I don't want her to have. And has started taking her aggresstions out on Mommy, biting, hiting,and pinching. She starts school in Sept. I take her on walks and go to the park and we have a little pool to play in. I think it would do her good to have a playmate but her little friend moved to Alaska. My mom recently passed away, so I have little advice. PLEASE HELP.

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H.K.

answers from Huntington on

ELIZA... clearly, she's asking for ADVICE and how to handle this situation with her daughter. Are you blind or just extremely RUDE?!? Sheesh!
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Hi A.! My son is 24 months old and going through pretty much the same thing. He's been really difficult lately and especially with his little friends: not wanting to share, hitting, biting, pinching. I think it's just this age, Terrible Two's! I really like the advice you received about time out. I'm going to give that a try! Hope it works :)

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A.C.

answers from Charlotte on

Well I'm going to be unpopular and say,

#1 Don't read books on raising children because each child is an individual and need to be discipline as an individual.

#2. Hitting, biting, pinching, and being awful is a phase but you should nip it in the bud very quickly. You do this by being consistent in your discipline. I believe in giving one warning to bad behavior. If they continue it's immediate discipline. I put my 14 month old in time out. He has a chair that he sits in for 2 minutes. I stand behind him and make him face the corner and keep his hands in his lap. He cries for the entire two minutes because he's still young yet to realize what timeout is but he knows what is allowed and not allowed. After time out I tell him "no hitting. It's a no, no". He is usually a perfect child for the rest of the day. Your daughter is trying to see what she can get away with. She is waiting to see how authoritative you will be with her. If she bites, tell her no biting. If she does it again, put her in time out. Enforce timeout. Many parents will say that timeout doesn't work but it does if you enforce it. Be consistent. If she continues to bite after timeout then the discipline should be a little more strict. Pop her on the bottom (I pop the leg because they can't feel through the diaper). Get down on her level, never pick her up and bring her to you. Down on her level with a stern voice, tell her no biting and let her go. It will work if you are consistent and stick to it. Otherwise she will continue to do this until she gets bitten by another child. Good luck

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B.L.

answers from Jacksonville on

The best book in the world for you would be Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond. You'll turn her completely around if you do what he says. It's a fun read, too, and he makes sense. Sorry about your mom! You can find the book on amazon.

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T.C.

answers from Knoxville on

Is she talking clearly enough to tell you what she wants? It sounds like the behavior may be signaling frustration. Is she getting enough sleep and enough outdoor playtime?

If she needs help communicating, you could teach her some sign language to help out in that area. We found it does not hinder a child in any way, in fact it can help them.

If she isn't getting enough physical exercise it could make her behavior be as described. More exercise wears a child out and makes them sleep better and not have the energy to be unkind to you.

I hope you find some helpful suggestions. Post again if you continue to have difficulty. My sympathy to you on the loss of your mother. Was your daughter close to her? Could she be reacting to this loss as well?

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P.B.

answers from Raleigh on

It is likely to be a developmental stage. I was shocked when I lost my children to the monster they became for a few months... My freinds with older kids assurred me I would see my lovely children again. It does not last forever.

However, in the meantime-
I have recommended this book over & over. It has been so helpful to me & to others I know:

"How to behave so your Pre-schooler does too" by, Sal Severe

You should be able to get it from the library. It is an easy read, offers support & reminders of stuff we might already know. Sometimes just tweaking what we already do makes a world of difference.

Good Luck!

P

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S.S.

answers from Raleigh on

A., you are going to have to find a time out system that works for you. For us it started as a minute for each age. We did not have a specific spot because we wanted him to learn a timeout can happen ANYWHERE, not just at home, in, his room, on his bed. I will timeout my son in the grocery store leaned up against the aisle if I have to. We would tell my son he was on timeout for not listening. We did not stress the negative behavior or bring attention to it. (say hitting, throwing) At the end of 1 minute we would make him sign sorry and we would tell him he has to say sorry and he has to listen to mommmy/daddy. By doing this we inforced good listeniing habits and now at 2 1/2 we only have to ask him if he would like a timeout or would he like to listen to solve things. He's smart enough to listen up quickly. We get complemented all the time on how well his behavior is. It did take a lot of work in the beginning, but pays off down the road.

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C.K.

answers from Charlotte on

First of all, I am so sorry to hear you just lost your mother. How hard that must be. Secondly, as others have mentioned, your daughter is going through a normal stage. This is a crucial time in developing her and helping her to be a disciplined person. When she acts out, encourage her to use words to express what she is trying to say. If she cannot, then ask lots of questions so you can understand what is agitating her. Make sure she is getting plenty of outdoor playing time as well as some social time. When it comes to bad behavior, put your foot down. If she throws a tantrum, let her know that is a poor choice of behavior and walk away. If she bites or hits, discipline her right away and be firm. Kids learn quickly. Good luck. Enjoy her as she starts to grow into her future self and count yourself blessed as getting to be the one to help her get there.

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