UGH! Bridezilla Jr Maybe?

In my world what the bride demands the bride pays for. If she wants a say in the hair she needs to cough up bank!

I actually paid for everything: Bridesmaid dresses/ tux rentals/ hair & makeup. I understand it's customary for the wedding party to pay for their own clothes... but it just seemed insane for me to say "Thou shalt pay to be in my wedding."

I asked my brides maids if they wanted to come to the hairdresser with me, but how they wore their hair and makeup was entirely up to them.

I had a friend who did this. I was in her wedding (3000 miles away, so I was already paying for hotel and plane tickets). She chose a $500+ bridesmaid dress - with the logic that it was a cute dress that we could wear again. (For the record, I've never worn it again.) $250 shoes were then ordered. And then I got there the day before the wedding to find out that she had hired her stylist to come do our hair, and a makeup artist. I assumed that she was paying for that since no mention was made of it beforehand - WRONG! This stylist did my hair in a way that I hated and thought looked ugly (basically flat-ironed my already stick-straight hair), and then demanded $60 for his services. The makeup artist did a great job, but no better than I would have done myself, and again, I was expected to cough up $60 for that. So at the end of the day, between my dress, hair, makeup, shoes, and my husband's tux (it was a formal wedding at night, so black tie was required), and then the plane tickets, cab fare, and hotel, we spent $2500 on this wedding at a time when we really couldn't afford to do so. And then the bride was mad later because I didn't buy her a big enough gift! UGH! I realized at that point that if this was who my "friend" really was, then maybe she was not a real friend.

I would suggest that Jane tell Bridezilla that $60 hair is not an option, and that you will do it for free. If the bride doesn't like it, she can pay for Jane's hair to be done. End of story! Don't go broke over someone else's wedding. It's not worth it!

As a bride who had an economical wedding I find today's wedding party financial requests to be outlandish and ridiculous. So no, I personally would not have been insulted, but then I would never make such expensive demands, either. To me, it's always been about the meaning of the day (marrying your best friend) and not how much money is spent to achieve it.

The bride should be paying for the hair & make up for ALL of her wedding party!

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1. Don't know, but don't care. My answer is someone should not be expected to go broke over someone else's wedding.

2. No, I wouldn't be offended at all, but I am a reasonable person.

Jane simply needs to tell her, I can't afford the $60 for the hair, so would you mind if my friend did it? If the bride(zilla) doesn't like that, she can pay for the hair herself.

Can't hurt to talk to her about it.....I personally would just say, I have my own hair stylist that I would like to use. You don't have to say that it is you.....LOL

When I got married, we paid for the tuxes, bridemaid dresses, flower girl dresses, and such. I they had to pay for them (b/c of the location), we gave the money back to them. We had my aunt do our hair and make-up so that was free. I actually have never heard of the bridemaids or groom men paying for thier own clothes. That just doesn't sound right to me. I think in todays age, everyone has to watch thier money. The bride needs to consider her bridesmaid situation and if she wants it a certain way then she should pay for it. JMO

Wow...I cannot imagine a bride spending that kind of money of tuxes, dresses etc without consulting the people in the bridal party!!! Maybe because my daughter was a struggling college student when she got married, she really was very careful about the dresses and such that she picked out.It sounds like it is too late to expect the bride to do that...so I would certainly not feel badly about telling her that "I have my own hair stylist" and not participate in the group hair styling party. If she is upset...oh well...she will get over it.

My bridesmaids paid for their own hair, that was their choice. They had the option to do it themselves or to have it done. That's how it was with my family and friends who got married. As for makeup, they all did their own and I didn't care. If I was told that hair and makeup appts were set for me, I'd assume they were paid for.

I wouldn't be offended, but I'd like to consider myself an easy bride. I did want matching bridesmaids dresses ($110), but they could wear their own shoes, do their own hair and makeup, and I bought their jewelery.

I think the official word is that if the bride is mandating professionally done hair/make up, then the bride should pay. If it's not a bridal mandate, then your friend should not be required to spend the money and can do her own hair/make up. That's the etiquette but the beauty salon thing should be a fun event to participate in so with the bride already requiring expensive dresses, I think it would be nice if she picked up the tab at the salon so everyone could participate.

I'm totally out of the 'bride' loop, as I eloped the first time around and then the second was totally low budget. I'm the kind of person who was just grateful that my friends came to spend the time with us. I was *not* one of those girls who grew up dreaming about my wedding day, ha ha.:)

That said, while I can't say what is 'customary' ( I was in my sister's wedding, but she did cover the beautician and dress costs, perhaps because I'm family?) , I would suggest feeling the bride out about her intention. She might have thought the hairstyling would be a bonding moment and would want to know that this was beyond what some could afford. Me personally, I would be grateful for everyone to do what best worked for them. Then again, I'm not a stickler for formality in this area. I'll be interested to see what others have to say.

I cannot imagine expecting my bridal party to wear their hair a specific way! I found the dresses (on sale!!) and they bought their dresses and silver shoes (of their choice). They wore their hair the way they wanted and whatever they wanted to do with their make-up was up to them. I bought them all matching necklaces and earrings. That was it.

I have been in wedding parties before where the bride requested we wear certain shades of make up/nail polish, and even where the bride has requested the bridal party to wear certain styles of hair...but never have I heard of a Bride that insisted it be done at a particular shop! I do not see how it is an imposition on the Bride what so ever if the bridesmaid found a budget friendly version. The only thing I can think of is sometimes a shop will give discounts if everyone in the wedding party is getting their hair done at the same time? Still seems a bit much, weddings are expensive and $60 for hair and make up while maybe reasonable for some is pricey for others. Good luck, so kind of you to offer to assist.

I think its "customary" when asking someone to be in their wedding to tell them FIRST what is expected and what THEY have to pay for, then that person can make a reasonable decision on if they can participate or not. I would tell Jane that she needs to tell bridezilla that she didn't know she was expected to pay for hair and that she didn't budget for it but will have it "professionally" done. She doesn't know it will be you doing it! Good luck!

1. yes
2. she should tell the bride she is already stretched and would like to do her own hair. I did for a wedding I was in recently. The bride was sympathetic and offered to pay for it. If the bride insists, Jane can make it her wedding present to the bride.

The first question is ...yes it is customary to have the bridesmaids pay for their own hair and makeup, but it is not manatory to go to the salon for the hair appointment. I actually asked all my bridesmaids if they wanted to do it and they said yes. I really didn't have a problem if they didn't want to spend on their hair. However, my matron of honor surprised me by paying for my hair and makeup, which was a lovely surprise.

I have been in a wedding where the Bride had someone come and do our makeup and hair and yes, we paid for it. I think it sucks, but if you are in the wedding that is pretty much what you sign up for. Talk to the bride and see what she says about doing it yourself!

In all the weddings I have been in I paid for my own dress, Etc. One time the bride offered up front to pay for our hair to be done. For my wedding I tried to find reasonably priced dresses, they could wear their own shoes, and I tried to find decent priced salons. Everyone in my bridal party wanted to get their hair done, so I made appt for all of us and set it up, but I let them know the cost of each thing before hand. (I did not pay for their hair) We also got our nails done the day before for a bridal luncheon instead of a bachelorette party. Again, I told them the prices but they paid for what they had done. These added expenses weren't expected of them but it was more of a way to celebrate and have a little get together before all the chaos ;) I did some of their makeup and I bought them each a necklace, earrings, bracelet and makeup. To me if you are asked to be in someones bridal party, you have the option to say no if it will not work out financially. Also, if you are special enough to be a part of someones wedding then they should be understanding and you can tell them that you will not be able to afford to get your hair done for $60. So, if your friend truly cannot afford the $60 (which is fairly reasonably priced) Then she should just be upfront with the bride and tell her she already had arrangements for her hair to be done and had not budgeted for the added expense. Good Luck! :)

I was in 10 weddings prior to my own and I think we were only 'scheduled' for hair once.... and the mother of the bride paid.

It really depends how young the bride is.... I found in the early years (20') the bride dictated everything down to what earrings as well as if the hair should be up or down. Older brides (and this is just a generalization so no jumping on me young brides!!) seem to be a lot more laid back and reasonable about things.

If she truly is a bridezilla I would give the hair salon a 48 hours notice that you were not going to make it and tell the bride that something came up w/ her son and she can't do it. You can't reason w/ a bridezilla.... so sometimes yo just need a little white lie.

Victoria T.......WRITE A BOOK....You are a good example. Hope you had a beautiful wedding and all is well.

Blessings.......

It's really sad when a friend turns into Bridezilla. It's happened to me a few times. I think that your friend should not have her hair done if she doesn't want to. More importantly she shouldn't feel guilty. It sounds to me as though she has discovered that this "friend" isn't really a friend at all. When I was married, I told each bridesmaid just to select any dress that they wanted to wear, as long as it was black. The wedding party looked fantastic, with each bridesmaid feeling good about being in the wedding! I didn't require special shoes or anything, and I think I just bought each bridesmaid earrings to wear at the wedding. One bridesmaid who couldn't afford to stay in a hotel stayed at my house. I am still on very good terms with each bridesmaid. It sounds as though this bride is into short term wedding day happiness at the expense of longterm friendship. Very sad.

I paid for bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, jewellery and the groomsmen's outfits at our wedding. Whenever I have been a bridesmaid (except at my sister's wedding), I have had to pay for my outfit, but not the hair and makeup. My opinion is, if it's your wedding, and you're choosing the outfits, then you should pay for it. I didn't mind how my bridesmaid's wore their hair. They all ended up looking beautiful.

I think that usually the bride lines up someone to do hair/makeup and then lets the BM know about it and the cost so they can choose whether or not to do it. And as a bride I never would have been offended at a bridesmaid doing a more budget-friendly option, but that's just me (I also told my BM to wear any black dress they wanted, so I was pretty low key about that stuff). The real question is what options does your friend have at this point. I think she should tell the bride she can't afford the hair appointment but here are some options for the bride to choose from: 1) have this bridesmaid step down from being in the wedding; 2) allow BM to stay in wedding and have you do her hair (or any other free option); 3) bride can pay for the hair appointment. I like to be very kind but direct and it usually works very well for everyone.