Update on My DRAMA! and What Should I Think About?

I think you can stop calling him DH now.

other than that it sounds like you are doing everything right.

First of all, and I don't say this to be unkind, but I think you need to start calling a spade a spade. Your husband is an ABUSER. He's abused you, he's abused your kids. "Drama" implies over-reaction that is not particularly necessary--this situation is ANYTHING but drama-it's reality.

I also think you need to get an attorney--yesterday.

Call a womens shelter. They can get you a pre-paid cell phone for calling 9-1-1 in an emergency.
O. thing I thought about was to notify your workplace, the kids' schools, their daycare providers, etc. that if they SEE him near those locations, they are to call the police immediately.

You need short term plans and long term plans for you & your kids.

Here's an article that may provide some other things to think about & address:

http://divorcedwomenonline.com/2010/08/17/how-to-leave-an...

Google "How To Leave An Abusive Husband" and you will get ALL KINDS of information.

Best of luck!

Denise is right. Time to follow the advice of the pros for all the steps to take. You have been a little slow to react-and I agree, "drama" implies it's sort of light. So get the professionals to guide you and DO WHAT THEY SAY.

I think you need someone to be staying with you guys (you don't say where you are-hopefully people are there) so you are not alone if anything happens. And if the kids have to travel alone at all-on their way to a school bus or something, make sure they are escorted by you and that friend, or even just the friend. Your husband is very angry at you right now, and cannot be trusted at all to behave around you.

If you're not at your house, and you need something from your house, send other people for it, don't go yourself, or at least bring several people with you if you have to go, and not the kids.

Just keep the kids safe. "Dealing with it" will come later and be a long process.
Keep us posted and stay strong. DO WHAT THE PROFESSIONALS SAY.

If you have a job make sure he isn't following you home from work. If you believe you are being followed, don't go home. Go to a police station or a convenience store and ask to use a phone to call 911. To see if you are being followed, make a couple of turns if the car follows through the turns go to a safe place with lots of people around. If there are people in the parking lot roll down the window and ask for help, tell them you think you may be being followed and ask if they will call 911 for you. Either stay in the car, door locked windows up, until a police officer gets there or go into the store and wait.
About the cell phone many cell companies offer a Lifeline service for low income people. I got my first cell phone through US Cellular as a Lifeline phone. It's not a lot of minutes and the phones don't have many bells and whistles but it's a cell phone. Also Cell phones have a GPS locator in them, make sure that is set to 'on'. If someone reports you as missing it is one way the police or other law enforcement agency can find you.
Also many shelters have donated cell phones, even if the service is off you can dial 911.
PM me for more ideas.

Sadly, now that you are gone you cannot really go back to your house for awhile. I would suggest you prepare your children for the fact that they might not have lots of their 'stuff' again. If he is as bad as it sounds then he would be waiting for you to go back home restraining order or not. That is on paper. Do you have any pets or anything needing watering? I don't know how anyone else will get in there either as he could follow them. I have been in your shoes, and the thing I did was to move to an apartment small as could be but at least it was ours.It was on the poor recommendation as a lawyer but it turned out alright. As far as the restraining order, you have to be consistent in recording and reporting everything. Do not leave anything available for him to see, like papers on the front seat of the car or notes(you will probably go somewhere at some point) and be really certain someone is your friend and protector before you divulge your whereabouts, etc as sometimes these people will betray you. People start taking sides and do not know what happened within the four walls of your home. Or like my ex husband he sounds like he is also able to cover up pretty good so that no one thinks he did anyone bad. Be careful and do not become another statistic. We are all praying for you.

You should be very proud of yourself for finding the courage and strength to do what a lot of women are scared to do. You left. It is so sad to see what you are going through and know that other women are going through the same. Its heartbreaking. But you did what is best for you and your children and you should feel good about that. I like the rest of the posts wonder if your children may try and call or contact their father. You have to tell them and stress that its very dangerous for all of them if they do this. You seem to have a pretty good lockdown on everything and for someone to leak even the slightest information would be awful. I would even think about changing the children's schools as sad as it would be but it would be the safest, cause then he cant be sitting outside watching for them. And if he is trying to do that, then there is a chance that he might try and talk to the kids and try to get them on his side. Scary.

The least amount of people who know where you are, what you are doing, and the aspects of your new life the better for now, until things settle down. So please be very careful about who you trust and tell things to.

Also like the others, write down everything that seems odd to you, or out of place, things that he has done, or anything like that. Documentation is a must have thing in these situation so be as detailed about it as possible too.

As for a phone, a prepaid is the way to go for sure. Walmart carries so many different ones that are cheap to choose from. DO NOT get a phone plan for now, he could track that too. So just get a prepaid for now.

Also was just thinking about your bank account. Does he have access to it? I wouldnt think or at least hope so... If you have any credit cards that are shared or have his name on them get rid of them. He can track you on your purchases too. Anything that is linked to him in one way or another I would get rid of just to be sure.

I wish you and your children all the best and hope that you stay safe. Please update us again in awhile to just see what's been going on and that you are still doing okay.

Best wishes! Be strong, and dont forget that time heals all. This too shall pass!

I am so proud of you and all that you have accomplished in the past few days! It is so hard to take those first steps! Way to go! I would love to copy and paste this as an example of how to succeed in leaving an abusive situation, please let me know if that is okay. I find this post to be very inspiring and would love to share it with some women I know that are in similar situations and are afraid.

I am wondering about the children going to school. What is the policy for this kind of situation at school? I would also work on that, or even think about a new school for them. I would also want to know about the older child's inclination to contact his father, which would be a natural reaction. And of course immediate counseling for the children would be beneficial. Also, you are probably eligible for a domestic violence grant from the state. I received one from the state when I had to leave an abusive situation when my daughter was an infant. It was my roommate who was abusive. The grant was enough for me to pay deposits and first/last months rent on a small apartment. I would contact human services and find out your options.

???Why did you erase the bulk of your post? I thought it was amazing!

i haven't read the other responses yet. but i wanted to suggest a phone carrier. T-mobile prepaid is pretty awesome. i went from verizon to prepaid. its $50 a month for unlimited talking and texting. the reception is pretty good around here at least, and they say nationwide its ok. if you decide to keep the phone for a while, you just go to the store and buy a card, or you can set it to draw the money from your credit card too. good luck with everything.

I was in your shoes at one time. My heart goes out to you, stay strong:) My advice for you is to keep a written log on him so that if he violates the personal protection order, you have the specifics (time, date, what he's doing, where, etc. for court purposes) and can get him for violations. It is also a good idea to keep a small camcorder to record his behaviors should they involve confrontations, that also helps in court. If he is a whack, you may also want to find out if you can have him committed to a mental institution so that he can get psychological help. Sometimes the police can help with that or community mental health in your county.

Sorry, I don't know much about cell phones.

Hope this helps,

M.

S.: good luck to you; my prayers are with you. Yes, I would definately cancel EVERYTHING that has your name on it with his; I wouldn't want him to start maxing out cards and blowing your credit or something and yes as someone says he can track you and what you're doing that way.
Do you have legal help? If you don't have a lawyer, get one. If you cannot afford a lawyer, go to Legal Aid and they will help you either pro bono, very discounted, or will take a fee once the settlement is cleared (talk to them and they will help you and tell you what will happen for your individual situation). You want legal assistance to guide you through this tricky time.
Take care, and know that you are doing a brave, good thing. My mom left my bio dad when I was 18 months old because she feared for our safety. I met him on my own when I was 19 yrs old and he was still the same. You deserve better than that, and so do your children.

Close all your credit cards and bank accounts (especially those he had access too) and open new ones. He could potentially track you through charges to bank and credit cards (this takes a bit more savvy, don't know how techy he is, but...) Plus it will make it harder for him to mess with your finances if he doesn't have info on them.

As far as for the kids, I know you have already been in contact with a women's shelter; I would suggest you ask them if they have any counseling available for kids. It'll give your guys a chance to work things out before they fester and come to a head. (Some kids never say or show anything but end up really bothered)

I will be praying for you. You need to be calling on God's strength and wisdom right now. I cant think of anything else you would need to think about. Pray with your children each night and pray for their father's safety and health. Thats all they need to know and hear. You are doing the right thing. Stop the cycle.

As far as the pre-paid phones go, I checked into alot of them. Tracfone was to expensive when you really add it up. Even tried Target. I ended up going with a T-Mobile phone, it is a Nokia phone I purchased for 19.99 from Radio shack and my pre-paid plan is only $30.00 a month through T-mobile, that gets me 1500 minutes and texting. All you do is reload the $30.00 every month an you are good to go.If you need more than that, for $50.00 a month, you get unlimited minutes.