Bring out your vents!!! Bring out your vents!!!
(Next Vent Collection Fh'ursday!)
Ahem. Monty Python is showing at the drive-in
So I need to vent, and grumpiness needs company :D
________
My son, all things considered, is doing phenomenally well.
Lots of behavior problems surrounding and ugly divorce and custody battle (domestic violence for those just starting).
Some behavior problems surrounding ongoing health issues.
So we spent last night in the ER (breathing, nothing hugely alarming, just wheezing not responding to his meds), but trek over to Childrens for more meds than I'm allowed to do at home, monitoring, some heavy hitters to go home with. Pretty normal business.
Except that I clean at night.
I clean in the daytime, too... But the stuff we messed up during the day. And then at night I clean up whatever we didn't take care of during normal chores.
So, today, my mum comes over and is fussing at me
1) that I have dishes on the counter/ haven't swept yet/ laundry to be done.
....Yeah. I know. We were in the ER last night. Remember?
Well you could have done them this morning.
...And yet, I chose not to.
2) Are you just going to let him (my son) use that tone of voice with you?
...I could ground him, but since you're here to pick him up, I'm guessing that maybe you'd rather I didn't.
Well does his guardian ad litem know he speaks to you this way?
... It's not really on her radar, mom, as it's not a big issue
Well, she should know he's being disrespectful
... Mum. He's grumping about having to take a shower, but he's taking his shower. This is NOT an issue. Screaming at me that I'm a C word A word Wh word and a lazy B word IS on her radar.
So she knows his father calls you this things?
... Of course.
Well not "Of course!" & he needs to be spoken to about his tone.
Deep Breath.
He's mostly just needing his inhaler, mum... He gets cranky when it wears off. I can make this a big deal, and he'll lash out instead of grumping, and end up grounded...or just let it self resolve in 15 minutes when he takes his meds. Which is what I'm currently choosing to do. Right now he's doing what he's told, just with poor grace. I'm not choosing this battle, because it's just a smaller part of a large problem. I HAVE to deal with the larger ones, I'm choosing to bypass this one, at this time, right now. For several reasons.
---
My mum is an amaaaaazing woman, and one of my best friends... Who was probably just having a bad morning. The same way I am, and the same way my son was.
I'll let this go. But man oh man BAD TIMING.
I'm ALREADY not happy about this tone of voice (better than the swearing and tantrums I know he WANTED to be doing right then), I hate when my house is messy/ yes I DO know I need to spend an hour straightening up, Im tired from the ER, Im tired of a sociopathic ex who keeps using our son as a weapon, I'm tired of people who belive him, im tited of not getting a paycheck, im tired of dropping balls i have in the air, I'm just TIRED... But LAWD.... Do I hate being fussed at.
I'm WORKING on the rest. But sakes alive, being fussed at just gets under my skin.
ROFL...It's like people are throwing straw at my camel!!!
No! (Insert movie slowed voice here) Nooooo-ahhhhhh-oooooooh-oooooooo! Don't do it! Her baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.....
Oy.
Next time she comes over have an episode of Hoarders ready on the DVR. Ask her to please sit for a moment while grandson gets ready. Tie her to the chair(if needed) and make her watch Hoarders. Always makes my house look much cleaner, instantly!!
Good Lord, send her over to MY house, she'll stroke out in an instant.
But she's just trying to make "regular" conversation during not-so-regular times, I think. Perhaps that's what she uses to cope when her baby (you) is struggling.
:)
Oh Dear R., if I lived anywhere near you I would come over bearing a big pot of soup (weird in the summer but good anytime) and clean your house for you while you soaked in a bubble bath with a glass of wine.
Instead, I send you many hugs and words of encouragement.
You are strong woman and this too shall pass.
Mwah!
Hey R.!
Sending ((((HUGS)))).
Divorce is a process...a L O N G
and grueling one...for all involved.
Take a deep breath
(and perhaps a LARGE glass of wine ;)....
And 'soldier' on!
Sending peaceful and healing thoughts your way!
Michele/cat
Yep, sounds annoying, especially when you want to go "yes, I have eyes and ears, thank you." I'm having some issues with my little one right now, and my mom launched in this morning about how she's so concerned about the things that are happening. I've spent a lot of time and tears on it and am having a really hard time finding the right way to advocate for my child. The last thing I needed today was my mom -- who I adore -- unloading her worries about it onto me when I'm doing the best I can. I finally gave the exasperated "I know, mom! I don't needed added worry about this...I can't control this issue, and you're stressing me out!"
I think we need to adopt the mantra: "Mom, I love you and value your opinion. Please remember that I'm also an adult and doing the best I can."
Hey R.....
I'm sorry. That's a lot to deal with.
She can come over to my house and see my disorganized family room (my men are playing D&D).
Deep breath mama!! Deep breath!!!
I hope your son is doing better today!!
Oh gaawd... I am PMS'ing, supposed to have a play date today and a sleep over for my kids. It was planned since 2 weeks ago! NOW... Their kid is sick, so it was cancelled. MEANWHILE, I had ALREADY gotten the food/snacks/games for the day and night for my kids and their friends and cleaned the house. When it was cancelled, TODAY.... my daughter CRIED and was SOOOOOO fussy and bummed over it. And our vehicle is in the shop because it is having major mechanical problems. Our ONLY vehicle mind you. So we got a loaner etc. And I am sooooo tired/sleepy/ and irritable as it is... and my kids were calling me like every 5 seconds for whatever. And Hubby is doing NOTHING... except trying to design some game app on the computer. And complaining to me that the kids are BORED so I need to do something. BUT, I have been home with the kids for the past several weeks, (its summer and they are not in any programs right now), EVERYDAY for 15 hour stretches straight at a time until they go to bed... and I am BURNT out. Like all day everyday, I AM doing things with the kids and cleaning and cooking and doing everything. And Hubby thinks I am doing "nothing".... but I am. EVEN if I am wiped out and so not having even an iota of energy or drips of patience, left.
OMG.
Talk about fussy.
Me.
Hang in there! No, she should not have said all those things. Who knows what she was thinking at the time but I am sending hugs your way. Please keep taking steps forward. You are wise to choose your battles. When you are a single mom you can't tackle every battle - it is not physically or mentally possible. I tell anyone who criticizes that I am in it for the marathon not the race of the day.
PS - I have loads of dishes in my sink today and its just a regular day....they'lll get done next time I am not exhausted. Hmmmm......that could be never ;) Really, hang in. You are a strong woman and next time perhaps tell your mom that if she thinks the dishes should be done, here's the palmolive ;))
mothers. they sure know how to push buttons, don't they? i guess that's what they get for knowing us so well.
my mumsie (who is actually my evil step-mum but i've had her for over 40 years) has a tone that just sets my teeth on edge. especially when it sounds (and is) critical of my kids. i've spent years of my life fuming inside over it, and occasionally snarling at her.
since we just got a diagnosis of stage IV i'm finding it much easier to overlook the occasional tone.
i'm sorry you have so much to cope with. i hope your mom gets over her snit soon and just helps.
khairete
S.
I'll take your word for it that she's an amazing woman, and a best friend, but I think it would be nice if she just helped you out.
Hugs to you R..
I don't have nearly the load on my plate that you do, and my house looks like a tornado hit it. I've neglected housework due to prepping for a garage sale-- it was a bad day here, salewise-- made about $50. I am sure I put more time into the sale than I was 'paid' for.
If it's any consolation, you are a very funny, very good writer. I always enjoy your posts. Perhaps something good (like a book or graphic novel) could come out of this current misadventure of yours? ;) Keep writing ... 'throwing straw at my camel'-- what a wonderful line.
I think I love you.......... and we should be BEST friends! <3 :)
I know this will get better for you. It HAS To. (I keep telling myself that, and in turn I am hoping my own "personal drama is going to get better as well, as I sit here waiting with a knot in my stomach for my 2 youngest kids to be returned to me from a 2 day visit with their biological "father" or as I call him "donor father" as I type. UGH! I hope they had a good time and the reprogramming is minimal this time. Oh the joys................
Oh, dear R.!!! Hugs for this difficult time and for this particular day. I totally get the DV and sociopathic ex situation--- as if that isn't enough on your plate as it is. You say your mother is your best friend, etc. If so, I hope she was just having a bad day. I find that dealing with a sociopath ex who is the father of my child is so difficult that the people who are closest to me also get frustrated and have opinions and ideas of how I could better run our life together. Maybe your mom is just trying to come up with her own "solutions" the best way she knows how because she can't really fix it for you. You sound awfully patient and so adeptly word things with a sweet and humorous spin. Kudos to you. I hope you can have a heart to heart when the dust settles a bit with your mom so she can better support you. In the interim, hugs to you and please go easy on yourself. This is a difficult journey you are undertaking. Please know that you are not alone. Please feel free to email me offline. Take care!
You have a Drive-in movie theatre?
So Jell-O!!!
