Very Aggressive In-laws

The good news is, you are the parents and you can make the decision of who the kids see and who they don't. Any judge will understand that. Although Grandparents are an important part of children's life, you cannot put them in a dangerous situation. Personally, I would stay away. Good luck!

I worked as a law clerk for a Hennepin County Juvenile Court Judge from 2001 to 2006. During the time I worked for him, there were no legally recognized grandparent rights in Minnesota. I no longer work in this field, so you may want to check. But if you are afraid for you children's safety, and she starts harrassing you, you can get an order for protection against her. I hope it doesn't come to that point but if you don't want them to have contact with your children, that is YOUR right. You also have the right to set the terms under which you will allow contact. If it gets bad and you need an attorney, I do have friends who practice in family law and I can refer you.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, when you marry someone, you usually end up marrying the in-laws too.

Good luck.

If your story is only half true, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. It might even be good for your MIL if you went to court because they might force her to go get perfessional help or be evaluated before they allow visitation.

Good luck with this, I don't envy you at all.

I think now would be the perfect time to consult a lawyer. Keep the emails she has sent you and anything else that could document that they are unstable. Parental rights surpass grandparents but it is better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck!

I only have one other thing to add...and it's a morbid kind of thing, but. Make sure you keep records of the behavior, emails, etc, and keep them or reference their location in your will along with who you want to have custody. While you are alive, they can't touch your children. However, should something horrible happen, and you and your husband can't take care of your children, the grandparents get "first dibs" on custody. Hopefully, one of your siblings-in-law could come to your children's aid, but more documentation is always better than none.

Good luck!

It sounds like you are doing the best thing for your children. If she chooses to take you to court, so be it. It sounds like you'll have her other children on your side to act as character witnesses, were it to go to court. In the meantime, protect yourself by keeping a notebook with details on contact you've had with her. That way, you've got her behavior documented if she does pursue court.

Mental health is is grossly underlooked issue. One of my best friends has been working on a project for the past few years to bring awareness to it. Perhaps your husband could band together with his siblings and speak to her or their father about getting counseling for her.

My advice is to check into a counsler or therapist because even if your MIL does not go, the rest of you will need it. Check into getting legal advice and knowing what your rights are and what the grandparent rights are. They can be awarded one weekend a month visitation, however if you can prove that they are not able to care for the children then you reduce the chance of that happening. Although don't quote me on that. Definately get legal advice and possible therapy though. It will be a hard, rough road and hopefully everything will work out. Good Luck to you.

See if your sister-in-laws will testify on your side. Find everybody you can to testify about their character. Get a lawyer lined up too. I would not let my kids see them. If I do it would be supervised visitation with out bad mouthing or anger issues in front of the kids. Personally, I would shelter my kids from them and send pictures or video. It's sad to say because I'm sure they love them. Counseling won't help them unless they want it so hopefully a judge doesn't request that and allow them to see your kids. Side note. Maybe a restraining order would be good. That way it builds your case.

Sounds like you are dealing with some pretty serious mental illness. The choices you are making sound good to me. If your FIL is snatching your child out of someone's arms, he is obviously not stable and doesn't have the interest or safety of your kids in mind. I think the best thing for you to do is get your husband and yourself into counseling. Not because this is your problem, but because this kind of mental illness is worse than alcoholism and folks get really manipulative. You and your husband need all the help you can get not to be infected by their crazyness. Stick with your gut feeling. You are protecting your children and if they were adult enough to be with your children, they wouldn't be guilt tripping everyone and acting like 3 year olds.
Good luck. Dealing with mental illness is hard on everyone, but you don't need to take on their stuff. Sometimes the best thing, even though it's painful is to cut things off or limit them so that they can't damage anyone.
I wish you well.

Where I come from, grandparents have no legal guardianship rights and cannot "win" visitation custody in court. Their threats are empty, and even if you did go to court, I'm thinking all they'll end up doing is demonstrating their twisted personalities to the judge and making the courts act in your favor (unless they have legal counsel who prevents them from speaking at all, or who coaches them intensely on what to say).

I feel for you and your sisters-in-law.

Bottom line, no matter what you hear or read, is YOU ALONE must protect your children from these psychos, even if that means family discord. Nobody is more important than your children. If the grandparents start a war or cause other people grief as a result, that's just too bad. Your children need you to be strong here. Best wishes!! I have my own MOTHER to contend with, and I know it's painful to be in this type of situation.

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that you--and your kids--are having to deal with this. It sounds like she really does have some issues; in fact, the comments about needing to die before anyone can be happy sound a lot like my MIL, who was bipolar and had borderline personality. She was extremely manipulative and hard to deal with. I guess it was fortunate that she'd been "openly" sick for so long that my husband had found ways to deal with it long before we had kids. There were simply ground rules that she had to deal with if she wanted to deal with any of her children or grandchildren, like being respectfulof us when she was with us and agreeing to the setup beforehand. (She and my FIL were divorced, and holidays sometimes meant she had to leave by a specified time before he showed up, so sometimes she would have a bit of a tantrum about that. But she knew the family had agreed she could follow the rule or not be invited back.) I don't know that I have any advice beyond what you've received, other than to talk about it as much as you can with your husband and his family (especially his dad, if you feel comfortable; as her husband, he may have more understanding of the spot she's putting you in and more ability to talk to her). The more you can present a united family front, the more she will have to realize that if she wants any relationship with her grandchildren, it's going to have to be on your terms.

Good luck!

Depending on your health benefits, you may be able to visit with a psychologist with whom you could discuss this problem, and have the cost covered. They could provide you with some additional information regarding your IL's behavior and signs to watch for that might mean danger. They cannot give legal advice, but could point you in the right direction.

You may also want to contact a social services group such as the CAP agency. Again, they may not be the final person to talk to, but they have a lot of experience with domestic conflict and can point you in the right direction.

I have a similar situation with my own mother. The very best advice I received is WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. Start a journal or notebook where you date and detail each incident, the times they make inappropriate/frightening comments, and who was there (e.g., if she said these things to your children, or in front of witnesses). Be as precise as you can - if you remember the comment verbatim, quote it. If you heard from a second person (e.g., your husband told you something that was said to him) indicate that. And very importantly, write down anything you or others say to them as well.

This information will be very useful if there is ever any legal action on either of your parts, and/or if you do speak with a counselor, etc.

It was also very strongly recommended to me that I keep this notebook secret from my mother (you ILs, in this case) - that probably goes without saying, but it's important.

Hey,

I understand how frightened you must be, but I just wanted to let you know that your in laws don't have a case. A judge would just laugh in their face, or any attorney they try to hire. Grandparents don't really have the rights to demand visitation. As long as you are good parents, i.e. food, sheelter, and clothing, there is nothing a court can do. As far as the whole situation goes, it sounds like your MIL does need some mental stability and until she gets help, yoiu are right at keeping your children away. That's scary to them, they don't understand. Good Luck to you and I really hope it all works out.

I believe you have an absolute right to chooses who has access to your children, period. Grandparents have no rights, they are granted priviliges at the discretion of the parents. I feel for you, what a nightmare. Go with your mother's instinct, it is rarely wrong. She can try to take your to court. That is her right but she will almost certainly lose. When she finds out the cost of such an action, she may lose her desire.