Very Attached!

I had a similar problem with my son and was told by my Dr that you can't hold them too much. I'm with the person who suggested the Baby Bjorn, loved it! By the way, my son is 1 now and not clingy at all! He has the confidence to explore new things and doesn't mind going with other people.

Hi A.! My name is J. and I am 28 years old. My daughter was born on July 19th so I am a new mother too. The only advice that I can give you is the same advice that my sister gave to me. She is the mother of one, and he just turned three. I value her advice because she has done such a great job in the way that she has raised him. Her husband just returned from an 18 month tour in Iraq so she has had to do so much on her own. By the way, my husband told me the same thing that yours told you but for some reason I didn't listen to him. Probably because I felt a greater responsibility since the mother is the nuturer, I felt like I had to save her. I'm sure you get that. They are right though and I didn't listen until my sister told me the same thing. I know that it's hard and everyone says it but you just need to let them cry. Eventually they'll get it. My sister just came up to visit and she helped to get me through the guilt of letting her cry. It's like you literally need someone to stand there with you and tell you that it's okay to not pick them up. It doesn't make you a bad mother and they will not remember it anyway. We can be so hard on ourselves! My sister said as long as she is fed, burped and changed, then she is going to be fine. I started out with letting her cry for 5 minutes (which felt like forever) and then I worked my way up from there. I literally had to time it because I felt so bad but I got used to it. And so did she. They eventually find a way to sooth themselves. Eventually she got tired of crying and she fell asleep! I put her in her car seat and bring her in the bathroom when I shower and in the kitchen when I cook and sometimes she screams and cries but I still talk to her so she can hear my voice and she sees me there too. I know that she is not hurt and that she doesn't need anything so that's the way it has to be sometimes. We have things to do right!! I hope that even one sentence of my rambling helps you out. Believe me, I am in the same boat as you are. I am new at this too and I call my sister all of the time with questions and asking for advice. When you know someone with an awesome kid, you want to know what they did. I know that every kid is different but the parent needs to be in control. So much easier said then done right! I would love to hear how things are going with you. Good luck!

I have the same problem with my three month old!! Any advice I can use it too?!

Try a baby carrier that you can wear her. And don't worry about what your husband says about not to hold her-she's a baby!!! She's meant to be held.
You can get used baby bjorn's, or sling-type carriers on e-bay; they're relatively inexpensive there. check out thebabywearer.com for more info too.

by holding her close, you WON'T make her clingy, you'll actually create the opposite effect. she won't want to be held for too much longer, enjoy this time now!

My little girl (6.5 months) is also very clingy. We found that for other people to calm her down, it helped for them to take her on walks in the baby bjorn and later her stroller. Also, bouncing on a yoga ball helped her as well. I hear that the babies like the motion since they had that in utero. Our baby is still clingy, but she's getting better with other people. She's finally getting to the age where you can distract her with toys, keys, etc. and get her to stop crying before it gets bad.
Good luck!
C.

My daughter went through really clingy phases also (at 6moths, 9 months and 16 months) and wouldn't go to anyone, not even my husband. It was really draining because I felt like I had to do everything and couldn't get any help, so I was anxious to find a "cure". Don't worry....she'll get over it! My 2 year old now is so outgoing that she runs from me as soon as we get to the park to go find other "friends". I truly beleive there's nothing you can do to "cure" it. It's just a phase and she'll get over it soon. Soon enough you'll be longing for the days that she only wants you! Hang in there!

Hi, A.!

I had the same issue with my son, who is now six-and-a-half. I just went with it. I have friends who had their kids way sooner than I did, and what they said to me when I asked was that they wished they'd held their kids more - because now they don't get to so much.

So, I stopped fighting it.

I held my baby (usually in my arms, but sometimes in a sling or snuggly) whenever he wanted me to, and if I needed to set him down, I put him in an umbrella stroller right next to me and kept talking to him. When his Dad held him, I played peekaboo and would step out of the room and come right back, so he'd know I was coming back. I did the same thing with our friends.

It turned out well, because I got really sick (lupus) and ended up putting him in daycare for a couple of hours a day so that I could rest and deal with doctors. He was and is a happy, secure little boy. He's still very attached to me, and I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

My son went through this stage when he was younger for about 2 months. My daughter went through the same thing too for about 6 weeks I was the only one that could hold her and if I put her down she would scream. Unfortunately I don't think there's anything I can suggest. It just ended one day and my husband was allowed to pick her up and she started playing when I put her down. Hopefully your daughter will get over this too.

Wish I could offer you some help but hopefully it is just a stage like my kids went through.

A.,
I HEAR YOUR PAIN! And your story is exactly like mine, except I was working and tortured a child care provider for 6 months before waking up and realizing Maia just couldn't be without me. Not dad, not anyone but Mom was good enough for her. Check out www.askdrsears.com and read about high needs babies. You'll be incredibly relieved to know that Dr. Sears pinned your daughter's temperament. Then read about attachment parenting, and try it. Once you decide OK- I'm in for the long haul with this one, and allow yourself to do what your instincts tell you (HOLD HER!), you'll realize that it's all going to be ok! I bought slings and carriers and wore Maia while I did housework, went for walks, did what I needed to do. And when she slept, I showered. Or I brought her into the shower with me, no kidding. If you meet those intense needs now, she will be so much better off later. Maia is now 15 months, and very independent! She's also very intelligent and verbal. From being with me and all I do, she has spent the last year watching and learning about everything, and happily so. She also learned a lot of social cues from watching faces because she was up at eye level with so many people! Just reassure your husband that someday she'll come around to him, but for now she needs mom intensely. Maia is now a big time daddy's girl, and he's so happy! In the meantime, be sure to take snippets of time for yourself. I know how hard it is to be 24/7 with someone. Just enjoy this time with her- she'll be happier for it, and so will you! If you would like more info on carriers, Maia inspired me to open my own baby shop, and I can help there, too! Check out mamatoto.org or thebabywearer.com (those aren't my websites- just informational for moms and dads) for videos of moms wearing babies in different carriers, and feel free to email me if you have any other questions! I might recommend a mei tai for its ease of use, front and back carry, secure carries, you can nurse in them, and dad can wear it too! Blessings!