Was I Right to Confront Another Parent in Front of the Kids?

Parents can have confontations but don't do it in front of the kids. My oldest child is in prek and I have 3 others that have to tag along as well. Drop offs are pretty stressful for me because most of the time someone doesn't want to get out.
I've left the car door open at the grocery store and totally forgot but DID NOT do it to be rude or inconciderate. I would have been less than nice if you said "I can't open my door. You've blocked me." Why not an "excuse me".
People arent' out to sabotage you. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
She wasn't right with her reaction either. And hopefully she's questioning why it happened too! Just forget it and hopefully she did too!

Some people are RUDE and INCONSIDERATE, seen it just the other day in line at a store, a lady was trying to get passed another blocking the isle with her cart, and the lady refused to move it so that the lady to get to the next register. Made my blood boil and I wanted to say something in defense of the poor lady but didn't want to escalate the situation. We who watched the incident all just stood there and tsk tsk 'ed at the rude women and laughed. Some of us are just better human beings than others!

I agree 100% people seems to have no manners anymore, as a parent i always teach my kids because im also sick of rude and inconsiderate behavior.

A. why couldn't you just park at another spot since you saw her taking her time to get her kids out and close the door. I think you wanted to have a confrontation. Instead of blaming her for being inconsiderate, I would have been more considerate as a mother yourself and park somewhere else. Was it that important to get THAT spot? I think it is warranted that she started getting irritated. You can't control what people do, you can only control how you respond and what you do. Being a divorced M. and an attorney I would assume your job/life experiences influence how you react to situations, so you don't know what her situation could have been. Just like you were rushing, she could have other things going on in her mind as well. I think the time it took for you to wait forever being in a rush, you could have moved on and parked somewhere else and leave her alone even if you felt she was being rude. I am not being mean, just being objective and realizing you had a decision to make in the matter too.

No, I don't think you should have confronted her. She was there first and obviously having difficulty getting her two kids out. It is not her fault you were running late and were impatient. You have no idea what her morning was like, and you probably sent her over the edge. People talk about others being rude, where is compassion and patience for those who don't have it? Maybe you should have offered to HELP her instead of pointing out what she probably already knew. Show up on time next time, or get over it!

You could of saved yourself the hassle by just going around to the other side to get your daughter out. You already waited long enough to pull into the parking spot, then once parked decided to wait again. You could have avoided this confrontation, but you wanted that mom to know how much she offended you because you were inconvenienced, and so now you think your normal and she's not. You really don't know what that mom is dealing with in her life, maybe she was frustrated because of the kids, maybe she just lost her job, maybe she's in the middle of a divorce, or maybe she's got bill collectors on her back, who knows with this economy lately. People are suffering!

To answer your question yes you were wrong, you should have asked her if she needed some help?

Nat

I don't really understand your side of it. If the mom was on the other side, getting another child out, it sounds like it was the innocent child who opened her door and left it open. I'm sure the mom was not taking her sweet time on the other side of the car-- she was in some way probably struggling with a seatbelt harness or getting shoes on or whatever with the other child and was oblivious that her older child had her door in your way. You say that society is inconsiderate now, but it takes 2 to have an arguement. I can't understand why you couldn't have either closed that other door a little so you could get by, or said something to the mom across the SUV open door to her like, "Excuse me, but I can't get by-- do you mind if I close your door for a sec?" Yes, she over reacted and yes she was rude and said unnecessary, hurtful, ugly things-- but I don't think you did the right thing either.

***A. wrote me a private message saying
"How many 3 year olds do you know who can open an SUV door by themselves?"
I must have missed where she wrote that the child was 3. I looked again and still didn't see it. Though... since she asked... my neice was a pretty independent preschooler and could get out of her car seat and kick the door open herself, so I guess the answer to how many I personally know would be "one".

Hi A.,

She was obviously trying to pick a fight, otherwise, she would have said "oops, sorry!" and promptly closed her door. That's what I do in such a situation, but I am a pleasant person to begin with, unless you are rude to me. I usually am very aware of my surroundings and if I see a car is trying to pull in next to me and I am unloading my daughter (hard to do in a coupe!), then I will quickly sit in the back seat, close my door, wait for the person to pull in, and then re-open it and continue gathering her shoes or whatever else she has dropped, and if they ask me to close it again briefly so they can exit their car, I will, without a fight. There was nothing wrong with what you said, had you said "hey stupid, don't you see you're blocking everyone with your behemoth SUV? You inconsiderate parent!" then I would understand her going ballistic and finding something to pick on that would be hurtful (your weight, though I bet you're not overweight), but you were polite. She should have said "I am sorry, I have so many things going on at once, I didn't see you there" and then re-opened her door after you pulled in. Considering her daughter hurt herself on that very same door that she left open, she probably realized at that time that not only was she being inconsiderate of other parents, but that it was dangerous and as a consequence of her negligence, her daughter got hurt. I have seen parents do the same thing at the daycare, they wait until their child is ready to exit the car, leaving the scarce (4) parking spots full and parents waiting in the middle of the intersection trying to pull into the daycare center while blocking oncoming traffic. Parents need to get in the car and get their kid out for the sake of consideration and time - most parents who drop off their child at daycare have a job and don't have time to wait around for your little one to decide when he wants to exit the car! And please, don't leave open doors unattended. I have seen several peoples' doors get hit in this way when they got tired of waiting for the other person to close the door!

Sorry, can't side with you on this one. If you can't give other parents some slack, maybe you should go to school a little earlier, as you said it's rush hour at 9 a.m. It's hard to have one child to get out of the car, let alone two or more.

A. you are not alone. The world has just gone crazy and it seems that no one is friendly and helpful anymore. Don't let it get you so mad as you have to think of your own health and well being. Just chalk it up to the way people are getting and hopefully you and I and others can stay nice and helpful to keep this part alive in the World. You are a good person and it is too bad there are not many more of us out there. Hang in there Girlfriend.

I dont believe you did anything wrong.. The other woman was definitely the one in the wrong. You must speak up and not let people walk all over you. She was the one who took it too far, not you. It sounds like she is miserable and gets into these kinds of things often probably. Especially when you have kids you should be considerate of others and set a good example. Which she was not. Like you said, she was only thinking of herself. I am also a good, considerate person and when things happen like that with me it bothers me after for a while and stays on my mind. I bet as soon as she pulled out she gave it no more thought. You did the right thing and do not be hard opn yourself

OK, so next time you ask the frazzled mom "can I help you? I need a hand, too..how do we cooperate?"
How many of us think that way at the spur of the moment and in confrontation mode? Not many. But it's something to consider for future incidents.
You argued in front of the children? It happens. Explain to them it's not their fault, but sometimes people get upset and act out in ways that are unpleasant.
(And we freak over a two year old having a tantrum...)
Come on, sometimes life absorbs the best of us and we react.
This is an opportunity to teach yourself and your children.
Blessings.
PS god bless you are fulltime at the office.

I completely agree with you about the rudeness of the USA these days and offer this suggestion. If you find yourself in this situation again, tap your car horn 3 times to get their attention and then ask them to please close the door so that you can park. Many times, asking someone for help gets a good response. I always try (I really have to try) to put myself in their shoes and treat them the way I would like to be treated. I imagine you were frustrated because you too were running late, which means that you may imagine the other parent is feeling frustrated as well. Change starts with us. We don't like being treated badly, so let's try to treat others nicely. hope that helps. :)

Dear A.,
I personally feel that you tried to remind some one of this old thing called --Manners! Now a days it appears that very few people use them anymore, adults as well as children! But my 8 yr. old and my 5 year old are always asking why other people don't use them; and i tell them that they are way too self centered, to consider other people; and that they should keep using the manners I taught them, because it Always puts them above the ignorant people who don't! Same thing with people who don't use turn signals! I am not a mind reader; and when I look, most are not using their signals because they are on a cell phone! Trust me, you handled yourself way better then I would have! I truly believe that taking God out of America has hurt our society very much! And cell phones! I had to deal with self centered parents while my child went to pre-school! A little reminder will not hurt these ignorant & rude Parents! God bless you for trying!!!
Truly,
Kathy

Hi A.,

Well, my take is that it sounds like a seriously stressful situation, dropping the kids off at school. Nerves were likely frayed on both sides. While your comment was kind of aggressive, her reaction was totally nuts-- she should be ashamed of herself. I mean, you did NOT deserve a reaction like that. In hindsight, if I were you I probably would have just closed the door, with or without a comment to her.

I know how you feel tho. The other day I was at the library with my two kids. I went to the self-checkout station and put my stuff on the counter, while trying to check out the books and keep an eye on a toddler and a preschooler who have a tendency to run around and be loud, and it is a library. Anyway, some lady came up next to me with her books. I didn't realize there were two check-out computers; I thought one was a search computer. She says (mildly aggressively I thought) "Which one are you on?" I said snidely, "The one that checks out books." She said, "They both do." Honestly, I thought it was pretty obvious that the one I was standing in front of was the one I wanted to use, but my books were piled between the computers, so that was apparently her beef with me. "I said, oh sorry." and I raised my eyebrows in such a way that she realized what she had done and was extra-smiley with a "no problem". But to me the whole scene felt passive-aggressive. I wish I would have handled it differently, i.e. laughed it off, lightened the mood, let her off the hook by not acting so pissed off. I felt like I was very rude and I'm not pleased with my behavior. But it is what it is. I was trying to deal with my kids and check out our books and here this lady came and acted like I was a selfish person hogging the whole station. She couldn't step in and do her thing (there was room) or just wait a nanosecond until I was done. But now I'm sure we both feel bad about it.

I know this is not nearly as dramatic as your situation, but I totally understand how you feel, and the reaction you got from her was completely unwarranted. If you want to feel better about it, you might be able to catch her another morning and offer the olive branch, but I don't know what kind of a reaction you will get. I don't know if you are even interested in that given the insults she threw at you. Good news is, in time your emotional reaction to this memory will fade and it won't get you so stirred up. Venting about it should help, so vent away! It's a really crummy situation and I hope it fades for you soon.

Yes, people have become very rude these days. In the Walmart parking lot the people just walk down the middle of the drive and expect everyone to wait for them to get to the store. At Walgreens a man left his truck door open and I shut it. He threw a fit about what would have happened if his keys were inside. I just said then you should have shut it yourself. I also am sick and tired of all the rude people. In the Library this man was using the f word with his three year old daughter and making threats to beat her when they got home. Thank God the Librarian heard it also and reported it right away. The only thing I see that you did wrong was to wait so long for her to shut the door. I would make the person in charge at the Day Care aware that she is putting the children in danger. If one of her children had gotten hit you would have also been responsible because you were a witness to all of it. Some people just have no manners and never will. Sorry you had to go through this experience but don't let her get to you. That is what she wanted and if you do then you lose and she wins....Let it go, she is so not worth it...but do report her to the Day Care for her childrens safety...

I think you are just fine. That woman has real problems if she didn't care about the safety of her own child or the fact that she was preventing another mother from getting their own children into school.

Then the mere fact that her statement about you getting skinnier - again says what kind of person she is.

A. - don't sweat it - you keep being you!

Keep your head up - you have enough on your plate than to worry about this.

A.

I don't know what the hell is wrong w/people either.. I've had a few of those encounters myself and was shaking too and dwelling on it for days....Then ya have to be like "oh well, who cares, they aren't sitting home thinking about it, so why am I"...That is pretty much all ya can do. For god's sake, if that was her response, ya have to feel bad for her since she wasn't blessed with intelligence and has children who are more mature than she is...Sad...As the Italians say "forget about it"...She's gonna piss off the wrong person real soon, trust me...

I agree with Gael. I don't think you really did anything wrong and the incident probably had nothing to do with you whatsoever! She was most likely already having a bad morning (i know i've had plenty of them) and you happened to be the straw that broke the camelas back.
I probably would have not been as patient as you were so I think you handled this situation like a saint. Don't take any of it personally!
I know it is difficult to get 2 kids out of a car/truck/suv whatever (I have 3...2 were in carseats at the same time...we have now upgraded to boosters which are only a bit better... so its not at all easy at times)but I do know that the safest way is to have all the kids come out on my side (unless I am parked on the right side of the street... then they all go out the other side onto the sidewalk.) this works in parking lots too. The only down side to this is there is always someone impatiently saying "hurry up so I can get out" within my car (my son LOL) but thats the way it works. Maybe on a better day you can suggest that to her. Hope this helps:)

I know how stressful the day care drop off can be, especially when running late and trying to get two kids out of the car and out of the way so others can have room. While I do my best to make it quick and not inconvenience others, there are some times when the kids do not cooperate and doors do not get shut as quickly as any of us would like.

I am amazed at the intolerance here, based on other answers you are getting, of someone having a difficult time. I have been in the other mother's shoes many times (though would not have reacted they way she did, but I am sure her stress level was already through the roof and you just sent her over the top).

If I were in your shoes, I would have gone in through the other door, climbed across the seat and taken my child out through the other side (if I was in a hurry) or waited in the car, singing along to the music with my child until the other door was closed (If I was not in a hurry).

Don't beat yourself up about it though. What is done is done. Just try to be more tolerant in the future of other people's plights. I am not excusing the behavior of the other mother, just saying it could have been avoided.

BTW: Yes, a 3yo can open an SUV door.

Hi A.,

I have found that many people here in MIA are very rude; The rudest in the country. She is not worth the time that you are spending stressing about it. She is ignornant because of the way she reacted in front of her children. So relax and speak to your daughter about the situation and apologize to her.

AND when you see her again just keep calm and ignore her negativity.

The children are what matters the most.

oh my God, shame on you for....WAITING THAT LONG TO SAY SOMETHING
:)
on a serious note, i would have said something right away.
why?
we just don't have time to wait on slow pokes. no time. so, no i don't think you did anything wrong

I've been there. I grew up in Ohio and things were much different then here. People are all transplants and rude. I have changed living here. I used to be a softy but I learned to toughen up. Ok, getting back to why I'm posting. When my 8 year old was in vpk, I had a run in with a mom. She lived in our sub division and once in awhile I would be in front of her or behind her. She was/is a tough butt to follow. She was an aggressive driver with her two kids in the car. Then she would pull in front of the daycare/school and just leave her car blocking the door for all parents. Well one day I had enough and was driving to school. She tried to cut me off but with traffic I had no where to go. She was riding my bumper. I went a little faster so she wouldn't hit me or my kids. When we got to school she got out of the car and was yelling at me. Something like why didn't you get out of my way. I said because there were cars in front of me. Then she flipped me off and said the F word in front of her kids. Mine were still in the car. Great way to start the day right? Anyways...I mentioned it to the director at daycare/VPK. She said that mom is always a pain and the son broke some windows at the school, tried to tie jump ropes around my daughter's friend's neck and was still allowed to attend. That women's daughter went there also but was OK I guess. I was shaking and tried to avoid her the rest of the school year. I know how you feel. It hurts. Then I thought maybe she has a bad life and her hubby hates her, she hates her job, etc. Just trying to figure this person out. I ran into her a few times after that but we didn't make eye contact. I think the Director talked to her. I should have called the Police for the way she drove. Stay strong and don't let that mom get to you. She doesn't want to be helped and doesn't care about anyone as it sounds. Have a good day and a better tomorrow :)

Probably not but I can totally relate to you.
I've found that living in Miami changes you after dealing with the inconsiderate people that seem to have absolutely no regard for you or your children or anyone else.
At my daycare, it appears to me that the moms who are not dressed for work are not working and have the time to enjoy their morning while us single moms dressed and stressed for work are crazed! lol it's our sad reality. When I moved here from NC people told me "don't let this place change you" but i've found after 10+ years I've become more hardened and overly protective in an effort to defend myself and my son. NC is looking a lot more friendly these days!

I totally understand how you feel. I have found myself on the receiving end of rude behavior time and time again and I am also sick of it. People can be so self indulgent and insipid. It's another one of those times when someone gets to be rude and I'm forced to be polite and you just can't take it any more.

I think you were right to confront her. No amount of politeness would have worked on her anyway. Having both doors open is rude but dangerous for her children. She didn't have any problem going off on you in front of her kids. My father used to say, "I'd walk a mile to avoid someone like that." Hopefully, you won't have to deal with her again. Just try and steer clear. Negative people are everywhere and we just have to avoid them and not let them steal our happiness. I find it a daily challenge, too.

Sorry you had to go through such a thing early in the morning. I myself am a working mother of 2 and my husband works long hours so sometimes I feel like a single mother. I can see both sides in this situation. While I think that there are alot of rude people in the world, I think that sometimes we can be a little self centered and cant see the other side of things. I am surprised you waited as long as you do. I wouldnt have waited I probably would have taken my child out the other dorr. Yes she should have closed the door. But I can totally see what the other mother could have been going through. I know that my son on several occasions decides that he doesnt want me to assist him in taking him out of his car seat, starts screaming decides he wants to exit another door and before I know it something that should take 2 minutes turns into a 10 minute fiasco. And in a situation like that if you have another frustrated mother come at you the wrong way I can see where a problem could have arose. However, that doesnt excuse her language and behavior. What I find helpful in situations like this sometimes is just to take a step back and think that people arent always out to get me. They could be have a rough morning, rough day, week, month or year. Or even a ROUGH LIFE! When my children make my life easy and I see another mother having a hard time or not paying attention, I just sit back and think how fortunate I am.

First of all A. let me say this...I am sorry that you had to deal with such a person. I don't think what you did was necessarily confronting...it seems to me she was looking for a reason to unload on someone and today you were it. It sad that she had to act like that in front of children and to say the things that she said to you sure does seem childish in its own right. And to think....its people like that that are raising todays youth...scary. How I would have handled it, I cannot say..I dont think you can say unless you are in that position. But I dont want you to think that you did anything bad....you didnt. You simply said something to her (kindly by the sounds of it) and she "unleashed". As my Dad used to say..."Let it roll kid...let it roll".. LOL. Have a great day!