My husband's boss has invited us to her wedding. It is going to be held a plane ride away from where we live. Does he need to go? Do I? If we don't attend, do we give a gift? We could afford to go, but we would feel the pinch. It is during the school year, so can we use the kids as an excuse? (They aren't invited). Thanks, all!
update: If it helps, no we aren't social friends. Thanks moms--you are awesome!
Thanks everyone! I have been flooded with great ideas and things to think about.
If you can't/don't want to go, then don't. You could easily say it's a hard time of year because of the kids. But, I would definitely give a gift. Not because she's his boss, but because it's the right thing to do when you're given a wedding invite:)
You (or he) don't have to go, but you are supposed to give a gift if you receive an invitation -regardless of attendance. It shouldn't be a biggie that he's not going since it's so far away, he has kids, etc.
I can't imagine his boss really expects people to come to a wedding so far away unless they are extremely close to her such as family or best friends. I would get a gift off of the registry and wish them well but don't feel obligated to attend.
Send a gift - it's lovely they invited you, but I doubt they expect you to be there considering the distance, kids, expense, etc.
It might be nice if her office threw her a shower or wedding party of some sort - if your hubby's high guy on the totem pole, he could be in charge of it. Politically, that could work out well if he's important enough in the company.
I agree with everyone else, you don't need to attend and I would be surprised if they expect you to.
I would get a gift and give it to his boss before the wedding and write in the card something like, Thank you for inviting us to your wedding, we won't be able to attend but our thoughts will be with you on your special day.
It makes me think of my baby shower (of course much less formal) I sent invitations to a couple of my aunts who live out of town because I wanted them to know I was thinking of them, not because I expected them to come.
If it were me I would send a gift with my best regards and say that there is no way we can travel all that way. I would definitely use the kids for an excuse! I think unless you are feeling very close to them and really want to go they should understand that it's very difficult to travel all that way to be wedding guests. If neither of you is in the wedding party I see no problem w/not going.
Of course he doesn't have to go! If it were down the street or an hour away I'd say go, but that distance, the invite was probably more of 'inviting to be invited'.
Send a gift, or even just contribute to a group gift.
M.
I also would reply no and send a gift.
I can't imagine (although, of course, it's possible) that the boss would expect your husband and his family to drop everything and travel 1400 miles to her wedding. It's not unknown for people to extend invitations to folks they know it's proper to invite, even though they know those folks probably won't be able to come.
I think you could send your regrets and your best wishes for their marriage, and send a gift (are they registered anywhere?).
If you're concerned, your husband should be able to find out, from talking to other people he works with, whether this solution will or will not be satisfactory.
I would reply no and send a nice gift.
Small gift would be polite, I would not go unless I were also a friend. We have had to miss friend/family weddings because of finances, family, illnesses, and general unemployment. I was not even able to get to my younger sister's wedding on the other side of the country, but the family seemed to understand. You can mention in the card that you appreciate that they thought of you and add all the other well wishes. I have to say though that weddings after people have been living together (while I am glad they are getting married) seem a little "after the fact" to me so I tend to get less excited about them.
i wouldnt think that them living together has anything to do with anything. just saying..... but no, i dont think you need to go if you dont want to. if there is some kind of situation at work or whatever where you should, then i would think your husband would know that and say so. but otherwise, i think its fine to just send a gift. or... you could use it as an excuse to get away for a little bit, stay overnight in a nice hotel, if thats your thing. :) if not, then no, i dont think you need to go. but yes, send a gift.
With kids and school. adn the huge travel distance. I would just send a gift. If you were close then def. go, but it doesn't sound that way, so I wouldn't worry a whole lot about it :)
Send a gift after you send the rsvp that you can't make it--with regrets.
I agree with Patricia G.'s response. Very good approach
Perhaps you could think of this as a little getaway for you and hubby. Sure, you don't have to go (although DO send a gift if you don't), but why not take some time as a couple (without kids) and take this time to enjoy adult time?
Obviously this would require someone to care for your children for a weekend but it might be a nice boost to your marriage to be kid-free for a whole weekend!
Since you said you can afford it I would go for it - and pack your sexiest lingerie (if you don't have any - go get something new and exciting!).
Just my two cents! :)
If you decide to go you should still send a gift and can have it shipped to their home, Macys does this for sure. 1400 miles is a lot to ask of wedding guest so Im sure they arent expecting many people to attend. If he feels strongly about being there he should go, if it doesnt matter to him either way then dont go.
Nix the shower idea, not appropriate in most work environments and he's a man, why would he host/plan a shower for his boss, just my opinion. Most people who have already been living together dont want or expect a shower and etiquette wise is inappropriate. Registering is considered inappropriate also...they may make it known that they dont want/expect gifts.
You must get them a gift if you can not go, it doesn't need to be expencive, but thoughtful. Ask about their color pallet in the kitchen or bathroom and get them something in those colors. And make sure you write a thoughtful card wishing them all the best and apologising and writing that you wish you could have been there for their special day. If just your husband could go that would be good too, less expencive and still supportive. And it does not make any difference that they have been living together, not to you anyway (to God maybe but that's no one's buisness but theirs) you still need to treat this wedding like it's a big deal, for political reasons if not personal ones!
Many couples live together nowadays :) It is the distance that makes the difference. I would send a small gift. I dont think they would be offended if you could not make it. I agree that the long distance invites are usually sent out with the thinking that they are a no.
If you don't go, at least send a gift since it is HIS boss. I don't think I'd travel that far for my husbands boss or even a family member either. I've got kids in school and we are a 1 income family so we watch our money too.
S.
Simply say you don't want to go 1400 miles away, whether you children can go or not - or better yet, RSVP No, but thank you and give them a $200 check with a card.
You absolutely do not have to go but you do need to give a really nice gift. I would spend at least $100 if you can. You can just tell them that it is not going to work for you to travel at that time and leave it at that.
Good luck!
I don't think you should feel like you or your husband have to go. It would be a nice get-away for the two of you if you could look at it like that. If you decide not to go, you do need to send a gift, probably not to the wedding site but to their home. It would be a good idea for you husband to let his boss know the two of you won't be attending just to help her with her planning.
Nope, you dont have to go. Thats way too much time and money to spend on someone you arent even related to. I would just send a gift.
There are a LOT of different factors you should consider. Why type of relationship does he have with his boss? Are they friends or just a boss/employee relationship? What are the other employees (assuming they are invited) doing? Is she going to hold a grudge if he doesn't go?
Personally, I can't imagine that she expects him to travel that far but you just never know.
I would send a gift as it seems the general opinion here as well.
i wouldn't consider going, and you don't need an excuse. they probably invited you out of courtesy (and maybe to get a present<G>), not because they'll be devastated if you don't show. decline with thanks and send a small thoughtful gift ($200 is way too much.)
khairete
S.
No way are you expected to go so far. Since it is his boss, I would send a nice gift from the registry. When I got married I invited my boss (out of curtesy) and I never expected them to come since the wedding was almost a 2 hour drive and I didn't know them well. Guess what, they came and I kinda wished they hadn't since it was an intimate wedding.
