Well I Screwed That Up!

You handled this great! It's never easy getting out the door with a 2 year old...LOL let alone a 4 year old too. It'll get easier! I think you're a great mom!!

Well, you sound perfectly normal to me. Frustrating situations frustrate us. It was frustrating, you got frustrated.

I understand because I hate to start the day rough or end the day rough with my kids. It's always disappointing. But, these days happen.

If I were to do something different I would innitiate the do-over. Tell him what you need, what you aren't getting and give him an opportunity to get in bed pull up the covers pretend to be asleep then "wake him up" and let him start the morning over doing it right.

Reminded me of when my son was 7 and in second grade, at the parent teacher conference, the childless young teacher explained that she only explains things ONCE in her classroom, and my son didn't "catch" it on that one explanation. She advised me that at home, I should only tell him ONCE to do things. I looked her in the eye and said," Mrs................, If I only told him once to do things, he would rarely be in school! " (Such as I had to remind him to continue getting dressed, eat his breakfast, etc! You guys get it!) Heard several years later she had two twin boys that gave her hell. I thought, "well deserved"!!!!!

I personally don't see that you did anything wrong. I think you did everything right, given the situation. The only suggestion I have is to build yourself in an extra window of time...if you need to be somewhere by 8:30, tell yourself you need to be there by 8:15 and set your schedule as if THAT'S the time you need to be there. That's what I do, and I'm never late, because that builds in all the "oops" time I need. Now, I live in a small city...if you live in a big city, you may have to give yourself more of a window.

However, I think you did all the right things! Feel better!

Sounds like you did great. You didn't help him get dressed, since he is perfectly capable of doing it, you didn't let the baby eat cheese, you didn't give in (much) to his temper tantrum, AND you got to the school on time. Pat yourself on the back mama!

Cut yourself some slack. You did what you did. Then he was back on track. Attitude adjusted, you got him there on time. The proof is in the pudding mama. Everyone runs short of patience now and then. You still handled the situation like a pro in the heat of your frustration. Can't ask for much more than that.

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We have ALL had those days!!

If you don't have snack cups, get some. Munchkin makes some that I like. If he says he's hungry, put some cereal in the snack cup and get a sports bottle for water for the car. Then focus on his getting dressed. If he wants to roll around and cry, then perhaps set a timer for 4 minutes and close the door and tell him that he has 4 minutes to get dressed, or at least start.

Kids always seem to got to pieces when it's important to get out the door. If I'm hosting a Meet Up, never fails that DD is dragging, even with the clothes set out, etc. I think sometimes it's the excitement of the day, or nerves or whatever. On days I need to get OUT by a certain time, I try to be up earlier (gah). Even 10 minutes can save the day. I try to be sure I'm ready to go before I tackle her being ready to go.

A friend made a " behavior clock". If her stepdaughter made them late or acted up right before the end of her father's time (because she figured Dad couldn't hold her accountable as they walked out the door to the exchange), she got time on her "clock". Time was owed to Dad and Stepmom later, like bedtime or before an outing. She had to sit there for x minutes or go to bed x minutes early. Maybe you can tell your son, "I'm going to put a minute on your clock for every minute you waste rolling around. If you do not want to go to bed early tonight, you need to get dressed."

Your household sounds like mine last year. Your son just did not want to get his day started it sounds like. We get that way too. Only we don't have mom there asking us to get started. Mornings like that especially if I was pessed for time, I would just dress him myself. You sending him back to his room was great. Gave him time to get a second chance to have a good morning.
When you find yourself getting frustrated....deep breath count to ten out loud and start over. LOL I think the counting gets the kids attention. Great job moma!

What time did you guys get up? Nothing makes my son drag his heels more than when we are short on time....figures!

We definitely ALL have had mornings/days like that, is right! :)

I think the best advice is, don't beat yourself up about it. And hope tomorrow is better.

I am sorry that I laughed about the cheese too...I can totally relate to it!!

The other poster mentioned your son has no idea how much time things take.

One idea I heard about was to get three pieces of candy your child really likes and then having their clothes laid out, tell the child if they get dressed as quick as they can they can have the three piece of candy. Then explain to the child that, THAT is how fast you need them to move when you tell them they need to hurry up and get ready.

You don't give them candy every time, so it isn't bribing them...it just shows them how fast you need them to move when you say to hurry. (Or what ever word you use to tell them you are running late). We call it three candy speed at our house.

I agree with Laura, sounds like you did great! The only thing I would add is if you're telling him you have to leave "by 7:15," that probably doesn't mean anything to him since he doesn't tell time yet, and probably even if you said "We're leaving in 20 minutes," that wouldn't mean anything either. Try to find a way that he can relate to. Maybe a timer with a moving face that he can see? "you have to be done when the hand reaches here!" That kind of thing...maybe he would even think it was fun, like a race he could win. You could think of some little prize you could give him if he beats the timer.

OMG I'm sorry but I couldn't help laughing at some of your descriptions...still naked, flopping around, cheese in the carpet. Have you thought of writing a book?

I know, its hard to leave them at school one minute when you JUST finished yelling and fussing the minute before. I do it all the time. But it sounds like you were more patient than me, so you get brownie points for that. I would have left the cheese in the fridge, and threatened to make him go on the field trip in his pjs or worse, threaten to change him in front of his classmates when we got to the parking lot.

I think you did fine mama. Don't feel bad and next time give him a cheese stick...easier clean up.

Ay carumba! What a morning. I had O. like that this morning. I felt like I had worked a full day by the time I got in my car!
My only advice is the more definite the "start time" for an event, the more involved I need to be in making that happen...I'm all for kids being responsible, but I think they lack the overall picture of a situation, so I need to "make it happen"! That's all I've got. That and the fact that kids are so resilient. They can be full on crying O. minute and perfectly fine the next. I'll bet he has forgotten all about it by now.

I don't think you screwed up. It's ok to let our kids know that we are unhappy with their behavior. You did the right thing by sending him to his room. If he missed the trip, it would've been his own fault. I'm so sick of moms swallowing their frustration because they want to be perfect parents and then they end up with spoiled brats. Moms need sleep, and reasonable cooperation, and obedience and have a right to expect it from their kids.

Oh sister, I can totally relate! I have a 5 y/o daughter who is super pokey bc she loves to play, read and draw instead of getting ready. School is at 8:30 and I have to make sure she is up by 7am so she has "enough time" to get everything done w/o me constantly nagging. We have a digital clock in the bathroom so she knows when she has to be done. Still, I hate yelling at her and I'm frequently on the verge of losing it! I tell her she can read/color when she's dressed and finished her breakfast, but maybe I'll try that candy reward system, LOL. I've also started to let her feel the consequences of her actions and I've seen the most improvements doing that. There have been times we've left the house and she has barely eaten her breakfast (I pack an extra snack for her) and there was one time where she was late to school and she did NOT like that. Honestly, I haven't had much of a problem since. Good luck, and remember you are not alone!

Honestly? I would have packed up his clothes and shoes and stuck him in the car with his pajamas.

When kids are rushed and we're showing anxiety because "It's time to go! We have to leave, damn it! It's 7:15 and TIME! TO! GO!" that's putting a lot of pressure on the kids and making THEM anxious and unable to function. Suddenly it looks like delay tactics and they "can't" do anything. But they literally can't do anything because their anxiety is too high.

This coming from a formerly anxious child who is now an adult with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have to consciously keep my voice and tone calm when it's time to leave even if it's urgent. If the kids aren't dressed, I grab the clothing that's needed and bring it along. That worked splendidly in preschool. Because honestly, on a field trip day? If you're there? They'll wait for your kid to change in the boy's room out of his pajamas into his regular clothes so that he doesn't miss the field trip.

You did great and learned a good lesson.. On "must need to be there at a certain time" everyone gets up even earlier.

I think you did great, I would of lost it and been crying by the time we needed to leave. My 6 yr old does this on occasion and I threaten to take her to school in her underwear. Haven’t had to do it yet BUT the threat seems to work. I also have set the timer and tell her if the timer goes off and you aren’t dressed, you lose a privilege .

O A....we are so on the same wave-length this morning! I was actually thinking of posting a similar experience/question. My son is 11 and my "drama" was of a different caliber, but w/ me still over-reacting and being upset and now feeling horrible about it! (My son was getting my slow cooker out of the fridge, dropped the lid and it shattered everywhere...I use that thing almost every day so I don't have to turn on my oven... now it's broken! On top of my husband losing my camera at the races yesterday...a very nice, expensive camera...and I broke a big Corningware bowl yesterday.) Overload...yes...over-reaction...yup! I'm sure I can order a new lid, and if not, I can probably buy a new slow cooker.

I do feel awful, but in my experience, even when our mornings start out that way, we just do the best we can, LEARN from it (just like you said) and know that once the kids get to school w/ their friends, they have likely forgotten about what happened while we sit and stew and worry about it all day! *sigh* Being a mom is a constant learning experience for all of us! Hang in there and I hope your day gets better! :)

I swear it's the age. My girl will be 5 in December, very independent and very strong willed. She wants to get dressed when and how she wants. Some days she HAS to dress her self (never when I need her to). I have helped with some of this by getting both of us up earlier. I am completely ready when she gets up. I have her alarm set 15 minutes early then necessary so she has time to wake up, stretch, and decide she's ready to get ready.

My best advice is to figure how long it takes to get all three of you ready, add extra time for each, then figure your drive time and add extra for traffic and determine what time you need to be backing out the driveway. Don't forget to add time for getting out the door and everyone buckled in. Add all this time together, add a few extra minutes and then you have the time YOU need to get up in the morning. You then have the time you need to be ready by and what time you have to get each child up. That alone will help lower the stress level so when you do have problems you are not as stressed and you have a few minutes to spare.

When my daughter starts, I tell her "I'll give you a minute, I have to take things to the car and will be right back/I have to go do xxx. When I come back, you have to get dressed or we will miss your bus and you will be in trouble." I have also threatened to take her in her PJs and her teacher would be upset. It's been working so far....if we do leave a few minutes late, we're actually still on time.

seems like a perfectly human response to me.. by all of you.. 2, 5 and mommy.
forgive yourself.. move on

Ok, first, your story made me LOL! Especially the part about your little one wanting to eat the cheese out of the carpet! Omigosh have I been there.

The most important thing to remember here is that you are only human. If you did not get frustrated in a situation like this, I would almost think there was something wrong with you! I am not sure what other people have said, but I do not subscribe to the idea that children should never feel your frustration, at least to a certain extent. Do I think it's appropriate to swear at them, hit them, or threaten them? No. (Not saying you did any of that here, just saying for example). But this is life! Out in the real world, no one is going to sugar coat things for them. When his boss gets frustrated with him, do you think he won't hear about it? When he cuts someone off on the highway, do you think they won't honk their horn at him? When he upsets his girlfriend or wife, do you think she won't yell at him? Think back to your own childhood...did your mother never get frustrated with you? Goodness, my mother yelled at me all the time! I still love her though. And now I understand exactly what she was going through!

We all overreact sometimes and yes, we should learn from those experiences. Without knowing exactly what you did in "derailing your composure", I can't say whether you did overreact here. But if what you did was get frustrated at a situation worthy of frustration and exhibit some of that frustration by raising your voice or ordering your son around, then I think you acted within the realm of what would be considered reasonable and expected. And no matter how much you think you're prepared to stop next time, be in the moment, count to ten, and do your breathing exercises, there are just some times when you are going to lose your cool. Unless this happens to you on a regular basis, and as long as you aren't lashing out at the children or being abusive, then I say it's ok! Let yourself off the hook. This doesn't make you a bad person or even a bad mom! This makes you a normal human being. And someone who is exposing her children to the realities of the world - there are consequences for our bad behavior. A good lesson learned.