What Do We Do with That Time?

I agree with both of you. Give them a few minutes reprieve and then while you are fixing dinner, they can carry their stuff where it belongs. Have dinner at the table as a family. After dinner, they can veg out.

However, on the crazy nights don't let them just "drop everything where they stand", have them at least take their stuff to their room or have a bin that they can "drop it in" so when they get ready to clean up, it's easy to do.

i'm totally with you AND i have no problem with eating at the couch in front of the tv every now and then.
a hard-running family should have the indolent bliss of lolling about like satiated lions every now and then.
enjoy!
:) khairete
S.

Depends.

I am not opposed to setting a clock for 30 minutes and having everyone pick up something(s) and clean for a little bit before totally kicking back and vegging. We have a pretty busy after-school life, too. So I do get it.

I will usually assign a kid a specific thing or 2, or 3 (depending on what the things are) and let them know that when THOSE things are done, they can do their activity of choice. Video games, Netflix, read, go outside, ride scooters, swim, whatever...
But I am not going to stand in the kitchen fixing dinner while THEY all veg out the entire night. Nor am I going to clean up to have a place to eat and also cook the meal. They can help. They can take their things to their rooms or the laundry room, or whatever, and they can fold a load of clothes/towels and put them away, or take out the trash, or whatever. Usually, any homework is top priority, then a chore or two, then some down time.
As long as you give them 30 minutes after they get home, and then specific things so they know there is an end, they still effectively get to "veg" the evening away...

10 minute tidy where everyone goes zoom at the same time, you'd be surprised at how much you can get picked up!

Then everyone veg out!!

So, I say a compromise!

Eh, housework will always be there. Your kids will not. Let your husband spend that time cleaning if he likes, and let you spend that time hanging with the kids on the couch with a bowl of spaghetteos if that's what you prefer.

There, everybody's happy!

That childhood thing really is devastatingly short, sigh. Enjoy them.

:)

Oh, good night! If anyone comes to my house intending to sit on a couch and not have to move something over first, then maybe they should stay in their little perfect world!
I am a full time teacher and yes, I do my job properly which means that it is never 8-3:45, it's 24/7. I am also a full time mother of two 5 yr olds. I am also, the only breadwinner,r chef, taxi driver, personal shopper, nose and bottom wiper, nurse, laundry attendant and homework Nazi in their lives. I am one person with diabetes, thyroid disease, PCOS, and a couple other "invisible' health problems not to mention ADHD (inattentive type) and Executive Function Disorder.
I see it this way: My health is a priority, because I am who everyone depends on. If it means that my house looks like a dumpster overturned in every room. OH WELL. As long as it is not a health hazard, what would you have me do. My girls are just at the age where they are getting interested in dance and such. Something has to give because there is no such thing as 36 hour days.
If you have "down time" take it whenever and as often as possible. People who are constantly on the move and always running hither and yon are the ones who die of a heart attack at an early age. Your stress level=health level. I make sure my girls have time for imaginative play, tv, coloring/painting and we read at least one book almost every night at bedtime.
When I walk into a spotless house, I figure that either they have a maid or they have let something more important, like fun, fall to the wayside.

Down time is bonding time. It is time to be alone and quiet, or loud and silly, or just be. It is healthy. It is good for you. Meditation and laughter can do wonders for anyone.

I think the key is to not drop the stuff in the first place and do the cleaning as it's needed, a little at a time. Spend a day getting really organized, train those kiddies now to put their stuff where it goes, every single time. On a down night you should have time for eveyone to tidy for 20 minutes and then have the rest of the night to relax.

Just a word of warning, it sounds like your kids are still young as I hear no mention of extensive homework. With one in middle and the other in high school there is a ton of homework to do AFTER all activities. Sometimes they aren't starting until 8-9 pm. The more streamilined and organized you are now the better for the future when things will get even more busy.

I'm with you.
Down time needs to be cherished.

There is nothing wrong (and a whole lot right) with taking time out to do absolutely nothing.

It's really just a matter of proiorities, and it sounds like your husband's may be different than yours.
I will admit, I am a neat freak, and NEED to be organized, so yes, on "off" nights I'd probably be tidying up.
But I am pretty good about not forcing my obsessions on my family. The kids keep their rooms pretty much however they want (within reason) and luckily, my husband has a large walk in closet all to himself so his mess stays pretty contained as well.
Would your husband be satisfied with just keeping the mess in the common areas to a minimum? I feel like as long as the kitchen and family room area are clean and mostly uncluttered I can let a lot of the rest of the house go. If you can keep the common area somewhat picked up on a daily basis then it doesn't become such a chore, and there's still plenty of time to relax and veg out :-)

I'm with you. We seem to be busy so much of the time that I love the relaxing evenings. And yes, we too eat on the couch for special treats!

Most of our cleaning gets done on the weekends, with just some tidying during the week.

If you really are never home how does it get dirty in the first place?

I was a soccer mom back when that title was coined. Our house was always spotless because we weren't there.

If you have enough time at home to mess it up that bad then you are home long enough to keep it clean.

Seems if everyone wants to veg they need to earn it by not making a mess in the first place. Put things back where they belong instead on throwing it around like you live in a barn, problem solved.

What if you split the difference?

Say you have 5 hours. Spend two hours and hit the house hard. Even if you (and the rest of the family) have to pick a couple of rooms, or do a "clutter clean up" and just put things away, run a load or two of laundry, and get everything organized again.

Then you can sit down afterwards and feel good in knowing that the house is in a managed state instead of looking like a wreck where you can't find anything.

"We're just going to mess it up again," in my mind, isn't an excuse to leave everything a mess. And procrastinating is a poor example to set for the kids.

Clean up a bit....and then relax.

Honestly, the kids will probably remember the veg-out nights fondly and think of all the relaxed fun they had. Dinner on the couch can be a treat and a memory. We allow the occasional dinner in the living room too (not often, since we have a begging dog). We aren't as busy as your family, but on our free nights we do homework, let the kids play a ton and do a little pick up before dinner or bed. After you get the house under control and clutter free, it's super easy to keep it clean with a 5 min pick-up and reminding them to pick-up after they play with something. So, your balance idea is the key. If your husband gets frustrated with clutter, maybe he can organize a spur of the moment pick-up session each evening when the family all works together to clean each room. We do that sometimes and it's fun and fast! The kids love that we are all helping together. Sounds like that is what you did last night. Hope your husband was involved too, since that can make it more fun for you to have back up and someone helping you. :) As flylady says, Make it fun and it gets done.

We do the same thing - gone 5 nights per week. 4 if we are lucky! We spend time on the weekend really cleaning the house - in 2 hours it gets done completely because we all help. During the week, my husband and I normally go home for lunch. While we are at home, we can get laundry done, sweep the floor, get dinner going in the crock pot, empty the dishwasher, wipe the table, etc...just things that take 5 minutes max to do and with us working together, we normally even still have time to watch 10 minutes of TV or just chat and enjoy the quiet house.

When the kids get home it's a quick look over the folders (if we have time), grabbing dinner or a snack - depeding on how long we have at home, and out the door. Not everyone has to go every time to everything. Tonight I'll drop my daughter off at dance, probably go home and fold the two loads of clothes that need folded, and let my husband handle the baseball practice.

But on the rare night during the week that we are home - we veg. We do that because we keep up with the house even though we are really busy. The kids get to play outside with friends, play on the computer/Wii/Xbox/watch TV, whatever really.

I say if your husband wants to go crazy doing stuff, then he should go for it. If you guys don't, save it for the weekend. However, if you want your weekends free for other family fun events, then you have to do the house cleaning at some point, right?

it's like i'm from a different planet. This neatness they speak of,,,, what is that?

Cleaning has never involved anything other than bitching and moaning. whether it's me doing the bitching or me getting bitched at. I would love Mary Poppins to come on over and show me how to smilingly get the household to pick up and not dump where it lies.

so while i'm sure the advice you've gotten is good, I just can't imagine doing anything other than Veg-I-tat-ing- full on! with dinner on the couch, if by dinner you mean popcorn and Kool-Aid.

but then if it were up to me we would not be involved in ANYTHING in the evenings or weekends! so maybe the house would be clean,

Clean so it looked like no one lived there, right?
weird

You need to take 10 minutes, every day, and the whole family works like crazy to put everything in it's place. Everyone works. Hard. Then it's down time. My house is clean, nearly all the time. I don't have a maid, and I don't leave fun out. You just have to have your priorities. And it sounds like most people could care less. That would drive me bonkers. A clean house = an organized family in my book. Think of all you could get done in 10 minutes, especially if 4 people do it everyday. That is 40 minutes cleaning time.

Ooof, your overly active (or should I say overly-extended) schedule is giving me the hives!! ;) But I digress.

I totally agree on having some much-needed down time. On the other hand, don't allow the house to become a dumping zone in the first place. It takes minutes to maintain a clean house, but hours to clean a dirty house. So I would institute a massive family cleaning hour or two as soon as you can, and then going forward ... maintain maintain maintain.

When my kids were younger and we were running all over, I cleaned when they were in school. I was a SAHM at the time. So, that worked out okay.

However, when I decided to go back to work, I told hubby I wasn't going to spend my home time cleaning. So, I hired a cleaning lady. She comes once a week. Best money I ever spent!!

Can't you squeeze in 15 minutes before dinner to clean up? Forget about perfection. Make a dent and take that down time! I think it's just as important to teach kids how to relax and take care of themselves as it is to teach organization. In the end their personalities will dictate who they become for the most part anyway!

I totally feel ya. We have soccer 5 nights a week and 3 games on the weekend. It is hectic to get a good meal on the table.
When we are not at school or playing soccer than I let my kids veg (after homework, of course!). I try really hard, even on evenings when we are busy, to have us all eat together. At least my kids and I. My husband is often working at night. On the days that we are all home in the evening we definitely eat at the table.
I am opposite you. When we are shoving food or eating late I will let them eat in front of the TV trying to get a show in before bed.
L.

We eat dinner at the table, then clean up, then veg. Even though we have stuff going on nearly every day we still devote some time to cleaning, homework and relaxing each day, somedays we just have less time to devote. Also, we try to minimize the amount of clean up that needs to be done, which is one reason we wouldn't eat on the sofa.

The one night per week we don't rush off to do an activity we totally take the evening off. PJ's to watch TV and eat dinner, heck, we might even have breakfast for dinner too...lol.

It's a down time for all of us. Time to be home and live at home. They play Wii, video games, watch DVD's, anything they want.

I'm all for some degree of neatness (not perfection!), because I feel better and can be more productive when there isn't total chaos. I wonder if your husband is like that, too. Our house doesn't look like a magazine article or an HGTV program but, if I take a little time to establish/reestablish a little order, I actually have more energy for things.

Right now I have clutter all over this desk, a project is on the table, the ironing (yes, I do that) isn't finished yet, and the laundry room is a disaster area, to give just a few examples. But I have made the sitting areas easy to sit in, the laundry is by the washer instead of on the family room floor, the residue from eating and drinking has all been taken to the kitchen, and I know I'm putting a few minutes in on the rest of the laundry room tomorrow. I know which few minutes they'll be, too, unless tomorrow's schedule goes crazy.

You may need to schedule clean-up just the way you do your many other family activities. It's amazing what picking-up can be done in just fifteen minutes, or even five.... especially if you can set a timer and make a game of it, which is what I do when my granddaughters visit, or do for myself when my granddaughters aren't visiting.

It wouldn't be too much hardship for your family to abide by a few basic rules - such as: "The jackets you take off when you come in the house you hang on the hangers and you don't dump on the floor." Or: "Backpacks and schoolbooks are put HERE, not left all over the house." Or: "What you eat and drink in your room you clean up *immediately* after you've eaten and drunk." That's not too hard. Busy people - even lazy people, which your family doesn't seem to have - can handle things like this.

By the same token, you need to schedule regular goof-off times, veg times, whatever you want to call it, so that people can put their feet up and read a book or play a game if that's what they want to do. Everybody *needs* that kind of time, and it's better to arrange it than have to steal it.

This is a non-battle, unless you and your husband want to make it one. Homes are messy because life is messy, but the mess can be controlled enough so that everyone feels comfortable. It may have to start with you since you wrote this post - unless there's a "Papapedia" site your husband is writing on! Is there one area which would make him really, really happy if it were maintained better? Why not give him a present of it? That might help him to relax when it's relaxing time. And it might help you relax because he's not after you about cleaning up.

(P.S. I like Fly Lady, too.)

We're gone 3-6 nights a week, but that doesn't excuse the kids from chores. It doesn't take long to pick up and put away, especially if they know that they can watch tv/computer/video game/play with friends after they are done (they are 9 & 11). There are typically a couple hours after school in between running to activities - are you using those wisely? If you do small pickups every day then it's not an overwhelming task on the days off. I get the need to veg when you are a happily active family, you just have to balance it with the reality of daily living tasks.

I clean everyday. I couldn't imagine living in a home where things were everywhere. In fact, I'd never want to be home.

I find time by doing the fly lady method. I do 15-30 minutes 3x a day, at least, and I throw laundry in every morning and evening.

Cut ba m the activities. There is absolutely no reason to be out every night. Why does everyone drop things? E erything should have its place. If it was put away when you walked in, your free nights could be used to veg and not clean up the mess.

At our house we have dinner at the table, not in the living room. Unless we are watching a movie. Hubby tells the kids that they have to clean up their stuff before the movie or tv show can start.

Dishes go in to the dishwasher and are run overnight
Dishes are put away first thing in the morning while the coffee is brewing.
Laundry is folded at put away as soon as it comes out of the dryer or it doesn't get put away. Example. I still have a basket of clothes from Sat. in my room because it was the last load that finished after I was in bed. Still sitting there...

Im usually the only one home with kids. I'm no neat freak whatsoever, but we can't live in a disaster zone either (supposedly it's not good for kids or I wouldn't care), so I usually spend a couple of hours Sunday cleaning up big "set aside" messes, doing all laundry, and getting house in gear for week. Then we tornado through it all week, and by Sunday, the major play areas and dressers are trashed again.

My kids are now 7, 5 and 4 and thankfully they can be told to clean up rooms and they'll do it which helps-though many days we skip on caring so things get unruly up in their rooms by Sunday for sure... I clean dishes and kitchen each night and run dishwasher so breakfast can be handled next day, but that's about the only "daily" cleaning I do.

When their dad visits (like now) it really sucks because he's Mr Neat Freak and thinks the first priority EVERY day should be cleaning and never letting anything get out of place. He thinks the "comfortable" home I run-who MANY PEOPLE COMPLIMENT FOR NEATNESS btw!!!-is a pig sty and a train wreck. And no, he's never been left to watch all three kids ever, so he has no idea what running a home and doing ALL activities EVERYDAY is like, and how hard it is to squeeze in the hours and hours of cleaning...Sometimes you just have to let it go in favor of more important things...but to him nothing is more important....

But your husband sounds justified by what you have written here...I mean, do you mean literally you guys should NEVER clean if your only night off is the only time it could be done? Maybe he could be appeased if the kids pitch in a little more during week so you're not living in chaos on the "relaxing" night...If I'm off base here then sorry, but I'd go nuts too if everyone was vegging out and the house was a total wreck.

For instance when we get in from a long day, I do let the kids watch a little TV while I make dinner, but before they turn on the tube they have to swoop over the living room and fold the throw blankets, put the pillows on the couch, put away their toys and clear the table of clutter (where they will eat) so the room is decent. It takes all of 10 minutes tops since they want to turn on the TV-they hurry.

I think your husband is feeling like he has nowhere to relax if he doesn't like to shuffle through a mess (lots of people don't like that). But no, you shouldn't use the ONLY down time to clean either....so sounds like you guys need a schedule where things can be put in more order -in the necessary zones at least- BEFORE family night. Like what rooms do you chill in, the TV and dining room? Can those be put into order at least somehow?

I'm like you, messes don't bother me, but once I had kids, and got married, I did learn to compromise on that for the sake of other's comfort. Sounds like your "It's there and no one's going to pick it up" attitude isn't working for hubs. You guys need a middle ground. And the kids can do a lot of the work if they're old enough for video games and favorite shows. It doesn't take long if it's a team effort.

I agree that veg time is important.

But staying organized is important too.

So I have two solutions:

1) Hire a cleaning lady. Someone who can be entirely devoted to the pick-up stuff.

2) Schedule one or two nights (or weekend days) each month as "pick-up time". It becomes a scheduled activity, like any other.

ETA: Is your hubby a neat-freak in general, or does he just get frustrated by clutter that effects *him* (like in the living room or other areas that he is personally trying to function in)? If it's the latter, maybe just take five minutes to scoop everything out of that area and deposit it in other rooms (kids' stuff into the kids' bedrooms, etc).

Those are our "movie nights" where we let the girls have a "picnic" in the living room while eating dinner while watching a movie of their choosing. It happens about twice a month and we all enjoy the break. Granted - while I'm making dinner the girls will clean up to help get ready for "movie night" =)

Do you work outside the home? If you are home why is there a big mess? I don't see a problem eating in the living room sometimes we do it. But I also see your husband point as there has to be a clean up time sometime.

Your problem is you are considering the WHOLE day a "veg" day but real life does not function that way, or at least not very well. Do you want your kids growing up viewing a home as a dumping area? Come home, do homework, eat dinner together, do 30 minutes of chores, take your shower then "veg." Real life is working to earn a reward. If the house can be kept clean all week, then sure have a total veg day. But you know it's only going to get messy again which, in the end, only means more work.

First off I would no longer allow for stuff to just be dropped wherever, it takes no extra time for something to be put where it belongs rather then just dropped whereever it may land. I have to agree with your husband, if things are not getting done then your down days will have to be the time to do it. But, how messy are things really getting if you are all never home anyways?

I agree with you on everything except the meal on the couch. In our house, we eat in the kitchen period. Everyone, including me and my husband, abides by this rule. It keeps us from worrying about food getting lost in a room and cuts down on snacking. So we would never serve a meal anywhere but the table, but yes we sometimes just crash and relax on a down night, which happens maybe once or twice a month at most.

I don't know how old your kids are, but mine are old enough to be responsible for their big chores whenever they can fit them in. My two oldest are 15. We'll say something like "the grass needs to be mowed by the end of the day tomorrow, find some time to do it." Or I'll remind them on Friday night that sometime over the weekend, they need to deep clean the bathroom and wash the kitchen floors. I don't care who does what and when, but it will get done. My 7 & 9 year old require a lot more supervision for their chores and deputizing the olders to oversee the youngers just leads to fighting so they generally do their weekly chores (cleaning up the playroom and their bedrooms, doing small tasks outside) whenever I find time to do my own chores.

I find that things work best when I stick to my FlyLady (flylady.net) routines. I definitely go through periods where I don't stick to my routines and don't stay on top of the kids and that's when things get really crazy. They also tend to not do anything when I'm not home because my husband ignores our routines, but on the days that I'm home and following my own routines, homework actually lands in backpacks, backpacks go on their hooks, shoes go in their bins, laundry is in drawers or hampers, sports equipment goes back where it belongs, dishes go in the dishwasher, water bottles and lunch boxes get emptied, cleaned and put away, rooms get quickly picked up at the beginning and end of the day, and we can all actually find things. It's amazing!

So basically, we try to stay on top of the clutter and mess on a daily basis and fit in more extensive cleaning in little bursts, mostly on the weekend. I never have, say, half a day to do chores but might have two hours in between morning soccer and an afternoon hockey game in which I can clean out the fridge and de-clutter the kitchen while the little guys dust and vacuum the family room in between fighting with each other. Good times!

Well it doesn't sound like we are as busy as you, but we do have activities going on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Friday's are usually fun nights, so nothing gets done on that night. It really just leaves Wednesday's I suppose. I did just have a conversation with my husband about the kids needing to start pitching in more and helping around the house. So maybe that will change how we do things. But for the most part, nights without activities are usually spent vegging and hanging out together. But it's still a school night, and we have 6 kids to get showered, books read, lunches packed, etc. We might try to slip a game of acey ducey in or just watch some tv together. I do make the kids pick up their stuff all the time though, especially before dad comes home from work. He doesn't need to come home to toys/kids stuff scattered all over the house. I just don't get much help with "chores" like laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vaccuming, etc. Which is also another subject.

Here are my questions to you:

What do you gain from being so over involved?

When do the kids have time to devote to themselves and better themselves in their own way? (Totally different from veg time)

When do YOU have time to devote to yourself (same for hubs) and better yourself in your own ways?

By not cleaning up at least for 10 min before going to bed each night what are you teaching your children and yourself?

By scarfing food down and leaving things where they lie on a daily basis what are you teaching yourself and how does your household feel about it? Obviously there is some discord.

I am part of an evenly involved family. Two nights a week an event may be going on that I or the family are partaking in. During the day while my son is at school I may have errands to run, seminars to attend or other activities for the various organizations I support, but I manage to clean daily. Is my house perfect ... HECK NO! However I manage a load of laundry daily, 10 min of a solo round of "The Clean Up Game" and 10 min of a family round of "The Clean Up Game" daily. In addition while dinner is cooking (baking, simmering, boiling water etc.) I catch up on the details like wiping down the fridge inside and out, or the microwave etc.

Weekend days also entail the larger scale jobs such as mopping, vacuuming, detailing the bathrooms etc. On the weekends "The Clean Up Game" is played for 30 min vs. 10 because that's when we move furniture to vacuum, and change linens, and mop the floors and do the details we did not get done during the week.

I detest cleaning. So many things I rather do, however it must be done, I think it's also a respect thing. For yourself and your home.

I agree with you - kids need some relax time.

I also think that you could strike a happy medium by having 15 min of cleanup time before bed to get rid of the worse of the clutter. If everyone - adults and kids, all pick a room and work on it for 15 minutes, you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

So, a few hours of whatever, followed by 15 min of cleanup (or vice versa). It's not so bad.

And, when do we find time to cleanup? In addition to the 15 min cleanups, the adults do laundry just before bed (yes, our clothes are always wrinkled because they sit in the dryer overnight). And we do dishes in the morning while the kids have breakfast.

I could not relax if the house was mess. Perhaps your husband feels the same way. If everyone is working together it should not take that long to straighten up, right?!?! Also, it may help if everyone in the house puts things where they belong instead of just dropping everything where they stand.

How old are your kids? I'm guessing elementary school at least if they have so many activities but possibly younger elementary because...that one down night with no activities would be a homework night, big time, at our house. As your kids get older, they will have not just nightly work that's due the next day but also longer-term projects that need to be worked on gradually over time. Those are what the less hectic weekdays are all about for us, or else our daughter (12) would end up doing them on weekends, or cramming them in on weeknights when she is already rushing home and tired from an activity. Sorry if that's not a fun, down-time sort of answer, but for our older kid it's the way things are. She has one school night per week this school year when she does not have dance (she has it Mon, Tues, Thurs and Friday nights, and often has rehearsals on Saturdays) and on the Wednesdays when there is no dance, she uses the time to work ahead, study for upcoming tests, etc. She actually says she's fine with that as it's a mental and physical break from dance and she has all Wednesday afternoon and evening to get things done at a nice pace.

Cleaning can be done on weekends, or create a roster to divide up chores so things actually get done -- picking up a bit here and there is better than spending a whole evening cleaning up once a week. If homework is not part of the equation for your family's night "off" I would absolutely vote with you -- enjoy each other's company rather than spend that one night in cleanup frenzy. Maybe have one kid help with dinner while another kid does a specific put-this-away chore while dinner's made, but not a whole evening devoted to "We must now all clean up six days' worth of stuff." If your husband gets frustrated with clutter, sit down and find a way to work on it piece by piece with the kids participating all week long (storage bins to dump stuff in as they come in from an activity, for instance) but don't let chores eat up your one family night!

I guess I'd do a little cleaning. I'd have the kids work on homework. I'd want to play a game with the kids. I'd allow some vegging out - definitely! I'd also definitely want to do a sit down at the dinner table kind of dinner where we can all talk. I would not totally pick up. Maybe designate 15 minutes to having everyone do a little picking up. Then it's not all you doing it. I clean/pick up a little every day...otherwise it would get too crazy around here.

I let the kids have some TV time to veg. And I use the time to clean and get things back to normal. This summer was seriously busy for us.. We did so much and just lived in the moment, now I am going to try and get the house back to decluttered and cleaner.

I always ask myself why the house is such a mess if we are never home, bu somehow it always is. :)

I do try to interact with the kids. We come home, eat dinner, try to spend 15 mins at the park.. (my kids are small 2 &5) so that 15 mins is enough.. That might change as now my son should have some homework. it should not take us a long time, but it will take some time. I will try to work on it with him before dinner, or while I am doing dinner.

You have to figureout what works for you. Good luck

I agree with Mamazita that it's kind of a personal thing. I'm a neat freak too so one reason I couldn't stand having outings every night would be the state the house would end up in... My husband probably couldn't care less. Sounds like you guys are the opposite. So I think like many things in marriage, it should be a compromise. Pick certain rooms to straighten up or a certain amount of time to spend. You don't say how old your kids are. Like you, I think the downtime is pretty impt for them... I personally would let them chill while I did the cleaning up and let them help some on weekends if they have more time. When we do have busy weeks btw, I still pick up every night. That way it doesn't pile up and it never gets too bad. If you're out of the house that much, the house actually shouldn't have much clutter except what you bring home at the end of the day and dump. It usually doesn't take much time to put it all away nightly versus dump it and let it accumulate to the point it will take a long time to clean up.

I think it's two fold.

1. if you are so overscheduled you can't pick up then you need to have more down time and

2. you need to balance wants and needs. IMO, the couch shouldn't be the place to have a lazy meal. Stay at the table, with the TV off. Discuss what needs to be done that night and if DH can get a little work done and the kids can get a little relaxing done. I want to relax, too, but I don't get time to do that if the towels (that the kids were supposed to fold) didn't get done. Is your DH unhappy because there's always something? If they never get to see a show anymore, is that a sacrifice because they chose a sport...or did you chose something for them? And if they don't pick up their toys and clothes on a slower night, do they wake up earlier to do it in the AM? Do they do chores on weekends? What is your DH really asking? How much gets dropped over the course of the week and is it really unreasonable to do a 30 minute spot clean, all hands on deck? Ten minutes to clear the table and do the dishes as a team?