What Do You Do, When You Just Don't Want to Do Anymore?

Go ahead and strike. I have found that walking out the door and going to the movies does a world of good as an attitude adjuster. It felt so good to go all by myself, pick the move i want to see, sit where i want, have a margarita and just enjoy the hell out of myself. Then, I drove home and was much more appreciative of my life and I hope they were a bit more appreciative of me.

Napoleaon famously didn't open his mail for three weeks to see what would happen.

My advise (and I'm in AA) - one day at a time.

Room cleaning - if you ain't doing it today then f*ck it.
SIL - she ain't even here yet. See Room Cleaning.
House cleaning - See Room Cleaning.
Tomorrow's dinner - See Room Cleaning.

By the way, when Napoleon finally did open his mail - almost every issue had taken care of itself. So get an expensive Hawaiian McMeal for tonight and watch some TV. You deserve it. Tomorrow will take care of itself. :)

Maybe you need a bong hit ... hahaha

I second Tracy K.'s suggestion. Walk out the door and do whatever is fun for you. When I was in a similar space, I ate dinner out several times, by myself with a good book or magazine. I did see that there was something for everyone else to eat while I was gone. Doing this helped me manage for another few months before walking out for good. ie. divorce

Find a way to let go of your worries. One of my mantras which I say over and over to myself is this will be OK. over and over every time a negative thought popped up in my head. It's part of fake it until you make philosophy. It works for me.

Before you know it the guests will be gone. Three weeks will go by quickly. Regards your kitchen. Can you postpone repairs until they're gone. Remember, everything does not have to be perfect for your in-laws. Center yourself and know that this will be OK. If they don't enjoy their visit it's their problem; not yours.

So, give yourself a break. Perhaps a whole day at the beach or the mall by yourself or with a friend. No thinking about anything at home. A day just for you! "Just do it!" Ignore the negative looks and comments from your family. You know you need this time to take care of yourself. And......you will be better company when you return. You are not self-centered! You know it. You don't have to convince your husband of it's truth. He's responsible for his own feelings. It's not up to you to make him happy.

Re: tranquilizers. Reminds me that when I feel this way, now, I do take Ativan short term to get thru the stress. I'm in the midst of several life changing things and I am taking Ativan just 1/2 mg once a day. It does help me relax and be more effective in my self talk.

Later: Is it just your SIL and daughter visiting? If so I really don't understand why you're taking on all this angst. She's an adult. She can take care of herself. You can continue living the way you've been living. If she doesn't like what you're doing, the state of your house, etc. then she won't visit again.

I've visited relatives and friends when I needed a vacation. Sure, we did tourist things but I certainly did not expect them to put their lives in turmoil for me. During one of those visits, during which I was taking Ativan, I helped my cousin get her house ready to sell. It was a change of pace and doing something for which I wasn't responsible. It was therapeutic for me and helpful for my cousin.

I know all to well what you are feeling. Those are the times that I beg to be put in time out! Why kids fight it so much is beyond me! I would love some time out time. If only.....

Well, just do what you can is all I can say. Don't let yourself get stressed over it. It is what it is. If your SIL complains about her "allergy issues" while she is there, just come back with oh, I thought you said you were fine. And if she starts to blame it on the work that is being done on the kitchen or whatever else, just say I'm sorry but you knew this was going to be going on before you came. Hand her a box of tissues and change the subject. Shrug it off and remind yourself, this too shall pass. She will be leaving soon. (easier said than done, I know) Walk away to get some alone time when you can. If she becomes an issue have her brother take care of it.

Mommies need breaks too, and that doesn't make you a bad guy and it certainly doesn't make you self centered. Wouldn't your children and husband want a happy, calm and productive mom/wife instead of someone always on edge, worn out and just plain burnt out? Treat yourself to some ME time before your guest show up and afterwards. Good luck!!

I was thinking suck it up with your first few lines and then remembered you have the house guests from hell coming.

I can say for sure I would have thrown my hands up in the air after the allergy issue. Your family is on borrowed time....

Please go visit a friend. Let your husband take care of the deniers. You need a break, sweet lady! Take your son with you!

I hope you can do it!
Dawn

I second Dad on Purpose. Personally when I get frustrated, I sit down, have a good hearty -itch fest with my Pug (she's a fine listener) and then I get up to put on my big girl panties. Life marches on with or without you smiling. I figure if I can't fix it, then I'll fix my attitude. Remember today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Hugs!!!

Oh... I have a list. You've seen my 10,000 calorie dinner I'm making tonight, yes? I was just dipping my finger in melted butter (theoretically that saves on the calories, right? I mean, I could have dunked bread in it <bambi eyes>). Reeeeeally unhealthy food makes the list. Something that provides and excuse to eat butter or cheese, or both at the same time. Burgers. Fries dipped in chocolate shakes. Things I don't regularly eat.

In an ideal world, I go solo. Get my son a sleepover at Nana's (best ever, TWO sleepovers and actually have a 'recovery'/me day and a day I MIGHT get some things done, and (used to) chase my husband out for the day/night so I didn't have to deal with him. Then I went through the LIST of 'feel good' stuff. I'd read, marathon some TV, go pick up sushi, schedule a massage, go to the gun range, watch some more tv/movies (or read more), eat food smothered in gavy/cheese/peppers&swiss... you name it. As long as I wasn't cooking it. Bake tatertots in the oven and eat directly from the baking dish. Go swimming. A day where I'd do whatever the heck I wanted, for as long as I wanted, wearing whatever I wanted, the heat set where I wanted smorgasbord of R.-Standard-Time.

I LOVE people, but people exhaust me. One RST-days, I'm usually hermit up and see if I can slowly recollect my marbles. Then I sleep and get to sleep until I wake up.

These days were/are reeeeeeeally rare. Check please. I'm done. I need 24-48 hours or I'm going to have to go get committed.

In an un-ideal world... I strike. Everyone is still here and I'm taking a mental health day. Food shall be ordered. School shall be cancelled. People shalt entertain and take care of themselves! When my husband was in a good place, he backed me up on these ((although usually with a mention of "How many mental health days have you had this year? (His work provides 6 mental health days a year on top of sick days and vacation time and a flexible schedule) Ahem!). You get to stay home from work, or skip class if you're overwhelmed and need some space. You get to leave work and go out for a few hours to get your head on straight.

Of course, I rarely needed a mental health day if my husband was in a good place. So this usually meant if I was at my breaking point that I started calling for babysitting for our son (sleepover at nana's) and shoed him out.

Other times I'd take the car and my phone and go call a friend for awhile for the moral support of not feeling like pond scum.

Other times I'd just cancel all plans for the day and take my son out to go do something fun.

Rarely I'd go get smashed.

When I'm truely depressed I bake. I don't eat any of it... I just bake it. It's weird. I know. If I find baking sounding like a good idea, I usually need to reexamie life for a bit and go take some me time.

When I'm completely burnt out and on the verge of tears, though... when I just could cry myself to sleep or bang my head against the wall... I arrange a R. Standard Time Day. No one was going to be taking care of me, so I had to figure out how to take care of myself. Kiddo got to be out having fun. My husband got to be elsewhere having fun (or once, when he claimed he had nowhere to go... even though half the week he'd spent elsewhere! This episode was brought on by a "You're so lazy" fight he started... I just went and booked a hotel room for the night).

Once, when I was with my ex, I had just about reached the end of my fuse. I told him I wanted to get away for the weekend alone. He had a million excuses as to why I couldn't or shouldn't. There was nothing to discuss. My mom took my boys while he worked, and I packed up my stuff and spent the weekend in a hotel. If you can swing it, do it! Everyone and everything survived, and I got the mental and physical break I needed. No one offered...I just took it. Because I had to.

When it rains it pours!

Get take out and eat on paper plates. Who says you have to cook every meal.

Let family help pay for food.

Get the water damage taken care of and warn whoever is coming there will be repairs going on when they arrive.

If SIL starts falling off the wagon w/her problems, let HER take care of it, not you. Let HER find the solution, not you. If she needs meds, let HER pay for them, not you.
When it gets that bad for me, I literally have to put on my Indiana Jones hat, meaning, I have to forge ahead and do what I need to do to survive. Don't worry, I haven't had to use my whip yet :)

Hang in there mama. When all else fails, Kit Kats and a bottle of some really good whiskey seems to take the edge off.

Seriously - take a day or two off!!! You not only deserve it, but you need it. Your house won't be perfect - it's ok. The in-laws don't like it, they can go to a hotel and pay. Dinner tonight? Sandwiches sound good. The room needs to get cleared out? Throw everything into boxes or bags and stick them in the closet. Not enough room? Put some in yours, some in the kids, some in the hall closet. Deal with it after they leave. You need to free up the space, but sounds like it's too much to go through it all before they come. Throw any clutter into the take-care-of-it-later-hidden-pile and just do surface cleaning to give the illusion that your house is clean. Don't let the in-laws have too much power over you. You won't have to see them for another 14 years. You aren't close to them, who cares what they think? Besides, once they get there and see how little your family cleans up after themselves and how it all falls on you, they might even feel bad for you. Either way - do nothing today or tomorrow. Go simple, relax and see how you feel after that.

Is it financially feasible to hire a housecleaner to assist with clearing that room, and perhaps come once during the visit for a major clean?

This is the route I am deciding to go when my husband's kids come for extended visits. Like you, I would never say no to family visiting, especially his kids. But, my workload more than triples when they arrive...and I got tired of playing maid. He does help me...and now that my stepkids are older they are helping more too, which is great : ) But no one can deny the extra work this puts on the mom...

Awe, you definitely sound like you've hit a breaking point... I'm sorry~
Go for a run, a LONG one :)

You live in Kailua, right? On Oahu, not Kailua-Kona on the Big Island? The *best* (and cheapest) massage I EVER got in my life was in Kailua. Hawaii Healing Arts College on Uluniu St. Drop everything and make an appointment. You're trying to do everything for everybody and that's just a recipe for disaster, you need to de-stress big time.

As for your SIL's mysterious allergies, if SHE says they don't exist, take her word for it and treat her as if she doesn't have allergies. No special meals, no special treatment.

And encourage them to rent their own car while they're visiting you. Give them a long list of things they could do and see, all the great beaches around you, long drives around the island they could do and places they could go for lunch. Get them out of your house as much as possible - after all, this is their first time in HI, right? They should be able to handle going out on their own so you shouldn't have to play tour guide for 3 weeks.

Most of all, relax. It'll be ok and it'll all be over before you know it. We're all allowed to freak out once in a while when the stress gets to be too much. Sometime in the future, you'll look back on their trip and maybe have some good memories. Hang in there!

Wow you sound like you have deffinately hit your breaking/boiling point. Did you blow up? Make sure as every little thing that bothers you comes along you speak your mind and get it out. Otherwise it all bottles up till there is no more room and BOOM it comes out and everyone around wants to run.
I've been there.
Ask your husband for help. You sound overwelmed and you need help. Sounds like trouble comming if you ask me. Be careful what you do, so you dont regret anything.
I'm sorry about your inlaws comming, but sounds like you agreed to it. If you didnt want them to come you should have spoken up. I used to make my inlaws get a hotel room. I dont care if it pisses them off or they dont have money, then dont come. I can't stand rude people and im not going to be around them for any longer than i had to.
Good luck girlfriend!

What a coincidence! I just told my hubby last night that I am getting really burnt out. My issues are different from yours though. I'm feeling burnt out from helping my 5 year old with her kindergarten homework. She also has a hard time staying on task at school and her teacher ends up sending her worksheets home so we have that to do on top of homework at least one or two nights per week. Last night I sat with her for almost 2 hours trying to get her to finish her homework and a worksheet that was sent home. This was not difficult work and probably should have taken no longer than 20-30 minutes to do all of it. Even with me sitting right there working with her she kept getting distracted and going off on different tangents and I had to keep reminding her over and over and over again what she was supposed to be doing. I'm so sick of sitting in the kitchen with her on school nights doing homework until it's time for her to go to bed. It takes so long to get the homework done that sometimes I don't have time to read to her or practice sight words. Yes, I know it's important to read to her but I can't do it when she's so tired that she's either starting to have meltdowns or she's wired and bouncing off the walls fighting that tired feeling. I really would like to get her to bed earlier because she never wants to get up in the mornings but it's hard when we don't have enough time in the day to do what we need to do as it is. I wanted to pull my hair out last night. I told my hubby that tonight he's doing homework with her and I'm taking the night off!