What Do You Think??

ok, here are my two cents... I have 2200sf home and last year i had a party for my then 5 year old and we had 50 people, yes 50... children and adults and we had pizza and the table was taken up with the food so people parked their chairs anywhere and ate. It was great... I will say though, I have a HUGE kitchen so it wasn't hard to move around it, that can make a bit a of a difference. I say the more the merrier. The kids love the company and the adults love the converstion so its a win win situation.

honey, im having the same problem you r right now. my little girl is turning 1 and i want to celebrate!!! we have lived in our first home for about 1yr and 1/2 and have never had a party, so im gonna do it up big. It seems the older my hubby gets, the more reclusive. i have a huge family and i wanted to invite all of them as well as friends with kids. so far i have sent out 30 invitations with more pending. my husband yells at me everytime i ask him to get a friends address. Well u know what i really don't care what he says cuase this is my little girls day. im gonna invite as many people as i want.
my plan of action is to make sure he doesn't lift a finger so he can't complain when i do it again next year! tee hee! good luck!

Your family sounds like mine! If we want to see each other ever we have to stack us all in no matter who's house we go to. We all have tons of kids and there are six of us (grown) kids total. My mother recently had a surprise birthday party for my dad and it was packed. Some of us ate in the living room, some in the kitchen sitting at the bar, some standing at the bar! and some at the table. We had a great time and I can't wait until Thanksgiving when we do it all over again. Tell him to relax and enjoy the time with the family!

I'm in an 855 square foot apartment and we had 8 adults and 3 children and 2 dogs here the other night and everyone had a blast! My friends were even asking when we could do it again!!! And we had much more food than chips and tacos!!! So it's possible, he needs to check his priorities I think, family and friends are much more important than house size. Maybe he is worried by a specific judgmental person, if that's the case then tell him to get over it!!! Everyone knows someone that has either more or less than them, we can't always be worried about what others think. Congrats to you for sticking to your guns, hopefully after the event he will see that big things come in small packages!

I personally would have to ask - what is more important - seeing your family and loved ones or being concerned about the size of the home you live in. If it's such a big deal for your husband - rent a hall and have your family visit with you there.

Just being grateful to have a home that is safe and loving for your family and friends would be enough...after all there are many who don't have even that.

I say hubby needs to get a reality check and perhaps volunteer at the local shelter to learn what really matters in life.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but after working with people who don't know where they are going to sleep, what they are going to eat or when their next shower will be...this just got me.

I hope you and hubby work it out.
C.

I think it is something in the moon or water in the DFW area right now that is effecting MEN!!! Me, along with others I know, are having hubby diffuculties right now with the way they are acting/not acting/over-reacting/under-reatcing.

I understand your situation and I would not un-invite anyone. Let your family all be together and spend a few hours together. It sounds like your living situation is just temporary and transitional. So, it is not probably the way you will be living the rest of your life. Don't worry about it and I am sure he will get over it.

To make you feel better...We are in our first home that WE purchased ourselves. We are in our late 20's, built a starter home for us a few years ago, and will eventually upgrade. So, every one understands in our family not to mention, we have more room than any other family member does. We have approx. 2100 sq. ft. And a large family when we get together. At my son's 1st b-day party here at our house...drum roll please...we had 36 adults and 4 kids!!! We were not crowded, but spread out at times for the 3 hours everyone was here. We made do and it was not big deal. People even told me that they did not feel crowded at all. We used the dining room table, kitchen table, card table, TV trays, and the coffee table. You just adjust and prepare and serve a little differently with that many people. Don't worry about it, I am sure you will have enough room to entertain.

Have Fun!

Well, here is the question I have. Do you think that it is embarrasing for him because he doesnt want your family to feel like he isnt taking care of his family well enough. My guess is that it might be more of an issue like that, than with the people you will be having over. Do large crowds bother him though, does he tend to feel overwhelmed by all of those family members. I have 6 of my brothers and sisters livign close by, each with their own childre, and grandparents, so my quiet husband does get alittle lost in the shuffle when we are all together. He also says he does not like the way I tend to feel when I have the stress of handling things for so many ( I do get a little testy!:) Also, he has admitted that he feels embarrassed by his lack of ablilty to give us some of the nicer things the other families are used to (he has gone back to school so we had to cut back! ) It might help just to pry a little more without assuming that he is thinking what you think he is thinking, does that make sense. Have fun, and good luck!

I'm with Amber -- I think he's embarrassed/afraid your family will judge him because you've gone from a VERY large house to a smaller one. Particularly if the residence change has had something to do with his job or earning situation. My husband would probably do the same thing. You can mess with him a lot of ways, but don't impugn his ability to provide for his family or make sure they feel secure or have everything they need. (The problem is, some husbands get materialistic about what a 'need' is. I'm going to have a hard time convincing my husband we don't 'need' over 4000 sqft next time we buy a house.)

Anyway, I can't fault my husband for that, because it's the same when he's invited a bunch of people over to our house and I haven't had time to clean -- it doesn't matter what people really think, I feel like they're going to judge me/think I'm a bad wife and mother if my house doesn't look nice. It's the male/female version of the same insecurity, I guess. And because it's not based on anything rational, I really don't know how you address it with him except head-on and remind him no one's going to judge him and he's just going to have to put a bold face on it.

As far as space, yes, make room for the party to move outside if you can, and yes, get an extra table and chairs if you need 'em -- but I offer you this sad story from my past :-) : Our first Thanksgiving in this (less than 1700 sqft) house was our first to have my husband's whole family over. Planning for 15 bodies total. We had no dining table and barely enough chairs in the entire house. I thought back to the glorious Thanksgivings that my great-aunt, who was Martha before Martha was Martha, used to put on when I was a kid, and freaked out. It's Thanksgiving dinner, of course we must all eat together at a large table! So I went out and RENTED one. I think I even got out my nice china, just to have enough plates. Nice tablecloth. All the nice serving bowls. I'm thinking I drew the line at cloth napkins.

And after all that, guess how many people sat down and ate at the table? FIVE. Just long enough to scarf down their food. Some of his family were so late that we didn't start eating until after Cowboy kickoff (and I'm a big fan, I'm sitting here in my Cowboys sweatshirt as I type, so I wasn't resentful of having the game on), and so all the men and half the women want to sit in the living room where they can see the TV. They're all over the couch, pulled in half the chairs from the underused table, sitting on the stairs... (snort) Should've rented TV trays!

Point is, my husband told me I was overdoing it and that his family wouldn't care. I should've listened (and have not made that mistake since, BTW, in regard to holiday stuff). But I had that vision of "what Thanksgiving should be" in my head... So the question is, what vision is in your husband's head that he's fighting so hard over?

I'm with you -- you aren't entertaining the president. I have had WAY more then 12 people in my 2000 sq ft. house. My family is Huge and I know we always had a kids table where all the kids hung out and had a great time. If you have a large family room you could re-arrange and put some tables together and everyone could eat in there. Sounds like your husband may come from a different background then you so you just have to commly explain to him. He will come around!!

I also agree with Amber and Julie. Your husband may feel insecure about how he's "providing" when your living space is not what it used to be. And his family background plays a big part of what type of display one should put on when the folks get together.

I don't know exactly how to address it, other than try to reassure him that your family is okay with things, and let him know how happy it will make you just to have them around you guys. I would try to avoid a big confrontation, think about something you're sensitive about and how you would want him to respond when you express yourself.

I agree that you shouldn't change your plans at all.
You can't really control his reaction. I imagine he'll be testy, but will ultimately see people having a great time together. Hope this helps.

i personally agree with you and think you will all have a great time catching up. however, i know my husband would respond exactly as your husband has responded. i grew up in a large family and it was always very casual with people everywhere. my husband grew up in a very small family and his mother was totally martha stewart. he believes that everything needs to be just so when we have friends over and i could care less as long as everyone has food to eat!! especially since you guys did come from a huge home to your smaller one for now i can definately see where he is coming from. i always just try to meet in the middle - as with everything in a marriage!! good luck and enjoy your day!

Sounds like he needs a reality check. Most people I know live in about 2000 square feet or less (including myself). We've had about 25 here for a birthday party. It was great to visit with everyone and I don't recall one single person walking in and saying "I can't believe you invited us to this tiny house. I don't think I want to visit you any more until you move into something bigger."

I'll chime in- I live in a house w/ approx 1600 sq ft. We have 4 kiddos a home buisness and remodeling equipment in the garage. WHO CARES???? I have people over all the time. Your menu sounds great- add some nice paper plates and you are ready to go- do buffet style service and maybe let the kiddos picnic in another room? I have some decent wooden foling trays that I haul out for people to set things on and we eat where ever we can!
Hubby may be frustrated about the downsizing- or is trying to compete w/ others. Don't forget men are very competative creatures. :-) Just keep assuring him that everyone will be so busy socializing and having fun that they won't even be thinking about the house.
D.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like your hubby might be a bit spoiled by all the space you had. We moved from Florida to Texas about 3 years ago and went from 1,600 sq. ft. to 2,200 and we feel like we live in a mansion! Believe me, 2,000 sq. ft. is plenty of room to entertain people (We had Thanksgiving and Easter at our house since we moved and had at least 15 people at each and it was fine). Send the kids outside to play for a bit if the weather cooperates. Sounds like you're trying to keep it informal which is absolutely the best way to go with a large number of people. I would say to just enjoy having your family around. I sure miss mine since they are all still in Florida! As for the hubby...he'll settle down once they're all there and he's having fun. Don't let him change your plans! Family is most important, even if you live in a shoebox!

Are you kidding? I've always had a small house and housefuls of company for holidays and to watch ballgames, too! Most of us wind up sitting in the floor to visit and play with the kids. And we even fill our plates and camp out in the floor, too, to eat. We have chairs and tv trays and whatever we can put together....but the important thing is the family and fun. They must enjoy it cause they always come back again!

Perhaps hubby wasn't raised in that casual an atmosphere, but I'll bet he'll find out everyone will have a good time. It's not what you have to offer....it's how you make everyone feel that matters.

Have fun!

http://www.missbrenda.com

Hi Cathy,

I am not taking sides, but that is TOO MANY PEOPLE in that small of a space! I wouldn't like it either or my son, much less my husband. He is not a people person to begin with, but wow, he would probably leave and come back when everyone was gone!! He is not a social person and so I have to leave to get my socializing or he takes my son elsewhere when I have parties here at home.

I use to live in a small garage apartment (when single) and so I guess it comes from living in a 2700 squt. foot home and we are currently building a 5000 squt. home in Lucas! I understand your side too, but with that many kids, it will be CRAZY AND CHAOTIC!! My suggestion is, take it outside in your back yard, or at least a portion of it. It shouldn't be too cold and you can have a table or other things set up outside, so that is can spill out from your house onto your back yard. If you yard is small, I would still have most of the children out there. Set them up with a small table and of course, with all the folks coming, I don't TACO, CHIPS & SALSA will do it for all of them, I would suggest everyone bringing a snack type of dish to share in the food portion of your evening to make less work for you.

Good Luck and above all, do have fun. Next time though, I would seek your dh's advice before inviting so many folks. I get stressed out trying to make sure everyone is having fun and making sure all the kids are behaving. Some parents come and forget their kids are even there and you wind up supervising the entire evening/visit and it makes it hard on your to have a good time.

Thanks for letting me voice my 2 cents worth!

G. B.

I have a small house, under 2000 sq. ft and before that lived in a 900 sq. ft apartment. In both, I have entertained family and friends. It gets crowded, but no one seems to mind.

Sometimes to make more space I'll move coffee tables into the garage, and bring in kitchen or folding chairs, or big pillows for people to sit on. I always let my guests take the more comfy seats, but often times we just end up standing and taking in the kitchen.

For the kids, make a little space for them in the bedroom. They will come a go.

I have never had anyone complain or suggest the space was too tight. Since this is family I don't think your husband should be embarassed. They are there to visit family and not judge your home or space.

Hi Cathy,
Your approach is right on, it's about being w/ friends and family, not about who has what. Make do and enjoy. People will appreaciate the good food, drinks and socializing. Be sure to pay attention to the details that make the party fun and add an element of surprise. That's what people will remember. In order to make peace with your husband, try to think through what is really at issue. If the reason you are in a smaller house is b/c of a job loss, or general financial reasons, that could be the real reason he has a problem. Men never want the apprearance of not providing for their family. But even if this is a temporary situation like a new house being built or waiting to close on a bigger house, getting ready for a move to another city etc, your situation is what it is. Reassure him that no one is looking down on him. Silly the reassuring we do...but i guess it's necessary. Have fun.

Hi Cathy,

As with PP, I used to live with my husband and new-born daughter in a 1200 sf home in very north McKinney. Not only did we have very limited room, but we were very far away from everyone. No one ever commented about the space (and I DO come from a rather judgemental family!), just helped make do. People are more appreciative of the effort and occasion than anything else. In our old house, I was the one uncomfortable and self-conscious about the size, etc. Once everyone arrived, and the party got going, I relaxed and made do with what I could offer. Everyone always enjoyed themselves.

I hope this helps! Your husband will hopefully feel better once things get going. In the meantime, ask him for suggestions on how to make the party "more comfortable" (he may be feeling like he has no input or 'control' of this situation). Also, if your husband gets like me before a party I am unsure about, ignore the tantrums. They will go away. :-)

Good luck and have fun with your family!

First of all, some of us would love to live in a 2000+ square foot home. We live in a 900 sqare foot home in little forest hills and are tripping over everything and each other with no storage, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath and 1 living room. This is one of the reasons I'm moving to Garland next year so I can afford a nicer home.

I agree that he sounds spoiled by what you had before. We've had 2 families over for dinner before and we all just spread out. The weather should be nice enough that the kids may want to don sweaters and play in the backyard for awhile. Just make it a buffet not a sit down dinner, especially with tacos. Make a taco bar on your dining room table. Then, let everyone go find a place to eat. I'd be willing to bet when you lived in your 5500 sq. ft. home your dining room table didn't seat 24. Perhaps yout hubby may initially be upset that you invited the extra people without discussing it with him first and he's only mentioning the space as a reason. Don't uninvite. Let the small kiddos eat at the kitchen table or a card table while the teens and adults do buffet-style.

My best friend had a potluck dinner/ornament exchange in her home this weekend. I'd say her house is about 1800 square ft. and there were a ton of people there. (I don't know the exact count, but there were 35 numbers drawn for the ornament exchange plus about 15 kids running around) It was a bit crowded but we had a blast. She set up the food buffet style in the kitchen, seated some of the kids at the dining room table, brought her patio furniture in from outside to put in her study for additional seating and the rest of us just spread out around the living room and dining room with our plates. The kids spent most of the time in her kids' rooms or outside. It really didn't seem too cramped because we were all having so much fun!