Hi'ya Mamas,
First, I want to send big hugs and cups of tea to those of you on the East Coast. Stay safe, and be well!
Secondly, I have some exciting news. My husband and I are talkin' about (EEEEEP!) trying for another baby. Such exciting stuff, this! Also, a little nerve wracking. Right now we are raising two bubs, both girls. Our niece is 4 and our daughter 3. IF we do this, and IF it happens sooner than later, they would be 4 and 5 by the time the new bub is with us.
I want this with my whole heart. My husband wants this big, big, big.
Also, up until now, the idea of having another child was craaaaaaazy. We had far too much on our plates, and were in big transition. When we started raising my niece and my sister went off the deep end, I broke. Really, it was like I was already fractured, and then when crisis occurred, I just broke. I'm sensitive. And it hurt bad.
Boy am I grateful.
Out of necessity, I had to make some BIG shifts, and it's profound, and beautiful, and painful, and...well...I'm just really into my life these days. Up until now, I've always been the kid whose trying to plan for and prevent all potential calamity. Now, I realize I don't get to do that. I don't want to either. Instead, I want to be authentic, present, and whole. I want to live passionately, and not like a caged tiger.
So. Potential calamity E. is saying, "this is crazy."
Present tense E. is saying, "Oh, yes. Oh YES! Let's DO this!"
So from 2 to 3. That's the idea. Things like our house is too small, our car being too small, our wallet *tight*...those things concern me, but we always make do and figure it out. Really, for us, those are *things*. We're LOWER middle class, but we've got LOTS of joy, love, and adventure in our life.
What I am most concerned about is the important stuff like being able to show up for three kids. I have my friend's children over often, and am not unused to running about with more children than my own. But that's different. After a few days...they go home and I can take a nap. I don't want to spread my butter too thin. Love is not like butter - it's infinite. Time is not infinite. I have big dreams too. I'm going into some advocacy work (just volunteering) in a few weeks, and I'm excited about it. I really want to go to school, and get a degree.
So what's it like to have three? Is your butter spread thin? Too thin?
I know it's different for everyone, and I think how many children we can really show up for (while also showing up for ourselves and the rest of our relationships and life) is different too. I'd like to hear your input though, if you'd like to share!
What do YOU wish you'd known BEFORE you had your third child?
Some things I wish I knew before:
It will take 30 minutes to load everyone in the car.
They never take naps together. When one goes to sleep, the other wakes up.
Everything is dirtier x 3.
No my butter isn't spread thin, it's usually spread all over my daughter's hair, on the table, on the wall, in the baby's ear...
I have 3 (ages 6 4 and 2) and I thought going from 1 to 2 was not bad (my boys are 20 months apart). Having the third made me more tired...
Getting out the door took an hour... or at least 45 minutes. People commented that I was always on time, I'd laugh, and say that's because we started getting ready two hours ago.
By the time my third was 1, the other two stopped napping. That was hard. I missed my nap.
Other than that, I made it through (an also moved when they were 4, 2 and less than 1).
It's getting easier all the time. My oldest starts 1st grade next week! I can't believe how fast it's gone. Sometimes I think about having a 4th... but then someone starts screaming and they remind me that my butter is spread a little thin... and I am completely happy with three.
Good luck!
J.
Sort through your dreams and make sure there is room for another child. For example, if you decide to plan another child, you should plan on postponing your dream of getting a degree for a few years. Also, you do need to count the cost financially. If having the 3rd baby means you need more income (versus just cut back on spending), maybe I'd wait a couple years and save for that bigger house, bigger car, diapers, baby gear, etc. Babies need lots of attention as you well know with 2 already. The third can be a wonderful addition, but it definitely challenges your relationships with your husband and older kids and is far from a piece of cake. It's true, with 3 you are outnumbered and there just isn't any "down" time anymore especially if they are all 5 and under. Glad you are thinking this through...best not to rush into anything without counting the cost. Don't forget to consider your health risks related to pregnancy and get in the best shape of your life--THEN get pregnant. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3 wonderful blessings.
lol @Chick M!
Things I wished I'd know before my 3rd, 4th and 5th lol:
The transition from 1 to 2 was the hardest, once you are past the stage of your child will break and fall apart if you are not at their beck and call life gets alot easier
Attitude counts for 99% and money/space/car, etc 1% - so long as you have a can do will find a way attitude with LOTS of love it can all be worked out
Sometimes you will feel spread too thin, but its ok. Some people feel spread too thin with 1 or no kids lol
You will not be perfect and you will make mistakes but thats ok too! Life is about learning from your mistakes, be open and upfront with your kids as they get older so they will learn from them and also know mistakes are wonderful opportunities to grow and learn.
Every one of my 5 children fit so perfect in my family, I could not imagine life without them!
Best of luck to you and your family!!
Well, I had our third when the other two were 17 & 19! She is the best thing in my life. I wouldn't change a thing. The timing was perfect. I had said earlier that I did not want to be paying for daycare and college at the same time, but we did, and it worked out.
The whole entire WORLD cannot imagine what life might've been like without my third child, the only girl (now 14), and a goddam ray of sunshine every minute of her life (no sarcasm there either).
No thin butter here, only a fantastic rich life! My regrets are there's no 4th 5th 6th, and so on.
:)
Mine are spread a bit further than yours -- 10, 6, and 2 -- the thing that I have learned is that I can be spread too thin if I don't watch myself -- it's very easy to make life all about the kids, especially with the running around to activities -- make sure that you schedule yourself at least one easy day each week -- limit the number of activities your kids do, and sine you've got 2 close together in age, try to get them into the same activities, at least sometimes. Try to schedule things so that your husband can also cover some of the running around, and it only gets more intense as they get older. Make sure to schedule some family time. And you time. It's important. Take care of yourself. Routines are very important -- not that every day has to be planned and by the book as far as routines go, but for instance, having a routine to get everyone out the door into the car is really helpful. Don't always be the one to handle the nightime parenting or get up early, even if your husband works and you don't -- you'll burn out. Make sure he does some of that too.
That's all I can think of now -- my daughter just woke up and I need to help her.
I always say I'm glad I didn't know before, because if I had, I would never have done this! Our third child is definitely our biggest handful, most rambunctious, worst sleeper (he's 2 and still doesn't sleep through the night). However, now that I have him, I would do it all over again. Yes, I have less free time for myself. Yes I have less of myself to give my older two kids. But we all have a lot more joy, love, hugs, laughs, and are more bonded because of him. It is so precious when my older two come up to me and tell me something cute the baby did, or said, or just watching them nurture him and look out for him. My heart absolutely swells with love and pride. Best wishes!
My friend has 4 boys! They are a handful, and yes she is spread thin, she also works. The good thing is, the older two can help out a ton with the younger two. Even a 4 or 5 year old can help with baby, so start training them now to be helpers. Nice they can climb into their own carseats and mostly strap themselves in as well. They live in a small house and also have a very tight budget. Keeping a schedule, decluttering and trying to spend individual time with each child helps. OH! A helping husband, that's probably one of the number one things she needs. As for the car, you can get slimmer carseats or trade your car in for one with a larger back.
3 was hard at first. All my kids are close in age.(2,4,5 now) Took a while to figure out how long it was going to take to get everyone ready and out the door and get to where we needed to be in time. How was I going to divided myself in 3? After a few months things started to get easy and I figured out what work best for me and them. I had my day on a routine schedule(or close to it) But it was hard to get them all down for naps at once. Like one of the moms said,usually ones asleep and 2 are up or 1 is up still. Same at bedtime. But I love my kids and I would do it all over again!!! I enjoy them being that close. They really love each other but they do fight often as siblings do. I never really thought about what it was going to be like with three,I just took it as it came. Best Wishes!!!
