Thoughts on a 3Rd Child

Go for it. Children bring you so much joy later in life, also. You will NEVER regret it. My children are my joy and I wish I had more. They are my best friends as I age. Good luck!

I finally was "okay" with the idea of only 2 kids this past spring. My husband had been sure after our second that he did not want any more and I was feeling really sad for a while (hormones) after I weaned my second. About the time I told him that I really felt okay deciding not to have more, he said "Oh, well, actually, I kinda feel like I would want just one more." Since he is the one who is home days while I work and then works evenings, he is the one who has to feel up to the work load of three kids. I have heard both from people with three kids--that the second is a lot harder to add than the third, and that the third makes things harder than the second did. I have no idea yet, but I'm due in March with my third boy. I guess we weren't thinking of the emotional/mental side because we both just felt that we were ready to have one (or two if twins) more. I can tell from how excited my 4 year old is and the way my 2 year is walking around calling his belly a baby that they can't wait. Just be comfortable with whatever decision you both make whenever you make it.

For what it's worth, you're not totally alone. I've known a several women over the decades who didn't want more kids, even though their husbands were enthusiastic. Three women went with the hubby's wishes, and four didn't.

The results were mixed, but overall, I think the three women who didn't spread themselves thinner were more content. Their kids were happy and well-adjusted, in each smaller family. If the husbands were disappointed, it was apparently not enough to disrupt the marriage.

In the four families I've known that had one (or in one case, two) additional child(ren), three ended up in divorce before the children reached high school. I can't help but believe those had something to do with the extra stress, though these things are complicated and I'm not really in a position to know for sure. And of course, their children were not particularly happy when that happened.

You bet your husband would feel differently if he was responsible for most of their care. Not to mention carrying the pregnancy and giving birth.

The very best advice I've ever heard about adding to a family is to be sure it's the best possible choice for everybody involved, including the existing children.

And there's the population of the entire world to consider these days, too. Human population growth is so extreme now it's nearly a vertical line on a graph.

A very large majority of environmental scientists believe this growth will put all of our children and grandchildren at risk for a seriously diminished quality of life. And humans are consuming astonishing amounts of natural resources, some of which are collapsing under the strain. We are creating enormous amounts of waste and pollution, and health scientists warn that many modern disease problems are the unavoidable result.

Bringing babies into the world is the highest-impact choice we can possibly make. Loving parents are often hungry for more kids, but like any other appetite, we can't always have everything we crave. What we want may be unavailable, it may be unhealthy, it may simply be too much. It's important to consider all the ramifications, not only in the relatively short term of getting our kids through childhood.

I agree with most of what everyone has written. But something to consider (being devil's advocate). Your son is nearing school age. Would that make you feel more or less spread thin? Would the time he is in school help or would juggling school schedule and getting him too and from make it more complicated?

when I was in my late teens/early twenties I babysat for a family that at first had 2 kids, but eventually had a third. They had a boy and girl already so figured whichever it ended up would be easy. They both made GOOD money. But after the 3rd was born they later told me 3 was SO much harder then 2. You only have 2 hands if you are by yourself, you only have 2 parents. When the kids got to school age I was often called to take one of the three to an event since all 3 had to be at separate places at the same time.

So, I stopped at two. Didn't want to be outnumbered and although I do daycare for a living, two is perfect for me and my husband. We are sometimes overwhelmed with just the two.

It will be hard at first but then things will get much easier as the kids will play together and entertain themselves. That's the plus of having them close in age--- challenging in the beginning but great when they become mobile!!! It's normal to feel a bit overwhelmed at the the choice but I really think in the end you'll be thrilled with a third. More family to love!!! Good luck!!!

I have three kids. 8, 6, & 2. It gets a whole lot easier the older they get. My husband works the twilight shift, so he is home with the kids during the day while I am at work. When the older two are at school, he & Juliana have a blast together. When they grow out of the "I need help with everything" stage, and you dont have to constantly nurse, change diapers, etc., having three kids is wonderful! I waited until my youngest was 4 before we had our last, just to give us that breathing room with the diapers & things. Good luck with your decision - I was very happy that we decided to have 3!

Hi E.:

There is nothing wrong with waiting until your ready...even if that means you never are.

My first baby was born 11 years ago, my second is 7 and I just had my third 15 months ago at age 40. The beauty of the age spread is that my older two can 'help' me. They play or read to the baby when I make dinner or take a shower. They do chores so I can get more done during the day.

Yes, we are not out of diapers and I am more physically tired but I am a happier mom too because I am comfortable with my parenting skills.

Get your oldest in school and then see how you feel. Once they are in school for the whole day you may feel ready to tackle another one.

Either way, enjoy them...what precious gifts you have been given!

E., I don't know how old you are but your 2 are close in age. Wait 2-3 years and then re-evaluate. I have 3 and he is the apple of my eye but I'll be honest, there were plenty of times when both my husband and I agreed it would have been easier physically and financially if we had stopped at 2. Realize that one more and you guys are outnumbered, lol! Consider your ages, finances, plans in the future as far as traveling, whether you want to get your time back once the kids are in school for a longer day or do you want to start all over again. Kids are a blessing but let's face it they are a lot of work physically and mentally. Also, you know that hubby isn't the primary care giver and is he gonna step up when number 3 comes?

Our closest friends had a third child. She's always reminding us how difficutlt it is to have 3 and how we have it so easy.

My husband and I just went through this discussion and we decided two was good. mine are now almost 4 and almost 6 so new baby would be born when they were 5&7. The two i have now boy and girl are sooo close and play so well that i know that the 3rd would be a third wheel its entire life. Being the younger sister of twins I know how that feels. Im sure this can be different in other families but i was the "other" one. Not to my parents but to my sisters. Granted I'm very glad I was born. My kids are at the point where I dont have to load up the house to go somewhere, camping was actually a blast since i didn't have to worry about naps, heat, etc. I want to get back to snowboarding and they are about the age where i can get a family pass, put them in ski lessons while my husband and i do what we did before kids. Things are getting a lot easier and Im happy to have some me time back. Granted if I were to have a third I'm sure I would never say i regretted it but I'm in a happy place right now. I can actually go enjoy myself while the kids are off playing with other kids. Its nice.

We had surprise number 3 soon after #2. My husband is always gone and it is not EASY for me with 3 under 5 BELIEVE me. We also have an IRS calamity to deal with and tight finances, so I hear you. You don't have to have #3 right away, but I have to say, I LOVE this arrangement now and wouldn't have it any other way. Now she's 18 months, and the other two are almost 3 and 5, and life is MUCH easier now than it was a year ago when she was tiny and my oldest was a bit younger. Now my almost 5 year old is very helpful, and the baby is more independent, and my almost 3 yo old and the baby are tight. My third has amazing unique traits (as all kids do), and she's by far the most difficult and temperamental, but I'm so thankful she's here. You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do, but it does work out, and the love for your 3rd far outweighs the difficulty. Good luck! And my husband didn't want the 3rd, so I had the opposite struggle....now he's thrilled of course.
I kind of want 4....but am probably going to wait and see for a few years if we can take foster kids at this point....I'm 40 and all...believe me the hubs is not on board..:)

yours are young, i have 3, i always wanted 4 but now i am wrestling with it...your oldest will be in school all day soon, if not already & the second will follow shortly, once that happens you might feel differently...at this age they are so young & still need so much from you especially being home all day, but in just a couple of years, it will start to get different, they will be more independent & you might find that more manageable...right now my oldest is in school all day, my son half a day & our baby is just 15 months, with her getting into everything i cannot even imagine another, however by the time we would actually be ready for another she would probably be 3 by the time the baby actually arrived & i think that in a year i will feel differently...just reevaluate every 6 months & see how you feel (but you should express your feelings to hubby & never have another if you arent both totally on board)

If you aren't sure you want another one, I think you have your answer. Let me put it this way, I would LOVE another one, but we will not be having a third. My husband is hesitant, and I KNOW I would be spread too thin. I can give my present children a lot more if there are only two of them.

It breaks my heart to think I will never be pregnant again and nurse a baby. If you don't feel that way, you may never be ready for a third. If you feel content now, why throw something into the mix that has the potential to truly upset things for the negative? Babies are a lot of work.

I would not do anything unless both of you are on board with it. Have you discussed this with your husband? Because you need to be frank with him - that you really are not sure you want the work that comes with a third child and you feel like you have enough on your plate already. Keep in mind to that trying for a 3rd could result in twins - or more.

Someone just posted on here recently that their hubby was thinking about having another child but he would have to reverse his vasectomy and she had had some health issues with her previous pregnancies. If she became pregnant again, she could have been risking her health and it makes you need to think if it is really worth it (worst case scenario = mom dies, kids left with dad alone). It's easy for men to want more kids when they are not the ones becoming pregnant with them and having to care for them day in and day out.