What Is Normal Ambition or Lack Of?

The problem with questions like this is that it's unbalanced. You haven't said anything about the income bracket you are in or if you are mired down with debts. You haven't said if you are otherwise happy with this man and does he spend time in his off hours with his kids and with you? You haven't said what you do for a living and if you are putting it all on him to save for the future.

For many years my husband has been discontented with my income bracket and always pushing me to make more and more somehow. I've tried to do other things outside of my regular profession which in my opinion has not been good for me or my business or my kids. I wish I had been able to convince him through the years that a penny saved is a penny earned. Sometimes simple living would go a LOT further than chasing those corporate rainbows.

My husband accepted 2 jobs with a 6 digit income. Both states we went to seriously limited my ability to earn an income because those states counted our own children in the #'s of kids I could keep. With 4 of my own, I was only able to keep a couple of children in one state and one family in the other. The trade offs for having the higher income on his side was NOT worth it AT ALL. For one thing he was under so much pressure and he was grouchy and angry all the time. He pushed me to change my profession to make more money and I wasn't happy. Then both these jobs ended and in the last state we lived in one of our children became an adult and stayed behind when we left.

Sometimes you have to be careful what you are asking for. Sometimes getting what you think you want isn't what you need.

Your comments are so entirely one sided. What are you doing to improve your families future? Where are you saving, adjusting, or planning better?

I think everyone reaches a point in their life where they become comfortable and content. They just learn to accept things the way they are.

As far as an internal drive to suceed or growth, some people have it and some don't. Everyone has different values and things that are important to them. Some want to be at the top of the corporate ladder and others are fine working for minimum wage. Some want a huge house, expensive car, and lots of gadgets; others want a simple life and are happy with a roof over their head, good food on the table, and basic reliable transportation. It's a personal choice.

As far as living from paycheck to paycheck. If it's someone who's done it for most of their adult life, it's what they learned to accept and they are content with it. In this case the husband is fine with it, and wife isn't. There needs to be a compromise.

There's also health and happiness that needs to be figured into the equation. He could choose to work 60 hours a week, or find a more stressful job that pays more, but what is the true cost. He won't be able to spend as much time with family, stress causes all types of health issues.

So the answer to your question is yes. This is typical for a person with this type of personality.

My brother is super intelligent, has a Phd in theoretical organic chemistry, and has a fairly simple software job when he is capable and has had offers for much more high level work (with higher level pay). I guess it is up to each of us to determine what makes us happy - my brother decided the stress with the higher pay was not worth his free Saturdays to roam through the city he lives in and have an easy, albeit simple, life. Ambition can be defined to be the best in your field, whether is it being the best garbage man or the best rocket scientist. Maybe your husband defines his best as being the most relaxed and happy (although you do mention struggling so perhaps his life is not all happiness). I think this is a discussion you should have with him, in a philosphical, non-threatening way. Maybe ask him if he won a million dollars what would he do with it? Would he keep the job he has now? Would he want to change things? Maybe he is simply lazy or selfish, but perhaps his answers might surprise you.

Some people lack drive and ambition but given that age of 46 he may suffer from low T and testosterone supplements may help.

This is going to be an ambiguous answer. But I recently read Boys Adrift because I have an unmotivated behavior-challenging ten-year old that makes me half crazy some days. I was surprised that the aspects that applied to my ten-year old were very similar to my husband as well...it may give you some answers. It may not too.
It does sound like these are things YOU want and maybe he says that because you want to hear them....and I absolutely mean no offense to you because I have lived with the same type of man (except he turned to alcohol, drugs and was very depressed).....it's been a crazy past few years!

May you find peace and serenity!

Maybe hes happy with what he has.

my husband wants more for my family than we have, and works too hard to get it in my opinion.

Im perfectly happy right now, but i support his need to get some land in a better city, he wants it for us. and i will support him in that.

Maybe it works the other way around too.

I dont consider going to work every day ever lazy.