My kindergartner has invited his classmate to watch a movie on Sunday. I am totally fine with that especially that it will happen in my house. We have already invited this friend and his mom to a play date and the kids really had fun and we had a mom’s time together. I have told them that was ok to come again to watch a movie and made the arrangements with the mom. Some plan changes, I will have to skype my sister on Sunday and that is the only day she can do it (and she does not leave in this country), I am thinking to ask the mom to drop off her child for a movie time, but don’t want her to think that I don’t want her to come. I just will be more comfortable talking to my sister when she won’t be around. I thought about changing the time, but that won’t help either because I really don’t know when my sister can be on line because she often has connection problems and I just hate to miss her after all the efforts he will be doing to get connected.
I don’t want to cancel the whole thing either and ruin it for the kids because they are looking forward to it. I really can be with them in the same room watch them and have my headset and talk to my sister at the same time. Is it rude to ask her not to come? I enjoyed having her the last time, but it just won’t work this time. Please let me know if I need to explain the situation to her. Won’t she feel unwelcomed if I do so? I don’t want anything to sound like “please can you drop your kid and go home, because I don’t really want you around?”
UPDATE:
Yes it is important to me to talk to my sister, I didn't see her for almost a year now and we chat on skype every now and then. I know that she cannot afford to be on the computer whenever she decides to, things are more complicated there than here. I cannot tell her to call me another time because I know how difficult it is to get in touch with me and all what she goes through to be able to sit down and talk to me.
simple honesty is all that is required. Switch the movie date to another day- sooner would be better!
Don't overthink this.....& please don't ask the mom not to stay....that would be rude!
This is what I would say:
Hey! I am sorry to change plans - but my sister will be Skyping me on Sunday - I would feel really funky don't being able to spend time with you - but since my sister doesn't live in the US, I would really like to be able to catch up with her.
Now, on the other side of this - I would want to change the date as if there's a problem with the kids or the movie - you won't be "there"....that's just me. I know that I "get into" convos with my sister and would lose track of the time or the situation....
Just explain all that you just did about the skyping issue and time difference to the M. OR arrange to move the movie time up later or earlier than when you will be skyping.
I don't think this is a big deal. I do drop off playdates with my kindergartener all the time. How about an email that says,
"Hi! We'd still love for XYZ to come for the movie on Sunday. However, the only time that I am able to skype with my sister is at that same time. You are welcome to drop off XYZ so that I'm not rude and ignoring you during the playdate, or we can reschedule if you're not comfortable with that. Thanks so much for understanding!"
Just be honest with the other mom. I totally understand your dilemma and need to talk to you sister. My mom lives overseas, we see each other, maybe 4-6 weeks out of the year if we're lucky and we skype once a week....it's important!
Just tell her the truth, say, I really enjoyed having you over last time and was looking forward to it again. I need to talk to my sister and I cannot reschedule that, would you feel more comfortable not coming with your child, or should we reschedule the whole thing? Let her know you don't want to disappoint the kids. Who knows, maybe she will enjoy some time to herself!
If I were said Mom, I would completely understand.
How long do you expect to skype with your sister?
I would probably offer to come keep the kids occupied while you're talking.
Why don't you just explain it to her like you have to us?
Do you think she's a SUPER sensitive person? Even so, I certainly don't think she'll be insulted.
:)
I'd adjust the movie time by an hour or so so you have private time to talk to your sis.
If it's an important call you're not willing to miss, I would reschedule it. Or perhaps ASK the other Mom what she thinks. Maybe phrase it something like, "I need to ask your opinion. My sister who lives out of the country is ONLY available to call me on Skype this Sunday. I know we already asked you and your son over. I hate to cancel the movie for the kids, since the call won't involve them, however I don't want to be rude to you by taking a lengthy call while you're here either. Do you mind if your son comes over to watch a movie with my son and IF the call comes in while he's here, I'll keep an eye on the boys from the kitchen while I talk with my sister and then you and I can catch up some other time?"
I think then you're honest, straightforward and not being rude to anyone nor disappointing the boys by cancelling their movie date.
Rather than hurt feelings in a new friendship, I would just reschedule the playdate so the kids and the mom can get your full attention. But chances are if you explain why you want to reschedule, she might let you out of entertaining her anyway.
Is the computer in a private space in your home? Do you mind being interrupted by the kids during the call? My first thought was that she could keep them occupied while you chat so you can have more time. Don't know if that would work out out. Not sure how to ask it the other way.
Sure she will be fine. Just say "I hope you don't mind but my sister will be getting in touch via skype today and I don't know what time, because she is in another country and sometimes we have connection issues, would you mind sitting with the kids while I chat to her or we could reschedule if that suits you better, I just don't want to miss the chance to chat to my sister" If it was me I would totally understand and would offer to watch the kids while you chatted in another room. :-)
How long do you anticipate the phone call to last? If 30 minutes or so, have her sit with the kids and watch the movie while you go in the other room and chat. If 2 plus hours, tell her exactly what is going on and ask what she would like to do. She most likely won't say "sit there and listen to your conversation". Simply explain it to her. Communciation is key in every friendship. If you explain to her why you are doing what your doing, she has no reason to get upset. Good luck.
If changing the time with your sister is not an option. Then I think the next best thing is to change the time of the movie with the child or cancel it and reschedule right away.
For heaven's sake it's just a movie playdate, re-schedule it! Tell the other mom that you don't get to hear from your sister often and that this is your chance to talk woth her and that you would LOVE To have her and her child over another time, pick a date together. The kids will be fine, 5 year olds are big enough to learn to delay gratification and that the world does not revolve around them. Maybe you could even get a babysitter for your son so that you can enjoy the rare chance to talk with your sister uninterupted, you deserve that!
I'd tell her the truth. She can either watch the movie with the kids or drop her child off. But she's probably going to figure that you are going to be Skyping and not paying attention to the kids and she may decide she'd rather not leave him.
I'd just be honest with her and do it now so the plan is made and you wont be stressing for the rest of the week.
You want your child to have some entertainment so you can Skype freely.....
Sometimes we dont get to have our cake and eat it too, unfortunately.
Be completely honest with her. Simple as that. I'm sure most people would completely understand. You don't have to say it, 'drop your kid and go home because I don't really want you around.' That's nasty. Just tell her what's goin on in your world and let it go.
Just be honest and tell her what's really going on. Perhaps the mom will be willing to keep the kids entertained while you enjoy some time with your sister. Something like that is going to be understood.
If I was in the other moms shoes I would want you to be honest with me. Just tell her the situation with your sister and this is the only time you can talk to her because she is out of the country. I am sure she will be happy to reschedule with you make it another day on the weekend Friday night, Saturday or next week. You will be able to come to a compromise. As for the kids you just try to explain it to them as well. Good luck.
Instead of changing the skype time, can't you just change the movie time? Just say to the other mom that the original movie time won't work, can they please come earlier or later? Doesn't seem like a big deal, really. She will probably understand if you explain it to her.
Why is it so important for you to skpe with your sister on a day that you already have plans? Can't you skype with her before or a few days after Sunday? Is she going to get shipped off to outer space after Sunday, and you won't see her for the next few months? This doesn't make sense to me. Skype with your sister another day.
I agree, just be honest. Anyone should be understanding about your situation. Is there a reason why you cant do it Saturday?
I would tell the other mom that your son is really looking forward to having her son over to watch the movie on Sunday. Tell her that you really enjoyed visiting with her and are looking forward to it again but this Sunday your sister (who lives out of the country) will be Skyping you and you don't know what time. Tell her that if she would be more comfortable dropping her son off this time since your call may overlap their visit that you are ok with that. Assure her that even while on the call, you will keep your eyes on the little ones.
Not going to read the other responses so excuse me if I am repeating. I would tell her that your sister is going to be calling that day and you want to be able to talk with her. I would let her know that you had a lot of fun and will "make it up" another time. Make sure that she knows her child is still very welcome to come. Just make sure she knows that you don't get to chat with your sis that often!
Good luck!!
I like how Jane M. put it. Let the other mom know how much you enjoyed spending time with her and if it wasn't this convo with your sis, who you rarely get to chat with, you'd want her to be there, too.
I may even suggest that if the call comes in early, would she be flexible to pick up son early and just hang out for a bit.
I bet she will enjoy a kid-free or one less in the house for a few hours, too:)
Reschedule the entire date so you can talk to your sister. You cannot tell the other mom she cannot come, and you certainly don't want to tell her you will be so involved with your sister that you cannot watch her child (which is what she will think)!! Tell her something has come up that is unavoidable (do not elaborate) and give her 2 alternative dates that would be good for you, and let her choose. Be apologetic about needing to reschedule and explain it's an unavoidable family issue.
One suggestion is to get yourself ventro. Once yoou have it and it runs around 10 dollars a month or cheaper she can download the software for free and use yours. Its a lot cheaper than skpe. On the play date be honest about your expecting your sister that day so you wont be able to socialize with her. I would not drop my kindergardener off somewhere and leave. So I do not think its a good idea to offer that. You can offer to reschedule.
You have given all the reasons as to why this mom should not come. So, I guess it's pointless to try convince you otherwise. I would still not say anything to her. if your sister comes online at the time when the mom is visiting, just get on skype, talk to your sister and be done with it. the mom can entertain herself. read a magazine, watch the boys, talk on the phone if she needs to etc.
What's wrong with having the other Mom there and when your sister calls just say excuse me and talk with your Sister. If you explain the issue to the other Mom I am sure she would be happy to sit with the kids while you chat.
