What's Your Number?

My number, sadly, is 2-4 times per YEAR. Not normal and I'm definitely not happy about it, but I wouldn't leave my husband over it. And amazingly, we've managed to have two kids anyway.

The answer is, there IS no "normal".

Find a balance that works for both of YOU, and that's your normal.

(And for Heaven's sake, please don't let answers from women who say they want sex 9 times a day make you feel like there's something wrong with you.)

:)

There were two sex surveys done 50 or so years ago. One by Masters & Johnson and one by Kinsey called "The Kinsey Repot".

They both surveyed people from 16 to 80 years old. One survey said the "average" couple had sex 2.4 times per week. The other said 2.8 times per week. Obviously the 16 year olds wanted sex more often than the 80 year olds.

The fact that the surveys were done so long ago before "living together" and sex-on-the-first date became so prevalent. I wouldn't be surprised if the numbers would have climbed tremendously because now women feel like they can be the aggressors in the bedroom.

I can't tell by your profile how old you are or how long you've been married. When I was in my30's and 40's once per day would have been fine. But a Woody Allen movie comes to mind... Woody Allen's character and his wife's character are in their individual psychiatrist's office. He is telling his psychiatrist he NEVER gets to have sex. She is always telling him, "No". She is telling her psychiatrist they are ALWAYS having sex and he never leaves her alone. The movie is showing both scenes at the same time with a split screen. Both psychiatrists ask the same question at the same time, "How often do you have sex?" They both answer the question at the same time and both say "Twice per week."

Good luck and happiness to you and yours.

Normal is what you are happy with.
We have been married for 10 years. We have 3 kids.
Our normal is different depending on what is going on in our lives. Sometimes we are up to 3 or 4 times a week and sometimes it's once every couple of weeks. Just depends!

Normal is whatever frequency it takes to keep you both reasonably satisfied.

Who has the energy! A couple times a month.

I'm almost 54, my husband is 46. We have teenagers. We both work outside the home. My mom just passed away from a long illness and I was very involved in her care. My MIL is in a nursing home. My dad and his dad passed away a longer time ago. His sister has terminal cancer (prognosis is 3-6 months). As you can imagine we are usually exhausted. My husband would still want it every day or every other day - but our usual is about once a week. I'd be fine with once a month.

More recent studies have shown that living together before marriage actually decreases the amount and satisfaction with sex after marriage. Who'd have thought?

When we were first together our number was much higher - but life does get in the way. When the kids were pre-schoolers I was constantly exhausted and I'd tell my husband that if he would help around the house he'd get lucky more often. If he was relaxing in the recliner while I was doing dishes, laundry, giving baths and making lunches I was not in the mood after collapsing in bed for more reasons than one...

I am going to start way back in the early days of our relationship to current times for this one. My husband was the one person who treated me as a person and not a sex object.

We started dating in 2002. We met through one of my best friends. It turned out he only live around the corner from my house. Which helped us actually have a relationship around our insane work schedules.

When we first started dating I was very timid. I had never been without a Boyfriend. I was used to boys falling at my feet to be next to me(I still wonder why or how that was possible). My body and my sexuality were everything to my self-esteem.

So when my husband did not seem interested in me that way when we started dating it was super strange and I was very insecure about it.

Two months we waited before we had sex. Then it was another almost 2 months before we did it again.

Flash forward to our first year of marriage in 2004-2005. I was pregnant within the first month we were married.

It was a scary time for us and we were not ready for a kiddo. So our sex life sucked back then.

when kiddo two and three were coming things got a bit off. I was scared to have sex once my last was born. Sex became a nerve racking thing for the pure fact that whenever we seemed to do it, I would end up knocked up. Even after my tubes were tied I was scared for the first two years that I would turn up pregnant. I made turning him down the worst part of my day every night, for a long time.

In 2010 I was in a severe accident involving hitting a then 8 year old boy on his bike, In 2011 I almost died.

When I began recovery for this, we started going to couples counseling.

THEN AND ONLY THEN DID WE KINDLE OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

We now are daily do'ers if we are not both flat out exhausted. If we dont actually do the deed we still have snuggle time in bed. It helps just to hold each other before we pass out for the night.

We have never been fool around people. I dont like kissing with more than your lips(tongue to tongue is a once in a blue freaking moon and I really have to be feeling really saucy sauced.

I feel my most safest when we are together. I may sound silly or maybe even strange. I love that absolutely pure and safe feeling. Living with severe PTSD(hopefully the severe will diminish and I can be a full functioning adult who sometimes has a small flash or rage here or there...not daily), being able to have the feeling is made me want to be with him in that moment as much as possible.

Our intimacy is great therapy for my badly damaged mental state(which is improving daily as I find it myself to deal with the world).

Thank you for this question. It may sound silly but this helped me remember why I love having that connection with my hub so much!

Happy Monday ALL!

S.:

It all depends up on the stress levels in the house...

when my husband was unemployed? Not too frequently.

if I had my way? every day. I guess I'm like your husband. As it stands - it's NEVER THE SAME for any week....it could be once - it could be 4...sometimes 5. Just depends!!

Hope that helps!

for us, we have been married for 11 years and have 2 kids ages 8 and 5. (we are both 32 years old) We average about 3 times a week. Sometimes more, and not at all when I'm on my period. I think you are pretty average.

Over our 14 year marriage our number has fluctuated and that is normal. There have been times where 5 times a week was normal, and times we were lucky to get 1 or 2. Right now we seem to be getting in 3-4. There really is no right number, it just depends on what works for that couple at that moment in time.

2 times a week, 3 kiddos ages 4, 7 and 9. :)

Our number is once or twice a week, unless I am in a fertile period, then we abstain for about 10 days in a row. When I am pregnant we have sex more often, but it depends on how the week is going. If I am tired or have sciatic nerve pain, it might be a few weeks before we have sex. Otherwise, it is about every 2nd or 3rd night.

Daily sex after 6 years of marriage is an unrealistic expectation. Yes, some couples might still have that kind of frequency, but that is rare. 2 or 3 times a week should be PLENTY. It is only since the invention of birth control pills that men have come to expect such frequent sex from their wives. Our bodies weren't designed to have daily sex without consequences.