What to Be Called?

You should tell your son that you are not anything to the baby! He is PLENTY old enough to understand that dad got married to a different woman and THAT woman is the baby's mother. Tell your son that the baby can call you "Steve's mom" (or whatever your son's name is). If I was in dad's shoes I would mind too. You goofed. But that's okay.....I goof ALL THE TIME! :)
L.

I would explain to your son not that you "aren't anything" to the new baby, but you aren't related to him. It's okay for him to understand that he and his brother have the same daddy but different moms. Just curious, but why does your son call his step-mother Mom? And does he call his step-father Dad? I would think that could get pretty confusing in his young mind. There is a common thread in all of this. Using titles to make the situation seem what it is not. You may want to take another look at this.

I think you should tell your son what you really are to the new baby. Not the baby's step mom, you are just HIS mom and his step mom is the new baby's mom. Then when the baby is old enough then he can call you what he is comfortable with. I would definitely correct him though. You don't want to confuse him. He's only 5 but still getting old enough to understand who everyone is. Good luck!

Well . . . . . if I understand this correctly, you are not really related to this new baby, correct? In that case I would have answered him honestly. I have a 5 year old and she understands who my parents are and that her aunt is her dads sister. He should be able to understand the truth. I can see how his father might be upset.
To keep the peace you may want to appologize. Just tell your ex that you didn't expect the question and you didn't know what to say.

I think the baby should call you whatever you and his parents are comfortable with. I also just want to disagree with the people who think it's wrong that you let your son call his step-mom "mom." I think it's WONDERFUL that you all are getting along as a family and I wish more divorced families could work together to raise their children in the way that it sounds like you are raising yours. It's wonderful that your son has more than one mother-figure in his life and he won't be confused about who either of them are-- I have two "Grandma"s and I know they are not the same person, I know the familial ties I have to each one, and I love them both! Bravo to you and your ex for having a healthy, mature relationship!

I agree that you could have answered that you are his mommy and not anything to the baby. The baby already has a mommy and daddy. You are (your son's name)'s mommy and no one elses.

I think being called by your name is appropriate.

Personally, I would prefer that the step kids call me by my first name and my kids call me "mom," HOWEVER, if the children CHOOSE themselves to "name" the parents, I wouldn't be upset. My sons (grown now) wanted to call their stepmother Mom and I never said anything about it. They are children, after all. Now that they are older they call her by her first name.The one thing that would concern me is that if a relationship didn't work out they might think they were losing their other mother. I would explain to your son that you really are not related to the baby, but I would also ask your ex to not be upset by this. He allows your son to call his wife mom, after all!

Why would you be ok with that? Your son is old enough to understand that his dad is re-married and that is what makes his wife your son's step-mom. His new brother doesn't have a step-mom, plain and simple.

tell him to ask his daddy what he should call you. Put the ball in his dads court, since he's the one who created this situation.

I read the other answers and think everyone has good points. But I just had to say, it would make me mad as a hornet if my child called anyone other than me mom! I'd put that to a STOP. Thank God my husband and I stayed together because no matter what, we both agree that the whole step this and step that is just not happening for our children.

The baby should call you by your name and refer to you as (insert your sons name here) mom..

We have lots of this in our family and the children understand how we are all related and with each divorce or marriage, birth we explain the relationship.

My husband's family is Italian, and they call random relatives (or people who aren't really related except through marriage, or even sometimes people they've known and liked for a long time), "Aunt" or "Uncle." My kids call my husband's best friend from childhood, "Uncle Vic" even though he is in no way related to them. And of course, Uncle Vic's wife is referred to as their Aunt Mimi, and Vic and Mimi's kids are referred to as cousins... even though they are not actually related to us at all. I think a lot of cultures do this. Maybe you could be Aunt E.?

This new baby should call you "your son's name" Mom (Jacob's Mom) or Ms. E.. Some suggested letting your ex decide, but what if you don't like what he decides. Also, are you comfortable with your son calling his step-mom 'Mom'. I would not be okay with that. I don't have much experience in the 'step' department, but I personally would not want any of my children calling anyone else 'Mom'.

I would call your ex and talk to him about it--I would not send your son to do the asking. He may be feeling a little put out by his new brothers arrival, the last thing he needs is to be put in the middle of something.
I agree that he is likely old enough to understand but I think that the fact that he asked where you fit into all this is because he is trying to find his place too. Just a thought.
Good Luck!
E. S.
Helping Moms Work from Home
http://www.keepingmyfamilyfirst.com

Your son is only 5 yrs. old. Tell your ex to be real. This little boy is confused and if you say no, I'm not the baby's mom hes' going to ask why. Tell your ex to let it be, its not like your going to have the baby with you at any time soon so what is he worried about. Children come out with the darndest things and this happens to be one of them. In time he will get over it. I'm sure when he visits that they are for sure not going to tell him that your the babys' mother to. Tell your ex to let it be. Your son doesn't understand in the least and in time the subject will be dropped. How old did you say your ex was? Tell him to use his brain or to read up on child physcology. There is definetly no harm done on your part. Your son loves you and your his mommy, he just wants' to share and I commend him for that. Most little ones' his age wouldn't even ask something like that. Tell your ex that your son is more brilliant than he is and ask if he wants a bottle to boot!! I don't mean liquor either. :-))

I agree with Kelly! If he does not like your answer then he should be the one to answer the question.

I don't know how to answer but, I think that if your son's father has a problem with your answer then he should have addressed that before the baby was born. Children ask questions!

If my ex ever gets remarried I would have no problem with my kids calling her mom. To me it shows she is treating them well, like a mom, and that is the best situation my kids could have. My kids already call my boyfriend dad because he acts like one, ya know, he plays with them, helps them, ya know? dad things. I don't know why people flip a nut over this. Shouldn't you want your kids to be happy no matter which house they are in?

What I find funny about your exes response is that he has no issues with your son calling his new wife mom but has a problem with your son calling you step mom even though both are born of the same logic. She treats him well so in his home he calls her mom. I would imagine when he is at school and such he refers to her as his step mom. Following that logic over to the other side since he is her step child because of a common father you must be a step mother because of the same common father. I guess what I am saying is your ex is acting like a hypocrite.

Let the poor kid call people what he is comfortable with after all he didn't choose the life he leads, the adults did.