What Would You Do? - Covelo,CA

Since they've already attempted to duck out once, Id lay money they'll do it again.

So it depends on how much the friendship is worth to you. If its worth more than the player, next time they want to play in the car just say

"Nope! Last time we found pennies and a guitar pic shoved in the CD player, and it cost $300 (or whatever) to fix it."

If its worth not having to be around people who lie and break things, send them a bill. Either they'll pay up, or you'll never see them again.

I would not ask for the money but I would definetely let her know you found a quarter and guitar pick in the CD player.
This just sounds so strange to me. I never even let my kids play in the car let alone someone else's child. Why in the world didn't you just say "no"?

I would have said "sorry, a car isn't a toy." I think it is silly that these parents would even let their toddler rope you in to this. Kids need to learn the word no. It doesn't sound like mom is going to own up to this, so not much point in asking her to pay. I think this will be an expensive lesson learned.

WHAT kind of a parent gives in to their child's wish to play *in somebody else's car*?! What kind of a parent lets their child play in ANY car? I'm sorry, that's NOT normal. And then to leave it a mess and *broken*?!?! Unacceptable.

Unfortunately, I think, like some other posters are saying, that you won't see any money out of her...and if you do continue to push it, you will likely lose a friend (not sure, however, if that friend is worth keeping).

Consider it a hard lesson learned. And be very wary of your friend and her toddler's antics. She knows darn well what her child did - I'd be slowly backing away from the friendship, if I were you.

I have four kids and never have I, or anyone I know, requested the keys to a car to play in it. Say this was even normal, which it isn't, but play in your own car!

Clearly she wasn't watching her but you shouldn't have given her the keys to your car so a toddler could play in it. You offered your car as a toy and that is what happens to kids toys.

Consider it a lesson learned and move on.

I would stop inviting this friend over. Not just because of the broken cd player, but because of an incredible lack of judgement on many fronts.
First of all it it a parent's responsibility to teach a child social skills. Children must learn what parts of someone else's home are generally off limits and the idea that when you go to someone's home you visit them, not their stuff.
Secondly, for safety reasons a toddler should never be allowed in the front of a car - especially a curious one!
Third and lastly, mom allowed your car to be trashed and either allowed your cd player to be ruined or didn't supervise well enough to know it happened. Either way...
I would not bother to ask for money. I don't think you'll get it.

Since when did a car become a toy? I would never allow a child (even supervised) play in my car.

I am sorry but you bear the responsibility for allowing something this stupid and I can't believe another mom would entertain the idea to allow her child to play in a car... What koolaid was she drinking?

What happens when the child thinks it is ok to play in a car unsupervised and gets locked in when it is in the middle of summer and dies, or gets the car out of gear and has an accident?

I think I would not be friends with this type of example of parents, especially if they were around my children and gave them any weird ideas like this.

Sorry about you cd player. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

This is not someone I would remain friends with. She crossed boundaries by asking for your keys to let her child play in your car and then left a mess with cds thrown around and a broken player. Who does that? Then she denies responsibility. This is someone will take advantage of you again. Send her a friendly email about the cd player, maybe even offer to split the cost since you gave permission, and when she doesn't pay you should cut ties with her. You don't have to be angry about it, just say you don't think things are working out.

haven't read the other responses but i bet i'm not alone when i say NO WAY should that parent have let their child ask to play in your car, PLAY in your car, and DESTROY your car!

sooooooooooooooooo out of line. i'd be done with those "friends" quite honestly.

i guess part of me would feel partially responsible also, so asking for compensation would have to be up to you...but just so you know, your friends are idiots for letting their child do this - ESPECIALLY if they weren't watching her any closer than that - she could have knocked it out of gear, anything. very dangerous, very stupid, very negligent on their part.

next time you'll know!

I would never have allowed a child to play in my car, supervised or not. But regardless of the wisdom (or lack thereof) of allowing it, if my kid breaks your stuff, I owe you for the broken items.

Honestly, I would chalk this up to stupid tax. You should not have given them your keys and allowed the toddler to play in your car. That is absurd to me. Who even does that?!

A car (or any vehicle) is not a playground.
The Mom's response tells me - she KNOWS what happened - she's going to lie through her teeth and back pedal and make excuses to cover it up.
Plus - with the mess her child made/left - what the heck kind of supervision did she provide?
Did she let child do as she pleased while Mommy zoned out on her cell phone?
I've seen Mom's do it while the kids run amok - makes me want to snatch the bleeping phone and smash it.
If you care nothing about the friendship - bill her for half the repairs.
You'll never collect but you'll never hear from her again.
Instead, since you are not confrontational, I think this might be a lesson learned thing.
You replace the CD this time at your cost and no more anyone playing in the car ever again.
But she's not as good a friend as you think she is.

Ummm, no. A grown up teaches a child that a car is NOT a playground. Anyone who lets a child play in their car is liable for any damage that child does to that car. You let her have the keys to make it a playground. She did so.

It's on you.

No. I would not ask for a friend to pay for something **I** let them do. You willingly gave them the keys to your car - therefor - the onus is on YOU in my book that you liable.

That ANY parent thinks it's "fun" and "okay" to "let" their child play in a car is utterly ridiculous. Seriously. We know who rules the roost in that house. The child. There is NO way "playing in a car" is right. ESPECIALLY in someone else's car.

Lesson learned - it's YOUR car. DO NOT hand out keys to your car for a child to play in. period. Cars are NOT play centers for children. EVER.

when my son was 2 my husband was "watching him" play in my car... well, guess what he did? He put at least a dollar worth of coins in my cd slot. we got my cd player fixed at the dealer and because the entire unit was broken it cost us almost $1,000 to fix! This is going to be one expensive mistake that your friend made but I don't think you can ask her to pay for it... after all, it is YOUR car that you were letting the little girl play in... which means you are partially responsible.
What a bummer, though.. Sorry! (I would definitely mention it to the friend, however... so she realizes that she needs to keep a closer eye on her child...)

If you don't mind losing the friendship, ask her to pay but she won't.

I once did something similar. We had just purchased a very expensive motor for our mini blind in the living room due to my husband becoming disabled. He could not reach up to open the only window in the whole living area and this gave him back some sense of ability.

It is obviously not a toy, but his cousin's wife kept whining and insisting we let her son try it out. We gave in because we didn't think he could break it by using the remote. Afterall we were right there. He hit the buttons and ran off with the remote. The motor burned out in maybe 2 minutes of them chasing him around. From that point on, we are quite firm in telling parents and kids NO. I also don't care if they get mad.

She denied it once, she'll likely deny it again.
I "might" work it into a conversation that I removed two pennies, a quarter and a guitar pick from my car CD player. She'll know that you know, at the very least.

I'm betting Covelo, CA is the only place on the planet where a parent agrees to let her kid play in a strangers (or ANY!) CAR!!!

I would not expect her to pay -- clearly her little angel isn't responsible, right?!-- though she certainly should offer. But you do realize she's not going to offer, right?

I definitely would let her know her child's actions: "I do want you to know that we checked out the CD player, and there were coins and a guitar pick shoved into the CD slot that weren't there before Daughter was in the car. I am letting you know that she did it, so you can keep that in mind next time she's playing in YOUR car." If the mom has any decency she'd OFFER to fix it as soon as you say that. But I doubt she will since she was so very eager to pin the blame on your "old" CD player.

If she is a good friend, is there any way you can have an honest talk with her about the risks of letting a toddler play in a car? It's incredibly dangerous, and not just for the CD player. In our area just this past week, two toddlers in a car managed to get it into gear somehow and it started to back up outside a store; another person blocked the car with her own which stopped the car from going who knows where, backward, with toddlers in it. I'm sure your friend would say that someone would always watch her child while the child is in the car, and that she'd never leave a child in a car alone in a parking lot, which is what happened in the case above. But still, letting her child think that a car is an appropriate place for play seems very, very foolish and dangerous to me.

Wow it sounds like they are parents who don't say no and let their child do whatever they want at any time. Just being at someone else's house and asking if their toddler could play in their car is plain weird. Both my kids also had this obsession/love of playing in the car when they were toddlers but I would have said no to playing in someone else's car. Then that mom being so disrespectful to you by letting her toddler throw your CDs around and stick things in your CD player is really bad. I would definitely say something to her about it. Tell her you were shocked when you found your CDs thrown all over the place. Tell her that day your CD player worked GREAT and they found those things shoved inside...so it HAD to be your toddler. Tell her you are pretty disappointed she did not apologize or take any responsibility for her own kid's actions and the amount she owes you for fixing the CD player is X. Tell her you hope you can still be friends but from now own her toddler cannot play in your car if they ever come over. Don't expect her to be your friend any more, but I think this woman needs the shock of someone speaking the truth to her.

It sounds like mom isn't going to fess up to anything.
I would take this as a lesson learned. Cars are not toys. Period.
There is a reason for that.

I would have said NO to the kid playing in the car. Absolutely not.
I mean, what if she likes playing with the knobs on the stove? Do we say okay because that's what the toddler wants to do even though it's potentially dangerous?

My cousins liked playing in cars. One day, they got in the car, took the brake off, and rolled through the wall of the garage and down a steep hill. They weren't hurt but the car was crunched and needless to say the garage had to be repaired. They weren't toddlers, they were old enough to know better, but it happened just the same.

Cars are not toys.

If your friend wants her kid ruining her car, that's her business. You should have said no.

Hindsight.

Replace the CD player when you can. Keep kids out of your car.

Best wishes.

I would tell the parents what you found in the player. Do you have children who could've put the items in there? If so then it would be hard to prove who did this. I would expect that she'd still deny that her child did. I would suggest that they pay to have the player fixed or replaced. I would expect that they would refuse and I'd then expect that our friendship would be over. But then, I wouldn't want to be around people who were this irresponsible.

I would be sure to include the father in this conversation. Men tend to be more reasonable when accepting responsibility in such situations. He wasn't the one in the car and may have a better understanding of how his wife thinks. He may agree to pay when his wife wouldn't.

I, too, wonder why you let her take her daughter to your car. It just doesn't seem like a reasonable request. I suggest that you work on becoming more assertive. Having boundaries and being willing to keep them is not confrontational. Learn how to stand up for yourself in a way that is comfortable. There are many good books about assertiveness. I suggest that you either do some reading or get into counseling.

BTW Have you taken the player in to see if it can be repaired. Repair might be affordable.

I dont think you can be compensated. But you definitely learned not to let kids play in your car, right?
Your friend, leaving a mess, well that is wrong too.
I'd at least maybe discuss it with her, maybe she will opt to help you pay for a new player, but she sounds like "trash" to me if she let her kid do that and leave the mess......
Hard to believe a grown woman was inside the car and letting that happen.
Weird.

ok... my first thought is why in the world would you let a toddler that isnt yours play in your car. i would have told them no! they can play in their own car not yours. i would talk to the friend and say that there were these things put in there and you believe ---- did it whe she wasnt looking. if she totally flips out on you end the conversation. if she doesnt flip out and admits it then maybe ask that she chips in half to replace the stereo.

remember you let her take ---- into your personal car to play so you cant really expect her to buy you a new one. its like saying yes ---- and --- can play baseball in the house. then a window getting broken and you want the other mom to pay for it. when its something you allowed to happen. if you have a radio that can be pulled out (ie not built into the dash) then you can easilly go to walmart and get their bottom of the line sterio for 45 dollars.

You probably won't get any money back but I would say something to her so at the very least she knows you know. I would have never allowed this, mistake number one and two you should have called her immediately after finding your car a wreck and told her so. She sounds like a crummy friend, who allows their kid to do that?! Sorry this happened:(

Tough lesson to learn. I would offer to pay for something that my child broke, but your friend is the kind of person who thinks that a car is an acceptable play space for a child so she's not exactly a "think it through" kind of person, right?

At least now you'll never be that parent who thinks that a vehicle is a play space - how incredibly stupid and dangerous of your friend to allow her toddler to have that attitude. It's kids like that who are the ones who accidentally put the car in gear or lock themselves inside and overheat or freeze to death when their clueless idiot parents leave the keys lying around and the child goes into the car without their knowledge.

I would call this a live and learn experience and forget replacing the cd player. Buy an iPod and a car adapter (so it plays through the radio station), or if your car is newer, just use the USB port. It will be cheaper than trying to replace the cd player.

I think you could try telling your friend what your husband found in there and see if she'll volunteer to pay, but I don't think asking her to pay is a good idea.

I wouldn't ask them to pay for it, but I would let them know that "Fyi, we took the CD player apart and found that these items had been shoved into it, and we've concluded that it happened when you and your child were in the car."

I cannot imagine someone asking if they can have the keys so their kid can play in my car, especially if we're not all out somewhere where the kid needs a break from the event.

I would have never let my friend or her child play in my car without me being there and for some reason that just sounds odd to me as well. I would never have allowed it at all.

Go play with cars in a room not a real car. Too many other things can happen and obviously your friend doesn't keep a good eye on her child if he/she was able to insert all of that into your CD player!

I would tell her what you found and ask her to contribute towards getting it fixed, but be prepared........you may lose a friend over it. It is partially your fault as well for allowing it (sorry, but it's true). Kids do not need to be playing in cars as that is how accidents can occur.

Good luck and hopefully your friend will understand you are not made of money and her child is responsible for the damage.

How exciting that you are going to have your first baby. I guess this will be one of many more times to come where you get to start exercising your mommy decision making. Please do not let these friends be examples to you. Listen to yourself. Learn to say no. The best love you can give your child will be setting and teaching them boundries. It might not always make them happy but they will respect you and know you love them. Congratulations and I wish you some new friends.

the last time I looked , the car was a giant expense and you don't have to share it-especially with a baby. That said, the parent's have to be responsible for everything their child breaks and should be tripping over themselves to have your CD player repaired. you're joking, right?

I absolutely would ask them to pay half AFTER presenting the evidence of what was in the CD player. Why would you think that she WOULDN'T supervise her child????

YES! Ask that your stuff be replaced. Or bite the bullet if you think it would be better for the friendship. It kinda goes with the risk of allowing such a thing. Still, I think that friend needs a serious reprimand. Maybe she wasn't watching her child. We all know how much we need or like to tune out sometimes. It sounds like she was tuned out and for all you know she was sitting there playing on her phone or taking pictures of her cute child gone wild. Not fair that it's at the cost of your music player. Lord knows you probably need that music to drive!

I'm really sorry. I think the reprimand is important because she needs to know it's not appropriate to: 1) ask people if the child can play in a persons car. (Cars are tools for transportation, not play structures!) 2) TO ALLOW the child to play in the car. Both the child and the parents need BOUNDARIES SET! and consequences!!! Good luck!

Maybe you can send her a link to this conversation so she can read multiple posts and get perspective. Not cool.