What Would You Do? - Charlotte,NC

Nope! If you child is having problems, you need to find the root of the problem. Moving him to a 3 year old class will NOT solve any problems--it will probably create more!

Well it would depend. I have worked at an accredited preschool where the classes were not determined solely by age. The child's level of social skills, weaknesses, and strengths were huge components in creating groups. Even relationships with peers and teachers were taken into account. It was great to work somewhere where kids were not just an age and expectation.

If it were me I would want to have a lengthier discussion about why they want to place him in that class. Do they feel he would perform better with a different teacher? Does another teacher have more experience/education with learning disabilities? Would having him in a different class give them more opportunity to individualize his curriculum? Will the softer pace of a three year old class help him to focus? These could be positives for him if that is the intention.

I do believe that you know what is best for your child, so good luck in your advocacy.

I do wonder; what school activities has he been banned from? That sounds weird and would probably set off some red flags for me as well.

If his behavior is just a maturity issue and all he needs is a little less structured play time to grow up, then placing him with 3 yr olds sounds like a good choice if you want to stay there. He'll see what his behavior has earned him and he'll straighten up, or he really does need to be there and he'll fit in better.

If his behavior is truly an undiagnosed attention problem then you are delaying the inevitable and he needs therapeutic intervention. Boys often do mature socially at a much slower rate. He's probably great at some other skills, not just group ones yet.

If I were you, I'd give the younger class a test. It won't hurt do see how he responds.

Sorry that has happened to you! I would find him another place if he isn't fitting into the school your at-- yes it wouldn't be as convenient because you work there, but you have to do whats best for your child. I would be offended too if someone offered that as a solution too! I think they were just trying to be helpful, but its still hurtful. Good luck!

M

Why don't you just take him home and let him be a little boy? Most boys are not ready for school at 4. Many are not really ready until 7 or so. If there is any way possible, I would bring him home and let him grow up a bit more with your loving care.

i personally dont think putting him in a class with 3 yr olds is going to help anything at all. that really has nothing to do with it lol its not like hes falling behind in school or not catching up with the rest of the kids his age. he just has a behavior problem and as far as im concerned thats normal and if anyone says different then i dont know how "normal" 4 year olds are supposed to act. if it were me, i would be really offended if someone told me my kid needs to go into a class with a bunch of 3 year olds. i would tell them maybe they are the ones who need that class cause obviously thats what they are acting like haha!

I agree with the poster about bringing him home. It sounds like he's just not ready yet.

I know of many people who had their children repeat a year or two. they ALL and I mean ALL say it is the bet thing they ever did. The reasons are the child is more mature, his Brain is further developed, which is very important when he is a teenager and they tend to be leaders in their class. You have to think much father down the road then just a year or two. He will be able to handle college entrance exams better, be more self controlled because his brain is more developed and he will be less impulsive as a teenager. He will also be more coordinated for sports.
I have a friend who did not follow the recommendation of holding her son back and she sooo regrets it now that he is in middle school. He is smaller than all the other boys and he does poorly in school. His self esteem is in the toilet. Just do it you will save your son and family alot of heart ach. This is about him not you.
I would also get the Dr. Natura products for worms, yes I know that is gross but many many kids with worms are missed diagnosed with adhd etc... I have told many people this and they are amazed at the results. The probiotics for kids help a ton too.Good luck!!

I would modify his diet (cut out sugar, high fructose corn syrup, foods made with white flour, nitrites and food dyes) and see if that improved his behavior. I can't remember the exact name of the diet philosophy for ADHD behavior, but if you search 'adhd' and controlled diet, you'll probably find lots of articles on it.

I agree, putting him with younger kids isn't a great solution. I know a lot of people will hold a child in Kindergarten if they don't have the maturity for first grade...but that is not for over a year. My son is almost the same age as yours (5 in February) and he is in Pre K this year. We had a lot of behavior issues last year which was his first year of preschool. The teacher worked out a specific behavior plan to address the problem areas (all the teachers followed it to be consistent). She also suggested getting him evaluated not for ADD/ADHD but for sensory issues. Age 4 is a little young for a reliable ADHD diagnosis (you can get a better idea at 6 or 7). I worked in the mental health field before having kids and I could see how my son and other high energy little boys like him could get that label even if it isn't quite the right one. But diagnosis or not, it could help a lot more if the teachers and you could sit down and make a plan to deal with specific behaviors that are disruptive in class. I know I went through the same list of acceptable behaviors in a disagreement over and over before it stuck. It took most of the school year last year but it did get better eventually.

BTW, it's so hard to go into a meeting at school feeling like you are the mom of the "bad kid" or class bully. But you are not alone. So many kids have bumps in the road. I know I had to remind myself of that as I went to pick up my misbehaving son when he was repeatedly sent home for being aggressive to classmates or just disobedient to the teachers. But I suppose it is better that they learn now and not later...

I would not put him back but I am not sure I would tell my boss that either..I would ask the doc their opinion and then tell your boss what the doc said. Let the professional tell you and your boss what is necessary. Keep in mind though that teachers can only do so much, if there is a problem child in the class, it makes it hard for all students to pay attn. If you truly know your child has issues in class, I would consider a specialized preschool for him or staying at home and working with him yourself. You cannot expect those teachers to teach him if he is not compliant with what they tell him to do. I do not think putting him in with younger children is the answer unless he is mentally and maturley behind. Do you need to work? If so, you may need to get him into a specialty preschool so you can work stress free.