What Would You Have Done? (Maybe TMI)

Updated on March 21, 2011
Y.C. asks from Orlando, FL
20 answers

There is a park near my house that just went through complete remodeling, the new floors are like that spongy plastic and there have being lots of kids playing now.
Last weekend I saw this girl (around 5 years old) with a "very" tiny skirt, and at first look it looked like if she didn't have any underwear but she did, just tiny and it was between his butt, hard to avoid to look since she was all over and up and down.
That made me feel a little uncomfortable because there were 2 fathers and a grandpa.
Then I saw that she was there with her father (one of the 2 that were there) then I thought, ok, not all men think about this things (dress kids appropriated for some activities) but then he was pushing her up by with his hand by her butt, sigh, another of the things that it makes me uncomfortable specially at this age and with that clothes. So I told my self, ok no everybody is a pervert so mind your own business.
For some reason the girl didn't want to go up anymore and he put her down, and as he did the start girl pee on her self, right there.
I look at her and there was not emotion and I look at the father and there was not emotion also, she didn't try to move and he just walk away.
I couldn't hold my self any more and I suggest to the girl that she could "finish" in the grass. Then the father say sorry and took her to the grass.
I thought they would leave but they didn't.
I felt so bad for the girl having those wet panties and also kind of gross that she kept going on the slide and really mad at the father, but really didn't know what to say, I keep looking at other parents and many looked uneasy too but no body said anything.
They left after 10 min. they had a wagon where the girl sit so I think they may live close and I will see them again.
I left after a couple min. later with a uneasy feeling.
Would you have done/say something?

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So What Happened?

Thanks all, and yes, one of the things that worried me was the fact that she just stood there, she didn't look around to see if somebody was looking, she actually was looking at the floor. She also didn't got embarrassed when I suggest to go to the grass (so either she is use to or something happen that she didn't knew how to react).
I was molested when young, so it is hard sometimes to don't let my own experience affect how I see some situations but you are right and I thought about that too, some dad's just don't see the things like moms do.
I agree with all of you, next time I see them I will try to talk to the dad or the girl

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

I would have said something. I know it's hard not to think of every man a pervert these days, especially with girl children, but these men may honestly not be good at what they do and have no idea how it is with a girl. As a M. standing by, I would suggest taking her home since she would be uncomfortable wet.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Wait...why was she told to pee in the grass? Every park I've ever seen had a restroom near. Weird!!

Coming from a family of 3 girls, I know my dad had no idea how to dress us. My oldest sister ended up in my clothes sometimes. However, he would have known what was too short!! This is very strange, but I don't think there was anything you could have done. Unfortunately, there was nothing to prove there. Say he was a pervert, even if you call the police...they wouldn't have done anything about it. You had no real evidence. The whole situation would have made me feel like you felt, though. Next time (Man, I hope for you there is not a next time!!) discreetly ask the father if he has a change of clothes and suggest a restroom.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Well, I try to imagine my ex husband in that situation with our 5 yr old daughter. I can totally see how he could put the wrong underpants on her if I hadn't been home when they left for the part. In her drawer would be a zillion pairs, some sit some don't. And even if put a pair of goothies on that were too small, it probably wouldn't occur to him to look for a better pair. And it may not occur to him that a teeny little skirt is not the best thing to wear to the park.

Furthermore, if she PEED in his presence, he probably wouldn't know what to do about THAT either, sigh. He could certainly keep them alive for a couple hours, but that's about the extent of his common sense with regards to young children.

I read your post a couple times to see if I missed something, but to me, this the just sounds like a case of a dumb, unprepared Dad.

:)

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Soounds to me like another case of "clueless dad". He probably just wanted to get out of the house, didn't see anything wrong with what she was wearing (*he* doesn't think "that way" about her, or is once again 'clueless' about the fact that it would make others unfcomfortable), and didn't think to pack extra clothes or maybe she didn't even get chance to use the toilet before heading out. Perhaps she's in the habit of wetting.... who knows?

I see quite a few little girls with just undies on under their skirts at the park here, and am not offended. The wet underpants on the slide, though... that's pretty bad.

I'd say keep an eye out, if you see them again. I think what you said was probably fine,given the circumstances. He may also be a parent who is impacted by intellectual disabilities, so be watchful, courteous and cautious. Who knows what might be revealed...

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

What worries me is that your red flags were going up. Your mothers intuition is telling you something is off. On the one hand, he's an engaged enough dad to pull his little girl to the park in her little wagon. On the other hand, red flags and emotional diconnect on both thier parts. It could be divorce or death. He could be struggling. Could you reach out to this guy and befriend him? If you think there could be something amiss, it may help to get a closer look. Or maybe he's drowning in grief and doing the best he can.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I think this is a case of silly dad syndrome.
Men tend to be particularly clueless when it comes to little girls...
She may have dressed herself that morning and when she wanted to go to the park, he took her. I'm sure he didn't even really look at what she was wearing.
That said, most people don't mind seeing kids underwear when the kids are little. I don't happen to like seeing underwear or even diapers under a dress for that matter. My daughter had matching pants and shorts for every outfit. Yes, I'm particular... and yes, I'm weird.
The other thing you need to remember is that some children can't hold their urine as well as others. She may have forgotten to go before she left the house and all the climbing and stuff put pressure until she just couldn't hold it any more. Some men are clueless about that stuff, too. They forget that 5 year old bladders aren't the same size as a 30 year old man bladder... He was probably shocked that she had an accident, but he probably didn't know what to do about it. That said, maybe she's got bladder issues and it's just the norm at their house...
Relax. Be glad he took her to the park.
If you are afraid this might happen again, throw an extra pair of shorts in your car or your stroller. If he shows up with his kid not dressed appropriately, you might want to just give them to him to put on her.
Personally, I'd not want my husband judged the way this poor soul was.
LBC

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B.C.

answers from New York on

I probably would have asked the father if she had a change of clothes and would he like me to change her for him, this hopefully would have cued him that she can't stay wet in the park. I know I would have told him that her panties are visible hoping this would set off a light in his head that everyone can see her bottom. Men sometimes are just not attentive to what their children are wearing. About a month ago I was in the supermarket and I came across a man cradling his one year old daughter and she was wearing a summer dress, spaghetti strap summer dress a small hooded jacket and no shoes. It was freezing and I wondered to myself how can this be that this little girl is out here with these clothes and he doesn't notice how in-appropriately dressed she was. What your describing seems to be the same case. It's passed so I wouldn't bring it up again however if you see something again I would say something and keep your eyes on her for her movements with him, etc.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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N.D.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't think I would have said anything about the inappropriate clothes (it may have been daddy didn't know any better- or they didn't have any clean clothes that fit or something)- but the fact that she peed and then was using the slide....that I might have said something over. That sounds unsanitary. My daughter is 5, and is dealing with some incontinence issues (so sad!) and we are actively working on it and going to Dr.'s due to it. If she had an accident like that at the park- and it was obvious enough to myself and everyone- we would have left to go change immediately. Sometimes she has very small accidents- more like leakage- and sometimes she does not realize it- so it goes unnoticed at times. But this was something pretty obvious (she finished on the grass in front of everyone!). It is so hard to say things in the moment- I'm the type that always thinks back and wishes I would have said something. Maybe if you see them again it could be an opportunity- either if it happens again- or you could be nice and say "hey I remember you guys" and then ask the dad- was she OK after she had her accident last time?

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C.M.

answers from New York on

I would definately keep a closer eye on them if you happen to see them again. The fact that you weren't the only one that noticed something a little strange, is what worries me. These days, it really pays to say something that you see that may be wromg or uncomfortable, especially when it comes to our children. Let's hope that nothing out of the ordinary is going on in that family. Keep us posted if something else seems strange.

Updated

I would definately keep a closer eye on them if you happen to see them again. The fact that you weren't the only one that noticed something a little strange, is what worries me.I definately would have said something. Not in a rude way, but the dad would have definately knew how I felt about it. These days, it really pays to say something that you see that may be wromg or uncomfortable, especially when it comes to our children. Let's hope that nothing out of the ordinary is going on in that family. Keep us posted if something else seems strange.

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N.H.

answers from Detroit on

Maybe not the first time but if it happened a second time I probably would. In fact I think the next time you go to the park and everytime after that you should bring an extra pair of pants just in case. That way if it happens again you can offer your help without offending the father. If she doesn't pee again you can say, "I saw a couple of boys looking up her skirt and I just want to make sure she's protected" or something like that. Don't beat yourself up over not saying anything this last time, however, if it happens again, I would say something. Good luck!

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Sounds like the dad was more clueless than anything else. Though you would think that once she was wet, he would have taken her home.
Maybe he and the mom are not together, this was the only time he had with her for the week, he didn't have spare clothes, and didn't want to cut his time short.

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M.C.

answers from Pocatello on

What do you say? Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do... however, i might have said to the dad after her accident- "that cannot be comfortable to still play in wet panties... do you have a spare or something?" A little pee on the equipment probably wont hurt any of the kids... but it is pretty gross. (Urine is actually pretty sterile)

There certainly is speculation as to what he SHOULD have done, and you were probably 100% right that something was off. BUT, being weird and not "socially" correct isn't a crime in itself. If you do see them at the park again in the future... keep a keen eye on anything odd that is going on, and if you see anything that makes you thing there is more to this story- don't be afraid to call social services. (ideally if you can find a name, or other identifier without becoming a creepy person yourself- give SS that).

Even if they say that they can't DO anything about that sort of situation, the call could put this family on the social services "radar" and if they hear more complaints, they might just go in and make a house call to be sure this child is being taken care of.

It is a hard call to make, but the fact that your "red flags" went up tells me that you intuitively felt something was wrong with this picture. Of course, in all honesty. I *hope* you have bad intuition rather than the "other option"!

Good Luck!
-M.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

I would have felt the same way you did. And i think most dads would not take their daughter out like that I know mine wouldn't. I want to judge but it sounds like there may be something going on there. here's what you can do if you see them at the park again try to strike up a conversation with the little girl, because are you sure that that is her father and not maybe an uncle or someone, she may tip you off to what is going on. Always be sure before calling CPS or anyone else. J.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I totally understand where you are coming from. Some parents just don't think. As one mom said the dad may not have known better. I would try to get to know him a little better. Tell him her outfit is sooo cute but maybe shorts and a cute top would be better for the park since she is playing and going up and down the slide and her panties are showing. I always tell my kids I kept a change of clothes in the car for them until they were 5 or 6 and had a diaper in the glove box for years. It may be a cultural thing, I lived in So. California for 10 years and often saw Hispanic kids all dressed up, girls in dresses or skirts at the parks. I wondered how they managed to keep those clothes clean. You might want to mention that some stores offer little skirts with shorts attached, so little girls look like they are wearing a skirt but they can play and their panties don't show.
I worked in retail for years and often saw Moms trying clothes on their kids while standing between the racks of clothes. I would go over to them and point out the fitting rooms sometimes they took the hint sometimes not.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

I probably would not have said anything...although I would have been grossed out by the whole scene. He should have cleaned up any "mess" that his child had made and left to change his daughter's clothes. I probably would have started to "herd" my kids away from the area.

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M.E.

answers from San Francisco on

That is really strange. I think it was just a clueless father. Really clueless.

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

put some clean panties in your purse for next time and offer them up if it becomes necessary. Hopefully there wont be a second time.

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K.E.

answers from Birmingham on

Ok, my husband can be clueless with his girls (different color socks, etc) but there's NO way he wouldn't notice his daughters behind showing while she played and get her changed, OR let her wet herself and not change her. My younger SD wasn't fully potty trained till she was three and a half and with us. Hubby never volunteered himself for potty training duty, but if I was busy or not there, he made sure to remind her to go to the bathroom every now and then, cleaned her up if there where accidents etc.

This is not "good dad" behavior, it goes beyond clueless to just not caring to see the problem.

I think if/when you see them again, you should take an interest in this little girl, befriend dad if possible and just try to see if it was a one-time incident that raised "red flags" or not.

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Ok, I am not sure if I am not understanding your post or not, but is it possible that he was molesting her when he was lifting her up and pushing her on the slide etc? then when she wanted to get down-she was scared and peed all over?? I just think something is really wrong with this picture--- I would keep an eye out and if you see something funny again, go and confront them or try to get more information. GL

M

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