When and How to Tell Kids About the Divorce.

I agree, the first thing you need to do is forgive/forget. Do what ever it is to get yourself emotionally stable, but move on. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. They already have one parent who is too wrapped up in himself to care. You're better than that, your children deserve better than that. My 3 year olds father left before he was born, and he was never really interested in being a father. It hurt really bad, but I regret the amount of time I wasted feeling angry and hurt over it. Somewhere along the way I realized that I am not the most important person, my son is! It felt really good to let go. Tell your children in a very neutral way about the divorce, and continue to reassure them that you love them, and you will always be there for them no matter what. And just so you know, there are fantastic men out there who are willing be good step fathers. I was blessed enough to find one for my son, and now we have a beautiful daughter that completes our family. (Just make sure you look in the right places. These types of men do not hang out in bars or hit on you in the produce section!LOL!) Best of luck to you!

Divorce is way harder than it looks when your friends go through it. Divorce hurts for way longer than a broken neck! If you have anger it will affect how your kids feel about you. I had a lot of anger ANGER. Nothing I have ever gone through including a broken leg, 2 c sections, and loosing a child has hurt that much. When you get married you plan and dream for life. You see old couples walking hand in hand and say "we are going to be like that someday."
You have to grieve the loss of the dream before the pain will let go of you. You have to admit to yourself and the kids that you love him and always will, if for no other reason than that he is their father, you will always have that connection so you might as well love him and admit it. He will always be their father, then you will have grandchildren together. It never ends.
He will always be a part of your family.
Just know that you can love him as the father of your children and also love another man as your husband someday.
The hurt and anger can get so bad it will ooze out of you onto your children, your friends, people you work with, even strangers you come in contact with. I couldn't figure out how to deal with it, it just oozed. When some one told me I'd have to admit I still loved him in order for it to stop I was angrier still. Then I wanted it to stop bad enough, after almost 10 years I was willing to do anything. It was like magic--poof--gone. Then I learned that you can't hate someone you feel neutral about. Hate only comes out of a very close betrayal and a great amount of love.
Do you have a brother or a dad you can move close to who will be the male role model, the "dad"? I would suggest moving right in beside them. Single moms need a lot of help and if you have someone like that who you get along with well that would be a great set up!
Love will come again, and it's true, the "nice" ones, that are just kind of annoying, make the best step-fathers and husbands. Mine stopped being "annoying" as soon as I married him. He is wonderful in every way!
Your kids know other military families don't live with dad, so this transition should be pretty easy for them to understand.
They will have to deal with their anger too. They won't talk to you about how they feel if you bad mouth their dad. They will stuff it all rather than give you an excuse to run down daddy. Be sad and cry in front of them, that will assure them that their feelings are valid, let them cry on you and don't say a word just let them get it out.
Is it possible he's gone cold because he's afraid he's going to die and leave you all alone? Maybe stuffing feelings to protect you and the girls and himself because he'd hate to hurt you by dying? Maybe a separation and delay of divorce until he is completely released from the military would be something to consider. If there is any hope for your marriage I recommend doing what ever it takes. My dad went cold when the doctors gave him 10 years to live. I think he was protecting us, or thought he was, by restricting his feelings, pulling away from us. I have one brother that is terribly emotionally damaged from that, my other brother and I are a little better, but we've gone through lots of counseling.
T.
My Heart goes out to you and your children, and your husband.

I recently went thru a divorce - my kids are that age now - but were 1 and 3 when it happened. Your kids know and understand more than you think they do. I recommend telling them something now - not the word "divorce" - they don't get that. But that you'll live separately. It's unfortunate that he doesn't want anything to do them - that's really tough and will be forever with them. I'm blessed my ex still takes the kids 3 days a week.

Give them as much of your attention and love as possible - don't talk bad about him - forgive him, so you can move on and be happy - let them know it's okay to still love him and miss him.

I think you should take them out first... relax them a little maybe at the park.... and then sit them down and tell them. Be simple, they don't understand the full effect. Just tell them that daddy is going to be living in another house but mommy and daddy are still going to be friends. That gives the option of his coming into their life full time. The kids will ask about him at first, gently keep reminding them he lives in another house and they will soon stop asking.

My parents divored when I was 4. I remember my mom telling me my dad was taking another job far away. (he moved states) I asked for a little while when he was coming home and then stopped asking. After that I just knew what happened and never questioned it.

H.,

Don't look at it as a negative that he doesn't want the girls. Turn it around. He believes that you are such an awsome mother and he knows that the girls are best off with you. Take it as a compliment. I was married for 12 years, was not allowed to work outside of the house and then I decided to file for divorce. At that time my children were 7 and 4. I just told the children that mommy and daddy are not getting along very well and have decided to go our seperate ways. You dont want to talk bad of him as he is still their father and they will think bad of you if you down talk their dad....even though it is hard not to. And just tell them that you three are going to be alright. And you will. I know it is hard to see that right now, but you will. Do things with them and enjoy them, they grow up way to darn fast. Mine are now 17 years and almost 14 years old.

This is the first one that I have answered to so I sure hope that you get it. I dont have a clue of what I am doing.

I think the sooner you tell them the better, but make sure it's in an age appropriate way and there's no need to tell them about any of the drama between you and your husband. I think the most important thing is that they are never ever made to feel like they are stuck in the middle between the two of your or that they have to choose between the two of you. It's a hard thing for any family to go through and you just have to remember to love your kids the best you can and hopefully your husband will do the same.

I divorced when my daughter was 2 1/2 and she dosen't even remember me being married to her dad. It may be harder on your older daughter but the little one will be ok. And let me just say that it will be so much easier on you not having to let them go with there Dad every other weekend, my Daughter is now almost 15 and it is still so hard for me to let her go, you just worry the whole time they are gone, So think of that as a possitive!!!!!! You will grow so very close to your daughters it is so fun . It is such a hard thing to go through but you will make it, there really is light at the end of the tunel. You will go on a huge emotional roller coaster, but you will have those little girl to help you get through it all, just a love and kiss from them helps. I hope that all goes well for you because I hate to hear of anyone going through a divorce. I was single for 10 years and just got married 2 1/2 years ago to a wonderful man and have a 4 month old little boy and let me tell you it was so worth the wait to find this WONDERFUL man, so hang in there, and things will get better. Just be there for your girls and I would just enjoy being with them. Stay positive!!!