When Do Your Kids Bathe Themselves?

Updated on April 01, 2011
M.B. asks from Detroit, MI
26 answers

Hi Ladies!
My daughter is 6 and I still do it ALL for her. I bathe her, brush her teeth, brush her hair, everything! Well, she does brush her own teeth at night, but I do it in the AM. The main reason I do it is because Im big on her being well groomed and having good hygeine for school. Plus if she did it herself it would take FOREVER! And yes, she takes a bath every morning, I dont want her going to school with drool or bed head. But, I have my 3rd baby on the way and Im starting to think she should probably be doing a lot of stuff on her own. Am I enabling her? How old were you kids when you let them do it themselves?

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Angela, can I trade you kids for a week??? LOL!! They sound like very responsible little men!

Featured Answers

S.D.

answers from Phoenix on

my girls are not intrestead in doing their own hair. 7, 11. So happy to do it. Dentist says to really help the 7 year old with teeth brushing, so I do one time a day, she does the other time by herself. They are both self bathers. We just stopped the bath for my 7 yr old, so she does showers now. So much nicer.

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

My daughter is 3.5 and she can (and does MOST of the time) washes her own body with soap and brushes her teeth at night. She loves to brush her teeth so this takes a while!! Sometimes I'll still assist. I do her hair every time we go somewhere so that takes a little while. She can brush it but that's about it.

I suggest bathing her a night and then in the morning, getting a warm wash cloth and washing her face, chin, etc and then if need be, spritzing her hair with water to 'calm it down' if she has bed head. Just sounds like you are doing an awful lot of work in the mornings when you can save the time and do part of it the night before. Also, you can prevent bedhead (sometimes) by braiding her hair before she goes to bed. Then that is less time each morning you'll have to spend on it.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I agree that it does take kids three-times as long to do a chore if left to their own devices and I take that into account.
I get my 7 yo son up early and do have to prompt him to get to the next chore/grooming, but even if it takes a little longer, a lesson worth learning.
FYI - I do teeth inspection at night and we do not shower EVERY day - but he has almost no hair - LOL!

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

My girls have full heads of long, thick hair. My oldest started showering by herself only last year when she was 9. Before that, she could do her body alone, but needed help with the hair. My youngest is 8 and SHE started showering by herself last year when she was 7. Before that age, I still had to supervise to make sure they cleaned all the nooks and crannies. And I have them shower at night after swimming. Trying to squeeze in a shower in the AM would be way too much hassle (I'm kinda impressed you're pulling it off with your 6yr old!).

They've been brushing their own teeth pretty well since they were 4 or 5 (and according to the dentist, they're doing a fantastic job, so yay!).

Hair is another story - they brush it themselves, then I run the brush through to make sure they got all the knots out (usually, they have NOT). If they want a certain style (ponytail, braids, etc) I help them with that, although the 10yr old is now starting to experiment with hairstyles on her own. And both of them are perfectly happy to throw in a hairband to keep the hair out of their faces.

So I would say that 6 is a perfectly acceptable age to start grooming herself under your supervision, so that by the time she's 8 or 9, she's able to do it all on her own. In our household, we're now at the point where I just say "Ok, go take your shower!" and they do. I haven't "given" any of the kids a bath in ages and ages. It's kinda like when all your kids are finally out of diapers and you realize "they're growing up...awesome, that's good...right?...sniff..."

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A.C.

answers from Boston on

My daughter was getting herself up with an alarm, showered, dressed and fed by the time she was six. But she is also very independent and would rather do things for herself then ask for help. The only thing I did, and she fought me tooth and nail, was make sure she washed her hair AND rinsed it out. I believe that kids will rise to the expectations that we set for them, as long as they have time to learn and to make mistakes.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

My daughter is 6. She brushes her own teeth and washes herself in the shower. I help with washing hair because she has a lot of long hair and it's hard to get it all clean and conditioned. I also help with brushing her hair because otherwise the ends are a tangled mess.

I know this wasn't the advice you asked for, but before bed bath would really make your life easier. I'm sure she's going to school with kids who take a bath once every three days, so no one is going to judge a little messy hair!

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Every morning! Wow-to me that is way overkill. Can't you just take a spray bottle with water and wet her hair down down just enough to fix it? And then use a warm wash cloth on her face? Seriously-consider doing all that at night. I can'timagine how crazy your mornings are. And I think you should still be helping a six year old out with the whole bath routine. Not 100% but a little assistance.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I felt the same way when my daughter was 6. I showed her how to take a shower, what to do with the shampoo/conditioner and how much to use. I put all of the supplies like soap, washcloth, towel within her reach, and she does just fine. She is 8 now. I do go in and make sure she rinses all the shampoo out of her hair, but other than that, she does the rest by herself. I still blow dry her hair and fix it for the day. She brushes her own teeth with a toothbrush that has a timer. I'd try her with it! She'll need some guidance the first few times, but she'll get it! Good luck. :)

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S.T.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My son just turned 6 Monday and he has been doing his own showers for 6 months. I use a cooking timer in the bathroom so he knows how long he has and check on him occassionaly. I also remind him when he gets in, when the timer goes off, get out, washed or not. I encourage him to make a good choice and to get cleaned. Usually he does, but a couple of times he has gotten out without washing because he 'made a bad choice'. I put the toothpaste on the tooth brush just as a reminder to brush them and he does the rest. I have always heard if they can tie their shoes, they can brush their own teeth. I have been wondering about the shower thing too, but it sounds about right from the other answers. Give her some power Mama, and let her try, just make sure to set her up for success as best you can. :)

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

My son is five and he bathes and washes his hair himself. I usually give him a quick reminder of what he needs to wash before he gets in the shower. His cousin is eight months younger and bathes herself, but needs help washing her hair. She just can't manage it. And it's especially tough because she has long, thick hair. It's different with a girl since generally their hair is a bit longer than a boy's hair. As for teeth brushing we both do it. He does it by himself first. Then I come in and brush them. He does a decent job, but he is not a thorough as I feel like he needs to be to prevent cavities. His hair he usually does, but he is a boy - no bows or pony tails. I know my mother fixed my hair throughout elementary school. I started taking over before middle school. And even then, there were days she grabbed a brush and "helped" me. I always had long hair. I don't know that you are enabling her. I can appreciate wanting your child to be well groomed for school, but maybe letting her take a bath in the evening will help. She may need help with her hair, but maybe she could bathe herself and take some of the pressure off mama. :)

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A.F.

answers from Chicago on

My almost 4 year old daughter washes her own hair and body (while I watch and then get spots she misses and show her) and brushes her own teeth (then I re-check them and make sure we get the molars, etc. good). She will also brush her hair though it is very long so when I go to put it in a pony tail or braid, I will get the ends she misses. My dentist has told me that kids really do not develop the ability to do their teeth by themselves and WELL until they are about 9 years old. Before that, they should be checked and gone over by an adult. We try to establish independence and sense of responsibility in our children (they are nearly 4 and 2.5 with a baby due in May) by making them clean up after themselves, put their cups aways after meals, bring their dishes over to the sink and do their own hygiene with supervision. With a lot of kids, I think it is important to not do EVERYTHING for them or you will go crazy! We would like to have 4 or 5. Do yourself a favor and start giving her MORE responsibility herself (with supervision) :) And maybe even graduate her to a shower if she is still taking a bath every morning ... my kids love the shower and it is quicker! My daughter can do it herself on a nonslip mat but my little son will get in WITH me or my husband. Big timesaver!

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I still wash my six year olds hair, but she's capable of washing herself and brushing her own teeth WELL. Granted, I brushed her teeth until she was five. The only reason I wash her hair is because I want all the soap out and if she does it, it's a tangled mess. I comb it for her at night after her bath, but in the morning she can brush it herself.

With baby number three, I think you can encourage your six year old to do more! I want mine to start washing her own hair, but like I said... :)

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

Our son started when he was 6. He showers every night. In the morning I spray his bed head with a water bottle and comb it down. Works great. Grab a wet washcloth for the drool. You are going to be awfully busy in the mornings when the baby arrives. If I were you, I would start letting her do it now. If you start when the baby comes she may feel a little resentment in losing that attention from you.

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C.M.

answers from New York on

Yeah. I think its about time that you let her be a bit more independent. Maybe she should take her bath at night. That way, it doesn't matter how long she takes because it will be closer to bedtime. Brushing her teeth is also something that she should be doing on her own. Of course you can double check to make sure their clean. My son will be 14 months and he knows where a lot of his body parts are. If I tell him to wash his leg, he will take it wash cloth and rub his leg. Of course he's not cleaning it like a big boy yet, but we're practicing, which is a good start. In the morning, when I'm brushing my teeth, I give him his tooth brush. Of course he's not brushing, but he knows that it belongs in his mouth. Hopefully by 3, he will be doing the bathing and teeth brushing on his own. Let her be more independent. Make it fun, instead of it being a chore. I think she'll appreciate that. :)

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

i have a daughter that is 6, she does everything for herself (with reminders) i know it will take her longer so i make sure i start reminding her of things she should be doing ahead of time. I understand you wanting her to be neatly groomed just sometimes they have to learn to do for themselves.

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

My 5yr old takes his own bath/shower and brushes his own teeth. Insists on doing it himself actually...I just supervise and do a final check. Even if it is not perfect and they take forever, you have to let them practice doing it. Not only that they are becoming aware of their own bodies and probably needs that independence.

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T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

My 5 and 6 y.o. do their own bath/showers. Either my husband or I make sure the water isn't too hot then we stay in the bathroom to supervise. I let each kid brush their own teeth morning and night. We don't have the hair problem like you do since they all have short hair, but on occassion they want it "fixed" LOL so then I help with that. They have been taking showers by themselves since there were about 3 or 4. The boys showered with Daddy so he would teach them how to wash as they went and when they got good enough and wanted to do it all by themself we allowed it.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, we just had a MAJOR break through last night in our house. My son is 8 and he finally asked to take a shower!

I am still giddy with glee (pathetic, I know).

I have been talking up showers for years, longing to get off my knees--he wanted to "play" in the water every night. Refused to wash himself.

Last night, he completely washed himself, washed & rinsed his own hair, and declared "This is like a water park!"

Da-da-da-duh-dahhhhh--I'm lovin' it!

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

My oldest is only 4.5 so we still have to be there while she's brushing her teeth and bathing, but she mostly does it on her own. At night, we'll brush her teeth for her, and she can't reach to brush all her hair (it's down to her butt). But everything else she does with a little guidance and supervision.

Yes, it takes much longer than if I were to do it all for her, but in the end it'll be worth it because I won't have a 10 year old that can't brush her own teeth :o) As a bonus, my middle daughter is wanting to do everything herself to be like her big sister - yay!

I can't imagine how early you get up to give your daughter a bath every morning! Our older 2 have baths every other night, or more if needed. Then I braid their hair to keep it untangly while they're thrashing about at night. A little detangler or water to help with fly-a-ways when I'm doing her hair for the day, and a splash of warm water on the face after brushing teeth and voila - no morning baths! hahaha

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J.A.

answers from Wichita on

I think a 6 year old is just right for learning to do it herself, I would have her soap the washcloth for you so she learns the right amount of soap, then just begin to let her use the washcloth on herself and then she can call on you when she needs her back washed, until its time to teach her how to do that herself also. The same for her hair show her how and instruct her as she does it herself to make sure she gets the soap out and if she don't on some days thats ok. The same with teeth, stick with it till she learn to brush properly. She is old enough to do these herself.
Some times parents just turn them loose in the tub or shower and wonder why they aren't getting clean, its because they need taught how to do it right. Then comes the teaching/training on cleaning up the bathroom when they are done and how to do it right. These are habits they will carry into their adult life so this training it very important and for boys also, us wives really appreciate it when we get a husband that was trained to clean up after himself. Happy training, when its done right it gives a new freedom to everyone.

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A.S.

answers from Springfield on

I had a friend whose mom shaved her legs for her when she was a junior in high school...just saying...(you don't want to be THAT mom). lol

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D.S.

answers from Fort Walton Beach on

Our 5 yr. old son does it all on his own though it has only been in the last few months that he has really stepped up to it & actually gets completely clean.
Our 3 yr. old daughter does it all on her own, she insists on being a big girl & since she does such a good job I have no issues letting her. Once she gets in the shower she is intent on getting as clean as possible.
Our 7 month hasn't quite figured it out yet - haha :-)
As far as teeth go they usually brush theirs on their own in the mornings then we do it at night. The dentist said we should continue that until they are around 7 or so - I just want to make sure they have clean teeth!

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A.G.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't really have any advice to offer, other than on the teeth brushing. Next time she goes for a dental check-up tell the hygienist that she is working on learning how to do a really good job brushing by herself. At my dentist's office, the hygienist will have the kid brush their teeth then chew up a dye tablet that shows them everywhere they missed. She then walks them through how to get the trickier areas and where they missed. They make it fun for the kids. I know there are a couple rinses you can buy that will show them too. I would say to try that and make it fun for her- you can also use a timer to help her see how long to do it.

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I have 3 kids (aged almost 8 , 5 and almost 3). The eldest in the last few months now showers himself , the 5 yr old has a go but I do need to guide her and then go behind her aswell , her hair is too long to expect her to be able to do it herself , and the youngest is still completely bathed by myself or husband. My kids shower/bath before bed , there is no way we have time in the AM , you should really consider this also to save time , they are still clean in the AM , and once the hair has been brushed and face washed they look well groomed for school.

Oh forgot to say that the eldest 2 brush there own teeth but then I go over them again just to make sure they are done proprley.

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A.G.

answers from Dallas on

Around the time my son turned 6 he started taking showers. I start the shower for him to get the temperature right, and set out a washcloth and towel, but he does everything else himself. He's now 7 and we still do things the same way. He showers at night because I don't want his dirty body on clean sheets. In the morning he sprays his hair with water and combs it before school. He gets ready entirely by himself in the mornings. We are there, of course, keeping him company, but he is very independent. Our oldest is 13, and he is the same way. Both boys get up on their own, fix cereal or a breakfast drink, brush their teeth, get dressed, do everything they need to do without us asking them to do a thing. Our youngest loves this because he has time to play legos before school. Our oldest loves it because he doesn't like to rush. He wants to relax and enjoy his breakfast. Both boys are ready long before my husband (he takes them to school; I leave before the others finish the morning routine).

Your daughter is probably able to do many things on her own, but you need to do what is right for your family. :)

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R.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I think you should give her more independence to learn to do these things on her own. You can't expect perfection from a 6 year old, but is it that important if she doesn't do it exactly your way ? I think its important for her to develop confidence in these skills and if you do everything for her, how is she to learn ? My kids when they were younger were in a Montessori school, something I found very appealing, and my kids loved it - they are able to do so much (everything in the classroom is scaled down to a child's size, which gives them the ability to do things).

So what if she takes forever ? Allow more time for her to learn these skills. If morning time is too rushed, have her take her bath in the evening (that's what my kids do - then there is no rushing in the morning). My daughter at 6 was taking her own showers and washing her hair on her own - teach her how - have 'special shampoo and conditioner, that is just hers' make it fun and let her know she is a big girl now and gets to do this now. My daughter also has been brushing her teeth on her own at that age as well. Just let go of the reins now - you need to now anyways because of the new baby - but don't neglect your 6 year old, you can always follow up on her new tasks, but praise her for doing a good job.....

Found this on the topic:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1229932/s...

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