When You Cry, How Does Your Spouse React?

Cry, or a meltdown? I don't think most guys would be particularly comfortable with a full-blown meltdown.

I got, "Oh, dry it up. You have nothing to cry about!"

That's why he is no longer my husband! Yay Me!

He holds me, tries to soothe me. Even though I know my crying makes him feel awkward and kind of useless, he hates to see me upset and genuinely tries to help me feel better. Luckily it doesn't happen that often!

He pets me like a cat! I kinda hate it...but I know he means well.

I very, very rarely cry. That's just not how I show emotion. I'm more likely to write, or paint, or take a nap, or go on a walk. When I have cried, it's obviously over something really big. (That's been maybe 2-3 times in over 8 years.) He is kind and gentle, and consoles me. There is a lot of hugging, or sitting and watching a funny movie. He acts like one should, when someone you love is hurting.

How does yours treat you?

I take it he wasn't responsive after your outing with your daughter?

What does my husband do? He usually fixes a bath for me - lights some candles and let me do my crying...I don't cry often.

When we lost our baby Alexis at 22 weeks - he held me and cried with me.

if it's over a movie - he tries to make me laugh!

It all depends upon the situation! I'm sorry that you had a bad day!! I hope you were able to take a bath and say "CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!"

my husband could care less. he says he does but he really doesnt. so i do my best to never cry in front of him or around him. even when im having a complete break down i will hold myself together till i am alone.

It depends on why I'm crying. Since the birth of my daughter (now 6) I have a hair trigger on the water works. So if I'm on the couch sniffling because of a tv show, he teases and smiles at me.

If I'm truly upset, it's a very very rare thing, then he will hold me and his tongue until I've worked through whatever it is that set me off. Sometimes when I'm upset I don't always say things the best way the first time around. I'm raw and hurting so things can be rough, but by the 3rd or 4th round, I've amended my words and found the truth.

Last time was a long time ago...years. We had his best-friend staying with us while he went back to school, when he graduated his family came to help him pack up and move out. One of my husband's 2 ex's happens to be his BF's sister and she was over helping. She was stunning and a college grad and going back to school. At the end of the day my husband hugged everyone goodbye...everyone. I lost it. The thing is he's known the family since he was 17, I was being irrational. My first round of words...I could have peeled paint, but the end of the night, I knew the issue was me and not him. My house was a mess, my daughter was all over the place, I hadn't slept or showered. He held me, when I finally let him, and he listened and even apologized for hugging his ex when he didn't have to.

He really is a good guy, I love him to bits.

My husband is a very kind man. He's walked through a lot with me and will hold me if I'm sad. He's great at comforting me if I'm crying about something that's left me frustrated or upset... he knows I sometimes need to let that bad stuff out, and that I don't wallow in it too much, but try to go forward with a new plan. I tend to get angry before I get sad these days, which is actually helpful because I know that anger is a signal that something needs to change (hence, making a plan) and sadness is more about grieving and loss. For me, getting sad about something aside from loss is not helpful or progressive, and because I move through those tears quickly, I think he's very comfortable reaching out. He's a great adviser, too, so those tears usually lead to a conversation and I do trust his judgment.

If I'm crying because I'm upset about something in our relationship, I try to pull myself together and we talk about it... or if we are both upset, we make a plan to talk about it a little later when our heads are clear. He'll still give me a hug and tell me he loves me; we care a lot about each other and since we are both previously divorced, we are very committed to being progressive in our problem-solving. Those connections-- even when we are upset-- do strengthen our marriage. Neither of us walks away feeling unheard or unloved.

I'm not an indulgent crier, either. If I feel pent up, I might watch something which will allow me to tear up in a safer way, like a chick flick-- getting stress and tears out without getting worked up about any specific problem. Then, he sort of goes "aw honey" and I say "yeah, big boo hoo" and we're fine.

Guess it depends on the 'why' of the tears, huh?

My one friend that I married would not know what to do. He'd look confused and unless I asked him to hold me he'd leave the room. If I asked, he would hold me briefly but he would be uncomfortable so that holding didn't help.

I was single for many years and dated several men. Some would be compassionate and give me a hug or hold me on their own. Some would hold me and be sympathetic if I asked and it helped. Some would be like my husband and walk away. I'd say most were uncomfortable, not knowing what to do.

One of the most important criteria for me with future relationships is that the man be comfortable enough with his own feelings that he could be spontaneously sympathetic with a hug.

If I start crying during an argument (which I never do intentionally), he stops the argument and just hugs me.

If I start crying due to frustation about something going on that day, he'll distract the kids so I can leave the room and compose myself.

Like Bug, I don't cry easily (except for movies, etc. and the occasional Budwieser Clydesdale commercial lol) so it's usually something major and he hugs me, tells me we will get through this and he really reassures me.

I do not cry often. If I cry because of a movie or something like that he will laugh and tease me. When I cry because I am hurt, or have had a death in the family he looks uncomfortable and tries to say something reassuring before he goes off to hide. If I cry out of frustration or have a meltdown he looks annoyed and goes off to hide.

He Is Scared, Because Since 1994 He Has Seen Me Cry 2 Times. He Knows When I Cry....It's Bad. Scared My Friends Too, One Answered The Phone I Was Crying, She Handed It To Her Husband Because If I Was This Upset, She Certainly Couldn' Handle What Was Going on.

My husband hugs me and asks me what's wrong. And he actually listens (he has a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, so he is trained to listen).

i cry so rarely that it freaks him out a little. he responds wonderfully, though. he's right there with his arms around me.
if i'm sniffling over a movie or something he laughs a little about it, but he still tends to wrap me around in comfort.
it's pretty awesome.
:) khairete
S.

If I'm crying b/c of an argument we've had it usually makes him feel super bad and want to make up...even though that is never my objective b/c when I'm mad I just need to be mad and work through it! :)

If it's because I'm sad about anything else then he tries really hard to comfort me but is good about just holding me or whatever.

If it's because I'm sick (and yes if you've noticed, I do cry about pretty much everything...I just can't help it, I'm emotional!! :) then he just straight up doesn't know what to do and usually offers to get me something to eat! LOL!

My husband has seen my cry for various reasons. Parents dying, remembering the death of my loved ones. Issues with my brothers, kids. I must say , most often then not, he is very calm..tries to talk me through it.
although, sometimes he does get annoyed and would say stuff like "Crying is not going to help..you should really find a solution for this problem". when I cry while watching a movie (apparently I do all of the above) he is amused. :)

I do not ANYONE to see my cry. I only cried out loud at my Daddy's burial and my grandmothers funeral.

My partner heard me crying after my grandmother's sudden death. I think the quiet sobs awakened her. I went into the bathroom to get away after she hugged me for about 3 minutes. I don't like vunerability.

I don't have meltdowns. I do tend to cry over everything, but it's not "poor me" crying it's "poor them" crying, or "I'm so moved I can't contain myself" crying, if that makes sense - news stories, movies, commercials, TV shows, books, music, a friend going through a hard time, etc. Me getting a little teary is an almost daily event so my husband usually teases me about or rolls his eyes it if it's something stupid or doesn't even notice.

If I'm really crying hard over something between us, it depends on what it is about and what stage we're at. If it's something that he is clearly, egregiously wrong and sorry about he'll attempt to comfort me if I'm open to it. But if we're just in the middle of an argument and I get emotional, we just keep on arguing.

Depends on why I'm crying.

A meltdown, or tears? Two totally different things in my book.
Unfortunately, tears don't phase my husband. A meltdown? Well, that might get some attention...

I cry all the time. I cry when I am happy, sad, overwhelmed, stressed, ect. My husband always gets concerned but then lets me alone because he knows I hate to be pestered about why I am crying.

My ex could not handle crying at all and I very rarely did.

My fiance is great. He knows how to read me and if I need to be held or if I need some space. I had a meltdown last year when my kids left for their dad's for the summer and he was amazing. He'll actually encourage me to just cry and let it out instead of trying to hold it together. I'm very lucky

Typically not well. My husband is not unsympathetic, but crying tends to make him feel awkward and even annoyed. This is especially true when I cry over news stories or novels, he can't understand why I get so upset over things that do not directly affect me.

I'm a crier, so he's pretty used to it. He responds differently depending on the reason. When I'm sad, he will just cuddle with me as long as I want. If I'm angry, he walks away before I explode. If he's the "source" of the tears... he gives me time to pull it together before continuing whatever the conversation was.

He's pretty good about it. We've been together for ten years... at first, he would freeze and not know what to do, which usually resulted in him leaving me alone until I felt better. At some point I told him that when I'm upset (unless it's with him), I want to be hugged and that's what he does.

I have found that the older we get, the less I cry, but the more he does! He was teary-eyed the other day when our "baby girl" (1) pushed his hand away and said "me do".

As for a full-out "meltdown", I think I've had one in the entire time we've been together. He (wisely) sat quietly until I was coherent and ready to actually tell him what was wrong.

Not sure what you mean by a meltdown. I don't know that I have ever had a meltdown.

My husband holds my hand...or hugs me close if I am crying. I don't cry very often. I think the last time I really cried in front of him was when we lost our 4th baby at 5 months gestation. We both struggled together....consoled eachother together.

If I hear something that is touching and I tear up then he will hold my hand or rub my back...

Now...crying to manipulate a situation is often the method women use. Men can only put up so much with that and then they disengage.

my fiancee isnt good at this scenario. he'll hug M. for a few minutes and then make an excuse to go do something if i dont want to talk...which who wants to talk in the middle of crying? he very much wants to work on and fix the issue when sometimes i'm J. being hormonal and upset and need affection and to let M. J. work it out in my head