Where's the Excitement???

Yeah I went through the same thing, I had a C-Section as well.
And I didn't get my sex drive until my daughter was about a year old. she is now 16 months old. so, But you also want to want to have sex. I had to go to therapy to help me out, but everyone is different. I did not need to be put on meds though. I just needed to talk about how I was feeling and a lot to do with it, Was she is my first and only. I didn't feel the same way about my body as I used to. So there was a lot going on inside my head that I didn't even know about. So my advice is to maybe try Therapy. Good luck!

~T.~

Hi C.,

I wish I had some great advice to give to you, but I am going through the same thing. I had my daughter vaginally almost 8 months ago and I still have no desire to have sex. Are you breastfeeding? I went to my doctor about this and she said that because I am breastfeeding my hormone levels are different (much lower estrogen) and that that may be to blame. She said everything should go back to normal after I wean the baby. Hope this helps!

H.

This may be related to the c-section, it may not be. I think the fact that you did not experience this with your first may mean that it is related.
I had a scheduled C that was very traumatic for me (I wanted a natural birth, chose a midwife, after a post term U/S was told the baby was "too big" she dumped me, her doctor talked me into a c-section and I later found out that this recommendation goes against what the research and what ACOG recommends). The whole experience was traumatic and I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (research has linked this to c-sections or traumatic births) and PPD. I did not have sex with my husband for the first six months after my section. After talking to my therapist we felt that part of this was a fear of getting pregnant again and having another section (I have since found a care provider that is VBAC friendly so I am not as afraid of this happening again) and I also got the heebie jeebies from DH touching the numb area on my stomach near the scar. I think I have either gotten used to the numb area or else I have had some nerve regeneration, because it has gotten better. We still aren't where we used to be, but things are better (DD is 15 months old). You may want to be evaluated for PTSD and PPD, and if your c-section was traumatic for you you may want to look at the International Cesarean Awareness Network (www.ican-online.org) they have online support groups and there may be a local meeting that you can attend where you can talk about it.
If you plan to have more children they can also help you find a care provider that supports VBACs (Vaginal Birth after C-section) if you would like to have another natural birth next time (contrary to what some people say this is a safe option for most women).

C., maybe you should talk to your ob doc. You could be suffering from a mild case of postpartum dep.
A.

Hi C.,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time with such a sensitive issue. I went through something very similar after my 15 month old daughter was born. Husbands sometimes have an incredibly hard time understanding just how difficult this is on us too, I think. I had to s-p-e-l-l it out for my hubby at one point. Just in the past two or three months things have started getting back to normal, or at least our new version of normal.

I would highly recommend looking into ICAN's yahoo group. There is a main list that is SUPER high volume, and there is a Florida list that is more manageable. I found them after having an "emergent" c/s, and I have never found another group of women to be more understanding of how difficult it can be emotionally, physically and sexually to recover from a c/s, regardless of whether it was planned or not.

You may also want to consider talking to a therapist who deals specifically with women's issues, rather than your OB. Talking to your OB about your mental health would be like talking to a mechanic about your home A/C (kinda the same as your car's but not quite... you know??). OB's also tend to have a medical approach to dealing with PPD or PTSD, as in "here, take this pill, it will help you", where a therapist will help you get to the root of the issue and hopefully help you move on. Personally, I found EMDR therapy the most helpful in dealing with the PTSD I suffered from after my daughter surgical birth. You can check out EMDR at www.emdr.com.

I hope this helps you, C., and if you would like to talk more please feel free to contact me personally. My email is ____@____.com. I'm also working on starting an Orlando ICAN group, so if you (or anyone else, for that matter) are interested in that too, let me know.

Hugs,
A.

C. HI MY NAME IS S. AND I HAD C-SECTIONS WITH BOTH MY DAUGHTERS THE FIRST WAS B/C SHE WAS BREACH THE SECOND WAS A MANDATORY REPEAT AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT DID AFFECT MY SEX DRIVE A LITTLE B/C THE NERVES WHERE THEY CUT ME DID NOT HEAL PROPERLY BUT OTHER THEN THAT MY SEX DRIVE WAS FINE. I THINK YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR GYNO ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM B/C LOTS OF CRAZY DIFFERENT THINGS HAPPEN TO A WOMEN AFTER A C-SECTION I MET ONE AT MY GYNO'S OFFICE WHO SAID HER SCAR BOTHERED HER SO MUCH IT HURT TO WEAR PANTS SHE ONLY WORE DRESSES AND THIS WAS FOUR YEARS AFTER HER C-SECTION SO TRUST ME SOMEONE OUT THERE'S PROB. GOING THREW THE SAME THING

Your child is 8 months so your hormones may take 18 months to get back to normal after having your baby.

Take it easy with some sensual massages. Soak in a warm bath. It may take a little preparation, but you can still enjoy intimate time while you return to your old self.

I had 2 c-sections and it took me a while for both.

also, go to your obgyn to rule out Post partum depression. Most women that have it didn't think they had it.

Pam

I know for me, it took me laying down the details for my husband. I was tired, I needed to relax and unwind before anything was going to happen. You work full-time and so you are being pulled in all directions.

Your relationship with your husband, being the most important relationship you have, requires work on both sides. Sometimes remembering that will help. So start small. Make dates, even "at home date" when a babysitter isn't an option. Put the kids to be a little earlier. Have a few glasses of wine. or whatever. To help YOU relax. I was never on alcohol, I'm still not, but I know that for like almost two years after my daughter was born, (number 2), I needed that wine, or mixed drink in the evenings to get me to relax. I would wait for the kids to go to bed, and I would make myself a drink, take a hot shower, and slowly unwind. At first, I did three of four nights a week. Which sounds like a lot, but most people consume that much in one sitting when they go out. Gradually, it lessened to two or three and then one or two. Now, I do it once or twice a month. I've found I needed it less. It took me two years, almost three to get my hormones back in gear. I didn't quit having sex, that would severely damage your relationship. I also found a tea that helped, by celestial seasonings. It's called tension tamer EXTRA. The extra is important because they make another one that's just tension tamer. I've found it mostly at Albertsons. Economy Health in Altamonte Springs, Whole Foods Market in College Park. If you need to chat, email me @ ____@____.com.

Hello C.,

Are you breastfeeding? It's normal that our sexual activity reallllllly slow down during this period, it's like nature telling us to take care of the baby, and not yet time to make another one... It did happened to me. My doctor used to tell me that our lubrification is equal of an lady of 60, at this time. Talk to your husband. Tell him that, if before he was "complaining" that it was too much, now your body need some time to get back again on track.

You're so young... you'll have plentyyyyyyyyy sexual activity time... Mine now has restored fully!

I have a 4yold son and a 22mo old daughter...

You'll be fine. Calm down. We,women, get sometimes, too tough on ourselves... of course, men helps to put more pressure on us...

God bless
A.

First of all, I would not say that this is Post Partum Depression unless you are having other symptoms, too. This is quite normal after birth, especially if you are breastfeeding. Your body is TIRED! I went through this, too. My baby is 18 months old and I still don't have a lot of interest in sex anymore because I don't get any time for ME. My personal needs are not being met. When I get enough sleep and I know the baby is taken care of, then I can concentrate on my husband better. We also tend to get resentful of all we do and all our husbands do not do!

Oh C., I can SOOOOO relate!! My first child was born 6 years ago, and I'm still waiting... However... that being said, life happens.. your time and energy are being devoted to your kids - all the love and affection you feel you need is coming from your kids.. I've been doing this for six years!!! And guess what... now my hubby and I are contemplating divorcing, as we have come to the conclusion that we just forgot how to communicate w/ each other. My advice.. if you value your marriage, MAKE time - not just for the sex - that will happen, if all the other factors are in place... make time for the date, make time for a dinner out, a movie, a cup of coffee, a hug and kiss hello or good bye... WHATEVER... doesn't make you a bad Mom cause you take an hour or two to devote to your spouse.. I learned this the very difficult and not at all fun way!

Find a family member who will watch your babies for a few hours and just enjoy being w/ each other. The first few times you spend alone, it will be consumed w/ talk about the kids... but after a while, you will re-learn WHY you fell in love with your husband in the first place, and as that happens - the sex will come back.

Best of luck to you!!

I've had c-sections with both of my children and haven't had that happen. I don't think it's related to the c-section, I think it's something else, most likely hormonal.

I thought I was the only one. This is one of my many personal problems. I too had my first natural and my second was an emergency c-section. It has been 2years since my second was born on Feb.15th and I feel the same way I have lost my sex drive. I do not know why. I believe it has to do with our hormones but maybe we are just tired. I don't know about you but I do not stop all day. I am up at 5am and go to bed sometimes at midnight. Having two kids is very demanding and it drains you. My husband also does not really help at all in the house and barely anything with the kids he just works and
comes home to watch TV, But that is another issue all together. I am from Miami, Fl and I am 29 with a daughter that just turned 5 on dec.26 (kaylee) and a boy who is 22mo. (Keanu) What I am looking into to fix my problem on sex drive is some type of supplement to stimulate my motivation.
I hope I have helped in some way

Hi C.,

I also had a emergency CS and had a hard time recovering. I think it was hard for me to look at my body, because my belly was not going away as fast as I thought it should and it just looked "disfigured" with the scar and everything, bottom line I felt UNSEXY! It did take some time, but I found that taking the time to take care of myself, hair, makeup etc.. made me feel sexier. I also was exhausted from round the clock breast feeding and also doing all the work around the house because hubby was always working, who would want sex after such a LONG day!! I eventually talked with my husband about how I felt and it opened up alot of doors that were shut and brought us to be more intimate. And be careful about taking anti-depressants!!! Some of them will make your sex drive WORSE! Make sure you ask doc ahead of time. Zoloft in particular was TERRIBLE with the sex drive! I hope you get some answers that will help! Best wishes.

i don't think it has to do with the c-section. i had one two and a half years ago. my sex drive literary died and never got revived :)
i think it's because we're tired babes :)
tired tired tired.
:)
V.

Oh my...I know it must be difficult. My heart goes out to you. However I think you may be going through what we call postpartum depression. It is normal sweetie, try talking to your doctor to discuss what you can do to help. After having a baby it is hard because we don't look the same anymore and of course there is no time for anything. It's all about the baby. It is a whole different ball game. You will get past this, I promise. In the meantime, surround yourself with positive people and influences. Don't get dicouraged. I will pray for you. xoxo

C. i wish i had some great advice to give you but i don't... i had an emergency c-section almost two years ago and ever since then my sex drive is literally non existant... so i understand... at this point for me anyways sex has become more like a chore to keep the husband happy... even though i really dont enjoy it at all. we do have our cuddle time which helps us keep our relationship going but i know that is not enough for him or me. i can't wait to get back to my normal life because two years of this is too long for anyone... but if you would like to talk about it feel free to message me on here and then we can exchange emails... good luck

You may have some PPD, even if you dont think you do. Unfortunately it took me quite a while to realize/ADMIT that i had a mild depression. this caused missed periods, crying spells, sleep habits were weird, eating was weird. i blamed it all on "no time" "new baby" etc. when really, once i curbed the depression, i suddenly had time, energy and plenty of rest!! Definitly go to your OBGYN and discuss everything, and try to spend some quality time with your hubby outside the bedroom. Ask him to do a load of laundry, or make dinner something this little could give you a boost! LOL good luck ps try the KYwarming gel--its great for a massage!(and if it leads to it, its good for other things! LOL)

Hi, your story is almost a mirror image of mine. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and had to have a c-section with my second. But i hate to say it, i don't think it has to do with the c-section. I find so many friends i talk to are in the same boat. As moms, we are so busy and tired and our minds go a mile a minute. Meanwhile, it feels like we are doing everything, although only we can do it the "right way", so we don't really accept help. We tire ourselves out because we are so busy being focused on our kids that we don't take better care of ourselves.
It seems my husband "wants it" eveyday and i always think i might want to, but when it comes down to it, i try to avoid it at all costs! I even get angry and tell him to hurry. I don't know why i am being this way. The only thing i can think of is I resent: being the one working 32 hours a week outside the home, cleaning the house, cooking, shopping, caring for the kids, (physically)paying the bills, typing out invoices for customers, answering the phones, dealing with tenants, taking the kids to the doctors, dentists, finding a sitter for them,etc, etc.....................
Sometimes i feel that all he wants is to fool around,and his world is right. It makes me so mad. He does work 5 days a week, but comes home, eats, sits on the lanai and watches tv, then goes to bed.
If you need someone to vent to, feel free to get in touch with me, but if you find any help for this not wanting sex thing, please let me know. :)

Oh dear Chris...I could write you a book on this issue!
"My last birth was by c-section" (not to my liking of course)but however,it was.Anywho,I went through the same thing and I think it has alot to do with your hormones getting back on track and the hectic lifesytle we sometimes have raising children and working outside the home"are in" that it can sometimes really take its toll on ones inner and outter being.Just try and discuss with your spouse that your body is just going through the motions of mommy-hood right now and that you dont mean to be this way and that you will try and be there for him more,as he should with you.Even if you both have to lock yourselves in the rest room for a brief encounter(hey,we've all been there once or twice!";)
In time you'll see that all that sexual desire he once ask you to get help for will be in full force again!!

Hi C.,
You don't mention if you're taking birth control pills... I know for the three years I was on them I was NEVER interested in sex. You might want to talk to your doctor about that if you are taking them. Otherwise, I concur with the other ladies about postpartum depression. My sister-in-law had it and was the same way--she was so disappointed that her delivery didn't go the way she wanted it to go. Good luck!

Hello C.,

I am a mother of 3, ages 15,13,and 9. I have been married for 18 years but together with my husband for actually 26. We dated in high school also! I remember when the kids were young going through exactly what you are going through. I beleive it is normal. You are in mommy mode and not wife mode! The children are taking up your every thought, emotion and not to mention your time when your not at work and it's hard to put all that aside and put your sexy wife hat on when you're probably exhausted! Just continue to talk to your husband about how your feeling! Take time to go out and have some one on one with just him. You have to continue to work at your marriage as hard as you are working at being a great mom! Don't forget, it was you two before it was you four and you don't want to break up the family. Make time for each other, alone and rekindle what you have! It make take time but it will come back, It did for me but even today......after all these years, I have to work at it and make time for him! As the kids are older, they have demanding schedules and it seems my husband and I have less tim with eachother than ever before so we are really getting creative. One big thing with your kids at the ages they are now, is to have them on a schedule and get them to bed by 8p.m. so you have atleast a couple of hours with your husband to get ready for the next day, talk about "stuff" and relax with oneanother! A schedule with your kids is crucial! Hope all this helps! BTW, God will help too if you let him!

L.