Who Do I Attend to First

This use to happen to my husband. He'd get home and we'd all want to hug him when he got inside the door. He needed some down time after work and his commute home. Now we let him at least grab a shower before we mug him for a hug. Establish a coming home routine where everyone gets their chance for time with you. It will all change in a few years.

Congratulations on your 2 very normal healthy children!. Take the toddler to breast feed and but the preschooler beside you and talk to both of them together, that way you'll be achieving both aims. You are so right to give your attention to the little stories from preschool ... this is the investment that will pay off when your child is in school and a teenager and has something to tell you ... he will know and understand that his M. always listens. One more thing ... even if the story seems long lasting and insignificant to you (they usually are !!) the story is, in fact, very important to him, chances are that when whatever the story is about happened the first thought he had is to tell his mommy ... I know you are tired after a long day at work but please try not to rush him to the end of the story because this makes children nervous and uneasy ... think of this time as an investment in the future years ... the instilling of good communication skills in your children and trust me dividends will roll in when they turn into teenagers (when one worded answers is all even the best of us get).
Enjoy your children

The answer is YOU!

Whoever is handling kids at home needs to know that you need 7 minutes when you come in to wash your hands and face (channel Bob Fosse: "It's showtime, folks!") use the toilet, get a drink of water and put your shoes away. Seriously, they should take the kids away from the door when you pull up. 7 minutes. Then you will not have to make Sophie's choice every night.

I sympathize... I have 2 kids. Even at their ages, they do that when I come home from anywhere without them.

Firstly... you NEED to make a ROUTINE of it when you come home... try not to feel stressed or pressed about it. You make clear to them that when you come home they BOTH get hugs and kisses. AND your Husband too. THEN, Mommy puts her purse away, and changes clothes etc. THEN, you also need to enlist your Husband in this and HE can verbally say... okay kids let M. put away first/change clothes... then get them distracted.
OR... after giving hugs/kisses upon arriving home... you keep walking toward your bedroom... and tell them "Follow Mommy but I have to do my routine first..." and then they can still talk and tell you things but at the SAME time... YOU NEED TO DO YOUR ROUTINE. Tell them "This is Mommy's come home routine..." and over time, if you do that consistently, they will understand and do it WITH you. Maybe even have the kids (if they can) "help" you carry something for you... and put it on your bed or the kitchen table... then you keep on with your routine... and THEN when you are done... then sit down with them and then you tell them that everyone takes turns to have Mommy. You can breastfeed WHILE your older one is talking story to you... that is what I used to do with my son and my daughter was older and in school.

The MAIN thing is: HAVE A ROUTINE upon coming home. Tell your Husband too. So you ALL know... and that it gives Mommy time to come home and put away/change clothes... then sit and have a snack. Or, have a snack together. Or, while breastfeeding, they can bring YOU a snack and talk story at the same time etc.

When my Husband comes home from work... my kids do that to him too. BUT, they KNOW his routine... he verbally tells them... and they then cooperate because it is a ROUTINE. Daily.

And yes, we then ALL spend a lot of time together and talking story and the kids telling us about their day. It IS important.

Don't feel guilty. Its okay. It is just organizing you/them and having a routine about it so it is not all crazy-willy-nilly when you come home.

All the best,
Susan

Oh wow, that all-too-familiar feeling of being pulled (hard) in 2 different directions!

My best suggestion is to kick off your shoes, sit on the couch, nurse the toddler, and put your arm around the pre-schooler and listen to him talk.

(With luck your DH can hand you a glass of water or juice from time to time.)

Hopefully that will take the edge off that "I gotta get to Mommy NOW!!!" feeling. Maybe you can do some one-on-one time later in the evening?

You are so sweet to want to give your full attention to both, I can tell you are a great M.! And how wonderful that you continue to nurse your toddler ;-)

Rest assured they will eventually be able to restrain themselves, and you will look back on these days and even miss them a little bit.

Hope that helped! Hugs to you!

K. Z.

hello!! I feel your pain sister!

Its challenging to seperate yourself from the kids when ya get home until they are in bed.

From your request, it sounds like everyone's home before you so what I would do is take the long way home afterwork to give you time to unwind a bit so when you are home, you are ready to get into mommy mode. I'm assuming your toddler doesn't nurse very long so you may be able to explain to your preschooler that you need to get his brother so you can feed him and maybe while you're nursing, your preschooler can tell you about his day.
See what your hubby can do to help- take turns cooking meals, taking the kids for a walk when you get home, bathing, etc so that both of you don't feel tapped out and maybe it will even give you time together at the end of the night.

Your kids know you care about them. Remember to care about yourself too! We can't give to others what we don't have for our selves(calm, peace, harmony, joy) ...

There is good reason why they have the parents place the oxygen mask on themselves first before tending to their children.... take a few minutes to change and center yourself when you get home...a few deep breaths, a change of clothes....your kids take their cues from you.. so set the boundries that serve you and in turn, they will be served too ..taking 10 extra minutes to clear your mind, change your clothes and then come out refreshed and feeling more patient and clear....teaching one child to wait isn't a bad thing at all...it's a life skill that will serve him or her well! There are some great books out there by Henry Cloud( I think that's the author) about setting boundries in our lives. It's not our job to be all things to all people all the time..a sure set up for failure! You love your kids and your husband..they know it....just remember to take care of You! good luck!

.

Is daddy home when you get home? He could really help out and pay extra attention to the toddler or preschooler while you shower attention on the other and then switch.
I know they both miss their momma so that might be a little tough, but it might help. :)
I like the suggestion to nurse while listening to the older one talk. :)
Good luck! :)

Updated

Is daddy home when you get home? He could really help out and pay extra attention to the toddler or preschooler while you shower attention on the other and then switch.
I know they both miss their momma so that might be a little tough, but it might help. :)
I like the suggestion to nurse while listening to the older one talk. :)
Good luck! :)

I went through this for about 9 months. It'll pass. If you are nursing I'd nurse the baby while talking to the other child. Or set a timer and have the preschooler speak for 5 min, then the baby and then talk to hubby. Perhaps each day they can take turns on who goes first. Non-verbal queues can work better than verbal ones- teachers use them all the time flick lights on and off. Sit in a certain spot for each child's turn, Set a timer.

Could you listen to your oldests stories while you breastfed? We usually listen to everyone's day at dinner. Each person gets a turn to tell everyone what happened that day. My boys are close in age - 2 years apart - so understand the difficulty. This is why we started the dinner time talk. While one is eating the other is telling his day and so on. My husband and I even get our turns as well.

First, give everyone a big hug and kiss (including your husband) - then I'd go to the bathroom, change, get a quick drink... then sit down for your toddler to nurse - while at the same time, listening to your pre-schooler's day. Your husband should have dinner ready by then for the family, since he's home first (Right?) - so the transition from Mommy I missed you time, to the family dinner should be an easy transition. Give your kids at least 30 minutes uninterupted time before you go to be with your husband and have a family dinner.

Follow your intuition and do both. I think what matters is your love to them and their love to you.

I think that when you get home your husband should take the preschooler outside to play for special daddy time. Then he gets time alone with Daddy with out the baby. Then you can relax w/the toddler and then you can maybe all play together or switch kids for a little bit and then all be together for dinner. Good luck