Why Do I Keep Getting Crazy Looks?

Ok, I'm going to give the other point of view. I would probably give you a look. Not because I'm judging you! Not because I "hate" big families! In fact, I am one of 4 siblings and can't imagine growing up without all my sisters and brother. It made a wonderful childhood. However, I am in amazement at moms who feel they can handle 4 kids (I have incredible respect for my own mom, how did she keep up with us 4 crazy kids?). Some days I barely hang on the edge of sanity with 2 LOL! I love my kids dearly, but do not know how moms of big families do it. So take the look as a compliment - that's how I would mean for it to be taken. As WOW - that mom must really have her stuff together because I don't think I would be able to handle 3 (going on 4) kids.

So congratulations - and I really do mean that!

It is the area you live in, not you. I live in Hawaii right now (military family), and the natives only have 1 kid. When I am seen having 3 following me around I am asked if I am babysitting/a daycare provider and then told my hands are full. When I lived in Kansas I was always asked how many more I was going to have and if I said less than 2 more was given odd looks... Location is EVERYTHING!

Sometimes you can't win for losing. I get these same looks when I tell people that my daughter will probably be an only. So I guess, as women we are always being asked, When are going to have another one or are you done yet? Sigh.

LOL I originally wanted 4 kids... then my son came along and I was DONE.

In Babies R Us one time, my girlfriend was telling me how she wanted 6 kids so she could have her own hockey team (LOL) and this one woman LIT INTO HER, telling her she was insane... this other woman came up and was like 'I've got 9 kids, what of it?!'... um, yeah, we left those 2 ladies to duke it out.

My point is, TO EACH THEIR OWN! I think 4 is just right... for YOU ;)

I would also give the crazy look...and it would be because I don't know how you do it. I have a hard enough time with two.

Best Wishes to you and your family! (And from now on, I will try my best not to give the crazy look to those having more than 2 children.)

The people who are giving you crazy looks because they personally think that the situation you are in would be really tough to handle. Honestly, the thought of me having another child makes me want to cry, I already feel stretched to the limit. (I know that if for some reason I found myself pregnant, I would eventually get over the fear and be excited). Just try to be good-natured. Say something like "Just say congratulations, we are excited". These looks and comments are not about you, the person saying or giving them is most likely mentally putting themselves in your position and then panicking.
Congrats on your baby :)

Keep in mind it might not be the "are you crazy" looks. I remember when I had one infant baby and was out to eat with him, sitting next to a table with parents and three kids. Here I was, struggling to deal with my one immobile infant while their kids were some of the most pleasant, well-behaved kids I'd ever seen - all of them under the age of 5! They were effortlessly managing their family like it was the easiest task in the world. I was floored and could not stop trying to steal glances at the table. As I got up to leave I went over and complimented the mother for how well-behaved her children were.

So...don't always think that they're looking at you with judgment or disdain. They might truly be amazed at your parenting prowess!

I would give you a crazy look...and that is because really I'm wondering how you do it????? Two is a lot for me. I don't think they mean it to be mean or to annoy you...for some of us its a natural reaction and we can't hide our emotions easily. I am amazed and in aww of moms, dads with bigger families. It doesn't mean I'm judging you!

Psh, tell them you can't WAIT til this baby is born so you can pregnant again right away!

:)

you're personalizing it too much.. maybe they actually have a lot of respect for you to be taking on 4 kids.. which YES.. is a lot. it's not a bad thing, but hey... if you read many of the posts on here , day in and day out... even those with just one or two have their difficulties at times.. imagine how many might think about four..
I wouldn't waste your energy on looks that people give to you.. in the same way you think they are judging you, you are kinda judging them by thinking you know their intentions behind the looks and comments... you can never for sure UNLESS you ask them...
save your energy .......

I think, for me, the questions that would pop in my head would probably cause a crazy look to come over my face but it's not like I'm judging you. For me, four kids would be ridiculous. I get overwhelmed with two. I'd also be wondering how the heck you're going to send four kids to college, or what you and your husband do to support four kids, etc., etc.,

But the bottom line is, it's none of my or anyone else's business! If you want to be like the Duggars and have 20-something kids, that's your business. More power to you!

Good luck with your growing family!!!

You MIGHT be taking the looks wrong. My mom came from a family of 4: 2 boys, 2 girls. I think it's SO perfect! Always thought I'd want the same...my mom and aunt were friends, my 2 uncles were friends. HOWEVER no way, no way do I want more than the two I have; I just don't have the energy! That doesn't make my grandma wrong for having 4, and it doesn't make me less of a woman for not feeling equipped to follow suit. People probably aren't looking at YOU in judgement but in a very brief moment they pictured themselves in your shoes and thought "ack! not me!" That's what I would guess, since the next thing they say is congratulations. You can't fault someone for a very brief expression, because you don't know for sure what was in their head at that moment. Another option: perhaps they are thinking, "4? She looks too young or good to already be a mom of 4". You never know. So long as they don't give you a little lecture about birth control.... :P

i am in the same situation. i just had my 4th boy 8 weeks ago and the oldest just turned 6. i found when i was pregnant that if i noticed someone looking at me and the boys i would beat them to the punch. i would usually say "i know i've got my hands full" or " i know what are we thinking" and then just giggle. every single person i ever said this to turned out to be so sweet and they all just wanted to know if i was having a girl. when i told them another boy everyone always asked if i would try for a girl.
so good luck with your pregnancy and growing family and assume that everyone is looking at you because you're a great mom to lots of boys:)

4 kids is not a challenge that every one is up for.
So what?
People sometimes can't help how they react (with a look).
As long as they keep their mouths shut ignore them.
If they comment, just say "Did I ASK for your opinion?" and then ignore them.

People are a pain in the butt...Totally your choice and congrats. I hope its a girl but the chances are high that you will have another boy! At any rate a child boy or girl is a true blessing from God...Ignore peoples reactions...I have three

Everyone is different. We have O.--and that's PLENTY for us! LOL
I have friends with 2, 3,4 and 5 kids. Who cares? Ignore them! It's YOUR life and YOUR decision!

Sigh,
When I married my husband I had a 3 year old girl from my first marriage, me and my husband waited 4 years before we decide to have another one, we had our reasons for waiting.
When we finally decide we wanted to start trying my MIL told us that she didn't thought we were ready!!
We had trouble getting pregnant, we finally had our baby girl 3 years later, since we thought we wanted 3, we were thinking to try right away from our third one, when we told my MIL we didn't want to wait to long for the third (we were afraid we would have problems again getting pregnant), she told us: "Oh nooo, 2 is more then enough", I am writing her exact words.
I was about to give her a piece of me, but my husband jump in first.
Some people just don't know when to keep their mouth shut.
Then again, this is the same women that have say that she always knew her own daughter would never have kids because she wasn't meant to and that she always thought his son wasn't going to have kids either.
She also say that she was scare his son would married a Latino because "we" pop babies like rabbits!
What a racist and lonely mentality!

So my advice, take the things from who the come.

I had four children in five and a half years. The two youngest are sixteen months apart. I received a lot of looks and comments, too, and some of the comments were actually nasty. This was at a time when it was trendy to "stop at one."

Let the comments roll off your back as much as you can. You love your boys, and you'll love your new baby, boy or girl. You're going to be the best mama you can be, and if that makes some people think you're crazy, let it be their problem! (Sometimes a cold stare works better than a hot word of response, by the way.)

Meh, people will always find a reason to overdramatize. I'd try to let it go. Besides, those people who are looking askance at you are the same person asking the next mom, "So, are you gonna try for a girl next time now that you have a son?" In other words, they're equal opportunity annoyers, lol.

Best wishes on a healthy girl (or boy),

S. :+)

People are probably giving you crazy looks because that is a lot of kids! LOL

When I was growing up it was common place to have big families - now it's so darn expensive I don't know how people afford more than two!

However - you have to parent and raise them - no one else - so ignore the haters and enjoy your growing family. :-)

my friends with a few and I always joke, I say you're braver than I am because I stopped at one, and they always joke back, not braver, crazier........yea some people might think.....why in hell would she want a 4th I can barely keep up with my x number of kids....so to some , including M., I may think in my head, wow shes crazy.....not in a bad way, J. in the same way I;d say someone was crazy for taking on 4 jobs, I'd admire them, but think wow they're crazy...I would never give looks or say anything, other than you're braver than I am...but I admire your ability to be sane and patient enough to have 4 young kids, but yea I also might think your crazy.....possibly crazy in love with your kids, but still crazy=)

There was a time when most people had lots of kids... or maybe that was just my family and our friends (Irish Catholics)! Today, most people can't afford to have more than 2 or 3, so having (gasp) 4 is just not "typical", but if you can swing it, go for it!

Personally, I would love to have 3 or 4 kids, but know that with our work schedules and financial commitments, 2 will be the "magic number" for us... or maybe 3. We'll see!

Congratulations and enjoy your family! I hope you have a girl this time, though b/c how wonderful for her to have three big brothers! Watch-out future boyfriends!

I have 3 girls and planning a fourth! I love it! I've always wanted a big family and can handle it=) yay for you!! I dont look at people who only have 1 or 2 kids funny so I would expect that they give me the same courtesy;) Congrats on #4!

I have no idea why you are getting crazy looks. I had a boy and a girl, waited eight years and then had another two. That should have got me some crazy looks but nope, not a one.

Are your kids awful? My cousins boys were awful. The oldest was kicked out of seven different day cares in six weeks. Now that is a talent for being awful. Yeah, we gave her crazy looks when she was going for number two. She tried for number four because she still didn't have a girl. Although I never articulated this thought, I couldn't help but think god stopped her from doing what she didn't have the good sense to realize herself.

I am sure your kids are fine, my cousin was just strange, ya know? It is just a funny story to me and the only person I know who tried for the girl as number four.

Just an FYI the other person I know who kept trying until they got a girl ended up with eight kids. I am pretty sure somewhere along that path she was getting some strange looks. Personally if I was over four kids and no girl or no boy I would pay to have the eggs spinned or however they can decide gender, it has to be cheaper than raising eight kids. Mental health alone would cost me a fortune.

Oh people think it is just strange to have four kids.

If I were to look at you, it wouldn't be "are you crazy" but rather, in awe.
You're doing a great job! And don't be so sure that if you had a boy and a girl, you'd have stopped at 2. I had my girl, then my boy...and we were supposed to be DONE, but I can't seem to shake the thought of more!
Enjoy and love those kiddos. AND, I like the idea of beating people to the punchline...Also...even now with just the 2 of mine (I'm often frazzled as my husband is deployed for a year and both kids are VERY high energy...a toddler and preschooler), people will say, "Wow, you have your hands full." My response, with a smile is, "I sure do! I love it...better than having my hands empty!"
Best of everything with your newest blessing!
They can never say anything negative to that.

I get the same thing - I had my 4th baby 8 months ago - now I get the comments "Are you done now?" LOL ~ I just tell them - "We'll see..... : )" It's no ones business but your own anyways......LOL

I've always wanted 4 :) hubby is all set with 2. I usually always have a house full of kids over though. I say good for you! The more the merrier.

I don't get it. I never look at anyone weird if they want 10 kids. You really need to not worry about people like this, and for everyone giving you a weird look, just as many people probably aren't. All different people can handle all different levels of all different things in life, and some can't understand that other people are not the same as them. That's their issue. Don't be sensitive about it. Congrats!

Children are a blessing. My husband and me have two daughters, 17yrs old and 2 yrs old. For years people wondered when we'd have another; we had our first after my grandmother passed and the youngest after my mom passed away. We've always wanted 3, now my dad passed away in Dec 2010. Children are our blessings from above. As long as they are wanted, loved and taken care of is all that matters. Hey, those people are just jealous they didn't do it. Congrats on your beautiful family.

A.!!

My look wouldn't be a "are you crazy" look - it would be one of jealousy! :) We wanted 4 kids - God blessed us with 2 and 3 up in heaven.

YOU GO GIRL!!! I can't tell you how much I wanted 4 boys - I'm a boy mama - not a girl mama - so God knew what he was doing. Although I love my daughter to death - boys are sooo much easier than girls!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Updated

A.!!

My look wouldn't be a "are you crazy" look - it would be one of jealousy! :) We wanted 4 kids - God blessed us with 2 and 3 up in heaven.

YOU GO GIRL!!! I can't tell you how much I wanted 4 boys - I'm a boy mama - not a girl mama - so God knew what he was doing. Although I love my daughter to death - boys are sooo much easier than girls!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

There are a lot of people out there who think one child or maybe two is more than enough - who cares? I was one of 5 kids and it was a great thing - and is really good now that we're all older. How nice to have the network of siblings.

Disregard their looks - good for you to have the size family you want. We have only two - but that's becuase we didn't get started until I was 37! If we had the financial resources and a few more years we would have had more kids.

You will be so very blessed in your old age to have this wonderful family around you - you'll have a bunch of grandkids - they're all have cousins! and a family of boys - how much fun is that! Your house will be filled with cleats, footballs, jockstraps, guitars - and eventually girls that they'll bring home. Maybe you'll have a girl this time and maybe you won't - but regardless - you'll have a wonderful boisterous family.

You go mama!!!

Each and everyone is an absolute blessing. There are so many families out there that are trying so hard to have just one and can't. You are so fortunate and blessed.
If you and your husband are happy and have the patience and resources to raise children then it is nobody's business but yours if you want to have a whole soccer team!
Congratulations to you!

I have 2 and my hands are more than full. My look would be in awe and amazement that you can handle so many! I think it's great! Congratulations!!!

maybe the looks are admiring. maybe it's because they're surprised that you keep trying for a girl. it's one thing for people to say rude things, it's another to interpret a 'look' if you're getting it repeatedly. could it be a little pregnancy sensitivity?
khairete
S.

It's one of those weird quirks of nature that the people who seem most compelled to make comments are the ones who don't seem to have something helpful to say ;-). I find that other peoples' comments didn't bother me as much when I started to realize that the people who are most critical of how someone else is (fill in the blank - raising their kids, choosing to have X number of kids, resuming work outside the home, not working outside the home - you name it, someone's gonna criticize it...) are people who most likely have nagging insecurities of their own and pick on other people to try to make themselves feel better. You know you're blessed with the 3 boys you have and you know you'll feel blessed by baby #4 regardless of whether #4 is a boy or girl, and your kids are blessed to have a mom who feels that way about them, and that's what counts :-).

Congrats on your pregnancy. As long as you're happy, who cares.

That said, I don't think it's the size of your family I think it's spacing of your kids. I know that having three of my own that I needed a break after the first two were pretty close together.

So I can only assume that people are thinking, "Four kids 5 and under!!!! OMG". Plus having a 9mo old and being pregnant again...that's a big undertaking.

Of course it's your life, so just go with it. And say something like, "We couldn't be happier!!!"

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Give them a crazy look back, I would. Or actually I might say something about this twins or triplets. LOL If they want it I would dish it right back at them.

In this country and culture there is such a huge slant towards a hatred for large families. My sister has 12 (yes 12) and 1 on the way. Makes your 3 almost 4 seem like nothing. Her children are well mannered and wonderful people. Her oldest just turned 23 and the baby will be 2 in December.

Don't let the pressure of other people force you to do something you may not want to do. It's your body, your family and your business. If you want to find out then find but if you want to wait, then wait. I personally like the surprise of finding out on the day. My sister is almost due but we don't know if it will be a boy or a girl. Time will tell. It will be one or the other and he or she will be loved.

The love only grows and that's the beautiful thing. Who knows perhaps this baby will be the one that discovers the cure for cancer.

Depending on the mood I'm in, I might give you an envious look, and maybe you could mistake my staring enviously at you for giving you the crazy look?

People just can't help themselves. :)

It almost sounds like your hormones are getting the best of you.

But I also know how irritating others can be. Why would they wish you good luck? I am hoping they just meant they hope the delivery goes well but now a days people are rude.

But also keep in mind you are living near a big retirement area so I would guess the ones starring at you would be old people. lol You know you can't ruin grandpa's golden days with kids running around his favorite store. tee hee hee
I would get the kids to just stick there tongue at the next person that stares. LOL

Hugs!

Heck I had a 3yo, 2yo, 1yo and newborn! Talk about looks! We wanted it
this way. I think people thought we were irresponsible. I always had to say
that we wanted it this way and would not change a thing. It somehow gave
them comfort to hear this LOL. Congratulations!

I wouldn't give you a crazy look. But as others have said, I would be amazed at what your doing, and how you do it (it is expensive to have big families now a days). :-). And remember if having a big family makes you happy, then go for it!!! Congrats on baby # 4.

My hubby and I took our 3 little ones to the pier last weekend for the first time and tried our Joovy caboose triple stroller for the first time. You should have seen the looks and HEARD the comments! LOL! I have an idea of what you get with only 3! I have all the respect in the world for you! If you can afford, it makes YOU happy, DO IT! BTW if you have 4 boys, our most favorite family to vacation with ( and by vacation I mean Easter at our house and 4th of July at theirs.. LOL!) has 4 boys. And while it gets crazy of course, they are a GREAT family and we love them all to bits! .