It's a family event, just go.
Learning table manners starts at home. I love the quote, "it takes a village to raise a child", so true. Let your husband take him to the lobby or discipline, in fact, do it together. Also, give your child food before you go. Then you don't have to rag on him every 15 seconds about eating his food and you can enjoy your meal.
It doesn't sound like this should be as a big of a deal as it is. Yes, you are going to be tired and all. But, this is for a one time event.
Now, if this happens frequently, then I can see why you are perturbed. Explain to your husband you want a relaxing evening, and while you enjoy your son, you won't be able to relax, and you really need that child free evening out a few times a month.
If you are intent on your child not being there, then simply tell your husband you want adult time with him and everyone else and can you please get a sitter, and if not, then you will be home that night enjoying some peace and quiet around the house.