Worried About Leaving Babies

My advice is to find someoe that watched kids in their home. I have a couple of kids and we do not do schedules. What ever comes up we go with it.

Hi M.-
It sounds like you and I have exactly the same views and worries. I have a 3 and 1 year old and just recently went back to work part-time because we put my oldest daughter in preschool two days a week just for socialization. My little girl goes to stay with my great aunt during this time and I work. The first year after having my daughter I stayed home. After that I considered going back to work full time but quickly realized I just couldn't stomach putting my little girl in daycare. A lot of my best friends were doing it and some even preferred it that way, but I truly couldn't imagine it. Neither of them ever had a babysitter that wasn't family until my one year old was about 8 months old. All the reasons you listed for not wanting to do it were the same as mine. Although I knew I'd worry about safety no matter where they were (no one watches kids like a mommy) I was even more concerned about my little girls picking up bad habits. Both of my babies are very well behaved and know that a lot is expected of them. I consider myself to be a strict but loving mommy. I was so set against daycare that I swallowed my pride and took a job waitressing some nights so that I could be with the girls during the day and my husband would be with them at night. Suffice to say I was the oldest most over educated waitress there but I made great fun money!!
All this being said it has only been two weeks since my 3 year old has started prechool and so far I am very happy. She loves it and my one year old spends the day getting tons of attention from her great aunt and uncle and her great grandmother. Still, at the end of very day I can barely wait to get to my girls. So it's been hard but I think that all of us will be happier and better adjusted for it in the end. My experience has been that I have more impact over my girls behavior than anyone else. My eldest actually stops and stares when kids are having tantrums and asks what's wrong with them. As far as schedule, the days are really laid back when we are all home together but she seems to do great with the structure at preschool so I think that kids can easily switch between the two. It sounds like you are a great and attentive mom with justified concerns and that is what will make the biggest impact on your kids. Out of curiosity when are planning on going back to school and where? I'm hoping to start at the UW on a second degree this spring!! Sounds like we have a lot in common!!
PS- My daughter is enrolled at Kids Express on High Point. It's kind of pricey but it's in my opinion the best. It's actually a seven acre farmette with animals and a garden the kids tend to.

Hello M.,
I am S. Linskey. My wife and I own and operate 5 in home child cares on the south side of Milwaukee. We opened our first when our first son was born. I not only operate the child care centers, I am a father of two, Dietrick 9 and Spencer 7. I would love to help you with some of your questions and concerns you can reach me at ###-###-#### any time.

My 15 month old son just started part time day care today!! I am a mess. It was a hard decision. Like your son he has never been with anyone but immediate family also. I have been home with him since day one. Here is some background on me. My mother has a master's degree in early childhood education and is the administrator at a very prestigious preschool and kindergarten in Baltimore(where we just moved from) I am so lucky to have her to go to for advice cause I don't ever seem to know what to do. Anyway I struggled long and hard over this choice. I do not have to work but I would like at some point to have a career again. Money and me working were not the issue. My son is not on a schedule. We go by the flow and this has really worked for us. But I have noticed that once he reached 1 year he was growing bored. He needed more stimulation then I could provide. My mom said that day care can be an amazing place for a child. They can learn many social skills, they are taught the basic colors, numbers etc.. (depending apon there age level)and they are given an opportunity to be independent from us. As for picking up bad habits from other children, I never even thought of that to be honest. But my son is a good boy with a sweet and good soul that I can feel radiate from him and your son sounds the same. I believe that if they did pick up bad habits we would just have to be the good parents we are and remove the habit. Do what feels right for you.

Personally, I think I would go the babysitter or nanny route. Luckily, I was able to stay home with my DS and he currently goes to preschool but he really wanted to go for the peer interaction (he's 4). At your babies' age interaction with a caring adult might be more beneficial than peer interaction. At those ages they don't really play *with* other kids and it's hard to feel that your children are getting the attention they need. Since you're going to be in school your schedule might not be the typical workday so you might need to find evening care plus the day child care. Cost wise, I don't think it would be that much different since you have 2 babies whether you choose a center or a nanny. If you're going to UW, I know there's a lot of resources through the childcare office. There's a list of childcare centers and individual providers and there's a child care fund you can apply for to help with the costs. HTH!

Instead of putting your children in daycare consider hiring somebody to come to your home to care for them. This offers a huge amount of flexiblity. The cost difference shouldn't be much considering that you are looking for care for two children, and one is an infant. It may even be less expensive. There are nanny services out there, I'm sure another mom could recommend one. I've had luck taking out an ad in the U daily. It takes a bit of work to find the right person, but both times I've had a huge response. Many of the sudents have early childhood ed credits. But, they come from many backgrounds and experiences and you may be able to find that perfect match. The drawbacks are you have to feel comfortable having someone in your home and alone with your children. But, if you find the right person the benefits are numerous. Good luck in finding the solution that works for you.

Another idea is trying to find another student mother to do a childcare swap. It might work depending on your schedules.

T.

Dear M.,

I hate to "feed" the fear, but you are right to be concerned.
I worked in daycare for many years, and yes the children do pick up very bad habits from each other and then you also get "teachers" who don't care. Don't get me wrong there are a lot of great teachers who do care, but unfortunately they are too often over loaded and can't take the time to keep each child happy, safe, and well. After I had my son, I knew I couldn't put him in daycare, I just couldn't do it, that is when I became an in home Nanny, someone that comes to your home to care for the children. It really is a great alternative to daycare, not only are the kids ususally happier, but they get more individual attention. They can follow the "schedule" that they've always had, it's really a great solution, to someone with children like yours, who don't already have all those nasty habits. If you have any other questions about Nannies or daycares I'd be happy to help, I have tons of experience. You can e-mail me at ____@____.com, I don't Nanny anymore but there are a lot of great ones and reasonably priced ones out there.
Take Care,
M.

Putting my daughter in daycare was the most stressful thing I have ever done. Since having her there, she is aggressive and has picked up some bad habits that she did not have before. While I am not overly happy about that, she is still the most loving, wonderful and happy child ever. She forms very close bonds with the other children and is very affectionate toward them. It is my opinion that children like and need structure but I do believe it depends on the child.
As it turns out, I am having the same issue about leaving my child with a babysitter. I don't mind dropping her off at daycare but have a difficult time with the thought of going out and leaving her if only for 2 hours. Over the weekend, she went off with her grandparents and it was a struggle because she did not want to leave me and my husband. We decided then, that it was probably in her best interests to leave her more often. We have not done it yet but plan to. Good luck. I hope if you decide to place your children in daycare that you find one that is as loving as your children.

My daughter has never been on a schedule I'm just not a schdele type of person. She just started Kindergarten and is doing just fine.

This is just my opinion but..
Go with a more distinguished daycare like a montesorri most are the same price as regular daycares. Or maybe go with a nanny.

i feel the same bout flexible!!! i dont love to plan the day and go as needed and my children are also like that... besides my daughter as shes in grade 4... i have a hard time thinking of putting my son in daycare for i have been here with him the whole time... i have teens come to my house to care for him.. that way he takes naps in his room and eats in his chair at the table... he has his own toys and his own movies... etcc... i love him being in his own home.... maybe put an ad in the paper.. and interview and do background checks... i pay the sitter i have 2. per hour which aint bad for two kids. good luck and go with your gut feeling... my gut feeling are normally right for some odd reason..lol..

It sounds like you have wonderful children and your a great Mom! I had the same concerns! I ended up keeping them home and paying my MIL tocomeover here. They didn't really have a routine, but at least their surroundings were the same. Any chance you could get someone to come to the house?

I would suggest either finding a nanny or another mother who would be willing to watch your children that you feel comfortable with. There are a lot of moms who would like the extra income and it would be great for their children to have playmates. I used to be a nanny and I've worked in a few daycares and decided that I wouldnt send my children to daycare. I have a 16 month old girl and would be interested in watching your children, depending on where you live. I am planning on getting licensed but just for safety reasons. I would like to find either a part-time family or one full time family. You can email me if you have any questions. B.

I sympathize with you. I have been thru it three times, and now I am a daycare provider. Just make sure that you interview the provider and ask for references. You can call thier licensor also and check on them. I would make sure the provider is licensed. If you have any concerns always communcate with your provider. You could always schdule play dates first, having your children go for a few hours at a time. Pop in unexpected to pick the kids up early, check in.
Hope that helps-
M.

Obviously taking your children to a daycare for the first time is a scary thing and it will probably cause some uproar in your household as most changes do. And if your children do pick up some bad habits just gently remind them that your family does not act that way and you will not tolerate it. Kids are really amazing at dealing with change. So much better than us parents! I would just suggest that you tour some daycare centers until you feel like you have found the right one for your babies and if that doesn't work for you, how about an inhome daycare? The ratios are normally smaller and you might be able to find something a little less structered than a formal daycare setting. And then depending on your financial situation, there are always nannies who will come to your home. And as hard as it may be to believe, sometimes hiring a nanny to come to your home may actually be cheaper than some centers. And if someone came to your home, then it would just be your children so there would not be any outside influences. My kids have always been daycare kids since they were each about 3 months old and we have had our struggles but it has not ever been anything too terrible! But I can tell you that I don't allow those behaviors from my children so it has worked for us. Good luck with it, it is always a toughie!
L.
-mom of three great kids