Would It Bother You If a Woman Referred to HERSELF as "BEAUTIFUL"? *Updated*

As my MIL once told my SIL, she had better work on something besides her looks because once gravity takes over, people will no longer have enough excuses to overlook her snotty, -itchy tendencies.

In general arrogance is not beautiful in any stripe. Also if you have to stand on the mountain top to announce something, the message is a bit watered down shall we say.

I think the issue most people had was that they saw her and didn't agree with her that she was indeed "beautiful". I think having someone you consider "average" looking go on and on about how hard life is being beautiful and how sad it is that they have no girl-friends rubs people wrong. To many it seems like she's coming off as a self absorbed witch and the problem she has isn't because she's pretty(because in their eyes she's not), but because she's a deplorable person.

I've been the "not pretty" one in many situations, my best friend from High School was and still is stunning. I also knew her. She's a wonderful person, funny and kind, but yes males did see her and never me, but I never blamed her because she never mentioned if she noticed the extra attention, I honestly don't think she saw herself the way the world did. She was just El hanging out with D, that was what she was focused on. If she had been forever commenting about how pretty she knew everyone thought she was and how those guys were making her uncomfortable or how I was her only friend because everyone else hated her because she was beautiful and bringing up how I wasn't but how awesome I was for not being jealous, I would have been ticked and after awhile of hearing things like that it would have ruined the friendship. That's what my family refers to as side-ways insults. There is a fine line between confidence in one's self and arrogance. Confidence doesn't need to comment about itself, it just is.

Just my thoughts.

The reason she's received so much vitriol over her article is because she's tooting her own horn as if her beauty were a matter of fact, when in fact, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Instead of saying, "Many men find me beautiful." she states, matter-of-factly, "I am beautiful." And then proceeds to lament the fact that her beauty is a hardship because other women are "mean" to her because of it. I hate to break it to her, but it's possible that she's hated not because she's beautiful, but because she gives off an air that she's "sexy and she knows it".

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful dahlink!" = Snooty

After being positively reinforced for so long by so many men, it seems to have swollen her head just a wee bit and us girls, we can sense it as it wafts off her like a noxious plume. It gives her airs.

Touting ones own virtues is the antithesis of humility and since humility is a trait normally valued in society, the anti-humble tend to get jeered. And boy did she get jeered. No one likes a braggart, even if one is bragging in a round-about way.

Even if she was the undisputed most beautiful person on earth, as soon as she lets the phrase "I'm so pretty!" pass her lips publicly, she becomes ugly in everyone's eyes.

I would think the reaction proved her point about women being catty, don't you think? :)

Okay so I looked at the article, it is England for crying out loud! There she is pretty. :p

Oh also after reading it she does come off self absorbed. "You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me." Looking at this quote she is saying you are ugly and don't understand but I am beautiful and this happens all the time. That would set anyone off, ya know?

The whole article is written like that so in my opinion people were reacting to her saying she was beautiful it was her pretty much writing like it was unique to her that got everyone upset.

I don't find her physically attractive, at all. Honestly, I don't get it. Not. At. ALL. It doesn't bother me when a women thinks she's attractive or beautiful. (I just don't think she is.) I think I'm attractive and beautiful in ways. I don't think anyone I know would be bothered by me saying that!! If there are women who hate me, I have never noticed.

What bothers me, is when women are like HER. Oh, I'm so pretty. It's brought me so many things in life. I can just flirt to get ahead. Oh, look at me...I'm sooo pretty. I could probably have her husband, he thinks I'm beautiful and younger. Women hate me and it MUST be, because I'm beautiful. (No, I think it's because she's arrogant.) When every woman you meet hates you, it's not because of your looks! I think SHE is amazingly insecure, and that entire article was just to make herself feel better. I don't like THAT, I find it pandering, fishing...and unattractive. I don't like to be around women like that. I have many beautiful friends. Heck, many are much prettier then me!! But, they don't NEED to carry themselves like they are more beautiful then everyone else. They don't need to feel like other women's husbands must want them. They don't NEED to talk, publicly, about how hard it is to be pretty!! I have friends who know they are beautiful (and they are!) but they don't need to shove their beauty on everyone...if you get what I'm saying.

Long story short, it's not someone's looks that makes me not want to be around them. It's their attitude. Hers is so pretentious, it's irritating!!

I think just being female we have all been treated this way more than a few times in our life. You don't see me writing a book about it and thinking I am the only one!

That type of arrogance is differant than saying, we as women are beautiful or even that I find myself beautiful. It's the point of saying - it's so hard being pretty. poor me. Get a problem lady! That's like complaining because you are too rich.

We all have our beauty and there's always somebody out there that is attracted to it. Which of us haven't dealt with men giving us things and going out of thier way because we made them do a double take? Who among us hasn't dealt with jealous catty women?

We all experience men that make us feel beautiful and wanted. No matter how homely we are! It takes a sense of perspective to see a world bigger than yourself, so, in that sense, it does bug me. She's not special, she's just female.

First thought: I think when we consider ourselves beautiful, it is a revolutionary act. So no, if a woman names herself as beautiful, it would not bother me. It would, in fact, excite me.

Many years ago I was walking home and ran into an acquaintance. She was dressed up to the nines, stilettos, a skin tight dress with dangerous neck line, dramatic makeup. She was, to our current cultural standard of beauty, not beautiful and yet there she was, fierce and glorious. I said, "you look glorious". She said, "I know. I have the most beautiful tits and this dress shows them off. I am on my way to a party and I am on fire." I laughed and commended her authenticity and candor. That day I learned a lot about beauty and how we get to own it.

Second thought: The Attractive are afforded great privilege in our society. To pretend otherwise is not productive, I think. I read part of the article and it seemed the author was merely describing the privilege that her looks had granted her.

Third thought: Misogyny takes many forms. I think we can feel threatened by 'sexy' women, particularly those who do not deny or underestimate the power they gain from their own sex appeal.

Fourth thought: Society defines a woman's worth through her aesthetic prowess. When we feel valuable and beautiful, we define our own worth to a higher degree, and that is a wonderful thing.

Yeah, she was on the Today Show this morning.

I guess I don't get it either. I've seen a lot of 'beautiful' women, but she's not one of them. But she DID get her 15 minutes of fame, didn't she? She's a writer, right? You'd think this would not be her first choice of claim to fame.

Head still shaking with confused expression.

:(

It's great to FEEL beautiful. It's even nicer to be humble about it.

I saw that article and I saw her pic. I wouldn't normally say this about someone, but with her going on and on about how hard her life has been because she THINKS she's 'beautiful,' well, the reality is ... she's average-looking in my eyes. I was rolling my eyes the entire time I read it.

I don't know what this is about exactly and will look at other posts, soon. But I will say this: my mother grew up quite 'beautiful' and she was tall and skinny. Nothing I will ever be. She would talk about how hard it is to be beautiful. Well, she also doesn't really try to have too many friends, I sat with her in situations where she wasn't friendly to people (so therefore not liked) and although she was always dressed to the teeth, maybe it is hard for her to be beautiful because in her case she wasn't very kind to others.she never came over and chopped a vegetable with me in all my married years, remarried a very vain man and had very little to do with my children in spite of a geographical closeness. Being beautiful is something you are born with but what you do with it is your choice. Her choice now, at eighty and actually still beautiful, is to stay in her house doing who knows what. Because she still doesn't realize that life is what we ourselves participate in and she thought being beautiful would just make it happen or not.Well, just a comment, not sure if anyone will read it at this point, but wanted to throw it in.

nobody likes a snotty braggart, but without reading the article or responses (yet) i'm going with 'good for her!'
confidence is attractive.
and i really really dislike phony blicky self-deprecation.
since the subject arises, i realize i tend to think of myself as 'not bad for my age.' i'm taking out all those qualifiers.
i'm fabulous. period.
:) khairete
S.

good lord I'm sorry but from the pic I have to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I dont consider myself drop dead but I have a good heart and do good things and that is why I have what I have. My mother always relied on her looks the get her what she wanted and told me I better be attractive to find someone or I'd be alone all my life. Well lets just say I am happily married to a great man who finds me "perfect" (for him). and my mother is the one alone very bitter at how she chose her life. Looks will only get you so far, it reminds me of that movie Shallow Hal, I think that chick might do good to see that movie and rethink her values.

I read most of the article and I think she has a point. As a society, we are taught to categorize, sort and judge based on appearances, and our responses are more impulsive than logical.

I tend to think, though, that without knowing her and her personality, I couldn't make a judgment as to what is "beautiful" about her. Perhaps people are responding to her looks. Perhaps she also has a pretty fun and winning personality, which adds to attraction. The article mentions compliments for her smile. People respond positively to others who are open and approachable. Perhaps she's the kind of person that people just feel good around, and I think 'beautiful' is a very apt word for that. (or, perhaps, she's full of twaddle, but I can't know because I don't know her.)

As for what other women say about themselves: well, as my mom always said, "Pretty is as pretty does." We all know women who are gorgeous and fun and wear it gracefully... some women will choose to see them as competition because of what's going on in their own heads. We also know of plenty of supposedly-beautiful women who are trolls on the inside... All that to say, beauty may not be skin deep, but we tend to respond to the idea as though it is.

Interestingly enough, too, when I mentioned to my husband that I thought one of our very nice neighbors was gorgeous (because I think she is, but I've also spent a bit of time with her), he gave me a 'huh?" look. I see the beauty of her person, her vitality and open heart, he just sees the outside and she's not his 'type'. Funny, isn't it?

I'll be honest, I didn't read the article, but I have no problem with someone referring to themselves as beautiful, unless they're being a jerk about it. Women of extreme beauty are afforded certain luxuries. It's part of our society and it sounds like that's what she was referencing. Also, while a person may not be drop-dead gorgeous by traditional standards, a lot of women radiate beauty. They have that certain something that people gravitate towards. And no one should ever read comments written by people on the internet! That's a recipe for disaster.

Oh my goodness. Do I think she is a little high on herself? Yes! But honestly it makes me giggle a little because I just dont find her all that attractive. I wouldnt call her ugly, but I dont even know if I would even call her all that pretty. Huh, to each their own I guess!

Confident women usually are more "attractive". Confidence is a magnet.

I'm stunningly beautiful too, but no one hates me. (ha!) Guess that blows her theory, huh? Must be something else about her that they're reacting to. Hmm, what could it possibly be???

@Jo - hahahaha - I thought the same thing. Ideas surrounding beauty in UK vs US are two very different things. :-)

As for the rest of it - she sure got a lot of attention for that article, huh? Probably makes that already swollen head that much bigger.

Was this woman on the Today show recently?
I saw a preview and a shot of her and I couldn't help but think the same thing--she was not what I would consider "beautiful" either. I mean...yeah...O. nose...two eyes...not offensive but not beautiful.

I suspect maybe she got a double (or triple) dose of the self esteem so many truly beautiful women are lacking!

As for women working with women....eh. My boss is a woman. We get along beautifully, no game playing, lots of two-way support. But I think there are a lot of women who just don't support other women enough PERIOD. If it's not WM vs. SAHM, then it's breast vs. bottle, etc., etc., etc....I think these types of conflicts mainly stem from self-doubt. Sad, really. Think what women could do if we worked TOGETHER!

ETA: Just looked at your link--that's her!

It is the "tone" of the essay that is bothersome to people and the reason for the public's desire to give her a "reality check"

No, it wouldn't bother me if someone stated, "I'm a beautiful." It would bother me if they said it all the time, or complained about it all the time. "Can't I go out just once without being hit on?"

Honestly, I know I am an attractive person because of other peoples reaction. However, if I saw myself on the street I would probably go, Ehhh she's ok. In my own eyes I am just ok. Not ugly not beautiful somewhere in-between.

No. It wouldn't bother me at all, not even if I thought she was homely.

Her husband may have told her that he thought she was beautiful. That's good enough authority for me.

Good luck to you and yours.

It doesn't bother me if a woman referred to herself as a beautiful person. If it becomes her bragging about herself all the time, then it would get old real fast though. There is such a thing as being self-confident while being humble at the same time. If she is teaching someone about embracing their inner and outer beauty that is wonderful. I read both of the articles. I have to say that the first photo we saw of her was not the most flatering one she could have chosen for her topic. But the other photos in the second article made her look much prettier. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The irony of this is that she is a writer. I think that had she written the article better, she might have gotten a different response. What put me off was that she appeared judgemental. To quote her, "If you're a woman reading this, I'd hazard that you've already formed your own opinion about me and it won't be flattering." Making such a statement is a clear invitation to anyone for an attack. She basically said that women already don't like her. When you make negative statements, responses to those statements tend to be negative. If you are wanting to educate someone on something, first rule of thumb is not to go into the fight on the defense. I think she didn't proof her writing well enough and think about the type of responses she could receive prior to writing that article in the way she did. I think as woman, there are many ways that we could build each other up more than we sometimes do. Do thin woman get judged differently than those who are not so thin? Do woman judge each other on how many wrinkles we have? What color skin we have? How big our breasts are? What color our hair is? How many children we have? If we are married, divorced, never been married? How much education we have? If we are religious? If we aren't religious? The list of things to be judged on is endless. Unfortunately, I think the answer to that is often yes we do judge each other unfairly. Many people lack self esteem and self -confidence. Anyone can fall victim to jealousy when we are at our weakest. Think how wonderful our world would be if we could all just be happy with who we are and see ourselves for the beauty that we can offer the world. I think it is awfully difficult to show love toward another person if you are being judgemental. In my opinion, it all comes back to treat others as you wish to be treated. Some of the responses this woman got are downright cruel. There is a nice way to disagree
with someone. There is a nice way to say, I see what you were trying to say, but perhaps this is something to consider. Where is the love?

I think women can be total s*%t's to each other, is what I think.

(Probably a crappy remark, having not read the article, but going from what you said!)

Smiles!
Dawn

UM, no I could care less. Its good for her to feel that way about herself. Every woman should feel like she is beautiful.

Sorry, not interested in reading the article. But I worked with a woman once who was in the "very beautiful" category. It seemed to me to be a curse. She was very insecure and never knew if men cared about her in anyway other than her looks.
She knew she was beautiful and it didn't bother me when she talked about that.

Yes and no.
It's one thing to say "I am beautiful" as a statement of self confidence.
It's another thing to say "I am beautiful and people/men bend over backwards for me because of my beauty" - that's just being full of yourself (or full of bull).
Most of the beauty she's so proud of at the moment is not going to be there by the time she's 50, 60, or 70.
If she's 'grown accustomed to the kindness of strangers', well, Blanche DuBois is not exactly a desirable role model.
It says something when strangers treat you kindly but once they really get to know you the kindness is gone.
My sister makes a great first impression but after that, the descent down hill is so rapid you might as well jump off a cliff.
Being a lovely person inside lasts and lasts.

My gut reaction is "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...personally I don't find a persons physical appearance beautiful...people to me are pretty, handsome, and hot...to me beauty is is character, grace and confidence within(along with man other things).

I know some not very attractive people who I think are beautiful because of who they are. I and know people who are pretty/handsome/hot who are also beautiful.

But in general many people don't think of the way I do. I have never heard someone say "I am beautiful"...but have heard people say "I look damn good, I feel pretty, I feel like a hottie"...that doesn't bother me so I guess it wouldn't bother me if some said "I am beautiful"...

ETA: I have to add that I only looked at her picture and did not read the article. I think she is pretty, I think she looks "average".

People attack women all the time for being not beautiful, or for being egoistical enough to think they are beautiful. There were several articles written about Elena Kagen when she was first a candidate for SCOTUS that talked about how ugly and unattractive she was. As if a) that has any bearing at all on how well she does her job, and b) it is always appropriate to dissect a woman's appearance, no matter what she does, because she is a woman.

Society likes women to be beautiful but modest about their beauty. I understand the value of modesty, but we're delusional if we think that most beautiful women don't know that they're beautiful. Many are just better at demurring and acting modest. My best friend in junior high school was GORGEOUS, and she and I were always talking about what guys had been staring at her and what clothes made her figure look best, how she could never cut her long hair because it was part of her image. I still remember several people coming up to me and telling me, "Mary is so amazing, because she's so pretty and she doesn't even know it!" Oh please. She knew it and she used it. She just hid that from those who didn't know her well. In the end, she and I are both SAHMs with two kids and great husbands, so I don't know that it really took her so much further in life, but she certainly had a confidence that I wish I had had. ^_^

I say, all the more power to this woman, as long as knowing she is beautiful takes her where in life she wants to go. However, if people are intimidated, a little bit of false modesty goes a long way....

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....she may carry herself well and some men might find that attractive...

Now as to whether I have friends that say they are beautiful? hhhhmmm good question. I have some rather attractive friends....but I guess I don't hear them say they are beautiful...interesting.....

I completely agree with ChristyLee and Bug.

No, it doesn't bother me, as long as she behaves in a lady-like way. My sister and I call ourselves and one another beautiful quite often. But we also try to behave in such a way so as to deserve the title.

This woman uses the term to villify others. I don't think she really thinks she's beautiful, she just thinks she needs a justification for why other women seem to dislike her. She thinks it's jealousy...to me, she seems abrasive and annoying. The type who would indiscriminately throw herself at anyone who could get her ahead. Basically, she's a social climber.

It is human nature for us to be attracted to attractive people--- men or women. It's what we find beneath the surface that allows us to form and maintain a real connection to a person. So I say if you are unable to have real friendships/relationships with other women maybe its something beyond the way you look that is the issue.

It doesn't bother me. You know what they say: "Beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder, it's in the mind of the beheld." In other words, believing you are beautiful makes you more beautiful!

I am not a runway model anymore, but I am still pretty, and I do use it to my advantage. And yes, I've experienced cattiness from other women, but when I persist in being nice to them, they usually change their attitude toward me. I think we all make snap judgments about people - it's part of human nature - but when you realize that someone has good intentions, you relax and can get to know them as a person and get past your initial judgment of them. I would say that if the author doesn't have friends, there is some other reason than her looks. In my experience, it takes about 5 minutes to get past that. (And honestly, although she is pretty, I don't think she's a raving beauty?)

when someone refers to themselves as beautiful, it automatically makes everyone that hears or read it, instantly judgmental. Of course she is beautiful, everyone is in there own ways. I don't think its conceited until they begin to see themselves as ONLY this with out flaw. As you say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When I read those mags that have the sexiest, or the most beautiful women/men articles I often HIGHLY disagree with this. I like natural beauty for one, and can see through all the phoniness and makeup. Truly beautiful people start on the inside and come out. A very beautiful woman to me is a humble, decent, graceful, natural beauty. If someone has to keep repeating to themselves and others that they are, then they are not.

After looking at her picture I'd love to see her walk, talk, eye contact, etc. as she is getting flowers and things paid, etc. for some reason other than her 'beauty'.

I don't think there's a thing wrong with thinking of yourself as attractive in any amount. The problem here is that she automatically assumes that all women will hate her because of it. Her attitude is wrong, not her self-esteem. A girl that I was very close friends with was very attractive to men, and they'd fall all over themselves to do things for her. Did I hate her for it? NO! I was a little envious, but I'm happy with my fairly average looks, and so is my hubby. I'm sorry she's been hurt by the nasty comments though. I do believe she's being narcissitic, but no amount of hateful email, etc, will change her viewpoint.

Its hard to judge you for being on yahoo news when that's what I was just reading lol. I think it takes a confident woman to call her self beautiful.

My opinion is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. lol! =)

it doesnt bother me at all. i think everyone should feel that way about themselfs. its not like shes making them buy her things or do things for her. they offer. but she could also say no. i dont find her overly attractive but thats my opinion.

my 5 year old daughter gets soo many complements on how beautiful she is. i just smile and say i think so too or thank you. shes a pageant girl and loves everything about it. she says she looks beautiful like that and i then remind her that yes she looks beautiful all fancied up but shes very beautiful with out all the make up curls and glitz dress. when i was younger before a child i thought of myself as very pretty. no that i have let my self go a bit i think of myself as ok. i dont toot my horn and think im to hot to trot or anything like that.