Would You Do/say Anything Else?

Updated on December 03, 2013
M.B. asks from Seattle, WA
25 answers

My daughter (1st grade) came home crying yesterday. After many tears I got out of her that her teacher yelled at "her" (the class) yesterday. Why? because she was trying to be creative on an art project.

I called the teacher and found out that almost half the class did this project "outside the box" and, in the teacher's mind, ruined the whole thing. She told me yesterday that she's even considering throwing ALL of them away and making the kids do it all again. They did this on the heels of being disrespectful to a guest in the classroom.

What was the art project you ask? A thumbprint reindeer. The kids were supposed to add black antlers and red eyes. Maybe a nose? I don't know on that one, but many of the kids added legs (made it look like a bug/spider) and, like my daughter, got creative about the colors. My daughter made red and black antlers as well as red/black eyes.

I'm trying to chalk this up to a bad day and a frayed temper, but even after sleeping on this I'm not sure. Every day my daughter's class is the last ones let in in the morning, even if it's pouring down rain or freezing cold. When the teacher does finally open the door it's with a gruff, almost angry/frustrated "morning". She put in the newsletter at the beginning of the year that she only checks her email once a week, so if it's important find another way to communicate with her.

Would YOU say or do anything else, other than the phone call yesterday?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

After sleeping on this last night, and reading and thinking about what y'all here, and another mom site have to say, I'm letting this one go and chalking it up to a bad day on the teacher's part.

No information was given about the rudeness to the guest yesterday, even though I DID ask when I called the teacher.

Normally my daughter comes home happy and LOVING school. That's why I was surprised when she came home upset about whatever happened in class. This morning she woke up and was her normal, happy self. If she's moved on, then I need to as well.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

It sounds like the children were being disrespectful which set things off on the wrong foot. Then, certain children didn't follow directions on a project. In most cases, following directions is just as important as the activity itself (and they will be graded on it in later grades).
If it were me, I would talk to my child about how important it is to follow instructions and directions that the teacher gives you. If she tells you to put a red nose on and no legs, DO IT! If she wants to embellish the deer when she brings it home, that's perfectly fine.
Sorry- I have to side with the teacher on this. Maybe it's the former teacher in me.

9 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm with Nervy Girl.

I also would add: There are a lot of folks posting that "this was an art project, they should be allowed to be creative," etc. and normally I'd be all on board with that; however, this wasn't art class. It was a very specific holiday project. For all anyone knows there might have been some reason that the reindeer were supposed to have a fairly uniform appearance -- maybe they were going to be displayed a certain way, etc. We don't know. But I have in the past seen a difference between "art projects" that were supposed to be go-crazy-creative and fun, and projects that needed to follow the directions because another step or a specific use of the item was coming along later. Something to think about before everyone rips the teacher for squashing creativity.

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

What I would do is ask my daughter what she and the other students did to disrespect the guest in their classroom. That is where my focus would be - her behavior toward the guest.

I agree with the minority here and that's really saying something because I don't generally like teachers. But if she gave specific instructions on what she wanted done, she had a right to be upset when the kids did not follow the directions.

I also doubt that the teacher "yelled." My guess is that she spoke in a very stern voice.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm with Nervy Girl here. I'm going to be in the minority, too.

Quite frankly, this has absolutely nothing to do with 'creativity'. This is about following the directions that were given. A class project is just that- a class project. That means there needs to be some uniformity in the outcome in order to have the project be successful. It shows that the class worked together to create the project. That's a positive thing, building team-work skills and starting young is even better.

1st grade teachers are pretty explicit when it comes to giving directions, it's the nature of the job, so I highly doubt that that has come into play here. The kids chose not to follow directions and became upset because they were caught.

Kick this one to the curb for now. Have a discussion with your daughter about following directions and being respectful to guests in the classroom, and that people can have a bad day...

IF, however, it continues then you need to find a way to communicate with this teacher. Your daughter should be loving school right now... I'm sorry that she had a rough day with her teacher.

8 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

The best way to deal with this would be to spend some time volunteering in the classroom. Some art projects are lessons in listening and following directions (I know, I worked in first grade for three years.)
Maybe this teacher was having a bad day, and maybe she has a difficult class this year, it happens. And it's true that not ALL teachers are warm and fuzzy, or great at communicating with parents.
I just wouldn't complain based on one incident, or because of the way the teacher says good morning, etc. If after spending some time observing her you feel there's a pattern and a problem voice your concerns, first to her, and then to her supervisor, if necessary.

7 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Most of my 13 yrs of substitute teaching has been in 1st and 3rd grade.

Granted, 1st graders need a lot of nurturing and hand holding to gain confidence with their skills. First grade is my favorite, I love them.

That said, I have seen some deplorable behavior with first graders and I have seen teachers speak sternly (not yelling) to the class. How else will the teacher maintain control of the classroom?

We set the tone as a loving teacher but we also have to set the tone that we are in control of the classroom. It is expected that the children be respectful to any guest in the classroom as well as behave appropriately in music, PE, art, library, cafeteria, guidance counselor, etc. Disrespectful behavior in these areas do constitute a consequence such as some time out of recess to think about the behavior. We also ask them specifically... what would your parents think about this behavior right now?

Hopefully, your child's teacher had a bad day. Everyone has a bad day now and then and I am not in favor of yelling at a classroom of 1st graders or any student.

I have given clear and specific instructions for a project and have 1 or 2 children in the class think it is 'funny" to disregard the instruction. That type of behavior catches on with others as one child will giggle, etc.

It is funny, when they sometimes act like this with me, I take the project and I let them know that their teacher will love to see it. Talk about regrets when that happens... I've had students cry and beg me not to show the work to the teacher. So I ask, why not? Is this not the quality work you do for your teacher?

We encourage creativity, we demand quality work. I don't care if a reindeer if purple.. if a child did his/her best.. that is what matters.

I would let this go. If you can possibly work out the time... go volunteer in your child's class. if and when you do, you will get a good feel for the dynamics and see if the bad day is a rare thing or daily thing.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B..

answers from Dallas on

I'd let it go today.

I'd tell my child, I'm sorry you were yelled at. You will have to remember that this is a person with strong feelings on doing things her way. Try to figure out what she wants for your work and do it, first.

The solution would have been to have them follow directions first. Then on a scrap price of paper, do all the crazy pics you want to do.

Both are valid Principles of art and teach the things you want for an art class. You can't think out side the box unless you know what the box IS.
Artists can not disregard learning art basics because it gives them tools to express themselves. A piano student learns notes, first.

Sounds like you could vounteer in her class and make a big difference in her students and her style. Email her and tell her you would love to help with any future art projects and thank her for taking time to keep art in the classroom. You catch more flys with honey...

6 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

damn. that W. should NOT be teaching. That's NOT the right way to deal with things.

So what the kids "ruined" the project?! They expressed themselves.

Make a meeting with the principal. I would get in the teachers face and tell her to change career fields or grades...and YES! I have done that to a teacher. I have no qualms about telling people who are supposed to be teaching and encouraging our future to be a BIT&H

6 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I would. That's unacceptable and kids art is suppose to be creative. They should do the best they can do, but make it their own. Sorry, I'd be pissed.

Teachers get a lot of flack for a lot of stuff, but this one I think she was out of line.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Let it go. Move on and allow your daughter to move on too, that's the most important.

She'll have all kinds of teachers in the years to come. Sometimes you love them, sometimes they are less than you would hope for. But it's all part of school life. Learning to deal with different types of authority (not just style but also mood, approachability, preferences, what pleases them). Important life learning can be had even in the years your daughter doesn't have the amazing loveable teacher.

Also, it is common in elementary school for a whole class to be punished or scolded when several kids are the ones who are blowing it for everyone. That's another life experience that is ok for your daughter to get used to. It helps them develop and evaluate their own feelings about fairness, responsibility, proper behavior and whatnot.

My daughter is in 1st grade too, so far I don't love this teacher as much as last year's and there has been much to discuss about little goings-on and punishments in the class. I leave it at that, good discussions between my daughter and I. In the long run that's what is important. For me anyway.

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Richland on

So if your daughter was doing addition and came up with 1+1=4 that is acceptable because she was just being creative?

Write a sentence about your morning. I want grapes! Also acceptable?

Part of learning is following instructions and I can see a bunch of kids ignoring the instructions being frustrating. Sounds like a very disrespectful entitled class.

Oh, and I have seen the turkey hand print done and generally you take all the turkeys and make a big turkey so if they aren't uniform the big turkey looks like poop.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.O.

answers from New York on

Ditto Wild Woman, completely. This is an ART project. And it sounds like this is an art teacher who's missed the whole entire 20th century, art-history-wise (and the tail end of the 19th, too).

I'd talk to the principal. You don't need to come in guns blazing and all that, but this teacher could benefit from some respectful boundaries and redirection, at the very minimum.

It's also worth telling your daughter, "I'm sure she's a great teacher, but there's some important information about art that I want to share with you. Even if she wants you to do art in a certain way in school, you can always, always use your imagination in art projects at home, because imagination is the most important part of art, and you're showing a wonderful imagination...." -- something like that.

And, reindeer with red eyes??? That sound weird, like a spooky Halloween-type thing? What's up with that?

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

My guess is that she is very unhappy teaching (or at least teaching 1st grade). She probably already knows this is not her calling. Hopefully she is already looking ahead to what she will be doing next year - teaching a different grade, finding a different profession, etc.

If you can find ways to help her out this year, that would be the best thing to do. Can you volunteer once a week? Maybe working with the kids a little each week will lighten her load. You could talk to her and see if there are any projects she would like to do with the kinds but would need some help with.

See if there is something positive you can do to help her be a more positive role model for the kids.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Probably not regarding the art project. I too would be irritated and frustrated. Our first son is very arts and an out of the box kind of kid. His projects always had some flair. He is always humming and drumming a tune. Military style school set up was very difficult in his early years. Now he is in 8th grade and doing fantastic. But, I do remember teachers in his early years telling me some were creative art projects and some were step by step projects to teach a concept.

Sometimes the concept/skill was being able to follow directions. It was not just about the art..but more how to follow directions audibly and have the project look like what she had modeled. Teachers tend to let the kids know when they have free reign to do what they like or when they need to do the steps. Rosehawk...school now has very little allowance for creativity and flair. It is very sad to see. We have had to find other outlets to let our kids be "out of the box".

I am not sure what this project was for. But just keep this in the back of your mind for future reference if your daughter keeps coming home in tears.

I taught kindergarten before having kids. Yes, a teacher needs to have tight classroom management with a large number of little ones. But, it can happen without shaming,yelling and squelching creativity.

I think she was frustrated regarding their disrespect while a guest was in the room and then to top it off they didn't follow directions AGAIN. I sure hope she can reign things in and have a nice holiday season with these students. I wouldn't go to admin about this situation.

Just keep a mental note of what is happening and then assess it in a month or so. If you find your mental note is filling up then maybe have a little chat again with her. Just remember to come in as a concerned parent wanting to help her as well as your child. The parents who come in with guns blazing get a bad rap..and teachers talk to eachother. Your child has many years ahead at the school.

Maybe catch the teacher today after school and tell her you would really like your daughter's reindeer picture instead of it being thrown away. Tell her you understand that following directions is important but at times your daughter's "out of the box" stuff makes a good framed print and you'd like it to give to great grandma this holiday season. It would give her the chance to see you validate her desire for following directions but also shows you appreciate your child's uniqueness. Just a thought...

Good luck! This school gig is tough but is good preparation for life. Our kids learn how to maneuver through life by these little life experiences of dealing with people...some people are more difficult to deal with :) We endure if for a while then move on to someone else next school year.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Chicago on

this is one of those things that there are really 2 sides. If it was truely an "ART project then the kids should have been able to do what they wanted with it. However if it was a project where they should all look the same so that they could be incorporated into something else then that is an issue. If the teacher gave specific directions "use the thumbprint and black antlers and red eyes sounds like she had a specific plan in mind. so yes kids were out of order. especially with being rude to a classroom guest. I understand your frustration. a teacher in my sons preschool classroom once took my sons snowmans eyes off and pasted them where she thought they should be. my son was devastated. turns out she had no early childhood training. sometimes its the process not the end product that your going for and sometimes it is the actual end product.

I would send her a note with your concerns. and let it go unless these things happen regularly. as far as the last class let in I have nothing for that. our schools always brought the little ones in first. so thats a little strange.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.K.

answers from New York on

Let it go or you will spend whole school career in the office. Disrespectful to guest. This might be a tough class. All teachers are different and kids need to know that

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would spend some time in the classroom as a volunteer so I could see first hand how this teacher is, and then decide how to handle her from there. If that is not an option then I would probably let this one slide, but I would request that she not trash my child's (or any child's art) and that she allow my child to express herself in art as she sees fit, that is after all the whole point of art.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from New York on

My daughter's first grade teacher was horrible - the woman never smiled. What was she doing teaching first grade, you ask? Who knows. She was mean and my daughter's grades dropped because of it. In hindsight, I would have removed her from that class.

Go meet with the principle and the social worker. Move to another classroom. You shouldn't have to deal with someone who is like this. In high school - sure. Not in first grade.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Wow!!! Like you, I would hope this teacher was simply having a bad day and that this is not how she generally handles situations. Has she suggested other means of communications other than email. We all know teachers are not sitting by the phone, they are in class so are you supposed to leave a message with the secretary? Does she have a return policy on her phone messages as well? I would probably send her an email, copy the principal, guidance counselor, etc. as a follow up to the phone conversation so everyone is aware of the situation. And stay on top of this with all parties involved for each and every correspondence you have with her. That way if she chooses not to improve the situation or lose her sour attitude, no one will be surprised, nor will she when she get the boot or at least some sort of sanctions. Sounds like it is time for someone to retire!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Talk about bullies in school, too bad when the teacher is the bully. Talk to the principal about your concerns about this teacher. Do not back down no matter what he/she or anyone else says. My daughter had a bully for a 5th grade teacher who threatened to bash a kid's face in, I was livid. I had a meeting with my daughter, the principal and the teacher; I explained my daughter was currently a state champion in Tae Kwon Do and she could easily take him out. I also explained I would not put up with any child being talked to like that and if he got out of control again my daughter was to take him out and run for the office. Or I would quit my job and become his room Mom and I would be there EVERY day sitting in the back of the classroom.

I must have scared him good. His face blaced to white, his got as big as saucers and he retired at the end of the school year. At the time I worked in a grocery store this same teacher came into the store when he saw me he left his cart of groceries in the middle of the aisle and ran out of the store.

By take him out I meant this:
At the time my daughter's best kick was a roundhouse to the head. Even though this teacher was about 6' tall she could have easily landed a kick to the head. I talk extensively to her about this, I told her if she or any classmates were in danger ONE kick to incopacitate the teacher then go to office and call the police then me. I abhor violence but I am a great proponent of self defense.
This happened the same year as the shooting at Columbine High School and schools across the country started locking classroom doors so no one could get in but the kids could get out.

1 mom found this helpful

V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I'd be irritated. And assume this teacher is in the wrong grade or needs to retire...
But I wouldn't do any more than the call you've made. I would teach my child that she will encounter different personalities/styles throughout her life... teachers in school, professors in college, bosses in the work world, etc. And she needs to learn how to navigate dealing with their idiosyncrasies and moodiness. It's part of life, and part of what keeps it interesting... like their artwork.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Well if half the class didn't follow directions then it sounds like she could have done a better job explaining the project. I would let this go for now but if your daughter comes home crying again I would talk to the teacher.

1 mom found this helpful

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I can't understand why people go to college to be early childhood educators if they don't like young children, or aren't patient enough to deal with them.

I would let it go this time, but check in with your daughter frequently about how things are going. If she reports a lot more behavior like this, I'd talk to the principal.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I probably wouldn't do anything more than the phone call. However if half the class did the project 'wrong' I suspect the directions were lacking. Perhaps the teacher instructed the kids to add black antlers and red eyes (creepy) but did NOT instruct them to ONLY add those things. I am sure my son would have put on the antlers and eyes and then gone to town with the rest (having no idea at all this was doing it 'wrong').

How were the children disrespectful to a guest? I would wonder about a group of first graders being intentionally disrespectful to a guest. The teacher's interpretation may or may not match the children's intentions. If they really were, they need practice, not yelling.

I am going to guess the teacher was simply having a bad day. Hopefully she will take the opportunity today to discuss it with the class in a helpful way (we all have bad days, I am sorry I yelled, these are better ways we can all deal with bad days).

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd think I'd reinforce that kiddo is supposed to listen and obey the teachers no matter what they say, that she needed to do her activity like the teacher said.

Then I'd visit with the specific teacher about this privately so kiddo would not see you telling teacher off. Her actions were not great BUT she is the teacher and she may have a specific reason these need to be done a certain way. They may be for something that needs them to be more uniform.

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions