Okay, so yesterday I posted about my son possbily breaking his finger at a soccer game. I have been a coach for 12 years or better, but he is playing on an off season team under a different coach right now. I am trying to find my place as a spectating mom, but with the knowledge of coaching it is hard. So, the other evening my son had two games back to back. It was over 90 degrees out. He hurt his finger in the first ten minutes of the first game. The coach didn't take him out or even look at the finger. He switched him from the goal to a forward position after about 15 minutes. At half time my son told him it really hurt, but he said something about the game and put him right back in. About 5 minutes before the first game was over my son looked like he was staggering on the field. I knew he was too hot and was probably getting dehydrated. He also has asthma, so I keep a close eye on him for that. So the coach walks past my chair and is yelling at my son to run faster and stuff. I'm trying not to overstep, but it made me mad and I said, "He's staggering out there! Obviously he can't run. He needs a break!" He ignored me and walked on by.
When the first game finished I went over to the bench and checked my son over. I got cold rags to put on his neck and taped his fingers that the coach still wouldn't pay any attention to. I told him to drink what he could and rest. After a short break, they started the second game and the coach kept him in again for almost the entire game.
Now, my son is an excellent soccer player, and I see his value to the team. But as a coach and a mom I felt like this coach put the game before the players and it really bugs me. I took my son to the doctor and eneded up at the hospital for x-rays because they were concerned about the growth plate in his finger. Now they think it is a severe soft tissue injury and he will be in a splint for a while. I know that wasn't the coaches fault, but he could have at least looked at it! More than that I am concerned that he didn't care that the kid was about to pass out on the field. What would you say? I feel like as a coach it is your responsibility to look after the welfare of your players, not just the scoreboard. I have learned my players body language enough to know when they need a break, and if they are hurt I call the parent to the bench to look them over as well as looking over them myself. These kids are 14 year olds and never want to stop playing, but I always want them to be safe. Where is my line as a parent in this?
*** After reading MP's response I feel like I need to express that I did try to get the coach to pull him. I even said something to the assistant coach and the coaches wife. The coach did almost the same thing to his own kid. Short of physically walking onto the field and carrying him off there wasn't much more I could do. He knows to walk to my line and step out of bounds if the coach won't pull him and he's really in trouble, and he knows to take a knee and not move if he needs the ref to pull him out. He was trying not to "let the coach down" which to me says the coach is just putting too much pressure on the kids.***
I would hold a meeting w/the other parents & see if they feel the same way & try to get him replaced. If not, I'd find another team to play on or take him off the team til you can find a better coach. This treatment is unacceptable! Good luck.
To be honest I really don't think as a parent you did enough. Had it been me I would have pulled him immediately. YOU are still the parent. His coach comes AFTER that. I actually think that you and the coach were on the same wavelength-that the game comes first. Maybe because you were a coach yourself. But it is apparant that the both of you put these games before your son's welfare. Sorry-don't mean to be harsh.
This is ridiculous. Your son is 14 and lets face it- it is not the Olympics here. Wait, even in the Olympics they take players off the field and check injuries before letting them back on. I have been a coach, a referee, and now I am a mom. The players come first AT ALL TIMES. This coach is probably trying to live out some childhood dream of his own through the kids. Your place as a parent is to be exactly that- a parent who is concerned for her son. Say something. Do the other parents have any similar concerns?
You are the mom. You know your kid. If he is staggering, you need to pull him out, to hell with what the coach wants. Your child's health and safety come first, period. Granted, my girls are not at that level of competitive sports yet, but I'd be very leery of allowing them to participate on a team where the coach allows players to stagger around when the weather is so hot, and doesn't care when they break bones out on the field - where will it stop? When someone collapses? Why let it get to that point?
I know it is hard to be on the sidelines. I learned to knit pot holders. For some reason it distracted me enough to stop yelling. When my daughter played we always brought a small cooler with ice water(more ice than water) and towels that we kept in the cooler. That way any time they were on the sidelines they could throw one across their neck and shoulders, sometimes head. Okay, kinda gross but they sucked on them too.
My daughter would have died a hundred deaths if I suggested pulling her. She had several games where she played wiping up blood when the refs weren't watching since they would pull her for open bleeding. It never happened but she would have sternly told her coach pull me now and he would have. Perhaps it is the condition they played in but if one said pull me it was best to call an ambulance.
At least to my daughter, and me for that matter, it is not about pleasing anyone but yourself. It is satisfying to see how far you can push your body to perfection. Don't ask how many times we have been at the hospital cause we pushed too hard. :p
She is now 21, not permanently disfigured, and all that drive to play soccer is now thrown at school work.
It is hard to relax but you need to trust that he knows his limit. From what you say he does know where that is. :)
Oh, to actually answer the question you could "discuss" coaching, ya know, one coach to another. As questions like I prefer to rotate the team in and out every x minutes in the heat to make sure they don't pass out, what do you think?......stuff like that.
I am not sure if you were trying to be polite or what, but if I felt my son needed to be out of the game, I would be up in the coaches face until he called him or if he was really struggling to breathe--I would be on the field in a heartbeat, carrying him off! Maybe the coach didn't see the seriousness in the injury or your requests? I absolutely agree with you that the coach should be looking out for the child's wellbeing first and everything after that----it seems like this coach is in it to win it but will do so at all costs---not a good coach at all~!
Where is your line as a parent?
You should have taken him out of the game.
You could have taken him to the car to lay down, to rehydrate him, taken him to the ER for hydration or possible broken finger issues.
You were there.
You say it's the coach's responsibility to look after the welfare of the players.
Maybe your son didn't want to let the coach down, but you are the parent and if you knew your son was in trouble.....why wait for a signal from your son or the coach?
No offense. I promise. Just asking.
I would not have just "tried" to get the coach's attention. Your responsibility is to your son and that's it...whether you're a coach as well or not. You know your son and what's best for him, what his history is, how he reacts to heat, etc. it's up to you to take charge. When it comes to my kid, if he or she needs to be pulled and the coach doesn't see it, tough noogies for him/ her, I'm pulling my kid. Doesn't matter what the coach thinks! Hang tough Mom. You know best!
Maybe you and your son need to develop a hand signal that means "you need to take a break and the coach isn't paying attention to your best interest - mom is overruling him and telling you to take a knee"?
You should have a serious talk with your son about the realities of all the fatalities and serious injuries there have been in games from little kids up to pros becasue of people, players AND coaches, not paying attention to the players' bodies limits and needs. He needs to stand up for himself and know it is OK to bow out, ask to get out, or take a knee, and if the coach treats him differntly because he does, you need to get him off that team, and tell the powers that be above the Coach's head about what is going on with that coach, for the whole team's safety.
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Did you ask your son if he wanted to keep playing? Did you ask him if he felt like he could?
Unless he is in elementary school, I would think he could speak up for himself. If the coach then told him no,THEN he should have told you to intervene, otherwise I feel like you should have allowed your son to handle this.
You stated he knows what he needs to do if he is not feeling well or injured, but he didn't, so I am not sure how you can blame the coach. It was ultimately your sons choice.
I know what I am speaking of, my nephew is a huge sports participant. He broke his collar bone the first game of his first game as Quarterback of his high school team this last fall. He wanted to continue because never had he before left a game for any sort of injury in any sport. (broken fingers, fractured leg, sprains.. ) He had always played through. But when he spoke with the coach, all of us in the stands knew he was badly injured.
I know it is hard as a parent to allow your child to take on this responsibility, but all athletes know they must speak up.
Children DIE every summer playing in this heat. There was a great special on PBS last month on high school football players - one of whom died after a game one one who has long term kidney disease. If the coach is not pulling kids out, he needs some education on heat stress. The major predictor of whether kids with heat stress have long term injury or death or simple recovery is what happens IMMEDIATELY on the field and how fast it is recognized. It sounds like your league needs some education for it to be safe.
Kids will NOT speak up for themselves to say they are too hot or not feeling good. It is the adults involved who need to be responsible. Soccer is a game - adults need to treat it that way.
I would have wanted to see his finger. If it wasn't broken I would have taped it up.Let him finish the game. I do not think I would have let him play the second game unless he was feeling really well and really wanted to.
I'm sorry... I don't get it. If your son was so bad off, why are YOU off the hook for taking care of him? Just because he's playing soccer doesn't mean he's not your responsibility. YOU are his mother. If you saw him staggering on the field, what in the heck were you doing in your chair???
If I saw my kid staggering on the field, I'd be on that field, ball in play or not. And yes, my daughter does play soccer and yes, when she got a cleat in the eye I WAS on the field, STAT. I didn't wait for the coach to take care of it.
