Would You Stay?

Do you mean on THIS site? LOL

Eh... sometimes it is a little fun to be the O. with the "extreme" views. But rarely does that happen to me. I have found that, no matter what my view is, I can always find someone (if I am looking) whose views are far more extreme than mine. I am more conservative in general, but far from extreme. I only qualify as "extreme" when I am in a 'roomful' of very UNconservative people.

:)

Who knows. Maybe you are the crazy O., lol. The point is that you should be with people you feel comfortable with. If there are differing opinions there should be a balance in the group. There should be conversations that welcome differing opinions. If this group is not for you then I'd move on. I think it is important to be with like minded people, generally speaking. People don't always get along and agree but there should be enough solidarity within a group to get along and have healthy conversations.

K. Bolado
mom to 5 including triplets

Hi, Denise:
A support group is a group of people who will accept you as you are. Unity does not mean conformity.

Support is about belonging and being part of the group. There can be diversity and acceptance. Every voice needs to be heard. If members of the group are verbally demeaning, then it is time to seek out someplace where you will feel accepted.
Tell them how you feel. Tell them what you need. If this doesn't work. You tried and let them go.
Good luck.
D.

.

I LOVE BEING THE ODD O. OUT!!!

It keeps the conversations going. You cause people to think. I think in any situation though, being in the environment though can weigh heavily on O. after time. So, it is always good to have on or two people on your side.

I am the only Democrat in a very very very conservative Republican family. So, this is something I deal with to some degree or other on a daily basis. None of my family members see anything the way I see things. They are very vocal about their opinions. My dad and I though have the BEST debates. So, that being said as long as the debate can happen...life is good. If you are constantly being shut down on your views..ouch.

With those I can choose to be around, I try and keep it like minded. Just for safety sake. I do have a few that are on the other side of the fence from me. I dont hang out with them as much. My neighbor is O. of my favorite people and they are polar opposite from us..but i think that is what levels us off and we can meet in the middle on almost everything!!

Sum it up...Yes, I regularly am told my views are extreme, wrong,over the top. My agenda in life has never ever been self-serving. So, I dont know how anyone would call me out on that. I only get support from my hubby when around my family. I would never stop throwing my opinion out on anything. O. time I may spark something positive from it.
above all I AM ALWAYS THE CRAZY O....PEOPLE ARE WORRIED WHEN I DONT HAVE MY OPINIONS SPOUTING OUT. I have joked about moving into politics as my profession because I love putting my two cents in to everything.

Love this question!!!

I guess it depends on how important this group is to you. It doesn't sound like you are enjoying yourself very much, so not sure the frustration would be worth it.

Are you by chance talking about mamapedia?? :)

It really depends on the situation whether or not I would stay. Something 'fun' or 'social'? Nope. I'm out. Something of 'importance' (schoold/ jobs/ etc)? Yes. I stay.

Do I enjoy it? No.

INTELLECTUAL differences? (like message boards, think-groups, debate, etc.). I both stay and love the different points of view *in certain environments*. This board, for example, is great. Boards with toddler mentalities (I'm right, no I'm right, no I'm right and you're stupid, I'm not stupid but you're stupid, no I'm not, yes you are) are just B.O.R.I.N.G. And I'll leave boring long before ANYTHING else :)

The criteria you choose to judge your membership in the group, depends on the criteria you chose to join the group to begin with. So, I encourage you to review your goals for joining the group.

Secondly, a dissenting view in itself is not to be avoided. Instead, a dissenting view based on falsehood should be the primary concern. So, if you find that the support or evidence for these views are inadequate to support them, then you have a group of misguided people. They are to be avoided. If there is adequate evidence for supporting these views, you should thank this group for offering clarity and correction.

If the views are simply opinions, where there is neither a "right" or "wrong", then you cannot claim your opinion more righteous than another.

Yes, it is important to find fellowship with like-minded people when you are like-minded in things that are absolute, based on truth and reality, and are truly important.

Good luck

Hmmmm. If NO O. agrees with O. word you say, and EVERYONE thinks you're crazy, and you're not learning from them, and they're not learning from you, then I might not invest too much time in it, since time is scarce as it is. This is the scenario with a whole gaggle of my family who are POLAR opposites to me in politics which they tie up into religion in a way that to me contradicts their religion, but whatever. When I go there, I am dismissed as a total nut job by a large number of people, and it doesn't feel good. Likewise, EVERYTHING they say is totally CRAZY to me and coming from a source (only O.) which I feel is fraudulent compared to all the other information in every other news source-none of which they will read, listen to, or watch. Unlike most politically opposed groups, where people have SOME common ground, varying legitimate sources to cite, and can trade valid information within their differing opinions, there is just absolutely no budging on either side. So being the ONLY O. opposed is sort of a drag, because no O. likes being an accomplished somewhat intelligent adult and getting treated like a total idiot by 100% of the people surrounding them.

However in groups where I'm the minority on things, I dont' mind that, because I like to learn what the other side feels and why and can sometimes share my views as well and appeal to a couple of other people, or be a voice for an alternative that the majority in certain circles might not be aware of, but may be interested in. Throughout history, when minor views shift and become major views, that's how change happens.

The best is a total mixed bag of all differnet people tolerating each other and listening.

As for hanging with ONLY like minded people? Sometimes I get bored in groups where everyone feels the same way and always talks about all the same things. But I enjoy talking art or politics or parenting with like minded people whose knowledge and experience I admire, because there is always so much new information to learn, and it's nice not to have the stress of animosity.

Every yin needs a yang . . .

Why the heck, stay around a bunch of people, who will habitually for whatever reason, just call you out. Doesn't matter if you are 100% right and they are wrong. It doesn't matter, who is right.

It is not giving up.
It is KNOWING full well, that a bunch of people are not your cup of tea.
I would leave.
Wouldn't want to be around a bunch of people like that, unless I had NO choice.
You have a choice.
Just like, choosing a babysitter for a child.
You choose O. that complements your views. Not harms your child. Nor yourself.

There is a local saying here where I live:
Some people are "like crabs in a bucket."
If O. crab tries to escape and crawls up the bucket, all the other crabs will reach up and try to pull down that crab.

I am and have always had a rebel edgy spirit. In College, my Professors LOVED that about me. Because I was the ONLY O. in the entire class, that would be challenging them. My friends were the same way. A person, naturally finds, "fellowship" in groups or individuals or among groups or organized entities.
I do....and have a good radar for that.
But I don't be the 'crazy O.' just to do it. I am not about making a statement out of myself. Just being myself. Not to prove anything. My Professors for example, knew that.
It was thus fun and I had great fellowship with my Professors and other like minded.... individuals.

You find fellowship/enjoyment.. with others. Per enjoyment and rapport. Reciprocity of ideas or not. It is about, rapport. Positive rapport. Even if your/their views differ.

I don't do anything or be with anyone that doesn't make me happy. Simple as that. Good luck!

Its always great to have your own opinion and stand for what you believe in, but if your opinions are constantly offending and degrading people (if this is the case), and your trying to beat your opinions and beliefs into other people just because they dont agree, then I think that person should stop. Its also great to agree to disagree.

I'd love to know what sparked these questions :)

HELL YES I love stirring the pot, poking the bear, adding fuel to the fire...

You know ;)

GO DENISE P!! You and I don't always see eye to eye, but I value your views and opinions!!

No, but I am the crazy O. here. At the PTA, the majority of us have views that are the same. When there is a problem, I speak up and most act like nothing is wrong. They seem to consider it rude to cause a stink, but bullying, discrimination, and other things that hurt people are serious. I am so sick of drama and stress that we are moving(please house sell) and all our friends already there say it is totally not like here. I can't wait....

Also, I won't associate with known child rapists. My MIL does and expects others to knowingly subject their children to the risk for family unity.
I think they are the crazy and immoral ones.

My views are my views. If you don't like them, don't listen. The end.

It depends. What are you gaining by being in the group? If nothing, i'd say adios.

It totally depends. I do think it's important for like-minded people to spend time together - it's affirming of your values and life choices and everyone need a bit of that.

On the other hand, it's just as important for your values to be faced with diversity - it's good practice for your apologetics! It forces us to consider and articulate why we think what we do. Sometimes during that process, we re-consider and change / adjust. That's healthy.

The big factor here between an exchange of diverse opinions and an oppresive, unhealthy relationship is the manner in which those ideas are shared. Are the members of the group able to hear other ideas with an ope mind and heart or do they get on the defensive and attack? Similarly, is the person sharing opposing views doing it in a respectful way or are they just trying to rattle the status quo knowing the type of response it will illicit?

Mutual respect is the key component. If it's there, stay, if not, go.

If you could put aside your differences, and enjoy each other's company, then I would stay. If not, then I would find a new O..

I guess it also depends on HOW they are 'calling you out'. If you are just having a debate over different parenting methods, then I would stay. If it was actually causing problems, and you were no longer enjoying yourself, I would leave. :)

Well, do you thrive on adversity? Get a thrill out of challenging people? Enjoy the mental stimulation of arguing? If yes, stay and have fun. If not, well, find a new group.

For example, I disagree with most of my house of worship about many things but, overall, I like my spiritual leader and a handful of the people. So I stay. It serves its purpose for me (which is more communing with God, than the people). But, I was totally the odd woman out in mommy group when my eldest was born. I lasted three weeks before dropping out because I couldn't appreciate their world view, nor could they appreciate mine.

I guess, for me, the answer lies in how I feel when I leave the group. If I feel positive, I stay; if I feel negative, I drop out or I adjust my attitude. Life is too short to waste time on people who make you upset or angry. Just my opinion...

Good luck.

Depends... Are they nice and respectful? It is O. thing to disagree and another thing to be mean and such. I would stay if they are nice, friendly, caring, respectful... I don't mind disagreeing with people, myself. I also don't find it a necessity to always give my opinion, either. I'd stay, initially, see how it goes- I like being around a variety, and sort of out of my comfort zone... I'd also probably find myself finding SOME kind of common ground. Like, we are both human or something. LOL! Good Luck and good question.

It seems that the group isn't what it reports being. If it were the group you joined then your ideals would be more inline. Perhaps keep looking for a group that fits your personality more. The reason I say change is that if they are being so oppositional to you personally then they are not allowing you to express yourself in any way or partake in the group in the proper way.

My first question is what kind of group, for example PTA, AA, NA, support group? If it's any kind of support group then they are certainly not abiding group rules, most if not all should be neutral and non judgmental. If it's a special interest group, I would ask if the group has lost it's focus and needs redirection to the goal at hand. I would only give up if my giving up was for the best of the goal of the group, not because we have opposite views. If it were only for the opposite views, I think its healthy to difference of opinions. Good luck.

I'm used to being the minority on most boards, and rarely get support for positions/views/opinions. However, I can't imagine being so completely opposite from folks they would call me extreme, unrealistic and think that I have an agenda, let alone a self-serving agenda . . .

While being the minority on many sites, I left because I didn't have the time for them, or because they'd been taken over by trolls (and by the time I returned, there was a whole new group and I didn't have time to get to know everyone all over again). This could be viewed as giving up.

For me, its important that I fellowship with both like-minded and diff-minded people. Most likely because that's been my life, sometimes the majority, sometimes the minority. If folks considered me to be the "crazy O.", I would find it more frustrating than joyous. I would over-analyze everything I typed, thinking that I wasn't being clear enough, or that I was somehow unable to get my point across.

Whadaya tryin' to say D?

:)

i'd leave, if u have followers they will join you. whats the point of being outspoken when no O. is willing to hear it, O. ear and out the other so-to-speak. waste of ur time.

I think a balance of people that are similar to you & some that aren't is healthy.

Now is your stance on things, really your beliefs or is it fun & exhilarating to not have the same views as everyone else? Are you willing to hear others points of view as valid or do you just want others to believe the same way that you do? I'm not saying that this is the way you are. If people are telling you, you are nutty, crazy, self serving, unrealistic & the like, maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

We ALL have a right to our opinions, without expecting others to feel the same way.

I think it depends if you enjoy it and if you feel you're serving a purpose. Also, are you learning things from the people who disagree with you? If you're in a group and that many people disagree with you, it's possible you're actually wrong. So it may be worthwhile to stay to broaden your way of thinking. Another consideration is if you just enjoy the disagreements or they stress you out and make you unhappy. Then it's not worth it.

No, I wouldn't stay. What's the point, to have lively debates? :) People usually hang with like-minded people. That's normal.

What's the group? Wanna share?

As long as there is no physical threat and it's not emotionally overwhelming then I think it's fine. However, I've been a member of groups where there was that O. person who seemed to have joined solely to cause problems. When someone is like that I think it's best they leave or be asked to leave.

I'd base it off of how you feel. If you find yourself feeling attacked and upset over people's responses, I'd move along. It needs to benefit you somehow to be involved in that. So, if it does, stay. If not, find another place that welcomes you more.

Eh. The type of person you described sounds like a troll. That sort of poster ought to be ignored and reported.

I personally don't mind being the odd man out. I'm very head strong about the I feel and my views on certain situations, especially when I know I'm right! Lol. I say, keep on going to your group and basing your veiws. I'm sure that without you, the group will be pretty boring. :)

If the the group....while thinking I am crazy, still respected my opinions and as a person I have a right to them...yes I would stay.
I don't care if I am the crazy O. (and usually I am), I don't mind being different etc. It's when I am disrespected, and treated poorly because I have a different opinion.
I don't have to be with like minded people, I don't want all my friends or groups to be exactly like me....that would be boring. I just want people to let others have their opinions, even if you don't agree.
I guess I just don't care what others think, lol. =)

Depends. It is good to have like minded friends, but if you are really the only O. in this group with views that seem extreme to them, maybe you should listen to what they all have to say and see if any of it makes sense, it could broaden your views.

If it is a debate forum then absolutely stay. If the forum is for support then probably not. I was part of something similar and I needed to leave but it was kind of like watching a train wreck...I couldn't look away. lol I eventually decided I had nothing in common with those women even though I did in reality (share a child born in the same month/year). I was happier when I left them to their own craziness and got up from my own computer more.

Hmmm, It depends on the situation. My thought is how it would be to leave would be very important (membership group as opposed to whole community in which you live) If you can't leave or the negatives of leaving outway the benefits of staying, hopefully someone more like minded will join and/or you will see a positive affect on the group because of you. (Assuming we are speaking of you :-)

My question is what are you getting out of it?