Wow Really....baby Clothes Sharing Issues...

Updated on September 25, 2012
F.S. asks from Jackson, WY
26 answers

Soooo my friend's recently divorced brother gave me bins of his sons old 6month - 18 months clothes for my newborn. He has since re-married and we have had our baby. I said when I am through with the baby clothes I will add all the clothes I have aquired and give them back to him since they said they would like to work on starting a family sooner than later but they are in no rush. Good deal for everyone...so I thought. Just got a text that they would like them all back because his wife BFF just had a baby boy and they would like to give the clothes to her friend. Really? I think this is crazy...worst part I have no 9 month - 18 month clothes and garage sale season is pretty much over and I missed 3 huge re-sales just this week prior to getting this text because I thought I was set for the winter. My sister says I should say no you cannot have them back right now but honestly I don't even know what to say I am that schocked. I just replied ok I'll get them together and here I am venting....thoughts? Has this happened to anyone else or am I out of line to be floored at this?

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So What Happened?

thanks...I am just going to give them back to be done. The clothes were 6 months and up all the smaller stuff was mine that I was going to add to the collection and give back to them when they needed it. I have never ever asked for favors..they offered these to me when we found out we were preggo with twins and I insisted that I would give them back eventually because I know better then most as soon as you give stuff like this away you will end up needing it. In fact I gave all out baby things away after baby #2 and then 7 weeks later found out whoops. Even when we found out we were having twins I would never go back to those people I gave my gear to and ask for it back. Even when people offered to give it back I declined. I could ask to keep the bigger sizes but just because they asked for all of it back I really don't want to deal. This too is why I hate taking anything from anyone....I forgot about thrift stores, that's a good idea!~ Thanks everyone for letting me vent in this forum...all your feeback really does make me feel better!

Featured Answers

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Well, they just had a baby so they don't need the 9-18 month stuff. Keep that, give all the infant stuff. And you could always ask to connect with the wife's BFF and give the clothes DIRECTLY to her when she needs them. You might even get a friend out of it? They're just not thinking logically.

8 moms found this helpful
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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

You tell him you are sorry but you are using them right now and if you had known you would have gone to those three huge sales. Unfortunately his friend will have to wait until you are done or go get her own. What a rude person to have the audacity to demand it back before you have even used it! You are not out of line. You just tell him NO. That won't work for me. You gave us the clothes and we appreciate but we are using them now and can't give them back right now. A gift is a gift and you didn't even have to offer them back!. good luck!

7 moms found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

So lame! I agree with give back what you've used and naively keep what you haven't. Seriously, their "Indian giving" is so loco, I say you plead ignorance and pretend they are only asking back for what you've already used. Play dumb. When they push the issue act totally incredulous " oh! You also want me send on the stuff we haven't used yet? Even though their kid is not yet born??????". If so, then yeah, give it all back and forget it.

7 moms found this helpful

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

Personally, I would just give everything back now and say good riddance to those rude folks. I would also not add anything else to the existing clothes and would not be giving them any baby clothes in the future. There are tons of resale shops... I would make some trips to one or more of them.

15 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I find this post really confusing but I am going to try. You were given clothes and your son has outgrown the newborn to nine months but not the nine to 18? So call him and say, I am done with the newborn to nine month clothes and as soon as he outgrows the bigger stuff I will forward those as well.

Much better than creating unneeded drama.

13 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Sorry - he GAVE - that means they are YOURS...

Yes. you said when you were through with them, you would give them back..but you are not done...

sorry...he can't be an Indian giver....say sorry..and give back what you are done with...
_________________________
ADDED: before someone goes hog W. and says I am wrong...if anyone knows about the term INDIAN GIVER - it refers to our government giving the Indians things and then turning around and taking them back...not an Indian doing anything wrong...

13 moms found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Boston on

wow. Just wow. I don't think I ever heard of something so tacky. That's just plain rude. You DONt do something like that, EVER. I would have been floored as well.

6 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

They sound clueless, I would just give them back and be done with them.

Maybe put out a FB message or ask if anyone else you may know if they have any clothes you can borrow for your baby..

I bet there are lots of people with bins of clothes they meant to go through to get rid of and would love for you to have them.

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Jo and Cheryl pretty much summed up what I was going to say. They're extremely rude for demanding back what they GAVE you to begin with. You simply don't do that. If they expected the clothes back, they should have said when they gave them to you, "When Son outgrows the clothes we would appreciate having them back in case we need them again, please." Since they didn't, they shouldn't.

However, they did and you agreed. I would give them everything (which I see in your SWH that you will). No need to hang on to the clothes and have them continuously contacting you or hanging on to the situation. You were going to yard sale anyway, correct? So you can think of this as paying it forward to the family that will be getting the clothes and the rude guy is just the conduit.

Try your local FreeCycle for things you need. No one will ask for anything back there and nothing is traded. It's all online.

5 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Ask if you can keep the 9-18 month size, for now, and give the newborn-6 months to them.

5 moms found this helpful

K.B.

answers from Salt Lake City on

When someone gives you something, especially baby clothes or kids clothes you do NOT expect them to ask for them back. Trust me, I have given plenty and I have never asked for them back or expected them back. I only expected them to do the same thing I did-give to someone else. This is what I would do: let them know you are fine with giving back clothes that no longer fit your infant--since those are the ones the wife's BFF will need anyway. You will give the others back to them to share/give to the BFF when your son can no longer wear them. Maybe sweeten the deal with giving your brother and his wife the clothes YOU acquired for your baby boy that he has outgrown of AND only give to them reminding them of your original agreement. Sounds like they need a reminder of what giving is all about; I think my suggestion is more than fair-since all of a sudden they are caught between giving all to you and the wife's BFF.

4 moms found this helpful
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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

Talk to them, ask if you can keep the winter/older baby/9-18 month clothing and just send over the new born/3-6 month clothing. Tell them you planned on those clothes and have nothing in reserve.

It's not like they'll need the 9-18 clothing anyway and you do.

4 moms found this helpful
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R.D.

answers from New York on

I would give them all back to the ex-wife of the brother!

Just kidding, but I also think it's a little weird to give the old clothes from a past marriage to the new wife's BFF. Oh well, obviously they are thoughtless and selfish anyway! Who would leave someone in that position!!

This is frustrating and I had a situation like this w an old bassinet on the family. I am still peeved years later! Congrats on your babies!

3 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Give them back.

I NEVER took clothes from anyone who said they wanted them back. I didn't want to be responsible if something got stained, etc. I just gracefully declined.

My sister lent me a cute pair of skeleton pajamas when my son was a baby. She wanted pictures of him in them because my nephew had worn them as a baby for Halloween. Other than that, I didn't take anything that needed to be returned. It was just my policy and it worked out well for me.

Garage sale season might be over, but check churches in your area. Many here where I live have bazaars and clothing closets at this time of year. Consignment shops are another good resource. You can get some pretty great stuff for little money. We also have thrift stores that have fabulous baby things. If you find a good one, check back often because the really good stuff doesn't last long. I volunteered at a thrift store (proceeds go to an animal shelter) and clothes are only 25 cents on Fridays.

I would just give the clothes back and avoid any drama. I know it's inconvenient, but this is why I never "borrowed" baby clothes. It gets too hard to keep track of what's what, I didn't want to be afraid to actually use the clothes that needed to be returned. To me, under those circumstances, it feels more like being responsible for storing them for someone else and I'd rather not.

You can find other things. They will be yours to do with as you please.

Just my opinion.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.T.

answers from New York on

Oh heck no!!! On principle alone don't give them back. What a horrible thing to do. You give him back what you are done using. Especially because you are not prepared for the winter and purposely passed on the re-sales. Besides, it'll be a while before the other baby can fit into the winter clothes if he was just born.

3 moms found this helpful
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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I would give them the ones that your baby has grown out of. As your baby grows out of them, hand those over, a little at a time.

If they have a problem with that, don't give them ANY of the ones you acquire yourself. They will lose out on a lot of clothes that way.

When you bring over the first batch, and there aren't that many, and they ask where the others are, just say flat out that her BFF's baby can't wear those yet, the baby is too little. You'll bring more as your baby grows out of them. Then change the subject.

If your friend lambasts you over this, then your friend isn't really your friend. And if you get slammed into returning the clothes, you can "return the friendship" at the same time. Friends don't do this to friends.

Dawn

3 moms found this helpful
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L.F.

answers from Chicago on

LOL Cheryl! I always thought it was the other way around. I thought the term Indian giver meant that the "Indians" gave something to the white man and then took it back. I learn something new everyday on Mamapedia.

F., your friend's brother is beyond rude. I could not never ask for those clothes back before you got a chance to use them. Granted, it sounds like they were letting you borrow them -- not giving them to you outright. But you didn't even get a chance to use them!

How old is your son? Can you offer to pass on the clothes to the other couple after your son has outgrown them? I am assuming that your son is older than their new baby.

Otherwise, give the clothes back. I liked Laurie's suggestion to ask your friends if they are looking to get rid of any of their baby clothes. Otherwise, you should be able to buy an entire lot of baby clothes on craigslist for about $20. Good luck to you. Sorry your friends are so tactless.

3 moms found this helpful

F.M.

answers from San Antonio on

Rude of them to ask for them back. Very rude. I would be pissed like you. But I'd give them back. Or better yet, the friends BROTHER likely doesn't remember each and every item. I'd keep a couple good pieces that you really need (jeans, a couple long sleeve onesies) and give the rest all back. Maybe say something about being dissapointed. Honestly, it also depends on the season. If her friend just had a baby, then he'll need 0-6 month WINTER clothes. But the clothing you were given is 9-18 month WINTER? And the 0-6 month size is going to be short sleeves? I don't know how Wyoming weather is.

So all in all, I'd keep a few pieces and give the rest back, stating "if the baby doesn't fit it b/c it's the wrong season/size, then I'd be happy to get some of these again. My son could really use them."

3 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

WOW! I would be very upset. This is beyond rude. Give the clothes back but do NOT give them yours. Target and Walmart have some cute stuff. Also, consignment shops and thrift stores should have some great gently used stuff.

3 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I can see the point of giving them back and being done with them as they don't sound very dependable in the first place, or of saying you are using only the larger sizes and will send them on after you are done and return the smallest ones right now. I would probably send them all back and find used clothes or new elsewhere and be done with them.

2 moms found this helpful
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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Wow how rude. It is one thing to ask for the clothes back early because they got pregnant, but asking them back in order to give them to someone else...just wow!
Give them back and I would suggest no longer considering them friends and declining future offers to begin with.

As for your dilemma: fortunately at that age they don't really need boxes and boxes of clothes. I would look at ebay, craigslist and freecycle and shop consignment stores and Target.
Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Tacky and rude!

And this is why you NEVER place conditions on a gift!

Return it ALL (like you said) and consider yourself warned AND wiser!

2 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

Unbelievable. Just give them back and go to Target for some clothes. I was
looking at size 9 months and they have great clothes really inexpensive.
Boy that was really tacky! Live and learn right!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

Incredibly rude! I would give them back, but don't add yours into the mix. No wonder your friend's brother is divorced... sounds like a real jerk.

Babies R Us has a bunch of stuff on clearance and big sales right now!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

That is extremely tacky on their part. Wow.

I'd either give them back now, or hold out the 9-18 month stuff as another mom suggested.

I would not interact with them much otherwise.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.

answers from Denver on

Why can't you just return the clothes you've used and return the others later. Clearly they haven't had their baby yet and the younger kids items will suffice until their little one gets older. Then after winter return the older kid items. If they are not OK with this then maybe you should just return everything as it seems they maybe unreasonable about it and it's not worth the fight.

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