3 1/2 YO Meltdowns - Is It a Phase?

Forget about the terrible twos - three was definitely the worst for us. I would say it dragged on until a little after 4 years old, then improved drastically - like a different kid! Best of luck!

When my daughter was three, our mornings were so rough, I dressed her after her evening bath in a comfy outfit that could be both pajamas and school clothes! So Yes, very typical of a three yr old.
Do you do the Dr. Karp method of validating her feelings Before telling her her behavior is unacceptable? Like; "You are so frustrated, you wanted mommy to talk to you right away, you did NOT want to wait, it made you so upset. But you CANNOT scream and kick." She's going thru two things right now, growing into an independent person AND feeling a lack of control because there are very few things a three year can control in her life. So find ways to give her control over little things, the choices someone mentioned below, "Do you want milk in the green cup or the yellow" (and it doesnt matter if you know she always picks the yellow princess cup, stop and ask her anyway!) I also used the timer or clock to signify bath time, bed time, clean up time, Its gives a feeling of Mommy not telling her what to do so much. We always take a bath at 7:00, the clock is telling us it's bath time, just like it tells us when school starts. When the timer rings we brush teeth, listen for the timer, did you hear the timer Good girl you heard the timer! Lets go brush teeth, which bathroom do you want to brush your teeth in?" Give lots of positive attention when she is good and dont spend a lot of time talking about the negative. You want to convince her she is a mature cooperative child, that's where she is headed.....

Very typical.... frankly, the 3's seem to be worse than the"terrible 2's"!

She may getting frusturated because she feels like she doesn't get enough control. A lot of kids go through this. My son did, and after many books and a therapist (lol) We figured out that if we gave him many choices that didn't affect anything really, it made him so much happier...
"Do you want milk or juice w/ breakfast?"
"Do you want to wear the blue shirt or green shirt today"
"Do you want to take a bath now or in 15 minutes"
A lot of parents like to harp on the whole "You're the parent, you're in charge" Which is true, BUT kids are also people with their own minds and feelings.And being told what to do all the time makes them frusturated and rebellious. I let my son wear his full blown action hero costumes to the store, the park, visiting friends....who cares!?
To school......probably not as it could distract the other kids. But try saying "Hey! I will have your dress up clothes ready for you the second you get home! But, if you're going to throw a fit we'll put them away for a few days and we won't get to play with them at all. What do you want to do?" ANd if she argues that she wants to wear them to school..."Oh, too bad. Now they have to get put away"

:). Yes, it should be the terrible threes not twos. :) patience is a hard thing to learn. Be consistent. Never allow her to interrupt a conversation (including phone). Clothes...ugh! My oldest is 9 and I think if you are the type of mom that cares how your kids look (I do ) there will always be dissagreements. Stand your ground, be consistent. It does get better! :)

It is very typical for young kids to go through huge spurts of brain development and changes near their birthday and at their "half- birthday". If you know that she is getting adequate sleep, that there are no other big life changes, and these aren't just happening when she is hungry or tired, then my guess is that she is just going through a big growth spurt.

My son was very prone to this and would have a couple weeks where he behaved just horribly! He would also revert to behavior that was up to a year younger than where he had been. Once the growth period was over, he was always much more "mature" in his behavior and reactions. My advice is to ride it out with calmness and in the calm moments between the meltdowns start talking about ways she can better handle her emotions. For my son at that age, it was important for me to help him recognize when he was overwhelmed and to encourage him to seek a quiet place in order to calm down.

Totally typical. Think of being 3 like one full year of PMS.

She is having all of her feelings at once.

She has no patience and will need practice gaining patience.

She needs her feeling validated or at least given the words for her feelings. And yes, it will take repetition for her to understand the feelings as they are coming on.

You seem frustrated. Why don't you sit down for a moment. Then tell me why you are frustrated.

Boy I can tell that hurt your feelings. Do you need a hug, or are you going to be ok?

It seems like you want something, can you tell me what it is, or do you need some minutes to think about it.

You seem frustrated, do you need a hug?

Also model this behavior. Use your own words to express what you are feeling.
Mommy is tired,I feel like I need some quiet time.

I am frustrated with this long line. I need to have patience.

That was frustrating and disappointing that they did not have the things I needed. Oh well I will try something different.

Then do not set her up for frustrations. Give her a heads up or some control.

This afternoon, we all need a nap, before we can go swimming.do you want to sleep on your bed,or make a palate on the floor.

We are going to the grocery store, I need your help getting ready. Please get us each a snack and a water bottle, and put them in my purse. I have made you a grocery list, will you carry it?

Yes, you can take your lovey in the store, but I will not be able to hold it, and you cannot get mad if it gets lost.

Then when she is playing with friends and you can see a melt down coming on, help her with the words. Ask Debbie, if you can play with her purse for 2 minutes.

Use your words and ask for a turn in the little car.

Soft and gentle touches, when you are waiting your turn.

Then praise her when she holds it together . Praise her after a good trip to the store. Praise her for using her words.

I like how you asked for more saying please.

Thank you for using your words.

Be consistent and get your husband to do this too.

It really will get better the more she can express herself.

PLEASE let it be a phase! I have a two year old and a four year old, and there is ALWAYS someone screaming and shrieking at our house about something!

ETA: A sticker chart solved many battles with my 4 year old. He gets a sticker for 1)Getting dressed in the morning 2)Staying at the dinner table for ten minutes, and trying all of the food 3)Feeding the dog 4)Brushing his teeth. When he finishes a chart, I make a new one - some of the same things go on, and some things rotate out. My husband used to fight with him EVERY MORNING to get dresses. I used to fight with him EVERY NIGHT at dinner. No more. He is so proud of himself for earning those stickers! Now - after doing this for @ 3 months, lots of those behaviors are just automatic.

If I say it once a day, I say it 20 times a day..."I'm sorry that you're unhappy, but that isn't going to change anything."

My boys are very well behaved, but 3 was a nightmare with both of them.

Laurie gave some great advice. Be calm and consistent and you'll help her get through it. 4 and every age since has been much easier (and one of mine is a teenager!).

Good luck! :)