My main question is: "At what age did you STOP allowing your son to see your naked female body?" See, throughout my son growing up, I have never been shy with my body around him (like when I get out of the shower or change clothes). I have felt that there's is no point in making my body "taboo". He has already gone through the stage of asking me what "those" were, which I explained to him exactly what they were and he doesn't need to touch or play with them (breasts). After that, he never paid attention to them again. Well, just the other day, after waking him up and changing him, I hadn't fully clothed yet and he told me he wanted to "drink that". I didn't know what he was talking about at first until he pointed to my breasts. I told him that he can't drink that as those are for babies and he is not a baby anymore (he stopped breastfeeding right when he turned two years old, all on his own). His curiosity immediately dropped when I told him that. I'm shocked that he even remembers that from almost two years ago! Now, I'm wondering if I need to start covering myself up from here on out or what. What are your opinions? Please, don't make me feel bad as this is my first child and the first boy in my whole family! Thanks a bunch!
I wanted to thank every single O. of you for your great responses! All of them were absolutely knowledgeable and positive! I have decided that I am going to continue my routine and not start purposely covering myself just because he has asked O. question pertaining to a memory. I believe that by not making my body taboo, he will only be less curious about it (the female body) as he gets older (along with a great line of communication). Now, it's not like I completely show off everything to him directly, but if he happens to see me nude, I won't go running off or telling him he can't see mommy like that. I feel that a great line of communication should be open at all times and that will only empower him to be able to come up to me with any questions as he gets older and they become more complicated. Now, if I start feeling like he's looking at me in any other way then non-sexual or staring, then I will definitely start covering up. Hopefully, since he has always seen me at random times, he will have known that our bodies are not taboo. I just base it off of my comfort level. Thank You all for your awesome responses!
I had five boys - and I didn't worry too much about what they said until they pointed and laughed (at about six years old), then I stopped letting them see. I am also amazed that he remembered breastfeeding, but I don't think there is anything bad about his questions...
I know I am not the norm but all my children still see my husband and I naked and no one has expressed any request for us to cover up. If they did I would absolutely respect that and do so. I LOVE to strip off and skinny dip after a hot day (my two littest kids do as well).
My 17 year old still sees me in passing. I am never overty "in your face" naked in front of him or in any sexual way (I don't kiss my husband naked in the pool in front of the children etc.) but he will carry on conversations with me while I am naked in the pool. He never diverts his eyes or worse yet focuses to long on any one body part. If he started doing that I would cover up more often.
We sleep naked and the children mostly sleep in just boxer shorts so goodnight hugs are usually "skin to skin".
I think it depends on your comfort level as a family. My 10 and 17 year old are VERY modest and I have not seen them naked in many years, yet my husband and I as well as our youngest two are very "naked people".
I don't think nudity neccesarily equals sexuality. I don't like my daughter to play with nude Barbies because I don't want her experimenting with putting them in sexual positions etc. But I don't mind if she sees the actual human part on her father or nudest brother. It is not in a sexual context and it teaches her not to be bashful about it.
My boys are somewhat "ruined" on breasts anyway...for instance I was once at a movie with my oldest son (he was about 11 at the time) and a nursing mom sat next to him. She leaned over and said "I might need to nurse my baby during the movie would that be okay in front of your son?". My son replied (loud enough for the whole theater to hear) "Oh that's okay...my mom and her friends all nurse their babies they are always whipping their boobs out in front of me!" That's what I get for having the lactation support group meet at my home, but the theater got a good chuckle out of it.
My advice would be to follow your comfort level and try to read his. The "skin to skin" contact that felt so good as a baby still feels great when they are a rough and tumble 7 year old.
I have a 4 yo boy, and 3 other kids ages 9, 9, and 5. I have always been open around the kids boy/girl about nakedness - theirs and mine. I never wanted them to feel shame, judgment or embarrasment about their bodies or someone elses' for that matter. Our boys 4 and 9 share a room, and the girls 9 and 5 share a separate room. At these ages, they have a sense of privacy around each other, and close doors when they are changing, etc.
When it comes to me around the girls (changing/bathing) I am open; as are they around me. They know their bodies will be changing, and we talk about differences, etc. My 4 yo boy is curious - but I just keep a straight face and answer him matter-of-factly, and then he is quick to go on about his business. I agree that making anything a mystery/taboo, only serves to have the opposite effect most parents are looking for. Our 9 yo boy just doesn't come around our room/bathroom when he knows I'm in there, or when the girls are using their bathroom. He's had a healhty respect about their privacy since he was about 5 yo.
I think you're doing a great job!
-C.
First - don't be concerned what he asked you about - he may have recently seen someone nursing and have a simple curiousity about it. With that said, I have 5 children, 4 between the ages of 8 and 4 - 2 boys, 2 girls - they walk in on me in the shower, bathroom, changing - constantly. My sons are the older 2 and are now getting more interested in privacy for themselves and are starting to become aware that I should have some privacy too. The girls who are younger, not so much. My advice is when either one of you start to feel uncomfortable with the exposure - that's when you should seek more privacy and explain that his questions are natural, just like privacy is natural.
Hope that helps!
Don't feel bad all children (boys/girls) are curious and will ask questions about anatomy for years to come. Sounds like you have done a perfect job at giving age appropriate answers to his age appropriate questions. My rule of thumb was when it became uncomfortable for me I stopped letting my boys see me without many clothes or any clothes. I believe this differs though depending on the child. I think it is always best to not over react to any questions our little ones have. Short simple answers usually suffice and then they are on there way to the sand box to play without a second thought about the question they just asked. These little questions are preparing you for the big ones, so enjoy them and trust yourself!
That is so funny that you said that. I also have a 3 1/2 year old son. who is very smart and also curious. I think that you have done everything right by answering all of his questions, and even going as far as explaining certain things to him. Kids that age; understand so much more then we think and especially after being told. They remember so well. He only said that, because he either remembers or at some time; he has probably seen a baby get breastfead and remembers that. If he remains too curious, or stares too much, or asks questions again and again after you have already answered then, I would take a little extra precaution when getting dressed/undressed, bathed etc.... you can tell because you will start feeling a little uncomfortable. If my son stares or asks questions or anything. I just say "quit looking at me crazy boy, i'm getting dressed" in a joking manner and he laughs and stops... it's all about fun times and learning....
in case you wanted to know. I am 36, married and a mother of 3. a 15 year old boy, 11 year old girl and a 3 1/2 year old boy.
I think you have been doing a great job! I see no reason to stop doing what you are doing! Remember that there are some cultures who live naked around everyone all the time! Dont let the fact that he wanted to nurse on your breasts intimidate you. He might very well recall that that is where he found great comfort, and hallelujah if he does! That is what they are for! Even letting him try when he asked would have been ok, he would not have found it very interesting after a few seconds! I think you are concerned that you have created a "sex" problem....please wipe it from your thoughts. He is curious and asks questions from that place, dont read anything more into it. When you are no longer comfortable being naked in front of him, then stop. When he is not interested in being in your naked presence, he wont be. I dont believe we need to confuse him about sexuality issues, and being normal and natural, (yes, naked CAN include that) does not need to enter into sexual experiences. Only because our society equates breasts with sex does this enter our minds. Some people get hormonal surges from looking at feet or legs or lips....shall we keep these covered from our children? It is not the looking that does it, it are the thoughts around it that cause anything to become erotic simulations for us. If we remember that breasts are for nourishing and nurturing our children, and are consistent about relaying that message by our words and actions, there is nothing to fear about our children seeing them! And by the way, I know of people who breast fed their sons (and daughters) until they naturally weaned at 6-7 years age, and the children are now very normal healthy adults. So relax and enjoy your nakedness and your son's curious mind. :) Blessings to you.
Hello Mystyque,
I think this is personal to every person. I think teaching them not to be ashamed of their naked body is good and not to be too shy about your own body around them. I have 2 boys and I will walk around naked around them. I have gotten the same questions and given the same answers and then went on. I think if you feel comfortable being naked around your kids, you should be. I used to say to my friends, if you come to my house and I'm naked, you have to deal with it or go home....LOL I hate wearing clothing, but do it because I have to, not because I want to.
D.
I've read most of the responses and I disagree...
your conscience is telling you to cover up, so it would be a wise choice.
No, we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies and the way God created them, but when and where to display them is the million dollar question.
My views about modesty are based in God's Word the Bible and my Christian world view... so I don't expect very many people to agree... but you did ask our opinions.
Modesty is lacking in our society, and that leads to a whole host of other problems.
Go with your gut and cover up when you are around him. ness is to be reserved for husband and wife alone. There are plenty of ways to learn about our wonderful bodies and how they function without being immodest around each other.
I have 3 sons and they were all curious.. especially one of them. I answered all questions honestly but didn't elaborate. That satisfied their curiosity and I never had to be to prove my point. I did nurse, of course, but always discreetly and I never had any trouble bonding with my boys.
I hope you will consider this different point of view. Of course when they are little, they don't care, but as they get older, remember your conscience.
toni
Just go with your gut and what makes the two of you most comfortable. When my son, around age 5, told me I had a string hanging (tampon) then I stopped walking around him naked. I was the uncomfortable one, though laughing hard inside.
I think it's beautiful and wonderful that you are this open, and in my opinion, as a parent educator and mom, there is nothing wrong with it.
Follow your heart and your own level of comfort, that's where the key is. Are you comfortable? If not put something on. Children this young tell us a lot about their inner world by their questions and then they learn about our world from our answers. So, really no one can answer this but you. If you think he is looking with eyes that make you uncomfortable, then there is your answer. If you think this is a passing phase, then there is your answer.
Good luck-The Mommie Mentor.
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I am a mom with a 10 year old and a 3 1/2 year old. With both my kids I've always felt, no matter what the issue is, if you think it's okay, do it. If something doesn't seem right, don't do it. You sound as if you have a good head on your shoulders--you explain things, then move on. Don't worry about what "other people might think" or what other people tell you is right. Our children all different, developing at different ages. If you're starting to feel a little "not right" about him seeing you naked, not a big deal, just modify things a bit, and move on to the next bridge you will cross with him. Don't worry about making mistakes... you will. But trust your instincts and you won't go wrong. Don't forget YOU are his mom.
I think you're doing a good job explaining and trying to be "free" with bodies and not being ashamed in differences... but I'm not so sure that he'll be able to socialize well with girls... in a preschool/school setting, perhaps because he might think it's ok to talk about it publicly - and he'd be getting in lots of trouble for that! So, I think you should probably always be covered up now since he's much older and starting to ask "probing" questions.
My daughter is three and stopped nursing at just over two years. She still asks why she can't nurse anymore, even though we've been over that several times. I think that discussing it for her is just a way to remind herself and me of the closeness we shared when she was nursing. I don't worry about the issue of nudity at all and don't think of it as taboo, but maybe it's because you have a boy that you felt uncomfortable. He was obviously satisfied with your answer, so I wouldn't even worry about it again. I think that making nudity a non-issue by behaving naturally around our children (getting out of the shower, changing, etc. without hiding) shows a healthy attitude about our bodies that will transfer to their own sense of self. Just keep doing what you're doing!
I am SO glad you asked that as I was wondering the same thing - thank you and good luck!
Do not be surprised he remembers breastfeeding...I have heard of kids remembering details of their births. The "record" button is always "on" from the moment they come out (maybe even before). The idea that really strong memories or recall form only past age 4 needs some modification in light of new research.
We have a casual policy on nudity in our house too (daughter is 2)... Kids' curiosity comes and goes, and I think if you don't make a big deal about something (whether you cover up or not) your son won't. Just think of all the other cultures where people wear a lot less clothing...no one gets hung up for long on it. I guess covering up more won't jog his memory so much.
As for wanting to nurse again...kids make developmental progress..then "regress" for comfort at times. Maybe he is looking for some reassurance, and that close physical contact may be attractive, and you could provide it in other ways.
I think that just as we so not want to teach our children to be ashamed of our or their bodies I think we also have to instill a level of modesty and respect as well. Now is a great time to start. He is old enough to be super curious so it is good to show him that you have respect for yourself and him. I think you are doing a great job and I think that your instincts are good. My boys are now teenagers and with the right balance they will always feel comfortable coming to you with their questions, but will also learn to respect your privacy and your body. I try not to ever be dressed in anything less than what would be covered by a one piece bathing suit in front of them so that I am not causing them any discomfort. I also do not apologize for being underdressed if they walk in on me.
I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and he is curious sometimes too. But like your son, these questions come out of nowhere . We shower together sometimes (saving time and water :) and I often wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I appreciate you asking people not to make you feel bad...I feel the same way. I read somewhere that when you start feeling uncomfortable with showering or being nude in front of your little guy that you will know when to cover up - maybe slowly changing habits will make everone feel more comfortable. Whatever you do, don't feel bad :) - have a great day
I never worried about the body questions- my son, too, remembers things that happened when he was about one year old. And everything after that! Just continue as matter-of-factly as you did. Your're doing fine. Don't get too clinical with information. General will do. As I recall, I began covering up, demanding my privavy, etc. at about your son's age. However, nonegative energy should be put into that- i.e., don't come unglued if he does see you naked and ask questions. Just continue to answer as matter-of-factly as you did in your example. We are all sensual beings on this earth, and of course, we wish to know everything! Please don't get upset or worried about his questions. They are normal. Hope this helps- S.
I don't think there is a right or wrong age. I am a single mother of three(boy/girl twins age 14, & a 7 year old girl). I think my son was school age before this became an issue but all kids are different. If you are not feeling comfortable then you can just slowly change the routine. Don't make him feel bad if he does have questions though. Kids are curious creatures, always learning. Hope this helps.
