3 Yr Old Help!

I really think he no longer needs a nap. If he doesn't nap he'll be more tired at night and probably sleep better. I understand you need a nap too but he won't nap forever. Perhaps quiet play but not in bed would help. Create a quiet area for him somewhere where he can read books and play with stuffed animals and puzzles, legos, ect. Quiet toys that will keep him stimulated.

On the sleep thing, bite the bullet and have a few bad nights. He knows you'll given in to something. Tell him your plan: we are going to read 2 books sing 1 song and you are going to bed. Stick to it and leave. He gets up, to in there, put him in bed and don't say anything. Do this until he goes to bed (and it will be frustrating, but don't let me see that). I used to take 1.5-2 hours to put my boys to bed (3 &5), so a few days ago I said, we are not going to play before bed (I would play with them for 15-30 min each!) just read, sing and say goodnight. I got a lot of resistance the first night, a little the second, and how the third we did much better. I just stick to the plan, even though some nights I do have "extra" time.
On the poop, if you see he is ready to go, sit him down and hold him there. I held my 3.5 yo down, kicking and screaming, b/c he was hiding under the bed and really wanted to poop. After a min or two he went and then said, it wasn't that bad. I had to do that twice. The third time he went on his own and that was 1.5 years ago!

My daughter stopped napping at about 3 years old. Bedtime is a breeze now.

Can you temporarily move your daughter to another room, where it's quieter if he screams? Because I think at this point, that is what you're going to have to do--he knows how to get the attention he wants. Or, maybe can you move his bed to another room (maybe put on a sleeping bag on the floor in your room, if moving the bed won't work.)

I can't offer much advice on the potty training, but you might read some of the other threads on it here--there is some good advice on that out there.

For bedtime/naps:
Is he tired first of all? Does he 'need' the nap???
He is 3.5.... just tell him "I know you are trying to make excuses or waste time. It won't work. You can have Mommy stay with you and help you. Or I will leave if you don't cooperate." Say it calmly and in matter of fact way. Then stand up to leave. For my kids, that works.

Also, most kids, do need to wind-down first before napping/sleeping. So factor in this wind-down time and allow for that. No kid or adult, can just hit the pillow and pass out in 1 second.
To me, taking 1 hour to get him down means... he needs to wind-down first. BEFORE nap time or bed time. So again, factor in this time into your schedule of things and timing.
Most kids, need to gear down first, before sleeping.
And yes, they do pitter-patter about & quietly 'play', in the "process" of winding-down... which is fine. That is a part of the process. It is a process...
Also, kids at this age, are not mature yet... to just at-will, get themselves in bed and sleep. You have to 'cue' them, verbally and egg them on in their routine, prior to bed/nap. Cuing them..... that is what I do.

My son is 3.5 almost 4 years old. And he still naps everyday and goes to bed fine.
If I tell my son... "you have 10 minutes to do what you are doing, then put away... then get ready for nap time soon..." he will cooperate. But if I stop him suddenly in the midst of playing and say "NAP TIME now. Stop it. No playing..." he will put up a fight.
It is how you "transition" the child... and couch your verbal requests.... reasonably.

For him screaming at the gate and waking your baby: well, my daughter was 3 almost 4 when I had my 2nd child. What I did was simply "explain" to my daughter (like she was important), that when baby brother is sleeping... she needs to be quiet, or WHISPER. She understood. I ALSO... spent a ton of time, explaining to her about baby development in ways she could understand. I told her a baby cannot do things on their own/they cry/ they get hungry and Mommy feeds him/they cannot do what she does/they cannot talk etc. Each Month, I explained to my eldest, how baby is changing/developing and why. My daughter therefore was more understanding of the whole baby thing and irritations.

Next: why do your kids share a room at night? But during the day she sleeps across the hall?
You said your son screams until he wakes her up....
maybe sharing a room at night is not good... for him.
At this age, the child cannot be expected to be all quiet and still as a statue and not wake the baby. Especially if in the same room.
This is like mixing oil and water.

For pottying: well he can't poop in a toilet yet... and does not have that mastered. Boys are often later. My son is your son's age... and he has not mastered pooping in a toilet yet. But, because of what we went through with my daughter (who got constipated during potty training), I will NOT 'force' the issue. I am fully aware of the medical/physical problems a child can get, from being force to poop or expecting it of them, when they are not ready. For our Daughter, we did not 'force' her to poop in a toilet... but she, due to anxiety about it, got constipated and started to consciously "withhold" her stools... and it then causes medical problems... for which we had to then see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist in order to overcome it.
What makes it worse... although I understand... is that his pooping mastery, is dependent on the fact that he is going to school, in the Fall.
For which, he might not be ready.
A child, will not progress in pottying/pooping... according to a time-line on the calendar. And making it a focus... may even make it worse... with the child NOT wanting to even try at all.

all the best,
Susan

He is probably ready to give up his nap at 3.5... unfortunately it doesn't really matter if you need it. At this point I started "quiet time" for my daughter (because I had a newborn and I needed the quiet time too). I would put on a movie for her to lay on the couch and watch. (no shows before quiet time otherwise it became too much tv and she would get hyper) I started out laying with her and would fall asleep while she watched, but she was still in my arms so I knew she was safe. Now at 5 she will watch a movie for quiet time and I can get things done or even rest if need be. (I also work evenings.) I tried the playing quietly in the room thing and she was much more disruptive that way moving toys around... clunking them on the walls and such.
The pooping on the potty thing can be kindof touchy. My daughter and my niece both had "holding" problems ... where they did much like you said above... holding and only wanting to poop in a pull up even though they had been potty trained for awhile. Whell this turned into a health problem for my niece and she became impacted and long story short was on Miralax for over a year. Talk to your doctor about this one... its a vicious circle for many of us.
Kids are not convenient and the napping at different times can be a pain in the butt.. but if you change things around and have your older one watch a movie while the other one sleeps (I started using the TiVo to find movies and have them ever changing to keep her happy and quiet during her sisters nap time) you can have the quiet you all need.
Believe me I understand... I love my sleep! There just isn't enough of it to go around.

Gee I don't know what to tell ya about the poop-training. My middle daughter was almost 4 when she finally fully trained. I just pretty much let her do it on her own 'cause, well let's just say she's not my only child (yes I can be lazy at times too lol!). So I'm not much help there, but good luck.
As far as the bedtime screaming goes, that would totally burn me. Especially if he's waking the baby. Depending on his maturity/mentality he should know better. Bums would get beat at my house. Just the screaming in general is annoying enough right! I don't know, I guess you pick your battles and if this one's something that you want to stop then you have to be more firm about it.
And just for the record I don't "beat" my children (you never know what someone might think).

My son also stopped napping around 3. Maybe you could have a quiet time of some sort where he's happily by himself for your break? Otherwise, a great book is "Sleepless in America" by Kurcinka. Sleep is tricky because in the end, the child has control of his actually sleeping. However, there are things that parents can do to help that be the result without it being a battle. :)

Hi,
I have had the same napping and popping problems with my oldest son who is almost 4.

For the napping, I told him that he didn't have to sleep, but he had to stay in his bed for "quiet time." He is allowed to read books or play with cars. The thing that helped the most, was that I moved his TV show to after his nap/quiet time. He only gets to watch his show if he is good during quiet time. Before-hand, we do a quiet activity together instead.

For the popping, we tried all the same things you did, but he would only go in his pull-up -- usually when he was fast asleep. So, now we do three things that work: 1.) he gets a 1/2 teaspoon of a magnesium supplement called Kid's Calm (it goes in his juice); 2.) every other day, he gets a 1/2 fiber granola bar for a snack; 3.) we sit in the bathroom for as long as it takes -- at first this involved a lot of hugs, crying, and even holding him down on the toilet, etc., but now I just sit there and read a book and wait for him. He gets two m&ms if he goes. (he doesn't get candy otherwise, so it is a very special treat.)

Maybe your son is just outgrowing his nap. If this happens, then hopefully he will be so exhausted by bedtime that he will just go right to sleep at night. Good luck!!!

Maybe he's done with naps. He'll be more tired and ready to sleep at night without having had a nap. For the potty training, I know you're eager, but lighten up and let him be in charge of it. Yes, it's best to have a regular routine for bedtime so everyone knows what to expect. At that age we did three stories--no more. You can be sweet and gentle and acknowledge that he wants more, and tell him he'll have another three stories the next night. (It's not saying no--it's saying yes, you'll have more, but not until tomorrow.)

You have to be firm if you really want him to understand that it is the rule he has to go down to sleep. We always disciplined the kids if they got out of bed more than once (which they never did more than a couple of times, because by that age, they knew we meant what we said about stuff) and ALSO, discipline for the tantrums. Screaming should not be an option for him for any reason short of hurting himself. You should give him a firm consequence the minute he begins to scream. Every time he does. Do not give in to him. You don't ever have to get mad (and shouldn't), you should take action long before he wears you down. Stay calm and take charge.
I would not focus on the potty until this is nipped, it will go quickly if you're firm. One warning to stay in bed, a consequence with firm calm explanation why he's getting it, and another (or a few more) if he throws a fit. Don't back down. He is used to having his way now, so explain there will be a change and explain exactly what it will be. This will not prevent him from trying to manipulate you, but at least you're giving him fair warning and confirming what you're doing, making it clearer. It will sink in as soon as he sees it's the new rule. The firmer and clearer you are, the quicker he will learn.
Once he's following the sleep rules, you can focus on the potty. It's too easy to upset the delicate potty situation with other chaos and manipulation going on.