36 Weeks and Stressed

OK, along with all the normal advice like BREATHE, take a nice long warm bath, or indulge in a good cry in the shower, or eat the whole ____@____.com pint of Ben and Jerry's. I HIGHLY reccomend getting a doula. It sounds like you could use some fresh blood on your Support Team and I think with Operation Special Delivery you can get a FREE Volunteer doula-- just go to http://www.doulas.com/ and click where it says OSD

Try to figure out what is important & what can wait... if it can wait let it. Don't go overboard on the birthday party - she is turning 3, she may or may not remember the party in a few years anyways... plus there is always next year when things are a little calmer to through a huge bash or even when she starts school & has lots of friends to invite.

Make things as easy on yourself as possible.... I usually take my kids to my in-laws when I deliver, this time they are coming to my house. That way I don't have to pack a bag for all the kids & load them up in the car when I go into labor. I have already informed them that the house has gotten away from me & to please understand, I have 4 kids (7 yr, 6 yr, 4 yr & 15 mo) to worry about & sometimes the house just has to wait, but the dishes are always washer, laundry cleaned & most of the time folded, meals are always hot, and homework is always taken care of. Despite the one in my tummy giving me troubles which is Due Nov 19th, but my be delivered sooner due to some of the issues I have been having.

So, you know I hate court... we were invalved in a law-suite for most of this pregnancy. We just finally settled on the day of trial last month... it was an almost 2 year battle, which I do know can be very stressful and we battled most of it without counsle because we just couldn't afford him anymore & we didn't see eye to eye on how things should be handled... so I had to do a lot of research & type a lot of motions in responce to the Defendant's lawyer. But we moms do whatever we have to inorder to take care of our little ones.

As for the in-laws... might they be able to watch the kids at your house? That way they still can have the time, but your daughter feels safer. Maybe that would help with them... and bring some of your support system back in alinement.

I do hope you can find a way of relaxing a little... but most of all I hope you have a happy & healthy little one & that your hubby returns home safe soon.

You poor thing.
Breath in and breath out real slow. Do this a few times.

What I do when I am stressing and freaked out is make a list.

A list of things I need to get done in order of importance.
This will guide me and keep me focused.

Next to each item decide if you need help. If you do, see if you can figure out who you can call on for help. Email or call them and say SOS.. I really need your help.

The inlaw situation is just drama. Drama you do not need so let that go. When your husband gets back let him deal with it. Do not make a big deal that they will not be at daughters party, just go on.. I have learned that just indifference with people takes away their power over you. They want to hurt you, by punishing your daughter, but in reality, they are the ones missing out. You r indifference will cause a lot less stress.

If you do not feel up to going to court, call the court and explain how this will be burden for you 37 weeks pregnant, next week, with 2 children and no childcare.. Maybe they can just get a statement from you instead. Maybe your doctor can write a note that you are too close to delivery and your blood pressure is already too high.. or whatever is going on with you..

I like a nice warm shower, then I use a sound machine to try to relax, I like thunder storms, so I put that sound on. .. or I play soothing music.. I wear an eye pad... And I just plop on the bed and think of a dream I want to participate in..

And do not go crazy on this party.. Keep it to the basics. The kids will enjoy just playing and Cake and ice cream is enough food. If you really feel like you need food. Order pizza and ask them to slice it in smaller slices..

Okay. First, take a DEEP breath. If your ILs are going to punish your daughter for a decision YOU made (regardless of the fact that it was made in her best interest and for her comfort), then that's on them. You do NOT need their petty BS adding to the stress you already have. Try (I know it's hard) to just blow it off and say "What will be, will be." DFAS messed up just about everyone's pay in my husband's unit this time. Practically NO ONE was getting the right pay for one reason or another. We actually just got a bunch of Fam Sep back pay.

I think I'm seeing that Buckley AFB is near you? See if you can contact Child & Youth Services on base. I know at our current station & our last station the CYS childcare centers had "emergency" hours. Basically, each family is allotted a couple of "emergency" daycare hours where you can just drop the kids off without having them officially enrolled. It's something to look into, anyway.

Make sure you find some time each day for you to relax and do something that you enjoy for YOU. For me, it's usually just me getting to watch a "grown-up" show that I recorded. :) Also, I've done the prenatal yoga before... Not too shabby!

You have a ton of really great suggestions about what to 'do'. I would like to suggest you also address what you are thinking. It sounds like you have a great deal of high expectations for yourself. You may be attached to what we call "perfect pictures" of how your life "should" be. Please be gentle with yourself, become aware of how hard you are on yourself and how much you are expecting of yourself right now.

Do you have beliefs that you are supposed to do it all and do it all on your own? Do you have thoughts such as "what will the neighbors think"? Do you feel like you can't say "no" because it will hurt someone's feelings?

You already know that you are overwhelmed. Now is the time when you get to choose what works best for you. Is listening to the vicious voice in your head that says you have to do it all and do it perfectly supporting you? Does listening to that voice really motivate you? Instead, you can question it or just choose to rebel against it. You can just release the attachment to the idea that it all has to look a particular way. My favorite phrase when I am dealing with my vicious voice is "Really?" For example, "Really? The world is going to end if I don't do this?", "Really? No one will ever like me and I will die alone?", etc.

A great book to support you in learning how to care for yourself (because it is true that if "momma ain't happy then nobody is happy") is "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl Richardson

I heard a saying that helps me. "When nothing works , do nothing". Give yourself a day of no guilt for relaxing or playing with the kids and let yourself rejuvinate. Hang in there :)

Consider having a helper with your birthday party...it could be local teenager or another Mom and go with the low budget stuff listed below...if your daughter has a favorite movie then you could have movie theme at your house and one or two games.
I agree with earlier post that they should be able to take a deposition from you in a lawyer's office and use that information instead of being stuck in court based on your health (because if they have a continuance in the court case then they could get closer to your due date...even less convenient).
Is it relaxing to you to sit and listen to music?
Can you sit with hands on your belly and gently breathe slowly in and out...connecting with your new baby and relaxing (while your kids are watching their favorite movie at home? )...If prenatal yoga is available in your area, this class can provide relaxation breathing techniques and maybe a friend could have your kids come and play for a few hours to give you a short break to attend the class? You are on the home stretch!
Do you have another mama that you can sit with for support?
The key thing is letting go and just focusing on the basics...having time with your two kids...figuring out what feels good...doing more of what feels good and seeing what can be postponed...

I know how you feel in some ways.
I have 4 kids and my last one came 4 days before my oldest birthday.
My husband is here but we own our own business and he works ALOT!
My mom does live her but she works alot and is about 20 mins away so I did get a break occassionally but not much.
On top of that I am in FL and it was soooo hot so never took the kids out of the house.
Sometimes I would just sit in my bedroom and cry for an hour or two.
I hated to do that because my older 2 kids are getting old enough to understand emotions more.
So, I guess I don't have a lot of advice on how to cope but I do know how you feel in some ways.
If there is anybody at all that has offered to help out then take them up on that offer.
Also, sometimes just talking about it all will help release some of the stress.
So, if there is somebody you can talk to then do it.
I hope you feel better and I know it is no fun having a baby on the way and feeling soooo stressed out.
Let the house go some or order out in the last weeks if possible.
I hope you feel better soon and good luck on your new arrival.

I am so sorry you are feeling so stressed! Can you call a friend, take a walk and a hot bath? Get a few movies and vege out with your kids and take the pressure off? I would start there--- Give it a try and try to only do the things that you absolutely have to. Hang in there! Life will get better!

M

So sorry you're dealing with all of that. I'd say I cannot believe grown people would treat a four year old like that, except I can. Ugh!

When I am most stressed, I practice childbirth breathing exercises. My last baby will be 15 months old next week and I am never going to be pregnant again, so it's not that... it's simply an effective way of focusing on something else for a few minutes. In-two-three-four, out-two-three-four (five was always way too long when I was pregnant, lol). After the first breath I usually start feeling better, but sometimes it takes more. A nice thing about it is that it's something you can do with your kids, and it will help them relax, too.

Big hugs, mama. You're going to make it through this.

About court I took my kids and left them in the seat when I had to testify. They were very young and on their best behavior.
Late pregnancy is a hard time anyway. Put your feet up, watch a funny movie and relax. Put about $50 aside and call Merry Maids for the housework.
I've just been through something similiar about housekeeping when I went to stay with my brother who'd been in and out of the hospital with a life threatening illness for three months. I cleaned and cleaned and so did my mother but I hired a woman to come clean twice while I was there.
Another set of hands that are professional can really wipe away all kinds of anxiety.

Like everyone else said, don't stress over the birthday party. Cake, kids, capri sun :D Do you have a Michaels craft store in your area? For just $1 per child you can find little crafts that are so easy and fun. I have used them a couple times and the instructions are very clear and usually you don't even need glue or anything, so easy. Everyone will be happy! If not, maybe look online for an easy princess crown craft and just go pick up the stuff. You are nine months pregnant with a deployed husband, if anyone doesn't get that, totally their problem. I am 38 wks with my third and we have been having a lot more take out lately....the kids really will be Ok. Also, just getting a rotisserie chicken at Wal-mart, a can of baked beans and a can of grean beans makes a great more balanced meal. My kids love it. Or you can do maccaroni in place of the baked beans if they aren't bean fans :D So just really simplify in your meal making if you can. Lunch around here lately has been things like PBJ, raisins and pretzel sticks, yum! Paper plates and cups can go a long way when you are overloaded. It is a small expense, but anything that can save you from more work is worth it at this point. Bending down to put dishes in the dish washer is a challenge the more pregnant you get!! I can't believe the inlaws would be so callous toward their grand-daughter, but you can't do anything about that and you are being a super mom to put your daughters needs above their pettiness so you should feel great about that and just give yourself a great big pat on the back. Oh, do you have a mall nearby? We have a couple malls with these kid play areas. I take mine sometimes bc walking around the park is challenging for me bc I have been dealing with some sciatic pain. I sit on a bench in A/C and they run and play. It is so great and you don't even have to spend money. Of course McDonald's is always good for some play time as well and you can just go in the afternoon for and ice cream after lunch. Fun for them, cheap for you, and you sit in a booth and just chill while they play. These are things I do to relieve stress when it is all just too much. Letting my kids run off energy and letting me get some down time is a great stress break. I agree with calling and finding out if you can just submit a written statement. You are a primary caregiver and your kids come first. Just call the court and let them know you cannot appear due to having small children, what are you options. Mostly just hang in there and have a smooth labor and delivery in a few weeks :D

It looks like you have loads of good advice here. It sounds like you need to be a little kinder to yourself. I just want to send you a huge HUG and let you know that from here, it sounds like you have a lot going on and it's okay to be not do it all. Sending lots of support your way. Take care, momma.

Hello,
Do you have any family or real close friends that could take the kids off your hands for the day or an over nighter? If no, do you frequent a church? Or have you thought about putting the older 2 in a mothers day out program? They are wonderful, the kids go like 2 or 3 days a week & socialize with other kids their age, while learning. They are kind of like a pre school type of thing & many churches do these & they are usually pretty reasonably priced.

Maybe if you could get the older 2 watched, you could then take in a funny movie, lunch or even a spa treatment.

As far as your in laws, let your hubby handle them. You don't want to risk going into premature labor.

Thank your husband for me for his services & I want to Thank You also for standing behind him & keeping the home front running.

I hope you are able to find a solution & that your delivery is a smooth one.

May God Bless you & yours,
C.