3Year Old~~behaving Badly

I went through this with my now 4 year old and am going through it with my two year old. I stay with them all day and they ABSOLUTELY refuse to listen to me after their dad goes to work. I found that using a sticker chart works really well. I let them have a reward for every 5 stickers that they earn whether it is a trip to the park, a movie rental, something small that they don't have to save up for. They seem to forget if they don't get immediate rewards. It seems to work with my boys, regardless of the oldest one having non-medicated ADHd. I don't set chores on the chart, i leave it blank and just give them a sticker for being nice to the other, picking up, having rest time, sharing etc. Regardless every child is different and not everything works for every child. Good luck

I can understand where you are coming from. Both of my boys are prone to throw fits, but they used to be quite bad. My oldest son used to go as far as to curse, and hit me. It has taken us almost 4 years to break this habbit. And it has taken alot of time, and a LOT of patience. And I can understand how it makes you feel as if maybe you are failing. But I think kids tend to push boundries to see just how far they can get, you just have to be consistant. There are alot of different approaches you can take, but I will tell you what we did, and maybe it will help.

First off, we had a "family meeting". We sat down as a family, and discussed the things that where going on. Its hard with younger children, but they tend to find a way to say what they want. We set down a set of rules, like "no hitting","no yelling" and such. And we also set down a list of consequences. You just have to make sure to stick to it. The way we set ours up was, lets say they fought, first offense was a verbal repremand "you know you arent supposed ot do that, etc." seocnd offense was time out (1 minute for every year they where old). Offenses after that where things like no tv for the rest of the day, and so on. Bascily we found taking things like their favorite toy or show away worked better than anything. When it comes to time out though, we found it best to make them sit on their bed for time out. If we let them stuck their nose in a corner like alot of parents do they would watch tv or play with a toy.

And it did take alot of patience, and some headache medicine too. Because inevitably, if we got to time out, at least for the first while, we had to put them in "time out" and of course they yelled and so on. And it was hard, because they yelled all sorts of the typical things kids do when they are mad, "you're mean", "i dont like you" etc. But after a while, it finally got to where most of the troublesome behavior was gone, because they knew there where consequences to their behavior.

I dont know if this will help you, but I hope it does.

I have the same problem with my 6 year old son when he gets back from visits with his grandparents. Sometimes, getting her to be in a good mood and trying to talk with her may help. With Justin, we will do something where he is "helping" mama, something he loves, and I'll ask he if somethings been bugging him lately, and then discuss his behavior calmly and talk about how it makes mama feel and how we should behave. Also, I've done taking the toys away more times than I can count, but it has never worked for more than a few days. You can also try talking with your ex (I know that conversations about kids behavior are never fun but it could help so much) and see how she behaves over there and if there are different rules and if you can compromise on some rules and see if it helps with the way she acts. If she thinks she is so big, then talk to her like she is and remind her that as big as she may be, you are always her mama and you love her and that's why you want her to be a big girl. And deep breaths help more than you would imagine when you feel like your going to cry in front of her. It sometimes scares my little guy because he knows mamas about to loose it when she breaths deep and loudly while speaking softly. Hope it helps.

First off let me say thank you for asking this question. I am in the same boat. I am a 23 y.o. mother of an almost 3 y.o. daughter who is now potty trained and a 18 m.o. son. My daughter too has been acting more independent. She talks back and argues with me but she will act like an angel with my husband. He is more strickt. I totally agree with the advice from the lady before me (J A). I noticed that I am not consistant with discipline. Well, I give up when I start loosing it. And when I loose it, my kids start mimicking me. I've caught my daughter several times giving my son spankings and putting him in time out. LOL. But I am right there with you. It's time I made the decision to stand my ground. Here we go...

I really wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you but I don't. I just really wanted to let you know that you are not failing. The only failure would be to give up and you have obviously not done that. Never give up on your kids, they will come around. It will be hard but you will come through this and the kids will too.

1st congrats on potty training my daughter is three and is almost trained but still has accidents.

Okay did you see my request. It happening to our children they want to grow up tooo fast. I really think IMO that giving her an allowance to behavior well is not the key. Does she fight with her sister a lot? My girls do and it is really hard to keep them calm. I would try some harder punishment for time out I put my girls in the bathroom (yes I did have toliet paper every where one time and I flip so keep it out of reach) they hate it. Or if you still have a high chair strap her in. Have you seen Supernanny. Tell her why you are giving her timeout/punishment and then make her tell you that she is sorry or her sister. My three y/o is going thru a phase where she only wants one person and if anyone comes near her, talks to her or touches her she will go ballistic.

When she goes with her Bio father is she by herself, the center of attention or does she have other siblings. Maybe their behavior is rubbing off on her!! If she the only child maybe he lets her get away with everything. Tell him that you have rules, make him a list of what is expected of her and the punishment that goes with the crime.

Communication is the key with your husband and your EX.

Hope this helps,
L.

How consistent are you with discipline? Does she get a time out for every instance that she does something wrong? How much sleep is she getting? I've read quite a few books that suggests a lot of the problem with children who act out is sleep. They aren't just going through a stage, they are sleep deprived. Most three year-olds need between 12 and 14 hours a day. 11 to 12 hours at night and 1 to 2 in the day. Also, my daughter isn't 3 yet, but when I'm not firm and consistent she runs all over me. I've started putting her in time out. At first she thought it was fun. But yesterday I sat in front of her to make sure she stayed put. I told her no talking or squirming around in her chair (had to repeat it numerous times) because she would go in time out and sing. It's hard to be consistent every time, but if I'm not I'm afraid a true brat is going to result. I don't want to continue dealing with 2 year-old behavior when she's 7 or 8. That could be the consequence for my lack of discipline. Also, she probably gets wound up from being at her Dad's (Dad's tend to fill the weekend with tons of activities). When she comes home, she's over tired and letting off steam. She feels comfortable with you and so she lets go.

I had the same trouble with my children when they would return from their dads house. You seroiusly need to put your foot down and dont care about what other people think when this happens out in public. You mentioned that she is 3. Give her a time out . 1 min for every year she is. If she is 3 than she needs to have a 3 min time out. Find a place in the home and put a child size chair there. If necessary stay right there next to her during her time out telling her what she did wrong and let her know that when she gets up she is going to have to tell you what she is going to do different next time. Another helpful thing for me was a timer like the one you use for cooking. It drove my daughter wacky to hear the ticking and it seemed like forever for her in the time out chair. Every time I said time out, she broke down and cried like I beat her up. It really worked for me, but you have to stick with it. If she does it in public remove her from the store and put her in her car seat for the time necessary explaining what she did wrong, how you dont like it, why it is wrong and then when the time out is over, she must not get up until she tells you how she will do it different next time. Good Luck and be consistant.

Hi, Have you watched super nanny? Her techniques really work. You have to get back into control. She won't understand money and doesn't care if you take her toys away. Be consistant with your punishment and don't give in. I am pretty sure this has nothing to do with her going to her dads. She may just want the attention. My 5 yr old goes to her dads every other weekend and her behavior is the same at either house. We (her dad and I) made sure our methods of punishment is consistant and that we both agreed on it. Hope this helps!

C. DON'T STRESS OUT IT'S JUST A STAGE I BELIVE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH, I AM A 25 YEAR OLD SINGLE MOM OF TWO GIRLS SAME AGE AS YOURS 1 AND 3 AND MY THREE YEAR OLD IS EXACTLY LIKE YOU DESCRIBE YOURS, I HAVE ALSO BROKEN IN TEARS CAUSE I FEEL THAT I HAVE NO ONE THERE TO HELP ME BUT I FEEL THIS IS JUST A STAGE SHE'S GOING THROUGH AND EVENTUALLY GROW OUT OF IT.....IF YOU FIND ANY ADVICE THAT HELPS YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW PASS IT ON.....

The book "Parenting with Love and Logic" is GREAT for childern under 6, Don't be so hard on yourself. :)

I went through the same thing when I got my divorce and my children were small. My problem was that there was no routine at their dads house and he gave them whatever they wanted. The most important thing that I did was keep a routine at home. Of course, it would take at least 3 days for that to sink in again and I had to do it everytime that he had them. When there are no rules in the other house...(such as my case was) then it really becomes a challenge because they don't see why you are so "mean". Keep the punishments that you have in place. 3 is young to grounded..but take her toys away. I used to go in my kids room with a trash bag when they came back from their dads and put all of their toys in the trash bag. When they listened to whatever I said and told them to do, they would earn 1 toy back. It is a never ending battle, but let me tell you, my kids are 14 and 18 and the reward of the loyalty that I have now is priceless because they know who really cared enough to set ground rules. You may try to give her individual time too...that helps and teach her young to talk to you about why she is behaving the way she is. Most importantly take Mommy times outs when it gets rough. Always tell her why she is in trouble. It can change, but won't be easy.

Your role as a mother has not failed. Trust me i felt like that at a time with 2 boys 17 month apart. I would just keep putting her in time out and if she yells and walks away do not respond to her yelling simply pick her up and put her back in time out. If you give attention to her yelling at you she will probly feed off of it. As long as you are consistant with the time out and keep putting her back in it. it will work. sometimes it took me 20 minutes just to get my son when he was three to sit there a full 3 minutes without leaving the time out spot. I hope it works out!