5 Y/o Wont Listen to Anyone!

Hi T.,

I have a 12 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. Both can be very challenging but my daughter is a handful. I found what works best for me is something developed in my 6 year old's school. I find echoing the rules given to her at school provide her with a consistant disciple. So here's the scoop:

It's called Wows and Zaps. When my daughter is acting up she gets a Zap. This means she has to go over to the white board we have set up and place an X in the 1st of 3 boxes. When she reachs 3 X's, she gets a toy taken away or time out (whatever is appropriate). When she is really good, she gets a Wow. These are also on the white board. She can use Wows to erase an X or she can save them up to 10 and exchange them for something special. I have this run on a week to week basis, so she always starts clean on Monday. I find by having her place the X in the box and then taking the toy away from herself, it makes her accountable for her actions and she can see where she stands, behavior wise.

It's been working so far. Hope this helps and Good luck to you!

oh i am so sorry, nut i know how you feel my son use to use that hate word as well.. he was horrible he use to through my clothes and his toys and my movies out the fourth floor window.. you really have to be very consistant even though it will seem hard to punish your child cause you feel bad just think of it this way if it is not takeing care of now when he is older it will be harder he will be an unruly teenager..

here are a few tips or things you can try....

1:when he is in trouble be as calm as you can be, children feed off the anger.
2:maybe a chart you can create on what you expect from him through out the day and for every good thing he does he gets a ticket in a jar and every bad thing he does he looses a certain amount of tickets.. at the end of the week so many tickets gets him a surprise..
3:Takeing away his favorite toy depending on how bad he was is how many days you take it away.
4;Make a corner chair, everytime he uses the hate word or talks back he gets a few minutes in the chair and everytime he turns to look he has time added or for everytime he doesnt listen to you put him in the chair when the time is up try asking him again still doesnt listen double the time in the chair. for everytime he screams or crys while in the chair let him know that he is getting more time for the screaming.. and all you need to do is swtay calm and ignore his words or what ever else he does. just be consistent.
5:next comes the harder things when nothing else works its time for him to sit on his bed for a long period of time with no toys or anything that can destract him from thinking about why he is in his room.. even if you have to take his pillow and blanket away.

remember always stay calm and when he calms down always ask him and talk to him about why he isw on punishment.. I know its seems hard but the sooner you show him that you are the boss and in control the sooner he will realize that if he does wrong he will be punished..eventually things will turn around it only took me a few months and now my son is atually pretty good he listens and does what he needs to do he has also become very helpful around the house, and sence he is so wonderful with it i set up a chore list for him and he ctually get a 25cents for every chose he does with out complaining..its little things like that, that help with the structure of a child and makes him feel important.. good luck hun.. and remember stay consistant your feelings will be hurt and you will feel bad but do not show that week side or he will feed off of that knowing that he can get away with things..

My 6 yr. went through the same thing. Instead of yelling all day, I tried to point out the good things she did-I love that tower you made or the way you colored that pic. She was angry from being yelled at & was trying to show me she wasn't a baby anymore. We started a family responsibility chart- sharing,listening, cleaning up. I also gave her chores to help her earn an allowance-setting the table, putting the silverware away, helping w/laundry. At the end of the week, she would get her allowance only if she lived up to her family resp. & did chores. For ex.-if on Mon. she did her chores but got 3 time outs for not listening, I deducted $ for that day. Once she could see what was expected, she lived up to them w/out a fight. It was her job to update the chart as needed. She looks forward to helping out now. Hope this helps.Concentrate on the positive

i have a 6 yrold who was the same way from about the age of 4 and i tryed everything just like you and finally i went to his ped. and talked to her about it they tested him and found out that he has adhd/odd wich is oppistional defient dissorder he was started on low dose meds about a month ago and i have seen such a diffrentance in him i was really against having him tested and the meds but nothing else we did worked for him we gave consequences and time outs and he wouldn't listen to anyone and the longer we put it off the worse he got i am not saying this is what yours has but it's a thought that you might want to talk to hid dr about

I know how you feel I have a 4 year old and a 22 month old, The 4 year old has a MAJOR atitude problem. I feel like im always yelling at her to give the baby back her toys. But as soon as she starts giving me dirty looks or starts yelling at me I send her to her room immediatly, with out letting her try to argue with me about it. And if she is really bad she gets no snacks all day.But I have been lettin her stay up an hour and a half after the baby goes to bed and that is OUR time together only. I have onlt been doing it for a few weeks and I think she is MUCH better during the day now. Its hard to give her all the attention when the baby is around. So I think this works better than always punishing her. Good Luck!!!!!!

Hi,
My name is K. and I am 25 and a mother of three so I have a little experience in this. It really sounds like he may be a little jealous of the new baby. Instead of always letting him know what he can't do think ahead as to what you can let him know he can do. for instance, if he is bothering his sibling distract him by saying "why don't you and I build a tower with these blocks over here". He will love the attention you're giving just him and will build his confidence so that the next time you tell him no he can start to find something new to do. However he won't automatically find his own activities so you can help him with that. Especially with a new brother or sister taking the attention from him, you and your husband should find activities you both can do with him. This seemed to work with my daughter after we had our last baby. Hope it's helpful!

I hope this helps...it sounds like your child is trying to do a type of power struggle...

Choose Your Battles
How to end power struggles with your child -- so you both win
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Pamela Redmond Satran
I was sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for a friend, when from behind me there arose a great hue and cry.

"Matthew, it's cold out — you have to wear your mittens."

"No!"

"Put on your mittens like a good boy and Mommy will give you a cookie."

"Noooo!"

Now Dad, in a commanding tone: "Matthew, put on your mittens right this instant."

"I won't!"

Dad to Mom: "Hold him while I shove them on."

This was the toddler's cue to start wailing in earnest.

Mom to little boy: "Fine, don't wear them. If your hands get cold, it's your problem."

Dad to Mom again: "It's freezing outside. He'll get frostbite."

Mom to Dad: "If his hands get cold, he'll put the mittens on. Come on, everybody's staring. We have to get him out of here."

The family blessedly packed up and left the restaurant, both parents frazzled and Matthew still screaming and resisting the mittens. Their exchange had been painful to listen to — and that was an edited version—partly because the emotions ran so high, to so little effect, and over such a small thing. And partly because I'd been in exactly that place myself, far too painfully and inextricably, with my own first child.

Power struggle. The words popped into my head before the family was even out the door. I'd never been able to identify it when I was locked into one with my own small and willful daughter, but that's clearly what this was.

Contributing editor Pamela Redmond Satran's most recent novel, Suburbanistas (Downtown Press), came out in March 2006.

I have an 8 year old and a 10 month old. My 8 year old has decided not to listen especially since his little brother was born.He also has a terrrible attitude problem. It is beginning to carry over into schoolans I decided it needed t be corrected. I was at my wits end and just recently that I would take everything away, TV, playstation, friends, EVERYTHING. Now he has to earn his things daily. I don't have it down to a science yet we have to make a chart so he can earn TV time, playstation time and outside time. Like you I had tried alot of other things, so far it seems to be working. I'll let you know how it continues to go.

Oh I really understand what you are going through. Just continue to be consistent. I also spoke to my pediatrician.

Hi T.!
I am right there with you! I have a 6 year old boy and a 5 year old boy, who may I add think that they know everything, and that they dont have to listen to anyone either! I dont have the perfect answer for you because I am going through the same thing as you ( I have a 1 year old too, so I have the jealousy thing with the younger sibling as well) but I can tell you what I do. I give one warning. I make them leave the situation that they are being destructive or just plain driving me crazy, and I make them look into my face and give the warning. Explaining this is the last time I am going to have to tell them and then their will be consequences. Next offense ( because it can never end there!) they get sent to their room for time-out. I am very consitant, and although it doesnt always work it sometimes does. And my 6 year old will yell back and get mad and say things he doesnt mean ( "I am never giving you kisses and hugs again!" is his newest favorite) but eventually he gets it, something clicks that he is being mean when I talk to him about how it would feel if mommy said that to him. So that is what I do, but every kid is different. Video games are another good scare tactic, unplug them and put them where he can see it, but cant touch it. This gets to my son a lot. Good luck though, I am right there with you!